"What are the economics surrounding that?" and other fucktard bizspeak

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Originally Posted by Hugh Conway

How about business oxymorons?

My favorite is "kaizen blitz". Yes, kaizen (Japanese continuous process improvement) done in a day! Then forgotten

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it wasn't over when the Germans bombed pearl harbor

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Originally Posted by phishstx

Agreed, hate when color is used like that. Also "headwinds."

http://static4.businessinsider.com/i...nbow-email.jpg

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GTFO, this has to be fake.

1-misspelled words
2-comic sans font
3-rainbow colored text
4-holy shit

oh yeah, and "Bring to the table."

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Originally Posted by Hott Butt Mud

GTFO, this has to be fake.

1-misspelled words
2-comic sans font
3-rainbow colored text
4-holy shit

oh yeah, and "Bring to the table."

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Definitely pathetic, but I wouldn't completely put it past some 18 year old idiot hoping to be a BSD trader. Saw it on Business Insider via Dealbreaker.

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Originally Posted by phishstx

Definitely pathetic, but I wouldn't completely put it past some 18 year old idiot hoping to be a BSD trader. Saw it on Business Insider via Dealbreaker.

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Shit, we have adults on here that think it's a good idea to use an infographic for a resume. :fmicon:

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Originally Posted by phishstx

Agreed, hate when color is used like that. Also "headwinds."

http://static4.businessinsider.com/i...nbow-email.jpg

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I think that's the e-mail Old Larry got from his prospective intern. Hey OL, after seeing the effective use of color, did you give the kid a job?

"Deep dive" must be on a phase of the month calendar or something, I've heard it twice in the last two weeks now.
Software vendor - we'll take a deep dive into the performance data and work to identify any areas of concern to address as well as opportunities to improve processes.

Me - find the problem, fix it and make sure it doesn't happen again.

Lots of awful here. One of my recent favorites as in I wanted to rip this guy's scrotum off through the phone is "socialize" E. G.: "Great idea, let's socialize it within the group and present it to the client."

If I ran shit boardrooms would be like Dr. Evil's lair.

Not really fitting but the President of our dept sits right outside my office. She has the mouth of a trucker and for some reason, she has picked up using "shut the front door?!?" instead of saying "shut the fuck up" when surprised. I'll show her something I am working on and she'll just say it and gasp. I fucking hate it.

I'm new to the business world. Does anyone know what skunk-works (I thinks that's what I heard) is where the expression came from?

And some really cool planes just flew over hafilax's head

ID10t error.

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Originally Posted by smartyiak

I think that's the e-mail Old Larry got from his prospective intern. Hey OL, after seeing the effective use of color, did you give the kid a job?

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I actually have a SECOND kid chasing me now, who wants ME to call HIM, any time after 6 o'clock.

Hafilax: wiki Kelly Johnson.

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Originally Posted by mtnwriter

Hafilax: wiki Kelly Johnson.

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What does baseball have to do with this?

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Originally Posted by Hugh Conway

And some really cool planes just flew over hafilax's head

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Way way over at a very high altitude.

I feel like I'm being mached.

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Originally Posted by Bobcat Sig

Fucking hell ... buzzwords.

The one the gets me the most is "resources." They aren't fucking resources. They are people. Don't someone else that you need to check your resources. Tell them that you need to check with someone. Fuck...

It got so bad at my last job in software that we had a buzzword list. If were caught saying any of those words; a dollar went into the beer fund. It made for a nice Friday afternoon club until people got wise and stopped speaking like dipshits.

As my former director wisely told me, "Just say it." Amen.

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No its FTE's

I used this statment in a change request I did last night

take advantage of the Duel ICON configuration preventing data loss during the upgrade
However for time efficiencies the scripts will be provided by the LAB and staged in advance so the DBA

I also reference (Scalable) and Leverage alot. Get Buy in is also popular

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Originally Posted by hafilax

I feel like I'm being mached.

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mached or mocked? check your resources and report back by COB.

Heading to a meeting this afternoon that will be a treasure trove of fucktarded biznass speak.

Everytime someone says 'synergy' or 'metrics' I'm going to rip one.

Going forward I expect an increased diminution in effective language based communication modalities. Just take it off line, crowd source the bandwidth and you can make it go viral.


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Once I managed to say "synergistic collaboration" with a straight face. When my boss latched on to it in a serious way, I realized it was time to find a new job.

Alright folks let's bring this in for a landing and get our next prospect on the table. I have some metrics that might interest our development team.

I think it's time for the maggot brainfart to come up with some new business phrases. Suss 'em out here, then start slipping them into business meetings, telecons, powerpoints and water cooler chat and see what takes hold.

clitoris roar instead of bottom line?

"So the ability to remotely troubleshoot, configure, and update these computers can improve the clitoris roar by reducing costs."

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Originally Posted by splat

I think it's time for the maggot brainfart to come up with some new business phrases. Suss 'em out here, then start slipping them into business meetings, telecons, powerpoints and water cooler chat and see what takes hold.

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I really like this idea..it would be fun to see what we can make stick.
I'm going to replace " think outside the box" with " we need to think like Blurred's hose". I'll report back on progress.

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Originally Posted by Scotsman50

I really like this idea..it would be fun to see what we can make stick.
I'm going to replace " think outside the box" with " we need to think like Blurred's hose". I'll report back on progress.

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Call in MRA to spin the spill