Ha, why would you put him down? Just use a leash.Quote:
Originally Posted by schindlerpiste
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Ha, why would you put him down? Just use a leash.Quote:
Originally Posted by schindlerpiste
Walking in the woods and at 10:00pm = no people
FifyQuote:
Originally Posted by muted
OK, I laughed. Obviously, he hit a nerve
Attachment 364937
But we clearly are taking about kittens at a house on a porch at 10pm not woods...nevermind. This is going nowhere.Quote:
Originally Posted by schindlerpiste
Back on subject: my wife's dog is an asshole. In old age he decided to give no fucks anymore and eats all my kids meals and anything else left out. Last year I threw away a nasty f'n diaper and I almost dry heaved seeing him eating it out 5 minutes later.
He has broken two windows going after the UPS guy. He was maced by the mailman but that didn't stop him for more than 20 seconds, he went back for more. I've built fences around the garden and around the perimeter because he was really good at jumping over shitty fences so I had build expensive fences. he also figured out how to flex the bottom of gates to escape...that took a long time to figure out how he was escaping. I've rebuilt 3 different gates 2-3x because of him. He's blown out two knees so that equals $10,000 total. He's too difficult to deal with to go to dog parks, when he was younger it wasn't an issue. And he NEVER STOPS BARKING.
But I like him.
Got a puppy. Left him in the car. Chewed the climate control buttons, shifter knob, and windshield wiper schtick. Still functional. Also ruined my asolo work boots, my gfs uggs, and random other shit....https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/202...a01aadf12d.jpg
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Nom nom nom
kinda unreasonable if you ask me.Quote:
Originally Posted by usdatele
Your poches littermate is a sonofabitch. He has chewed up 2 ski helmets and nothing on a countertop is safe. Ate a whole fucking porkroast once. We have a ridgeback now who is even taller and shithead Hoss has been in the cage when we leave. Ridgemont has been carboloading by ooening the breadbox and earting a loaf at a time. He prefers sourdough over whole wheatQuote:
Originally Posted by BobMc
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There was a time when we owned 2 Chessies. Great dogs. One Easter Sunday morning when our kids were young we went to church. We left two Easter baskets filled with foiled chocolates on the kitchen island. When we returned from mass and returned home we discovered that the baskets had been pilfered and were empty. Even most of the plastic “grass“ was gone. Anyway, For the next two or three days Chelsea and Schoko were shitting colored tinfoil and plastic Easter grass. Funny to think of now, but at the time we were worried about the dogs eating chocolate.
Oh, I miss those two.
So... when I met the girl who would become Mrs Spots, she had two Dalmatians...the male was big and neurotic... the female[emoji51] Bat shit crazy. Her favorite thing was pulling tampons of various states of “use” out of the garbage and down the hatch they went. Nothing like walking at the off leash dog park and pulling strings out of your dogs ass! Just awesome.
Oh and condoms. She would shake the fuck out of them and down they went. Treats in the yard and off leash park.
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My in-laws labs escaped from their kid gated room and ate all the chocolate the in-laws brought for the grand kids. Luckily it was all milk chocolate. MIL put the dogs in the newly finished basement room with a real door to keep them away from the rest of everything. Dogs proceeded to have diarrhea, eat it and have more diarrhea. The new carpet and walls were splattered with poop. MIL stubbed the carpet until threads started to come loose. The carpet was replaced and the walls repainted. That was quite the Christmas morning.
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Someone explain dogs to me this thread is fucked.
you pet them and shitQuote:
Originally Posted by Thaleia
There's three types in this world.Quote:
Originally Posted by Thaleia
Dog people.
Cat people.
Those confused people like myself who like both.
People who don't like either one don't count.
You're a cat people. It's ok, we forgive you.
Honestly I love dogs, just never owned one. No real dog experience. I know some do random shit like eat shoes or whatever but this thread is eye opening.
A couple weeks ago my husky/shepherd mix decided to swipe the box of booze chocolates from the top of my desk - where they had been sitting since Christmas - while we were sleeping. He shredded the box, ate the chocolates while still in the wrapper, played with a few dog toys, and then shat all over everything. Fortunately, these activities were somehow confined to a few square feet of the living room rug. By the time I got up in the morning the diarrhea poop/shredded box/shat out wrappers/dog toys had congealed into a mostly solid loaf that reeked of contentment, ecstasy, bad decisions, sudden unease, and recovery.Quote:
Originally Posted by neufox47
Took a few minutes for sleepy me to piece together the sequence of events of his evening, but the story of his night was pretty clear after a few minutes of reflection. He was very excited to see me.
Not too different than college.Quote:
Originally Posted by Mustonen
My sisters dog was a puggle. He died last year, but stories like this and throughout this thread happened every 1-2 weeks, the dog was a terror. Just scarfing entire turkeys, entire large bags of candy wrapped, entire boxes of food, ate his own shit, ate diapers, ate food on the table, just over and over with multiple vet visits for being sick as a....dog. After years and years of this shit the dog got diabetes and my sister finally got her 4 kids trained to never leave the pantry door open or food on the counter....then her kids were old enough to have friends over constantly who always left the pantry door open or food on the counter.Quote:
Originally Posted by Mustonen
The dog got diabetes around 7, still ate gross shit all the time, and OF COURSE lived for 14 years. Amazing. Around 10 he went blind so his eyes were greyed out, such a creepy dog.
I'm a couple days late but that's funnyQuote:
Originally Posted by BmillsSkier
A few years ago one of my dogs showed up with a nasty, maggoty deer leg, obviously cut off and discarded by a hunter. We took it away and he showed up with another one and we took that one away. Then he showed up with the third one and we took that away too. He never showed up with the fourth one, we're still wondering if he wised up and ate in in private or if something else took it before he could come back for it.
