Poll: How many of you idiots think you could kill a gorilla?

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Originally Posted by I Skied Bandini Mountain

Your face won't betray that lack of confidence because it'd be eaten.

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i always took chimps for gnawers. they are not; they are chawmpers.

https://www.newscientist.com/article...ght-they-were/

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Originally Posted by BmillsSkier

This may not be the thread that the 4th surge of the pandemic promised, but it may be the one we deserve.

Eat all the drugs you can after bulking up, crank up the Wu, Gravediggaz, and Dr Octagon, and swing that bat like Albert fucking Belle in the height of his roid era, and you beat that fucking chimp, you hear me!?!

Godspeed SYF.

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peak albert belle could've taken on two chimps at once and won handily.

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Originally Posted by AEvospace

https://www.newscientist.com/article...ght-they-were/

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Guaranteed none of those scientists could take a chimp.

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Originally Posted by stealurface831

the ferocity aspect is the main reason i am not convinced i would win.

if you gave me a bat, i'm fairly confident i could absolutely demolish a chimp in 60 seconds.

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If we gave you a samurai sword you would still get your face eaten. And let’s not forget we’re supposed to be talking gorillas here. A gorilla would make pizza dough out of you.

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I wish you luck!

This does bring up an interesting article I was reading but cannot find related to human vs animal interactions.

Obviously, grizzlies eat a few of us every year, but for the most part, animals are afraid of humans…despite their superior strength and speed. I don’t personally have a full conclusion on why this is, but has to be some combination of us walking upright and generational conditioning of the animals.

They are obviously not smart enough to know we have guns and what that means…and yet, they avoid us when possible.

As for hand to hand combat with a gorilla or chimp…you don’t stand a chance. You couldn’t even fight off a bull elk or moose if for some reason it decided to fight you and you had no weapon. Elk/moose don’t even eat each other!


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https://www.youtube.com/watch?<br />... v=QlsFGtdSPcI

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Originally Posted by Brownski

If we gave you a samurai sword you would still get your face eaten. And let’s not forget we’re supposed to be talking gorillas here. A gorilla would make pizza dough out of you.

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a gorilla would destroy anyone, brian shaw included.

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Originally Posted by gretch6364

You couldn’t even fight off a bull elk or moose if for some reason it decided to fight you and you had no weapon. Elk/moose don’t even eat each other!

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yeah, no shit i couldn't fight off an elk or a moose.

This is my new favorite thread on TGR

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Originally Posted by stealurface831

peak albert belle could've taken on two chimps at once and won handily.

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Could you please share this in the MLB thread? I have some arguments to settle. Thx.

https://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-l...ioflex/2861339

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Originally Posted by ZomblibulaX

But how many times have you fought for your very life, against bigger opponents than you, who live that experience nearly day to day? Chimps cannibalize each other and fuck the dead for sport. They smash babies heads in and tear each other to pieces just for social status. You might be bigger than a chimp, and even stronger, but you will never match that ferocity, even on drugs.

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You literally just described Tuesday in Afghanistan

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Originally Posted by stealurface831

yeah, no shit i couldn't fight off an elk or a moose.

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How about a heron?

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Originally Posted by abraham

How about a heron?

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idk, them fuckers have a pretty gnarly beak.

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Originally Posted by AEvospace

https://www.newscientist.com/article...ght-they-were/

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Yea and Connor McGregor isn’t that strong either. I bet I can deadlift close to what he can, good chance I can out lift him. Do I think I stand a chance in hell of beating him in a fight? Fuck no.

Guess what, I am also stronger than just about any dog. Do I think I could take a mean 40 lb pit bull in a fight? Fuck no.

Chimps and dogs primarily fight with their teeth. We are soft and have no good defenses for their bites. About the only effective tool we have against them is to choke them out. Good luck with that.

I’ll happily chip in $50 to watch you fight a chimp though.

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Originally Posted by ötzi

Well he won't be hard to find, he'll be in the front row.

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Couldn’t he just throw his shit at him and call it good?


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Originally Posted by The Reverend Floater

Exactly why I hate zoos. Those poor bastards.

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Saw a whole family get sprayed by a bangle tiger at the Baltimore zoo. It was the best thing I’ve ever seen at a zoo, hate seeing animals like that caged.


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Dr Octagon is good stuff but it isn't exactly fightin music. If anything it would distract you when you're trying to decipher the lyrics.

My ankle has been grabbed by a chimp, black belt BJJ master aint got shit on them.

Would have lost that tugging war 11-1, but luckily a Polish lady with a hose came to rescue.

A hose. Hmmm. So, you go in drunk, and pee on them.

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Originally Posted by abraham

How about a heron?

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I am here to post in this very important thread to say that 10/10 I could take a heron, no problem.

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Originally Posted by Benny Profane

Yeah, local woman had her face ripped off, literally. Those fuckers scare me.

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Originally Posted by stealurface831

If I am given a healthy dose of PCP and match me up with a smaller chimp, I think.I have a chance.


