work bathrooms = SLAY3D

Captain Butt Trumpet has once again occupyed the poophouse across from my office. He is undoubtedly about 4 cups of coffee in, and having some 'minor' bowel issues as we speak. The stank is unbearable, the sounds of his ass making my stomach turn.

So, I have decided to take action against this fucktard. I walked across the street to a construction site where they are remodeling a office space and 'acquired' a couple of cut 2 x 4's. The shitter door is a pull to enter/push to leave door. I have wedged the 2 x 4's against the bathroom door to the doorframe of my office, making exit from said shitter impossible.

I hope his fucking skin melts as he writhes in his own toxic gases. I plan to leave him in there for at least 20 minutes. More to follow...

Stone-free, I request that you start a blog on this topic. Do you have a myspace page? Just copy and paste your posts from here!

Sprite

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Originally Posted by Orange Julius

At least if you do this build up a floating raft of toilet paper first so the turd just sits there rotting out of the water, floating around the bowl like it's lost at sea. Go big or go home.

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I had a buddy who would do one better.

A lot of you may know this already, but toilets in the Czech Republic are built a little differently. It is a two tier system. Tier 1 is a plateau with no water which catches the shit. Tier 2 is water and where everything is washed to when flushed.

Well this guy, who was very proud of everything ass and stink related, would shit in other people's dorms as we were leaving for class/food/bars, lower the lid, and let it simmer for hours. Opening the door was like a punch to the face. The stink was so bad, it made you laugh and dry heave at the same time.

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Originally Posted by WWCD

Tier 1 is a plateau with no water which catches the shit.

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WTF:nonono2:

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Originally Posted by snowsprite

I request that you start a blog on this topic.

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LOL! I might have to do that, because this is fun.

He had been pounding on the door for a good 10 minutes, yelling at the top of his lungs for someone to let him out. I assured the ladies down the hall that all was okay, that Martin or Bob, or whatever the fuck his name is, was undergoing some re-education.

When he stopped yelling for a few minutes, I told him the 2nd floor had a bathroom, it was functional, and he needed to use it instead of fouling the one here. He was like, "I'm gonna kick your ass Stone," and blah, blah, blah. I told him to calm down, and that his next trip to this crapper with a bout of the Picante Butt-Spits will bring about the throwing fireworks under the door. It is the season you know. Black cats and shit....

His boss came down looking for him, and was like 'who'? So when he left I let the Asshat out on work release. We'll see how this goes...I know if the upstairs shitter is occupied, (its a 1 holer) he'll be back...

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Originally Posted by Orange Julius

WTF:nonono2:

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Water savings, I don't know.

I do know the streaks this set-up leaves behind are hilarious.

Stone free needs to tell you about how he set fireworks off in the bathroom while he was in there also. that was a good story.

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Originally Posted by vichenzo

Stone free needs to tell you about how he set fireworks off in the bathroom while he was in there also. that was a good story.

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I have been known to firecracker co-workers, clients, and random people for a variety of reasons. To me, the bathroom is where people are most vulnerable and usually creates a good stir. Defiling the dunny is a real good way to get blown up. Some take it well, some come out swinging. Always a good laugh though. :the_finge

lol...as a result of this thread, the phrase "This bathroom is slayed!" has been added to my mental (and verbal) vocabulary.

Better communication thru TGR

Sprite

Large buffalo swiss burger and
onion rings for dinner last night............check
oat bran for breakfast........................check
very large cup of coffee.....................check
latest issue of bike magazine...............check

let the slaying commence.

edit to add: slay3d

sometimes I feel like autographing the door on my way out

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Originally Posted by Orange Julius

sometimes I feel like autographing the door on my way out

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That's why they have cleaning log on the exit door you jong.

Consider our work bathroom Slay3d. Demolished that thing this morning after some Pizza for dinner last night and then Rasin Bran for breakfest. Nothing more satisfying than getting paid while slaying the bathroom!

Here in Japan, the girls toilets often have "fake flush" buttons (in addition to water cleaners, heated seats, drying fans and deodorisers). The button makes a loud flushing noise to cover up any biological sounds while saving water that would accompany a real curtousey flush.

a dude I know did the poopie pants at a Bills game. Was real hammered after half walking back to his seat. They were climbing the stairs, his buddy right behind him, he though heh I'll fart on Tom's head, blasted in his pants. He's wearing Carhart coveralls, heads to the bathroom, is in the stall cutting his underwear off with his jackknife, dude accidentally opens the door and there he is in all his marine corp form yelling hey fucker it'll be a minute. After he left the corp the first time he worked for a buddy that owned porta poddy's and had to go vacuum them out. He has some tummy turners...

