The Worst Day of My Life

I have on occasion gone back and read the thread I started about my dog's passing. It's painful but therapeutic; I like feeling those memories.

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Originally Posted by The Reverend Floater

And the story, as many of you predicted, got better after we got Steve about three months later. Steve is now two and a half and not a day goes by that I don't appreciate having him around.

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Steve? You named your dog Steve???? Speechless.

Wow. That is pretty fucked up. You must have a memory like a steel trap, Danno. And I'm not sure what this says about me.

Steve???????

my ribs hurt.

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Originally Posted by The Reverend Floater

I've lost a couple of close friends over the years, lost family members, helped others through loss, and have seen my fair share of death, as random as it is.

Today I was at the gym. My boss happened to be there with his wife. I was in between sets, talking to him, when the kid from the front desk came over to me. "Are you Ross?" "Yeah, I'm Ross." "There's a phone call for you. It's an emergency." He handed me the phone.

My girlfriend was on other end, of course--she was the only person who knew I was at the gym. I couldn't understand anything through her hysterics. Just "dropped" and "vet in Bellevue."

I didn't know what happened, only that one of my two dogs was in trouble. Bella is 12 but fit and feisty...but 12 none the less. Paco is 7 and aside from an ongoing bout with Valley Fever (a fungus in the lungs), he is literally a specimen of a chocolate lab--ripped and a hell of a hunting dog. I drive the few miles south to the vet, numb.

My phone rings when I'm almost there. It's Kate and the vet's not there. Back towards Ketchum. "I'll pull over and you can pick me up." I pull a u-turn on the highway, then pull over on the shoulder. I'm praying to God.

Kate pulls in behind me. I hop out and run towards her. She's sobbing, hysterical. "Not breathing. He's not breathing." I open the passenger door.

Paco is there, not breathing, no pulse, no nothing. I am stunned. Numb. It's a dream. Tunnel vision. I pet him and he's warm but somehow I know he can't feel me petting him. His skin is as unbelievably soft as ever but he's not there.

Kate is sobbing and I hug her and tell her it's not her fault. She sobs and explains that they were just hiking along and all of the sudden Paco collapsed. That's it.

I keep it together and we drive separately up north to the vet. Kate is a minute ahead of me and when I pull in, they're already out front with a bag or litter or something, and her door is open.

I lose my shit. I haven't stopped crying for more than an hour in the past 12 hours. Some people have kids but I have dogs. This is the worst thing I've ever felt. I feel like my heart is buried in tar or something. Everything I do reminds me of Paco. I just got into bed and completely fell apart because he's not in his bed next to me. Tell me this gets better.

My vet has called twice today just to check in. He knew Paco because of the Valley Fever and from visits over the years. He said that due to the speed of death, it was likely either a blood clot, stroke or heart failure.


I'm sorry for the blog but I'm losing my shit and I need to hear that this gets easier or some shit.

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Sorry for your loss man. I'm the worst dog owner ever. My boy, half pug and chiauaua is looking like he has heart worm. Something i could have taken care of by giving him a simple fucking pill monthly. I'll find out tomorrow whether he's going to be ok or not. I'm a fucking idiot not giving him the pill. We had dogs for years growing up, we never gave them shit. FUCK.....is all i have to say. I'm just praying that its not too late for my stupidity. He's my boy. I dont know what id do without the little guy. I'm not sure what his life partner will do either. I fucked up and fucked up bad. He's the best dog ever. Loves everyone.

So sorry. The downside of loving any pet or person so intensely is the total vulnerability you set yourself up for. Thank God people like you own dogs. Take comfort in how awesome a family life you give your pets. The intensity of the pain will lessen, but the memories won't.

A good friend of my wife and I just lost her dog, Bosco, who was 13. We were pretty tight back in the day and our dog Nico was Bosco's bitch. They were in their prime back then and used to rule the dog park together. Nico never submitted to any other dog in her life and would absolutely freak right out if I ever tried to roll her over while wrestling, but Bosco had his way with her. Nico passed last year and Bosco's passing brought back a lot of memories from days gone by when the dogs ruled the roost!

Classic Bosco/Nico interaction

https://fbcdn-sphotos-b-a.akamaihd.n...03388729_n.jpg

RIP Bosco

Dude that sucks- sorry for your loss.

So sorry for your lose. My dogs are my kids, too. Time will heal but the best way is to go out and get another dog.

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Originally Posted by The Reverend Floater

Wow. That is pretty fucked up. You must have a memory like a steel trap, Danno. And I'm not sure what this says about me.

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I really don't have a memory like a steel trap, but dude, that was probably the best single post in TGR history. I am sure I am not the only one who remembers it!

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Originally Posted by MMP

The downside of loving any pet or person so intensely is the total vulnerability you set yourself up for.

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That was always one of my biggest reservations about having kids. When that fear came to fruition it was like being hit by a truck. It's better now, but it's something you will carry around forever. If you don't you don't have a soul.

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Originally Posted by Danno

I really don't have a memory like a steel trap, but dude, that was probably the best single post in TGR history. I am sure I am not the only one who remembers it!

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I'm gonna give Danno some props for steel trap-ism. I remembered the painting your dick white and something about a brown lounge - but calling her Steve was no longer allocated in my brain-bucket.

Impressive catch.