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Where exactly does the seran wrap go? Just under the seat or like half way down the bowl? If it is just under the seat, I don't see how it can work. As soon as he sits down his junk will hit the seran wrap and alert him that something is amiss.Quote:
Originally Posted by Seldom Seen
that's some fucking appealling imagery
I was very impressed with the McClean's at the train stations. Well worth the 2 franks IMO. I don't know if this was standard but every time I used one an attendant was in there cleaning it right after I left and it was totally spotless and fresh smelling when I got in.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ripzalot
back from vacation slaying.
This seems like the appropriate place to rant. I didn't feel like starting a new thread:
Why can't all toilets be "male" toilets? You know what I'm talking about...the kind with the extended front of the bowl. Do they cost extra or something? When I'm taking one of those epic dumps--the kind where you have to change positions throughout--the lack of a frontal extension really reduces the possible lean-back. I should start a petition, but I'm too lazy.
paper bagQuote:
Originally Posted by Stone-Free
+
furthest reaches of one of his desk drawers
+
your poo
[//This thread will be momentarily interrupted for a public service announcement//]
Funniest thread in a long time.
[//End Announcement//]
Working from home does have one disadvantage... Only the dogs are around to appreciate the 5laying that is unleashed every morning and they don't even hang around to sniff the aftermath. Ungreatful beasts. Ever since taking fiber supps each night the morning smash is absolutely glorious. I'm talking full on cable laying of bowl filling proportions and the best part... it's always clean breaks.
I haven't laughed this hard in a long while.Thats why its a good idea to always carry a knife.Quote:
Originally Posted by flatlander#2
One summer at the Wood,we were at the top of Chair 10 repairing the snow fence on a cool,windy day. My partner was hung-over and had the whiskey shits.He's wearing Carhartt coveralls over his jeans,farts,and fills his jeans.Totally disgusted,he hikes up to the ridge to clean up. While his coveralls are down around his ankles,he has to shit again. He lets fly and the wind blew the liquid shit right into his coveralls. Yep,filled'em right up. The stream of profanity that ensued was the most impressive cursing that I've ever heard. He rode the chair down and went home for the day.
That is some funny shit, 2 plank.:D Not to laugh at your misery, but I've totally been in your shoes and it DOES suck...14 hours to Autralia, no less!!! But that part about the evil looks...HILARIOUS. Thanks for a good chuckle.Quote:
Originally Posted by Twoplanker
Years ago, I boarded a Delta flight from Alaska to Alabama on July 5th. I'd spent the previous day, independence day, consuming a toxic combination of warm Olympia beer and potato salad which I later learned was riddled with ecoli or some silimar microscopic abomination. Little did I know, the contents of my colon would soon declare a little independence of their own...
Once the plane takes off, I fall asleep, unaware of the brewing gastro-intenstinal storm. I'm grateful that I slept through what must have been a horrific, midflight poo-ruption of epic proportions. There is but one thing worse than being awakened by the smell if your own poo and that is having it happen while in the confines of an aluminum tube full of strangers sharing the same re-circulating, putrified air while hurtling through the earth's upper atmosphere at 600 miles per hour.
As my inebriated mind stuggled to make sense out of the heinous vapor rising from beneath me, I noticed the terrified man in the aisle seat. He was leaning so far away from me I thought he might fall over into the aisle. Mustering what little dignity I could, indicated to him that I would need to get up and I commenced the walk of shame towards the rear of the plane to the toilet. The passengers on the plane leaned away like a parting sea as I waddled down the aisle.
I felt better in that tiny little shitter. A little solace. A place to develop a plan. Cringing, I took an exploratory look at the damage - things were bad. Very bad.
