My wife has forbidden me from putting clean towels away, because I don't fold them to her standards.
I'm completely ok with this.
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My wife has forbidden me from putting clean towels away, because I don't fold them to her standards.
I'm completely ok with this.
I am not married, but my girlfriend has a decade on me. Her friends all think she is 21 by looks and action despite being nearly 38.
Yesterday, she tried to argue that it wouldn't be a big deal for me to drive back to Oakland from Tahoe Saturday morning to pick her up and drop her off at my ski lease to use the hot tub, then take her back that night and get back in time to ski Sunday. This is some of her best logic I have heard in years.
I am pretty sure she microwaved a spoon with her coffee recently because the magnet started acting up.
She insists that I should let her drive despite having a suspended license. And no insurance. The new 2015 Outback has been constantly berated with unknown sources of damage and coffee spills (she works in coffee) and I am starting to track the miles to make sure she isn't "borrowing it" while I am at work.
She wants to work 4 days a week in coffee for 6 hours a day and is sure it is financially sound, just like my 4x10hr government job. Because, she works harder and so it equals out. We live in the Bay Area.
Final note, she doesn't sound half as bad as some of your wives, but I am curious how much worse it would be if we were married. Thoughts? Maybe I can see the roots of crazy but not the symptoms yet?
This past summer I learned my wife thought Chimney Rock National Monument was man made. I still love honey.
Doesn't she need the key to start the car?Quote:
Originally Posted by jcolingham
LOLz...Quote:
Originally Posted by mud
Your lady friend doesn't happen to have hair stylist on her resume?Quote:
Originally Posted by jcolingham
The chores, I just do 'em. They wouldn't get done otherwise and I'm way too OCD to live like that. I can live with that no problem.
What I have a tough time with is their memories. Totally faulty on anything important and current but like a computer on long-ago transgressions and mistakes. I know she's crazy but when she asks me for examples I can't think of 'em if they're more than a week old if that. But shit I did 20 years ago is right there at her fingertips and can be spilled out in list form and in detail on demand in an instant. So any concern I have is immediately buried with an avalanche of data and then quickly dismissed as trivial compared to "the list". Frustrating.
This could be an all time thread.
Some of my beautiful wife's greatest hits-
Find 6 identical dents on the front of the truck. Ask her about it. "That is where I cut the wheel too early and hit the trash can." 6 fuckin' times?????
Puts knives and forks in the dishwasher pointy end up. Just the way the kids like 'em.
Boils pots on front burner. At least she knows to turn the handle.
Leaves the fuckin' doors open ALL THE TIME. I live in Florida, so this is semi OK 6 months of the year. The rest of the time, the AC goes into ludicrous speed to keep up with the humidity.
If I am working in the yard or garage, she sees no problem sending the kids and dog to "help" me. Nothing ever gets done.
Vacuuming is her escape. Seems like a good problem to have, right? When the going gets tough, she needs to vacuum. The other day the kids were being rotten. She had to vacuum. I called her out later. The cleaning people had been there that day, and no one had been home all day.
There are so many more, but the quirks mostly keep it interesting. She is a hot blooded Siciliano, so it is never boring. I would say that we really compliment each other, since her strong points are my weaknesses, and vice versa. It is just mind numbing sometimes the basic shit that she does not think about.
Thanks, I needed that. How much do I owe ya Doc?
an ex story - I still love her to death and she is a great mom but...
driving to Chico from Seattle for Thanksgiving. blinding rain merging on to I-5 and switched my hi beams on to see better. Amy goes nuts asking me what the hell I was doing flicking my hi beams on and off. shrug
it turns out she was 2 or 3 weeks pregnant...
My wife is also utensil challenged, but she'd kick my ass on an IQ test. Go figure. Great thread.
Had an all time classic this weekend... Birthday coming up and my wife asks what I want to do to celebrate. At that moment, I was trying to organize a bookshelf so our house didn't look like we were going to be featured on Hoarders when we had people over to watch the super bowl. So I responded saying that I wanted to clean the basement. Ha ha... So, the house gets straightened up, the weekend arrives and we're talking about what to do on Saturday, and my daughter suggests going to the museum. My wife, bless her heart, turns to her, totally serious, and says "Maybe you and I will go - your dad says he wants to clean the basement."
Even my daughter, who is 6, couldn't believe it.
Ah yes, the infamous- "I have a question that I've been meaning to ask you, and now is a good time for me. Why don't you already have an answer?"
They teach that one to them early.
This. Especially once kids are in the picture.Quote:
Originally Posted by Tippster
My wife does.Quote:
Originally Posted by stompinlines
1) We are demolishing the basement, and removed the walls around the water heater and furnace. She calls HVAC company so they'd come out to determine if either are spewing out carbon monoxide. They weren't touched...but somehow the walls prevented it ?
2) Sunflowers are just over-ripe corn stalks. (this will be my next tattoo).
3) Any ailment in the belly region can be cured by laying face-down and putting your butt in the air (MIL said it too the other day).
4) Hit the side of the garage with the car....and kept going until the entire side was scraped.
5) "2nd cup of coffee always makes me go pee"....orders 2nd cup of coffee on road trip with 4 other families. She's surprised when she has to go pee 20 minutes later.
6) Refuses to buy bacon or ground beef from grocery store butcher counter. Will only buy pre-packaged meat. Actually...she basically won't ask any employees for help from any store. She'll often come home and tell me the store "didn't have _________".....when I know they do.
She works in the non-profit industry, so we can't afford a house keeper.Quote:
Originally Posted by Tippster
And if I'm not home to make dinner, she pulls out a pre-made meal from the freezer. That I had previously made from leftovers.
The only meal she's made me was french toast, on my birthday, once.
I heart this thread.
Wow.
