Quotes from the Chairlift: 05-06 Edition

Yesterday at Mammoth:

Someone commenting on my Seth Pistols: "Is it possible to ski those on hardpack?"

Afew years ago at squaw: Two gapers next to me, husband and wife, going up Gold Coast, "It's too bad this place is not as steep as Heavenly."

Another classic one from squaw: A slushy, sticky day in march, my buddy, skiing on pocket rockets, comments on how sticky the snow is, in the liftline at solitude. "Well maybe it's your skills," we hear. We turn around to see a bovine, aging yutz on skinny intermediate skis from 1987 or so, wearing tight black pants and a PINK jacket. We could'nt believe what we had heard. At the top of solitude we found him and asked him to ski silverado with us. He followed, but got so scared by the line under the silverado chair(not exactly schmidiots) that he had to hike back out. As luck would have it we kept running into him over the next few days, spraying him whenever we got the chance. My only regret is that I do not have a picture of him, because that pink jacket was classic.

Second hand story but pretty entertaining:

A friend's sister was skiing in Europe and happened to be in the liftline behind Arnold Schwarzenergger. Arnold was on deck and had skiied a bit past 'the wait here' line. The chair whipped by and just missed him as reflexively dodged it. He turned around and looked at the people behind him and said in his classic accent, "That would have been like metal on metal."

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Originally Posted by AstroPax

Seems like once a month, while standing around with my camera hanging from my neck, either adjusting the settings or setting-up a shot, some idiot will stop and ask me something like "are you all right?"...like I might be injured or something. Half tempted to reply..."No, I'm just STANDING here playing with a camera because I have a BROKEN FEMUR, dumbass!"

-Astro

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Just drop a deadpanned..."Do you even know who I am?" and go back to adjusting your camera while shaking your head.

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Originally Posted by XtrPickels

Just drop a deadpanned..."Do you even know who I am?" and go back to adjusting your camera while shaking your head.

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Now that is funny.

I was riding a lift up with a couple of other people one who was on snowblades at a very small east coast resort on my public enemies and the blader looks at my skis for a while and asks me "are those are some type of new skiboards or somthing? because they are too fat to be real skis" to which I asked if he was on some new type of inline skates. he gave me a funny look:frown:

Setting: Me riding my Spatulas at Schweitzer Mountain sitting next to some 30 Year Old Lawyer Type (YOLT) wearing a bright red helmet, pink goggles, and one of those goofy Masque things (it's not windy at all).

30 YOLT: "Are those water skis?"
Me: "No, they're Spatulas."
30 YOLT: "What kind of skis are they though?"
Me: "Volant Spatulas."
30 YOLT: "Are you sure they're not water skis?"
Me: "Pretty sure."
30 YOLT: "Are they good in the park?"
Me: "No."
30 YOLT: "What about groomers?"
Me: "No."
30 YOLT: "What a waste."
Me: "..."

Guy from OK: You ain't got any good lookin girls out here
Me: Huh:rolleyes:
Guy from OK: Guess that's cause skiing is a man's sport
Me: Huh:rolleyes:

new 2 boards, so ill start with a qoute from last week at Baker..

" wow, i really threw it into those death cookies over there... fealt like a bunch of midgets punching me in the back."

not on a lift but online this week by some bay area friends:
"ski weekend in jeopardy due to... too much snow"
also heard by person staying at the house in alta the week before we came out when we called to see how sking was:
q: how's the skiing?
A:"it's horrible, it's been snowing all week and they havent been able to groom and there is no sun"

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Originally Posted by tex1230

I get alot of them on my carving board:
"dude, you broke the tail off your board"
"how can you ride with your feet turned that way"
"are those ski boots on your snowboard"
and the classic - 5 times in one day at Bachelor last month...
"How do you like your Monoski?"

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This one has to be best... You were on the carving board, in hard boots and you're laughing at OTHER people... classic.

