Fatherhood anonymous; an open discussion on being a dad.

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Originally Posted by seano732

Great thread. I have twin daughters who just turned sixteen (!).

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My only daughter turned 16 in January. It hit home pretty hard. Only 2 more years and she’s out on her own.
Where did the time go???

On a good note I’m getting major bonus points for taking her car shopping.

I have 4 kids. All boys. I only create male heirs to my throne!
10yo
8yo,
4 in June,
and a 2 month old baby. (Quarantine and chill, they said. It will be fun, they said)

Priorities definitely change.

Most important things I learned...

1.) Read to them every night. Read them all the books that you can. Read the same book over and over. The one single most prevalent trend in a child's success in school is how much they are read to when younger.

2.) Let them fall sometimes, sometimes help them back up.. sometimes not, make them pick themselves up. Literally, and figuratively.

3.) Don't push your hobbies on them too hard.. I got lucky and the oldest three all love skiing. I think I had about 45 days of skiing this winter. 30 were with the older 2, another 5 days with the 3 oldest which really means about 5 days on the magic carpets. And about 10 pow days to myself... I'm super lucky in Winter..

I think I pushed mountain biking too hard with my older 2. My oldest had some kinda bad wrecks (nothing broke, just bruised and bloody, and it took about 2 summers to have him enjoy biking again... He won't go off the same jumps as the 8yo will though, the fear has set in... We are slowly working on it.

All of them love rock climbing, no fear of heights, so that has been good..

4.) Do more housework. do the dishes... do some laundry. Vacuum. Clean the bathrooms every Sunday morning. Your marriage will be much happier.

However,, heed this warning... #4 is exactly how you end up with more kids... I had the house cleaned for the wife, and started the fire pit so some moms could have a socially distanced wine night in our back yard one evening... I fall asleep to gossippy chatter in the backyard, only to be woken up by the wife being frisky at 1am. Long story short, I'm not good at pulling out when she is on top & Bam... 9 months later.. welcome kiddo #4... ffuuucckkkk..

5.) Take care of your own health. You can't help your children if you die early from a heart attack. Eating healthy can be tough, but for fucks sake, at the bare minimum, find an hour to yourself.. Exercise early in the morning before anyone is up... or after bedtime when the kiddos are asleep. Just get your exercise in.. You will be happier... less stressed... will sleep better... can keep up with the kiddos at playgrounds.. there is no downside to this.. only benefits."

6.) CBD is no joke. I thought it was crap until I actually tried it. It makes my arthritic joints in ankles and wrists feel 5 years younger.

7.) Umm.... something..

There is a whole lot more I can't think of... too sleep deprived.. but those are the important bits..

Failing to plan (SNIP) is planning to fail.

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Originally Posted by Kailua_Boys

Someone once told me the third kid is game changing. You have to switch from man defense to zone coverage.

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Can confirm. And then when they're all doing sports and other activities the scheduling shit gets crazy.

The best part of becoming a parent is you learn to become highly efficient with your time.

Prolly as good a place to put this as any

https://www.tetongravity.com/forums/...ad.php?t=79422

"May you grow up to be righteous
May you grow up to be true
May you always know the truth
And see the lights surrounding you
May you always be courageous
Stand upright and be strong
And may you stay
Forever young"

Lots of good stuff in here. My little guy is 4.5 and mostly fun. Roughhousing is good for stress on both sides.

The take time for you and be present when present is important but hard. This year has been rough on all parents, my wife had 2 major surgeries on top of it and I am feeling the lack of me time. Only days on skis were skating at the local golf course before work but I have to take every bit I can get. Looking forward to a vaccine in my system and some help and social time.

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Originally Posted by ExPowderSnob

I have 4 kids. All boys. I only create male heirs to my throne!
10yo
8yo,
4 in June,
and a 2 month old baby. (Quarantine and chill, they said. It will be fun, they said)

Priorities definitely change.

Most important things I learned...

1.) Read to them every night. Read them all the books that you can. Read the same book over and over. The one single most prevalent trend in a child's success in school is how much they are read to when younger.

2.) Let them fall sometimes, sometimes help them back up.. sometimes not, make them pick themselves up. Literally, and figuratively.

3.) Don't push your hobbies on them too hard.. I got lucky and the oldest three all love skiing. I think I had about 45 days of skiing this winter. 30 were with the older 2, another 5 days with the 3 oldest which really means about 5 days on the magic carpets. And about 10 pow days to myself... I'm super lucky in Winter..

I think I pushed mountain biking too hard with my older 2. My oldest had some kinda bad wrecks (nothing broke, just bruised and bloody, and it took about 2 summers to have him enjoy biking again... He won't go off the same jumps as the 8yo will though, the fear has set in... We are slowly working on it.