You guys can really pick 'em.
Had a good one the other day. GF accuses me of her not wanting to share anymore because I crush her dreams after I made a comment that growing a popcorn farm in the desert or being an uber driver in a city an hour and a half away from her place was not worthy of her time (or professional degree- which I omitted). Lights match, runs ....
This. Jesus H Christ, you think she's crazy? And you're dating a 38 yr old barista with a suspended license and no insurance who doesn't want to work? Damn. And I'm female. Run. away. fast.Quote:
Originally Posted by flowing alpy
This thread is hilarious. I hope I'm in the camp of having more stories I could tell about my husband than the reverse. IDK. He's the idealist and I'm the realist, so he drives me crazy sometimes (and vise versa, I know). Our dryer was squeaking for over a year.... he was like, whatever, it still works. So I take it upon myself to google it and try to figure it out. Change belt, bearings, not fixed (he did help, once I was in progress. Probably afraid of the stories I’d tell!). Apparently it finally started to bug him because he finally fixed it this past weekend - some silicone spray? Anyway, friends over last night and they even gave him shit about taking 15 months to fix the damn dryer squeak. (and he didn't want me to get a new one - "he could fix it" --on what timeline?! You wonder why I'm going batshit crazy here. ha)
Best bat shit crazy story for me...still makes me mad all these years later
The first Olympics that Lindsey Jacobellis was in...
I walk into the room and the Olymics are on. The wife says something about Lindsey Jacobellis and I have no idea who she's talking about. Wife starts getting frustrated because according to her, I'm the one that told her about LJ to begin with
I try explaining to her that it's not possible since I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE WHO SHE IS.
Immediately turns into an argument about how she's always wrong and blah, blah, blah
The fact that she couldn't even begin to grasp onto the fact that her argument wasn't even possible makes me want to kick kittens.
The real kicker is, I have a remarkable memory. I remember all the way back to about 2 yrs old, clearly remember pre-school, etc.. My wife doesn't remember anything, AND ADMITS IT. Yet, every time these arguments occur all the sudden she has a perfect memory and I'm suffering from amnesia.
Shit makes me want to jump in front of a truck. Good news is, the only arguments we have are the result of her complete lack of memory...not about any real issues.
Now that one might work to your advantageQuote:
Originally Posted by gatorboy
Sure, brit, you got nothing. No goofy story? Right.Quote:
Wow.
You guys can really pick 'em.
I leave that to her, perfect solution to my sloth. I do the toilet to stay in the good books though, which is probably reasonable seeing as I am apparently addicted to projectile shitting.Quote:
Originally Posted by mud
Tag team event?Quote:
Originally Posted by gatorboy
We flushed out the single guy.Quote:
Originally Posted by PNWbrit
I sorta do the same thing. For some reason I don't want to bother someone to help me, but I know when I'm at work I'm not bothered by someone asking for my help. When I finally admit defeat and ask for help, the employee is usually happy to help (shocking!). /thread driftQuote:
Originally Posted by gatorboy
He got something: a green card.Quote:
Originally Posted by plugboots
Married 24 years this September. But thanks.Quote:
Originally Posted by mud
Actually when we got married it was more to do with her getting (back) her lapsed right to reside in UK that pushed the agenda,Quote:
Originally Posted by pisteoff
(Edit: years later I had to get vaccinated for the green card though)
I am saying run. I don't care how young she looks at 38. The driving while suspended is proof. Let's take 'trouble' and double down on that shit.Quote:
Originally Posted by jcolingham
The only people who work "in coffee" are the guys importing that shit from wherever. If you slinging coffee you are not working "in coffee" you are slinging that shit.
Please don't reproduce with her. It will be problematic.
I look forward to the thread a few weeks from now started by an angry barista whose long-time boyfriend left her because of this place.
I was joking, but I'm in the same boat. I would love to use my wife's Maastricht Treaty rights to settle in some Euro mountain town, but the earning potential is here.Quote:
Originally Posted by PNWbrit
And she had to get a chest x-ray :nonono2:
or reproduce with her and post more stories here.Quote:
Originally Posted by carvedog
No exemptions?Quote:
Originally Posted by PNWbrit
I don't think so. I didn't enquire. I was asked to provide proof of MMR & TB vaccination at pre-green card issuance medical or just get an MMR & TB vaccination. Second option was by far easier than tracking down ancient medical records from hometown/childhood Dr.Quote:
Originally Posted by abraham
Anyway I would have had moral objections to having a moral or religious objection to being vaccinated so I didn't to ask.
HIV/AIDS test too. I think they recently stopped doing that?Quote:
Originally Posted by pisteoff
US Embassy medical had definite tinges of Ellis Island to it.
"Face down, ass up, that's the way we like to fuck"Quote:
Originally Posted by gatorboy
-2livecrew
Pretty sure rontele started that thread a few years back. I'll search for it. :fmicon:Quote:
Originally Posted by TahoeJ
My wife's generally pretty tame compared to a lot of this shit.
We were camping in Tuolumne once and she had a dream and then woke up and asked me if there were squirrel-sized bears in the corners of the tent. Thus were born the "squirrel bear" jokes.
Did they make you undergo a delousing?Quote:
Originally Posted by PNWbrit
downward facing dog is known to solve gas issues in my house tooQuote:
Originally Posted by gatorboy
make sure the gas issues have settled prior to sidling up & mounting the wife (or MIL)
not sexy
Her observation as well.Quote:
Originally Posted by PNWbrit
They just dabbed Frontline on the back of our necks.Quote:
Originally Posted by Timberridge
On the rare occasion that she actually picks up a sponge and does some dishes she always, not sometimes, always leaves at least one thing unwashed, not even like a pan that needs to be scrubbed but like a fork or something.