I spent the next 25 to 30 minutes using the scant resources I had available to me to make myself look less like a homeless heroin addict. Like McGyver beginning to assemble some contraption that would save his life, I made a visual inventory of the few supplies in the tiny room. A little handsoap, some t.p., some paper towels, a splash of water, a sock, a little more handsoap, more t.p., a stick of wintergreen chewing gum, a short pep-talk in the mirror and I was feeling pretty good about things. I mean, I'd shit myself in a small public space, and then shoved my soiled boxers and a sock into the tiny trashcan hole like a serial killer trying to hide the evidence, but all things considered I'd recovered quite nicely.
The toiled was slayed, truly uninhabitable, so I retreated to the cabin.
I spent the rest of the flight standing near the emergency exit, totally willing to pull that red handle and risk floating down to earth in one of those yellow inflatable boats, Indiana Jones style, rather than suffer through another round.
I was on here a little over a week ago chortling at the posts about people slaying airplane bathrooms and gleefully chuckling at the thought of an entire airplane full of people being tortured so horribly. I have a twisted sense of humor like that. Seven days ago I payed the price for laughing so senselessly at the suffering that other plane passengers have endured. On a 1.5hr flight to Denver on a 30 passenger plane a guy completely slayed the bathroom about 20 minutes into the flight while I was sitting two seats away. The stench stayed in the plane until we touched down in Denver. For me, it was a life-altering experience. It was truly horiffic. It may be days until I can laugh at the thought of an airplane full of people having to deal with the aroma of a slayed bathroom again.
Peewee, Karma.Quote:
Originally Posted by Peewee
Karma, Peewee.
WTF is up with guys groaning in the stalls it should be a felony
while I have the podium I vote mt hood meadows bathrooms as the worst of all time. I believe they are modeled after that "shelf" design. believe me there are some heavy hitters in the meadows patronage. you can't be fucking around with some two bit shelf setup.
Jack, that was brilliant.
The only thing I can add is that when I was an infant I crapped all over my dad on a cross-country flight. I imagine it was glorious.
When my brother was a kid, he would walk into the living room, pull off his diaper, squat, and take a fat, runny crap on the mustard yellow shag carpet.
Damn brown stains never came all the way out.
I know I can always rely on this thread to make me laugh myself silly! That was a good, albeit sick, wake-up to start my day.
Sprite
agreed.
So
Fucking
Awesome
There are times I feel like the work bathroom is slaying me.
I'm on a construction site using porta-johns and depending on the day different things can happen.
Newly cleaned boxes have splashback, and you can barely breath in the older ones. I never feel I'm on the winning end of those.
newly cleaned ones have that sickening sweet cleaner smell combined with ass. don't exactly go together like strawberries and cream.
On the outer banks where I just returned from vacationing, there are portapotties all over the place.
Well, one time I really had to go and was too far from the only restaurant I knew had a bathroom. So I opened the door, took a look, went "OH MY GOD!" and spun right around and walked back out and proceeded to go pee-pee in the bushes.
I should have known better. Nature's latrine is always clean!
Sprite
Anyone ever go into a portapottie on a hot summer day, on a wicked Jager hangover? Just in case anyone had the thought, DONT do it, as you will paint your shoes a new color.
This thread is annoying. Sure, back in the day, I may have enjoyed a thread like this. But unfortunately my office has a bathroom. When I first moved in I was psyched. I mean, I had my own bathroom and shower in my office, how can that be a bad thing? Not being much of a thinker, I didn't realize it was the only bathroom on the floor. And that there is NO FAN. Or window in it. So my office has a constant burnt-match/poopy smell.
People have to walk within a foot of me to get to the bathroom. That's what really sucks. The ones with smiles on their faces are the ones I really hate. They enjoy smelling my whole office up. And the ones that put music on before going on scare me. Then there is Mr. Irritable Bowel Syndrome Man, who I clearly hear blowing his colon clean everytime he eats something a little off, which can be once a week. He also pisses every hour with his little girly-bladder. I tried making him run-the-gauntlet every time he came in, by punching him in the thigh if he tried to shit down here. But I missed once and spilled water all over my laptop. This made the fan on my laptop permanently on now, so I gave up the punching. I paid the price, but at least my laptop eventually turned on again.
