Gravity. Find yourself an Explorer Chevy conversion van. We had one in the late 90s/early aughts that we got to shuttle the fam between OH-SC and it was a friggin hotel suite on wheels with a TV, Super Nintendo, electric folding bench/bed and swivel captains chairs; what more do you want?
All the pimp ass space you need, none of the clapped out 25 year old minivan you don't. It's a Chevy V8 so it's not going to die unless you want it to; you can probably find one like ours that was used a few months out of the year and despite being old, its now in your price range and still in good shape; it'll take the biggest tow hitch you can bolt on to it; and it'll save you on hotel rooms when you're criss-crossing the Upstates.
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