Poll: How many of you idiots think you could kill a gorilla?

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08-10-2021, 09:24 PM
stealurface831

okay, i just saw a picture of a chimp's teeth. i am suddenly much less confident in my chances.
08-10-2021, 09:25 PM
AEvospace

Quote:

Originally Posted by stealurface831

i know, i know.
i'll tell you who doesn't lift bro: that fuckin chimp. i can get stronger in preparation for our bout. i don't think he has the mental capacity to grasp the concept of strength training.

Dude if you learn some serious kickboxing Muy Thai stuff, maybe a lil Wing Chun, you're telling me you couldn't snap some shit up on that Chimp?
08-10-2021, 09:26 PM
stealurface831

Quote:

Originally Posted by AEvospace

Dude if you learn some serious kickboxing Muy Thai stuff, maybe a lil Wing Chun, you're telling me you couldn't snap some shit up on that Chimp?

not after seeing their teeth.
08-10-2021, 09:26 PM
I Skied Bandini Mountain

Your face won't betray that lack of confidence because it'd be eaten.
08-10-2021, 09:27 PM
BmillsSkier

This may not be the thread that the 4th surge of the pandemic promised, but it may be the one we deserve.

Eat all the drugs you can after bulking up, crank up the Wu, Gravediggaz, and Dr Octagon, and swing that bat like Albert fucking Belle in the height of his roid era, and you beat that fucking chimp, you hear me!?!

Godspeed SYF.
08-10-2021, 09:27 PM
stealurface831

Quote:

Originally Posted by I Skied Bandini Mountain

Your face won't betray that lack of confidence because it'd be eaten.

i always took chimps for gnawers. they are not; they are chawmpers.
08-10-2021, 09:28 PM
AEvospace

https://www.newscientist.com/article...ght-they-were/
08-10-2021, 09:35 PM
stealurface831

Quote:

Originally Posted by BmillsSkier

This may not be the thread that the 4th surge of the pandemic promised, but it may be the one we deserve.

Eat all the drugs you can after bulking up, crank up the Wu, Gravediggaz, and Dr Octagon, and swing that bat like Albert fucking Belle in the height of his roid era, and you beat that fucking chimp, you hear me!?!

Godspeed SYF.

peak albert belle could've taken on two chimps at once and won handily.
08-10-2021, 09:39 PM
I Skied Bandini Mountain

Quote:

Originally Posted by AEvospace

https://www.newscientist.com/article...ght-they-were/

Guaranteed none of those scientists could take a chimp.
08-10-2021, 09:50 PM
Brownski

Quote:

Originally Posted by stealurface831

the ferocity aspect is the main reason i am not convinced i would win.

if you gave me a bat, i'm fairly confident i could absolutely demolish a chimp in 60 seconds.

If we gave you a samurai sword you would still get your face eaten. And let’s not forget we’re supposed to be talking gorillas here. A gorilla would make pizza dough out of you.
08-10-2021, 09:51 PM
gretch6364

1 Attachment(s)

Attachment 382021

I wish you luck!

This does bring up an interesting article I was reading but cannot find related to human vs animal interactions.

Obviously, grizzlies eat a few of us every year, but for the most part, animals are afraid of humans…despite their superior strength and speed. I don’t personally have a full conclusion on why this is, but has to be some combination of us walking upright and generational conditioning of the animals.

They are obviously not smart enough to know we have guns and what that means…and yet, they avoid us when possible.

As for hand to hand combat with a gorilla or chimp…you don’t stand a chance. You couldn’t even fight off a bull elk or moose if for some reason it decided to fight you and you had no weapon. Elk/moose don’t even eat each other!

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08-10-2021, 09:52 PM
AEvospace

https://www.youtube.com/watch?<br />... v=QlsFGtdSPcI
08-10-2021, 09:54 PM
stealurface831

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brownski

If we gave you a samurai sword you would still get your face eaten. And let’s not forget we’re supposed to be talking gorillas here. A gorilla would make pizza dough out of you.

a gorilla would destroy anyone, brian shaw included.
08-10-2021, 09:56 PM
stealurface831

Quote:

Originally Posted by gretch6364

You couldn’t even fight off a bull elk or moose if for some reason it decided to fight you and you had no weapon. Elk/moose don’t even eat each other!

yeah, no shit i couldn't fight off an elk or a moose.
08-10-2021, 10:20 PM
Danno

This is my new favorite thread on TGR
08-10-2021, 10:22 PM
BmillsSkier

Quote:

Originally Posted by stealurface831

peak albert belle could've taken on two chimps at once and won handily.

Could you please share this in the MLB thread? I have some arguments to settle. Thx.
08-10-2021, 10:54 PM
bennymac

https://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-l...ioflex/2861339
08-10-2021, 10:58 PM
cspringsposer

Quote:

Originally Posted by ZomblibulaX

But how many times have you fought for your very life, against bigger opponents than you, who live that experience nearly day to day? Chimps cannibalize each other and fuck the dead for sport. They smash babies heads in and tear each other to pieces just for social status. You might be bigger than a chimp, and even stronger, but you will never match that ferocity, even on drugs.

You literally just described Tuesday in Afghanistan
08-10-2021, 11:01 PM
abraham

Quote:

Originally Posted by stealurface831

yeah, no shit i couldn't fight off an elk or a moose.

How about a heron?
08-10-2021, 11:02 PM
stealurface831

Quote:

Originally Posted by abraham

How about a heron?

idk, them fuckers have a pretty gnarly beak.
08-10-2021, 11:35 PM
neufox47

Poll: How many of you idiots think you could kill a gorilla?

Quote:

Originally Posted by AEvospace

https://www.newscientist.com/article...ght-they-were/

Yea and Connor McGregor isn’t that strong either. I bet I can deadlift close to what he can, good chance I can out lift him. Do I think I stand a chance in hell of beating him in a fight? Fuck no.

Guess what, I am also stronger than just about any dog. Do I think I could take a mean 40 lb pit bull in a fight? Fuck no.

Chimps and dogs primarily fight with their teeth. We are soft and have no good defenses for their bites. About the only effective tool we have against them is to choke them out. Good luck with that.

I’ll happily chip in $50 to watch you fight a chimp though.
08-10-2021, 11:38 PM
skiballs

Quote:

Originally Posted by ötzi

Well he won't be hard to find, he'll be in the front row.

Couldn’t he just throw his shit at him and call it good?

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08-10-2021, 11:45 PM
skiballs

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Reverend Floater

Exactly why I hate zoos. Those poor bastards.

Saw a whole family get sprayed by a bangle tiger at the Baltimore zoo. It was the best thing I’ve ever seen at a zoo, hate seeing animals like that caged.

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08-11-2021, 12:18 AM
Thaleia

Dr Octagon is good stuff but it isn't exactly fightin music. If anything it would distract you when you're trying to decipher the lyrics.
08-11-2021, 12:34 AM
Meathelmet

My ankle has been grabbed by a chimp, black belt BJJ master aint got shit on them.

Would have lost that tugging war 11-1, but luckily a Polish lady with a hose came to rescue.

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