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Username checks out.

Chimp vs chimp faceoff

Beyond thunderchimp. Two species enter, only one leaves.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.the...1819571099/amp


“Dr. Earl Patterson, the physician who treated Seaborne throughout his life-or-death battle, initially gave Seaborne just six months to live. Though the prognosis was grim, Patterson said that, with the help of powerful tranquilizers, Seaborne was able to beat back the gorilla several times, and his situation started to look more promising”

“The gorilla, however, eventually stopped responding to the drugs and returned with a vengeance.

‘If we had caught this thing earlier, before its growth got completely out of control, David would have had a much better chance of survival,” Patterson said. “But after it reached the silverback stage, it was only a matter of time.’”

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Originally Posted by Thaleia

Dr Octagon is good stuff but it isn't exactly fightin music. If anything it would distract you when you're trying to decipher the lyrics.

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In my real world, orangutangs dance for thanksgiving
With skeleton bones and skunk tails, is my mission
Holding backward raps to all my power packs
Babboons clap, and girl horses wanna hit the sack
We’re too bold for ocean water, monkeys sniffin ice
Contact jupiter pools martians bring my rice
I’m out flyin with purple capes in the twilight
Oooh ooh ooh, tonight’s the night
halfsharkalligatorhalfman

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Originally Posted by stealurface831

Key term there is like sized human. Wild chimps max out around 150. Humans do not.


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So you're fighting a 300lb equivalent ish I still say good fucking luck.

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Originally Posted by stealurface831

look, all i am saying is this:
i think, if given pcp and matched up against a 120lb chimpanzee, i would have a chance. here is why i think that...





okay, now with that in mind, consider this:
i have nearly twice the mass of a 120lb chimp
i haven't lifted in almost 2 years but at my peak, i could one rep max bench 315lbs. now that number is probably closer to 275. okay, 275 divided by my body mass (currently 232) is 1.19. i can lift 1.19 lbs per pound of my body mass. so, assuming this 120lb chimp can indeed lift 1.3X the weight i can lift per pound, 1.19 x 1.3 is 1.547, meaning the chimp can lift 1.547lbs per pound of body mass. well, if the chimp is 120lbs, that means it can only lift 185lbs. i have it beat by nearly 100 lbs.

but i understand, this is only one lift representative of the strength of only one muscle group, and that pure strength alone will not win me this fight. that is where the pcp comes in to play. i am sure that in the annals of pcp history, someone high on pcp has ripped someone else's' face off. (no, the guy who ate the guy's face off in florida doesn't count, and he wasn't even on pcp anyway). assuming the pcp has some sort of significant agitative effect on me, i think i have a chance.

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I've done pcp a ton of times, never once did I feel the super human strength we see in movies and cops shows. Mostly couch locked actually. It's not a super power drug.

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Originally Posted by MakersTeleMark

I am here to post in this very important thread to say that 10/10 I could take a heron, no problem.

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Bring it!
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Would you fight a hydraulic turtle?

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Originally Posted by Skidog

looks like research shows chimps to be roughly 1.5 times stronger than a like sized human.

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I once saw a drunk midget beat up a 250# dude on a NJ Transit train. Never underestimate the smaller dudes.

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Originally Posted by MakersTeleMark

I am here to post in this very important thread to say that 10/10 I could take a heron, no problem.

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Green or blue? If BigSteve were still here, he could probably give us a sense of which one is more aggressive.

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Originally Posted by JimmyCarter

Bring it!
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He can't beat Gil Scott Heron.

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Originally Posted by abraham

How about a heron?

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Originally Posted by stealurface831

idk, them fuckers have a pretty gnarly beak.

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Those fuckers will stab you in the neck and swallow you whole!!!
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Originally Posted by ötzi

We had a dog that killed 3 or 4 Canada geese but she was a stone cold assassin.

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Did she borrow your maul?

What's with this bat bullshit? That's not fair.

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Originally Posted by Vt-Freeheel

What's with this bat bullshit? That's not fair.

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I think it’s fair if the chimpanzee gets a bat too, along with some practice on how to use it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Ns29dh4yok

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Originally Posted by Mustonen

I think it’s fair if the chimpanzee gets a bat too, along with some practice on how to use it.

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Might evolve into a chimp baseball team. Oh, wait, we already have the Mets.

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Originally Posted by riser3

Would you fight a hydraulic turtle?

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Yeah
It’s hydraulic. But it’s still a turtle.

But the snappers that crawl out of the pond to nest scare the fuck out of me. Evil fuckers.

Wait, is this a hydraulic snapping turtle I’m supposed to fight?

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Originally Posted by Core Shot

Yeah
It’s hydraulic. But it’s still a turtle.

But the snappers that crawl out of the pond to nest scare the fuck out of me. Evil fuckers.

Wait, is this a hydraulic snapping turtle I’m supposed to fight?

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It’s actually a hydraulic alligator snapping turtle.


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