(Somewhat) Clean Joke Thread

The kids in newtown went to the library to get some books.

All they got were a few magazines.

How Moses Got the 10 Commandments


God went to the Arabs and said,

'I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better.'

The Arabs ask what are the Commandments?'

And the Lord said, 'They are rules for living.'

'Can you give us an example?'

'Thou shall not kill.'

'Not kill? We're not interested..'


So He went to the Blacks and said, 'I have Commandments.'

The Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said, 'Honour thy Father and Mother.'

'Father? We don't know who our fathers are. We're not interested.'


Then He went to the Mexicans and said, 'I have Commandments.'

The Mexicans also wanted an example, and the Lord said 'Thou shall not steal.'

'Not steal? We're not interested.'


Then He went to the French and said, 'I have Commandments.'

The French too wanted an example and the Lord said, 'Thou shall not commit adultery.'

'Sacre bleu!!! Not commit adultery? We're not interested.'


Finally, He went to the Jews and said, 'I have Commandments..'

'Commandments?' They said, 'How much are they?'

'They're free.'

'We'll take 10.'

A motorcycle cop is waiting for speeders along the highway. A convertible zooms by with a penguin leaning out the back. The cop throws his siren on and pulls the convertible over.
"Sir, you are endangering that cute little penguin. You need to take him to the zoo immediately."
The next day the cop is waiting in his usual spot on the highway, and he sees the same convertible zoom by with a penguin standing up in the back seat.
He hits the siren and pulls the convertible over.
"Sir, I thought I told you to take that penguin to the zoo yesterday."
"But, Officer, I did! Today we're going to the movies!"

Q: How do you circumcise a whale?

A: Four skin divers.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by splat

https://scontent-a-sjc.xx.fbcdn.net/...46917172_n.jpg



A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him.

The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you."

The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you."

The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first," he says.

The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun.

After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie! "

The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!"

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Sweet blog Mtngirl.