Last Sunday at Squaw while riding up Solitude...notice a guy hollering at his kid(5-7 years old) to just 'do it, it's easy, control your speed and make lots of turns." The kid was noticably intimidated and clearly made it known both verbally and through his hesitation. People on the chair start yelling at the guy about the kid being in over his head, don't make him do it, etc.... The kid slowly starts down and after three turns buries a tip in some soft snow and goes down head first. He quickly picks up speed and starts to yell in terror...scary moment, he just kept going faster. Finally came to a stop a hundred or so yards down and was shaken and crying. More shouts from the chair are directed to the dad and he just looks up and shrugs. Dad finally pushes off, makes some sloppy turns, crosses his tips, ejects, somersaults twice, and yardsales down past his kid. The chairlift erupted in cheers and insults slung at the dad....awesome!

Ok, I heard another today. Not on the lift, but in the shop I work at. Its about 50 something degrees outside and this woman says to her husband.
"My feet shrunk a full size since its so cold outside," to which the man concurs and says his have too.

Around 2 weeks ago, Wolf Creek after they got 100" in 3 days.....half of our 2 car crew gets to the main lot, and my truck (with me, my friend, and everyone elses skis in it gets banished to the lower lot a mile away)

Keep in mind its around 9:30 on a powder day, and literally 97% of the people there are from Texas....most gapers I have ever seen ANYWHERE....word on the street was that they had allready begun to run out of rental skis!!


So we wait in line for 30 minutes to get on their "shuttle bus system" which is really 2 vans......seriously, they had 2 fucking VANS to move all these people in this 200yd line to the base area......horrible planning

So we finally get on the bus, carrying a huge quiver of fat skis....3 pairs of spats, 1 pair of powder xs, and my friends mega banged mega bangs...

older texan couple: "Where did you guys come from?"

us: "Boulder"

otc: "So are you here for a few days?"

us: "No, we drove straight here and havent slept yet, we came for the snow"

otc: "Why? There is so much that the groomed runs are packed...we actually saw people getting stuck in the deep snow....they looked very unhappy."

us: "Thats ok, cause we came to ski the deep snow.....thats why we ski is for powder....thats pretty much why we live is to ski powder"


the couple and everyone else on the bus gave us the weirdest look ever after that convo.....

good stuff

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Haus

Last Sunday at Squaw while riding up Solitude...notice a guy hollering at his kid(5-7 years old) to just 'do it, it's easy, control your speed and make lots of turns." The kid was noticably intimidated and clearly made it known both verbally and through his hesitation. People on the chair start yelling at the guy about the kid being in over his head, don't make him do it, etc.... The kid slowly starts down and after three turns buries a tip in some soft snow and goes down head first. He quickly picks up speed and starts to yell in terror...scary moment, he just kept going faster. Finally came to a stop a hundred or so yards down and was shaken and crying. More shouts from the chair are directed to the dad and he just looks up and shrugs. Dad finally pushes off, makes some sloppy turns, crosses his tips, ejects, somersaults twice, and yardsales down past his kid. The chairlift erupted in cheers and insults slung at the dad....awesome!

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ahahah, good shit

On a rare hardpack day at Wolf Creek:
Gaper re. my 1080s "Powder skis today? Wishful thinking huh?"
Me: "???...These are the skinniest skis I own."

Second hand from my buddy. He was skiing Vail a few years back, long liftline first thing in the AM and Tony Robbins w/his entourage cut the line and get on ahead of everyone else. A couple hours later TR is standing at the top of a bump run looking all sheepish while my buddy's riding a lift. He yells, "C'mon Tony, assert yourself!". TR responds with a slew of expletives and hand gestures. :cussing: Puts a smile on my face whenever I think about it.

this year in the tram at jay peak with the bros, i was asked if i made them myself, but the part that really cracked me up was being told by some old guy that i was too young and small to handle them. Anyway, we're spinning laps on big jay, a last tram ride we see the same guy, he asks us where we've been skiing, we of course say big jay BC, he says ya, me too, and points to a glade i can piss to off the tram. i love gapers.