My buddy Dave lived up in Red Cliff years ago. His dog Zeus would just leave the house in the am and return at dark. They didn't really know where he went or what he did. It is that kinda town. Zeus just made the rounds. Everyone knew him. One time he disappeared for a long time, like a week. Dave was freaked. He showed up with the entire spine section of an elk and put it on their porch and waited for them to come home. Welcome home. We're not sure if he was living off the carcass up in the mountains, or if someone took him in. If only they could talk.
My dog had a thing for used tampons. Also loved rolling in human shit, which made camping fun in dispersed areas where people suck at camping. And to this day, I don't know how, at 85 lbs. and not the most agile of dogs (lab/rotty mix), she could nab food off the top of the refrigerator.
My ex girlfriends parents lab had a thing for post sex vagina. He would hunt them down and give a good intrusive sniff. It was hilarious and became a running joke that only a few of us knew. You always knew who was getting laid.
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Just received a text from my mom that our silver lab ate 9 votive candles and had explosive diarrhea all over the living room carpet.
Fucking Labs. Vibes.Quote:
Originally Posted by stealurface831
Shoulda got the scented candles, maaaan.Quote:
Originally Posted by stealurface831
Our late pup, Maverick, a black lab-mix was into the standard stuff; sniped food from people, even their hands at times. Pizza swiped right off plates. In fact, any time we brought home pizza, he'd lose his shit. It was his crack, for sure.
He was also an underwear and sock bandit - but only the ladies. My wife had countless pairs of chonies devoured or the crotch eviserated. He'd take down ankle socks in one gulp and I only found them when picking up his shit.
He was notorious for sniping loaves of bread off counters, along with entire pans of brownies - none of which killed him. The best one was shortly after the wife and I were married, we ended up with a gallon freezer bag full of wedding candy. And one day, while we were out and about, he snaked that thing off the counter and proceeded to eat every single piece, but left each wrapper whole, and licked clean on the floor. Lots of chocolate in that bag, too. Go figure.
Our first Leonberger got into 6 bags of powdered sugar we had for making gingerbread houses. She was totally glazed…as was the rest of the house
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When I was in middle school, our golden retriever brought home a Penthouse. Basically gold for a middle schooler, given this was pre-Internet days and the next-raciest media available was the JC Penney underwear catalog. In retrospect, and after reading some of the preceding posts, I'm pretty skeeved out about why he thought it was interesting in the first place.
Bubu got a 10mg edible. She’s 20 pounds so it was heartbreaking watching her stumble. We sat in the emergency parking lot and the techs checked on her every so often. No charge. They said lethal dose is like 100x the amount she ate. Attachment 386568
2 houses ago, dogs had free roam in the garage and RV pad. Big work bench at the back of the RV pad and the grill was on the other side of the fence in the back yard proper. Ajax really wanted to get into the back yard.https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/202...287cb12e9a.jpg
My dog ate a jungle cock cape.
Our "adopted" Bullterrier had some...issues.
In the first weeks of knowing each other, I was taking her for a walk in the city and she took a keen interest behind a food van. Knowing that she has food allergies (go figure) I realized that she taken interest in something no-no.
Not wanting to clean up the carpets (or walls), again, took a closer look and that fucker had something BIG in her mouth.
I yell "open your mouth", shove instantly my hand in the Jaws like maw...and instead of a Kebab I find a handful of shit.
A lot of gagging ensued (me), meanwhile the doggie was confused why I kept throwing her goodies all over the park.
The walk of shame for few blocks, my hand still covered in hoboshit, was long. Especially as she decided to throw tantrums and lie down on every, fucking, crosswalk we crossed. World record for 400m is about 43 seconds, for us it took about 10 minutes. All the time I was having this Hand of Doom that absolutely...fucking...reeked. People were staring. "Why is he carrying/dragging that weird dog with the hand up the air, gagging and yelling by himself?"
That bouquet of shit just didn't go away. Washed the hand with soap(s), detergent(s) and in the end resorted to acetone. Nada. The fucking *smell* was there, for...days. Oooh, did I brush her teeth in the days to come. I bet she got tired with that chicken flavoured toothpaste. That fucker.
https://www.sickchirpse.com/wp-conte...s-Featured.png
Disclaimer: Loved that thing to bits. Bestest doggo, ever.
I just hurt myself laughing too hard. Took ten minutes to read it. Vibes.Quote:
Originally Posted by Meathelmet
wrong thread, JONG. this is BULL shit your dog gets into, not human shit.Quote:
Originally Posted by Meathelmet
10/10 great story though, I could smell it from here. oooooofffff.
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Lol, that’s a great / awful story. I bet there were a lot of “Mother Fucker’s”
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Had similar experience: dog dove into the bushes, came out trying to swallow something. He also had the eat anything shit it all over the walls GI, so I grabbed him, shoved my hand in to his mouth (it was dark, and I was speedy) only to discover a mostly liquid dead rodent carcass that had the same fragrance properties as hobo shit - non-removable. Instinctively reacted by wiping hands on pants. While the pants were a complete loss, I did manage to avoid the explosive diarrhea outcome.
Chinook, our husky, could open doors. He figured out how to open the door on my wife's car so he could go for a ride. The only problem was he'd get entangled in the seat belt which he'd chew through in a second. We replaced 5 seatbelts at $125/each.
Still cheaper than the time he destroyed the grill on the same car when we left him home one time.
He also ate an entire raw pizza after creating a diversion in the bedroom.
As much as I loved him I was glad none of our other dogs were that smart.