Originally Posted by
I've seen black diamonds!
Everyone was all excited for the first snow, Ullrfest, Killington sort of being open, and then reality set in: real skiing is still weeks away. A seething fury begins bubbling up from our livers. Our faces twist into scowls. Our petty disagreements go all exponential and shit, until they loom like suddenly not extinct dragons blocking out the sun. And we lash out. Our primitive selves, our reptilian selves take control and bite, kick, piss, hurl rocks and feces, laugh at the final convulsions of our dying foes. And so on. And I don't want to miss out on the fun. So here it goes:
I will see all of you soft-skulled, limp-dicked, semi-literate fart mongers in the most fetid, banal, ignominious level of hell, where I'll beat you about the genitals with a club forged from your own shame. Imagine the time your mom caught you masturbating, the time you shit your pants in middle school, the time you pronounced some big word wrong and that hot chic laughed at you for being an ignoramus- That is what I will be beating you about the genitals with. And when you have no genitals left for me to beat, and I've finished cursing you and all your slut grannies for all eternity, I shall stroll casually out of hell onto an endless mountain, where I shall ski pow endlessly, my only displeasure the sour memory that a bunch shart lickers like you once existed.