some of these quotes make me want to tear my hair out. why can't texans stay in texas? working at a ski shop i get asked some pretty dumb questions, especially by asians. this one woman asked after i pulled the liner out "why does it do that?" or something. i was dumbfounded. cuz it fucking does you bitch

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Originally Posted by stuckathuntermtn

some of these quotes make me want to tear my hair out. why can't texans stay in texas? working at a ski shop i get asked some pretty dumb questions, especially by asians. this one woman asked after i pulled the liner out "why does it do that?" or something. i was dumbfounded. cuz it fucking does you bitch

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That was a pretty hateful comment... Some people, of all races, are actually THAT stupid, pure and simple. Stupidity is not a race-specific problem.

^^^
:rolleyes:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Haus

Last Sunday at Squaw while riding up Solitude...notice a guy hollering at his kid(5-7 years old) to just 'do it, it's easy, control your speed and make lots of turns." The kid was noticably intimidated and clearly made it known both verbally and through his hesitation. People on the chair start yelling at the guy about the kid being in over his head, don't make him do it, etc.... The kid slowly starts down and after three turns buries a tip in some soft snow and goes down head first. He quickly picks up speed and starts to yell in terror...scary moment, he just kept going faster. Finally came to a stop a hundred or so yards down and was shaken and crying. More shouts from the chair are directed to the dad and he just looks up and shrugs. Dad finally pushes off, makes some sloppy turns, crosses his tips, ejects, somersaults twice, and yardsales down past his kid. The chairlift erupted in cheers and insults slung at the dad....awesome!

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ha ha this is pretty much my favorite. classic.

I was asked, in a deadpan southern drawl, just this last week;
"why do those skis have funny bent up backs on them?"

A few years ago, April 1st, bottom of 6 chair at Breck, we wrote on the message board that people should enjoy the bumps as they were being put into storage for the summer that evening. When asked 'why?' as we bumped the chair, we'd just reply that we were trying to make overtime as poor lifties...

When the signs used to be out in the morning to advise people to beware of the 'cats still grooming, people we're always asking what they were. Obviously we informed them :biggrin: The signs have now changed to read 'snow grooming equipment'...:rolleyes2

My buddy and I were at Snowbasin riding the JP quad. About 2/3 the way up there is a group of 4 skiers standing under the lift. There is about 3 inches of new snow and certainly no more. To the left of the skiers is a gate to enter a control area. Ok now do you have it pictured? So one of the kids looks at his friends as they try and figure out where to go and he looks to the gate and yells: "Sick fresh powder. Step aside BITCHES!!!" He then procedes to snowplow down through the gate and through the "fresh pow." My friend and I almost fall out of the chair we are laughing so hard. :D :D :D

Quote:

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Originally Posted by stuckathuntermtn

some of these quotes make me want to tear my hair out. why can't texans stay in texas? working at a ski shop i get asked some pretty dumb questions, especially by asians. this one woman asked after i pulled the liner out "why does it do that?" or something. i was dumbfounded. cuz it fucking does you bitch

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Man tell me about it, I hate Asians.

"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"

Just finished a day of skiing at alta, dumping my gear in my truck when dude pulls up next to me in a car with his son and asks "How do I get to Park City?" Apparently he rented a car at the airport and followed the signs for Park City and ended up at Alta. It was hilarious.

A week or so ago, my company gave us employees (plus one "guest") a free day of skiing up at Squaw.

While Telenater (my "guest" for the day) and I were taking out our Bro Models from the bus that the company rented, one of my gaperish coworkers asked us "Oh, did you guys rent skis at the same place?"

roomate riding spats, riding up the funitel at squaw my roomate got from some guy looking at his skis "holy cow did you do that today"

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Originally Posted by Bullet

I always thought this encounter was kind of cool.