My only solace is in a month or two we move into new offices, where I will pick the farthest office from the shitter. So basically I hate all you pleasure-seeking shitters everywhere. You suck. I was once one of you....
Captain Butt-Trumpet is MIA, and that is good. Not sure if its vacation related, but no sight/smell of him for a while. If he should return, I have the solution to him slay3ing my dunny.
I sought counsel in my dad and ran by him the maggots suggestions. The elder Stone is the ultimate prankster, and he said the most effective method is to soak the TP roll, or vasilene the top of the seat. If the infractions continue, put a padlock on the shitter door.
Now, I wait.... watching...hoping....:FIREdevil
no fan?? You could probably bust them for not complying with some OSHA safety req.
The stalls at my work have a well-placed gap between the panels so I get to be the unwilling voyeur when walking into the bathroom :nonono2:
I just took a dump so big its been assigned its own zip code.:fm:
When I was a reporter for Florida State’s student paper, I wrote a piece critiquing the campus bathrooms. I opened the article with a rundown of every slang phrase I knew for floating a hogan. Figured this would be a good place to share my list and maybe learn a few new terms.
So, here’s what I had:
Drop a deuce, pinch a loaf, lay a cable, drop the kids off at the pool, take the Browns to the Super Bowl, back the big brown caddy out of the garage, clip a biscuit, dispatch a Yankee, fire rear thruster, float a log, free the legless dog to sea, murder a mud bunny, release the chocolate hostage or just plain poop.
You forgot "giving birth to a Texan".Quote:
Originally Posted by Hombre215
Floating a Hogan???
BWA!!!
Sprite
dropping a rumsfeld
I feel much better now....
There needs to be a word for that hollow sensation you feel after dropping coils.
"buttgasm"Quote:
Originally Posted by Orange Julius
Put a couple of ketchup packets under the seat.Quote:
Originally Posted by Stone-Free
I may as well tell my shit story.
So a year ago I wasn't very keen on shitting in public, at work, etc.....until I realized the beauty of getting paid to take a shit. It can't be beat. Grab a mag, take a nice big gulp of water, sit down, lock the door, and read away....and get paid. Sweet, right?
Well here's my problem with the atmosphere in which I have the opportunity to partake in this beautiful opportunity. I work in a small office (9 people total). There's a men's and women's bathroom, each is a single-up...meaning only one occupant at a time. The bathroom is large, always cool, ventilates well due to the 20 horse fan sucking the poo smelling air out. A totally sweet set up.
Problem with a single up #1:
Someone ALWAYS high marks the fucker. Under the seat, around the bowl, you name it. So when I lift the seat up to take a leak, all I see is this dude's cherios from that morning. Makes me wanna puke and I lose my appetite. I don't know who the culprite is, but this is regular......like 2 or 3 times a week. And the fuckin toilet doesn't get cleaned till Friday night. I've even tried to high pressure spray the stuff with a hard push when I'm pissin'. Nothing. Once it's there, it's there.
Problem with a single up #2:
People trying to open the door when you're enjoying your time on the throne. You think "it's locked, no biggy". Still, when someone grabs that handle and tries to pull the door open your ass cheeks tighten right up and pinch whatever goodness you had going. Totally ruins it....... That kind of bliss can't be repeatedly achieved in one poo adventure, thus having to wait until the next one. Not fun having to go back and try and take care of business after you were almost there once. It's a lot like sex, really.
Ours has a light in the hall that goes on when you throw the lock.Quote:
Originally Posted by justcuz
You just need a tie on the door like in kolije.
Shittus interruptus.
Man, only day two back on the job and I've already degenerated to multiple postings in the poop thread. Lord have mercy!
Sprite
You're kids' toilet training must have been real interesting.Quote:
Originally Posted by snowsprite
No way man! Toilet training is no laughing matter...or interesting either
Sprite
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hombre215
A few more: Droppin' dirt, slinging mud, release the brown trout, taking a smash, heave a havana...