Seriously whitefish, you should seek some professional help. You seem like a sadly depressed and potentially disturbed individual. Anyone who spends time on the Internet, signing up for forums, with the sole intention of making themselves feel good by pointing out how much taffeta they are than everyone else is pretty sick in the head. You really should seek help before you do permanent damage to yourself. Just as a reminder. Not everyone wants to be you, live like you or even gives a fuck about you. Stop trying to be an attention whore and then maybe, just maybe, this sad period o your life will pass and you might get a little bit of a clue.
You are welcome.