I was at Heavenly once back in the late 80s. It was snowing big fat flakes. I was walking across the parking lot and this man - looked to be of Indian descent - asked in complete amazement:

"What is ............this?" gesturing to the snow falling from the sky.
"It's snow"
"oh. snow. Wow." says the man in utter amazement, walking off with his head to the sky letting it fall on his face.

I thought that was the coolest thing. This guy was marveling at the snow falling from the sky. Something he had never seen before.

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peyote, its a hell of a drug.

I pull up to sugarloaf Sunday and say a quick hi to Mr AG and jump on the lift with my daughter and sister in law, half way up the lift it stalls for a few minutes and we hear "that's fucking lame,we should be able to live their since we're paying for it" coming out of bagtagley's mouth talking about compunds in Colorado city on the lift right behind us. Up until that point I didn't know he was right behind me.
Good seeing ya Bags and lets make sure to get at least one good ride in this Spring.

so now i guess i have to defend myself. its all direct observation. and this bitch (who wasn't asian, just a stupid bitch) kept asking the same stupid questions over and over again. NO THE BOOT IS NOT TO SMALL. some people just shouldn't ski. i guess that's why we have snowboarders.

didnt hear it this year. At alta or snowbird chair infront a hottie was talking to a male friend she said she blacked out not passed out "...when I came to Ihad his dick in my mouth...." after a few curious stares we burst out laughing there were no offers toallow us to rate her skills

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Originally Posted by stuckathuntermtn

so now i guess i have to defend myself. its all direct observation. and this bitch (who wasn't asian, just a stupid bitch) kept asking the same stupid questions over and over again. NO THE BOOT IS NOT TO SMALL. some people just shouldn't ski. i guess that's why we have snowboarders.

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You are proving to be quite the ignorant asshole. I bet you are a perfect 'fit' at Hunter. Enjoy.

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Originally Posted by alto

Man tell me about it, I hate Asians.

"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"

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asian in box and then:FIREdevil
and then:FIREdevil
and then
and then
and then
what exactly do you hate. That you cant touch the hot ones only the nerdy fat ones with little Bros that ask " How are the spatulas working :the_finge today":the_finge

"I just LOVE Alta, they have the best grooming on earth!"

words spoken by MY FATHER on the chairlift at Crystal. I was embarrassed.

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Originally Posted by stuckathuntermtn

so now i guess i have to defend myself. its all direct observation. and this bitch (who wasn't asian, just a stupid bitch) kept asking the same stupid questions over and over again. NO THE BOOT IS NOT TO SMALL. some people just shouldn't ski. i guess that's why we have snowboarders.

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Hey, if you ever make it to Utah, give me a call, I'll come and kick the shit out of you :fuckyou:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by alto

Man tell me about it, I hate Asians.

"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"
"How are the Spatulas working today?"

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Totally confused by this post. What's with the repeating?

yeah, compaired to you guys, i'm a fucking gaper. i wish i could huck of cliffs in the BC. really i do. but when you work in a ski shop in Westchester, it changes you for the worse. as for hunter, i'm asome there, i knocked down a boarder. if i ever get out to the Bird, i'll let you Mags know. but i might move out to the BoZone with my bro (the the ski, my brother) im a little drunk so i'm gonna stop typing now
EDIT: besides, i'm up for a good ass kicking. i've gone off the deep end

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Originally Posted by stuckathuntermtn

im a little drunk so i'm gonna stop typing now

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Don't sell yourself short, you should stop posting even when you're not drunk.

BobMc

i feel so loved

EDIT: i'm going through some shit in my life so i may be a little bitter. got a vaca coming up in june, might make me feel better. go ahead and call me racist, but all my co workers agree: asian customers are the hardest, and they always volunteer me. Russians are the next hardest, and generally, people in westchester need their hand held

stuck, have you considered the fact that in some cultures it's customary to bargain at every transaction? perhaps the problem is not with the customers -- they're simply used to going about buying stuff the long way...

istanbul's giant market is a fantastic place to go see bargaining in action. the russians invade early in the morning, when it's considered bad luck to miss a sale, so they can drive the prices really low :)