All of them love rock climbing, no fear of heights, so that has been good..

4.) Do more housework. do the dishes... do some laundry. Vacuum. Clean the bathrooms every Sunday morning. Your marriage will be much happier.

However,, heed this warning... #4 is exactly how you end up with more kids... I had the house cleaned for the wife, and started the fire pit so some moms could have a socially distanced wine night in our back yard one evening... I fall asleep to gossippy chatter in the backyard, only to be woken up by the wife being frisky at 1am. Long story short, I'm not good at pulling out when she is on top & Bam... 9 months later.. welcome kiddo #4... ffuuucckkkk..

5.) Take care of your own health. You can't help your children if you die early from a heart attack. Eating healthy can be tough, but for fucks sake, at the bare minimum, find an hour to yourself.. Exercise early in the morning before anyone is up... or after bedtime when the kiddos are asleep. Just get your exercise in.. You will be happier... less stressed... will sleep better... can keep up with the kiddos at playgrounds.. there is no downside to this.. only benefits."

6.) CBD is no joke. I thought it was crap until I actually tried it. It makes my arthritic joints in ankles and wrists feel 5 years younger.

7.) Umm.... something..

There is a whole lot more I can't think of... too sleep deprived.. but those are the important bits..

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Good on getting the kids into outdoor pursuits. I think it's ok to force it a bit. I've never been hardcore about it, but we've made sure they rotated through many of the teams sports at least once. Sometimes they were hesitant, but we held firm they'd see the season through and if they didn't like it at first, they usually eventually did. I prefer individual sports, but I think being on a team is important for a few reasons. Sometimes on longer hikes, we have to push them a bit, but it still appears they like it despite the occasional complaining. Luckily, no problem on motivating to ski/board.

I never understood the accidental kid past the first planned one. I have heard about a couple of these. How the hell do you let that slip? I.U.D's, pills or a vasectomy, c'mon man! I finally visited Dr. Snip a few months ago, it was long overdue.

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Originally Posted by Cono Este

It’s too much, you have to seriously learn to roll with the punches and always remain chill. Otherwise you will miss out on a lot and your kids will just see you pissed all the time.

Sooner or later that anxiety will eat you up.

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I am around my kids A LOT and this is very true and very important. I am still working on it, hell I have three independent-minded boys, so will always be working on it. My patience and temper can come out quickly depending on the day and I'm always reminding myself of this. Besides always trying to work on this, my go to fixer in to apologize. I'm at least good at that part. I am sure to let them know how I just acted toward them is not the right way and that I am sorry. Hopefully that makes up for it a bit, time will tell.

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Originally Posted by ExPowderSnob

I have 4 kids. All boys.

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[emoji51][emoji51][emoji51][emoji51][emoji51]

++vibes, man.

:D

I have two kids. Well, both are now adults. My daughter is 25 and my son is 21. Funny thing is that I can never remember the bad shit. I had both kids up on skis at age 3. Both kids spent a lot of time hiking in a baby backpack from probably from 6mos to 2 years. I built a porch swing to get them to sleep, read them just about every Little Golden book, and fell asleep many nights rocking them to sleep. I was their hero until they reached high school. Then, one day, each of them decided that they were independent. Hahaha. I never hid anything about my personality or bad habits, and I think that they appreciated that. Throughout it all, I think that I grounded my children maybe once each. Although, my daughter's punishment lasted 5 months, during which time she was not allowed out of the house without us, except to go to school. Personally, I think that it is a very bad idea to be "best friends" with your kid. Respect them, be open and honest with them, always let them know that you are in their corner, command respect, and hopefully they will reciprocate.

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Originally Posted by schuss

Yep. I'd really love it if my kids like the same hobbies I like, but if not, no biggie (just please not baseball, so boring). That was a lesson I recall from md9 talking about GT40 - he was a moto guy, his kids liked skiing, so he went skiing. Dad weight gain is mostly linked to kids not finishing their food, I think. Never thought I'd become a dumpster, but that's what I am.

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Pro tip. You will catch fewer colds if you don't eat off their plates. It actually works.