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Originally Posted by snowsprite

lol...as a result of this thread, the phrase "This bathroom is slayed!" has been added to my mental (and verbal) vocabulary.

Better communication thru TGR

Sprite

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Same here! Quite a few new terms have been added to my vocabulary thanks to TGR.. :)

These stories are great, but has anyone ever slay3d a sauna?

I was hanging with two buddies in Finland. We were chilling in a sauna, cracking jokes and pounding a local Finnish beer (KOFF) that makes Iron City look like holy water. As the jokes escalated, one buddy started laughing so hard he shit himself. This was not the typical solid turd shit either, but rather an explosion of sound and fury. He definitely highmarked the seat and back wall of the sauna.

It was not pleasant.

I have heard of people laughing so hard they piss themselves...but laughing so hard you shit yourself? BWA! Is that not like the holy grail of laughing?

Man, I wanna know what is that funny! Seriously...tell me!! Wait 'til I get near a bathroom though, please.
:D
Sprite

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Originally Posted by flatlander#2

a dude I know did the poopie pants at a Bills game. Was real hammered after half walking back to his seat. They were climbing the stairs, his buddy right behind him, he though heh I'll fart on Tom's head, blasted in his pants. He's wearing Carhart coveralls, heads to the bathroom, is in the stall cutting his underwear off with his jackknife, dude accidentally opens the door and there he is in all his marine corp form yelling hey fucker it'll be a minute. After he left the corp the first time he worked for a buddy that owned porta poddy's and had to go vacuum them out. He has some tummy turners...

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Sounds like he 'sharted.' I've lost more than a few golf towels that way.

is there a TGR term for splashback outside the bowl??

I had a very urgent situation yesterday, where I did not have time to cover the seat in tp. So I had to do the low squatting position.
This added clearance, plus the intense-pressure resulted in thick highmarking and errant shots leaving the bowl. Even managed to get a few to land under the plastic divider thing which was situated near a urinal where a guy was taking a piss. Damn.

I wasn't feeling so great (turned out to be heat exhaustion) so I cleaned myself up, gave it a flush and fled the scene. Did a repeat perfomance 15 min. at the field house, managed to get the tp down in time for this one though. Went home, showered, did laundry.

Student Union, Field house = slay3d

(I work at the U, so this is a legitimate work slay3ing)

anyone who's been to europe knows the toilets are different here. and they vary from country to country. in switzerland, they are probably the closest to american toilets, but suffer from the swiss idealism of water conservation, i.e, there is only a little pool of water in the bowl, and it is not well positioned. accompanying every toilet is a little brush next to it in a holder. the point of the brush is to clean up after yourself. needless to say, NO ONE does this. especially the fat guy who blasts it out hard enough to splatter-paint the entire bowl, even up under the rim. :nonono2:

this is why i get to work at 7.30am....first poopies!

Stone Free -
If this guy keeps coming back it could be an offense that warrants a retaliatory upper decking of the 2nd floor shitter.

What kind of a puusy puts tp on the seat before he goes? WTF?

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Originally Posted by flatfive40

Stone Free -
If this guy keeps coming back it could be an offense that warrants a retaliatory upper decking of the 2nd floor shitter.

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I really thought about an "upper-decker" in Captain Butt-trumpets poo-house. But I have to use his crapper if mine is occupied, so pulling that stunt is definately out.

You know, I've been tolerant. I've tried to cope. I've left the spray air fresheners on the seat. The fireworks, the entrapments, and the ridicule has not worked. I have taken all known action I can. Yesterday he left me a gift in the bowl the size of a 16oz Mtn Dew bottle, with no flush. He has violated guy code, and does not care. :nonono2:

Fellow Mags, I am asking for any imput you may have to cease this turd-bandits activity. (other than an upper-decker) So for now, when he comes to slay my shitter and I catch him, he will get pwned in typical Stone fashion.

If you can make sure to get Captain Butt Trumpet and not an innocent pooer, perhaps you should should suran-wrap the crapper under the seat. this should leave a lasting impression for him