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Originally Posted by schindlerpiste

I have two kids. Well, both are now adults. My daughter is 25 and my son is 21. Funny thing is that I can never remember the bad shit. I had both kids up on skis at age 3. Both kids spent a lot of time hiking in a baby backpack from probably from 6mos to 2 years. I built a porch swing to get them to sleep, read them just about every Little Golden book, and fell asleep many nights rocking them to sleep. I was their hero until they reached high school. Then, one day, each of them decided that they were independent. Hahaha. I never hid anything about my personality or bad habits, and I think that they appreciated that. Throughout it all, I think that I grounded my children maybe once each. Although, my daughter's punishment lasted 5 months, during which time she was not allowed out of the house without us, except to go to school. Personally, I think that it is a very bad idea to be "best friends" with your kid. Respect them, be open and honest with them, always let them know that you are in their corner, command respect, and hopefully they will reciprocate.

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The hazy memory from time passing heals everything I guess. I will say though that my anecdotal sampling of families we know where the daughter came first followed by the son yielded much a chiller and more respectful son and less fighting due to daughter being a better role model. Or at least that's my theory.

The younger one was the spock incarnate, one day he got a little pissed off but instead of acting up he said " I guess if I was going to act up now would be the time ? "

In HS I told him to be smart and get scholarships cuz his parents had split up/fucked up and there was no money for the uni ed, so he put himself thru a 5 year engineering degree on scholarship/ bursary & the coop program

when i left him at U of A with a TV and computer my words of wisdom were " I ain't gona tell you to be good but keep in mind these other kids will be your peers for the next 30 years, fuck up like some cheese eating school boy and some one will bring it up in a meeting 20 years from now "

so waht do i do he asks ? " Well if you want to be an engineer you must learn what a good beer tastes like " 5 years later at convocation there was a huge collection of eclectic beer cans above the kitchen cupboards

So you guys are saying I should get that au pair?


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Originally Posted by neufox47

So you guys are saying I should get that au pair?


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I have an old friend that has a beautiful family. And a smokin hot South African Au Pair.

Expect a lot of questions if you go that route.

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Originally Posted by neufox47

So you guys are saying I should get that au pair?


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Is she hot?

I would opt for 2. Au Pair pair.

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Originally Posted by 54-46

Read “Shit My Dad Says” by Justin Halpern. It’s funny and actually has a decent perspective.

Here’s the advice my dad gave me:

There are going to be those days when you come home beaten down from work, money, or whatever.

Your kid(s) are happy to see you and start tugging at you.

You can choose to be happy to be with them and play with them.

Or you can be a jerk and push them away.

The kids have no idea what you went through that day.

All they know is that you want to be with them. Or not.

Show them you love them by being there.

Every time.

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Good Shit.

Put down your damn phone dads. There's nothing more important than that kid in front of you.

I love a good birth control thread. Especially going into the spring.

Lots of wisdom and hilarity in this thread! It's inspiring to hear from the elders of the tribe that have already made this journey. We just had our first baby girl in January. She's kind of a daddy's girl--she's always got big smiles for me. She loves music and dancing, and especially loves when I play guitar and sing for her.

And yeah, I'm missing that ability to cut loose and run up to pass at a moments notice. My very patient wife has made it possible for me to get 20 days in this season, but I am doing my best to make every moment at home count... And every moment on the mountain count too, for that matter.

It seems like that's what it's all about these days, intentionality with every moment.

Sent from my BND-L24 using Tapatalk

Never had my own but I did raise a beautiful little girl who, as a thirty-five-year-old woman, asked me to adopt her. What she said brings tears to my eyes every time I read it. Hopefully, it will give you a good idea of what kids remember when they grow up.

He taught me to ride a bike and roller skate, to tie my shoes and snap my fingers. Took me on my first roller coaster, and first ski run. Escorted me to father daughter dances and down the aisle on my wedding day. He’s been a part of my life for nearly 33 years... as long as I can remember really. Through all the ups and downs, he has been a constant for me.
My dna may say different, but the truth is, HE is my Dad.

I am so thankful for you and the unconditional love that you have shown me. I hope you know that I have thought of YOU as my dad for most of my life.
Today we got to make it official! Legally father and daughter!

.......,


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Originally Posted by splat

Never had my own but I did raise a beautiful little girl who, as a thirty-five-year-old woman, asked me to adopt her. What she said brings tears to my eyes every time I read it. Hopefully, it will give you a good idea of what kids remember when they grow up.

He taught me to ride a bike and roller skate, to tie my shoes and snap my fingers. Took me on my first roller coaster, and first ski run. Escorted me to father daughter dances and down the aisle on my wedding day. He’s been a part of my life for nearly 33 years... as long as I can remember really. Through all the ups and downs, he has been a constant for me.
My dna may say different, but the truth is, HE is my Dad.

I am so thankful for you and the unconditional love that you have shown me. I hope you know that I have thought of YOU as my dad for most of my life.
Today we got to make it official! Legally father and daughter!

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Tear jerker!


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Dang, Splat...

damn, splat

is somebody chopping onions in here??

Sent from my Pixel 4a (5G) using Tapatalk

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Originally Posted by TahoeJ

Is she hot?

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We had 3 au pairs (not at once...). Cheaper and way more convenient than daycare in Seattle if you have the extra room. We made do with a crib and then a car bed in our bedroom. We did have one turn around at the airport which screwed us over bad. We are pretty chill so never had major issues, but the other girls had some horror stories.

It's a funny system, sort of like online dating. My neighbor's advice was always to pick the hottest one, but my wife somehow always sent links to 5s or under. My buddy had a Bro Pair and he was awesome.

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Originally Posted by Garbowski

We had 3 au pairs (not at once...). Cheaper and way more convenient than daycare in Seattle if you have the extra room. We made do with a crib and then a car bed in our bedroom. We did have one turn around at the airport which screwed us over bad. We are pretty chill so never had major issues, but the other girls had some horror stories.

It's a funny system, sort of like online dating. My neighbor's advice was always to pick the hottest one, but my wife somehow always sent links to 5s or under. My buddy had a Bro Pair and he was awesome.

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Nttawwt

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Originally Posted by SkiLyft

Here’s another thing I’ve noticed; having a few beers over the last few weeks has simply emphasized all the anxiety and not been very enjoyable. I’m like a 4 beers max in a week kind of guy but thinking about just abstaining for a while cuz it hasn’t been all that enjoyable. Anyone else feel like that?

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Yes. In college, I used to think another drink would help me sleep better. Now, I'm 36, 21 month old baby girl and another one on the way (they'll be spaced just over 2 years if everything goes as planned). I have come to realize that I sleep shitty if I drink at all (easy to say after 3 Stone IPA's tonight...), and most nights, I need to cherish every moment of deep rest so drinking less and less.

A few of the posts on here made me nearly tear up. So weird and stupid but I love this little girl, a human that didn't even exist 2 years ago, so so much. We went nordic skiing today, she was in the backpack and my wife is lugging the bun up the hills (the 21 month old + pack weighs more, but who's counting). So fun to point out the birds, talk about aspens vs pine trees, she loves going fast downhill (can't wait to get her on a chairlift!). I used to be ambivalent to children, now I see a cute little kid or hear a heart warming dad story and tear up.

I've befriended a few badass local dudes on the other side - kids in or already out of college. Kids were top of their class, sports scholarships, entry jobs making more than me. I posed the same question to both of them - the kids are their own people, but surely the parents have something to do with their success - what did they do to set their kids on these paths? Both of them said just be there. Read to them. Talk to them about stuff. Take them camping, play in the dirt, introduce them to your hobbies, read to them. It's faster and easier to get them out of the way, but it's a long term investment that will pay off to involve them, even with little tasks.

Fellow Dads - any advice on keeping the love life and relationship strong? Or, more directly, how can I get laid more frequently with a toddler and super prego wife (soon to be another newborn)?

My 8 year old told me in the car this morning that he loves going skiing with. Unsolicited. Bout 20 minutes into the ride, and you know what? I love going skiing with him. Two days ago, his tooth was so loose that he couldn't eat, and he was crying he was so hungry. So very quietly I wispered in his ear, that I could go with him to the bathroom right now, and I will pull it out. It will hurt a bit, but then it will begin to feel better and you can eat. I couldn't believe it, the little dude let me stick my hand in there and pull it right out. He was able to eat lunch.
My 5 year has struggled with the bike, not wanted to do it, because her cousins is better at it, and her older brother knows how to do it. She wanted to do it yesterday, and she can now start herself off. She was so happy and wanted to ride more and more and more yesterday. I almost felt bad that I couldn't because I was going to take the boy up the Jackson tram for the first time. Lotsa good being a dad. Yeah, they can be frustrating little shits, but the more good stuff you do with them, the less frustrating crap. Because they love you. They respect you. They look up to you. They make you be a better man. Long drive home to salt lake tomorrow, I'm sure they will be shits for like 2 hours of the drive.

Oh, and my kids love the rc cars and the rockets... [emoji2]

Oh and they're cute.

I just love em. Attachment 370381Attachment 370382Attachment 370383

sent from Utah.

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Originally Posted by Tips^Up

Fellow Dads - any advice on keeping the love life and relationship strong? Or, more directly, how can I get laid more frequently with a toddler and super prego wife (soon to be another newborn)?

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Ha ha ha. Sorry had to do that when I read your question. This is the part where you hope you married her for more than the sex. Like the whole kid thing, you really, both, have to work at it. It's not like when you can get a little time and go out to ski or bike, cause she has to have that little bit of time too. Becomes quite a challenge, but not impossible, communication is your friend. If there's a magic way, I'm all ears.

^^ I laughed too. We have some bad news for you.

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Originally Posted by Tips^Up

Fellow Dads - any advice on keeping the love life and relationship strong? Or, more directly, how can I get laid more frequently with a toddler and super prego wife (soon to be another newborn)?

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hahahahahhahah. Oh boy. You haven't seen anything yet when there is only one child in the picture. But, Don't worry. You'll probably be so tired that it won't matter.

Sex when the kids are little is easy. It’s when they’re older, stay up late, and are nosy AF and know what sex is that it gets really difficult.

Can’t help with the preggo part. My wife was crazy horny during both pregnancies.

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Originally Posted by bagtagley

Sex when the kids are little is easy. It’s when they’re older, stay up late, and are nosy AF and know what sex is that it gets really difficult.

Can’t help with the preggo part. My wife was crazy horny during both pregnancies.

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This is true, with a couple of teens down the hall it gets tougher. Gotta just keep it kind of quiet. Besides, they got earpods in 90 percent of the time anyway. But discretion is good, you don't want to scar them for life listening to their parents having sex. :)

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Originally Posted by bagtagley

Sex when the kids are little is easy. It’s when they’re older, stay up late, and are nosy AF and know what sex is that it gets really difficult.

Can’t help with the preggo part. My wife was crazy horny during both pregnancies.

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Same, during. But not after. Not at all. And to be fair I totally get it.

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Originally Posted by Tips^Up

Yes. In college, I used to think another drink would help me sleep better. Now, I'm 36, 21 month old baby girl and another one on the way (they'll be spaced just over 2 years if everything goes as planned). I have come to realize that I sleep shitty if I drink at all (easy to say after 3 Stone IPA's tonight...), and most nights, I need to cherish every moment of deep rest so drinking less and less.

A few of the posts on here made me nearly tear up. So weird and stupid but I love this little girl, a human that didn't even exist 2 years ago, so so much. We went nordic skiing today, she was in the backpack and my wife is lugging the bun up the hills (the 21 month old + pack weighs more, but who's counting). So fun to point out the birds, talk about aspens vs pine trees, she loves going fast downhill (can't wait to get her on a chairlift!). I used to be ambivalent to children, now I see a cute little kid or hear a heart warming dad story and tear up.

I've befriended a few badass local dudes on the other side - kids in or already out of college. Kids were top of their class, sports scholarships, entry jobs making more than me. I posed the same question to both of them - the kids are their own people, but surely the parents have something to do with their success - what did they do to set their kids on these paths? Both of them said just be there. Read to them. Talk to them about stuff. Take them camping, play in the dirt, introduce them to your hobbies, read to them. It's faster and easier to get them out of the way, but it's a long term investment that will pay off to involve them, even with little tasks.

Fellow Dads - any advice on keeping the love life and relationship strong? Or, more directly, how can I get laid more frequently with a toddler and super prego wife (soon to be another newborn)?

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Get laid now while you can, dude!

With a newborn and a 2 year old, you will be lucky of you're not too tired to rub one out to completion.

You've gotta give the post-partum hormones and sleep schedules time to recover before you actually get laid regularly.

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Kind of a weird thing but when my wife and I had little kids and we were always so tired, we started giving each other what we called "5 minute massages" every night in bed. Just a little neck/shoulder massage for five or ten minutes apiece. Seems pretty minor but it's a nice way to stay kind of intimate on a daily basis without getting all worked up.

It was no go zone the last three months before each kid came and three months after, for us. Now we schedule it or just know when we happen to be home at the same time during the day that it's gonna happen. Nightime is too unpredictable and we're tired. Making it a known and expected part of life has helped a lot. Park those kids in front of a screen, they don't know shit. And I am dreading here very soon where they become more aware like previous posters are mentioing..

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Originally Posted by Yonder_River

I never understood the accidental kid past the first planned one. I have heard about a couple of these. How the hell do you let that slip? I.U.D's, pills or a vasectomy, c'mon man! I finally visited Dr. Snip a few months ago, it was long overdue.

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My swimmers are potent, twice in my life I have defeated the pill.

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Originally Posted by Yonder_River

It was no go zone the last three months before each kid came and three months after, for us. Now we schedule it or just know when we happen to be home at the same time during the day that it's gonna happen. Nightime is too unpredictable and we're tired. Making it a known and expected part of life has helped a lot. Park those kids in front of a screen, they don't know shit. And I am dreading here very soon where they become more aware like previous posters are mentioing..

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Sky rockets in flight...