Get Drunk, Post as much as you Can

Quote:

---

Standing inside an empty tuxedo with grapes in my mouth
waiting for Ada
Ada hold onto yourself by the sleeves
I think everything counts a little more than we think
leave it all up in the air
leave it all up in the air
leave it all up in the air

Ada Ada Ada Ada
Ada I can hear the sound of your laugh through the wall

Ada don’t talk about reasons why you don’t want to talk about reasons
why you don’t wanna talk
now that you got everybody you consider sharp
all alone, all together, all together in the dark
leave it all up in the air
leave it all up in the air
leave it all up in the air

---

I can hear the sound of your laugh through the wall

Proposal done!!! Going to pump some air in the tires and go for a ride tomorrow. Why do I keep backspacing to correct typo... its the fucking drunk pos thread. Can't help it I suppose/

ok heres my backsotry. i was fucking DESTROYED in an any in early december. Broken back, pelvis, desroyed knee(Acl, Mcl,,


pcl) i went out to the bars for the first time tongith. fucking awsome. amazing.

fucking mets suck my dick !!!! That s aboutr it ! Plannedd on niyt drinking and 8 or something brews later im pissed they habe not hart. Good seat anyway. Fuck no weed tonignt !!!! Saw a hot mother daughter combo I woudl habe banged harcore.

That is all

There's a huge chasm below me. Once, 10 years ago I dropped a bowling ball off this bridge and counted 16 seconds before I heard it hit the bottom. When trucks pass the whole thing shakes. I've come out here every few days for the last few weeks because, really, I need to be here and think really hard about whether or not I can actually do. this. any. more. I guess I can, I have some reserve of ridiculous leftover ego that tells me I'm ok, even when rational thought says no. I have some useful purpose here. But I think that purpose was to close the loop on my little neighbor kid, who's now a big neighbor man, and now sits at the bar and points out all the important people in town who are his friends, and introduces me to the beautiful young women who hover around him and are clearly annoyed to be around me. I'm here to show him how bad it gets if you leave this sanctuary, if you leave Taos, if you leave this little corrupt place where you're handed the keys to the city if you're the chosen son, and when you leave the real world will crush you. See me, dude, see it and learn. So that's my role, to come back here so my one and only project that didn't turn to shit knows that he needs to stay here and be the fire chief someday.

But really, what else? What am I going to do? Watch TV, go to work? Ski ice bumps at TSV with my fat ass and my bad knee...The wind blows around and it occurs to me that I've never written an adequate explanation for jumping, which is what all these people who've been my friends and family through all of my selfishness and my ups and downs, what they deserve. I spent years trying to figure out why my dad cut it short, like it was me. If I know anything tonight it's that it wasn't me, it's jobs, it's knowing that you'll never have money and time at once, it's aging and weakening, and lonliness, and failure, and manifest inadequacy. It's that moment where you take stock and realize, accurately and rationally, that you're actually fucked and that fighting it is just like fighting any other wreck you know is inevitable. You might stay on your feet a little longer but you'll blow your acl trying. That's what it feels like right now. Like when I'm in a cardboard box I'll look back on this and think "yup, should have just hopped off the bridge that one time".

I have 5 and a half hours until I have to sit in a chair for 12 or 14 hours doing a job I hate. The only thing I have to look forward to is the Red Wings and really, who gives a shit about them anyway. I'm 32, right at the age of all their best players and I'm watching them, I'm not playing, I'm watching. I'm all but unemployable, all but homeless, and every night for months I've reconfirmed there's no god by praying that I die in my sleep tonight.

So, tomorrow, if I'm there at my shitty nightmare of a job, making my rent money for my shitty apartment in the shitty desert full of asshole indians who own everything and supervise me with their fucking 5th grade education and quasi-retarded english skills, I might remember to start on the long, long letter of explanation so everyone can understand that it's not their fault. It might be a few people's fault, because when a step son needs a job, or long time employee asks for some slack b/c it was a bad year with a lot of death, or whatever, a smart person has the cognizance to recognize that it might be the last straw. It feels like the last straw. Like in 5 hours when I go and start typing phone numbers into some excel document like a fucking bitch, there's really no reason to even do that. Because when a firefighter is reduced to sitting in a dispatch center like a god damned crippled woman it's the worst kind of insult. Every minute is like getting kicked in the nuts.

So fuck it. Tonight I don't have enough time. The last time I wrote an explanation of this complexity it was like 35 pages and it took 10 or so hours. I can't do it tonight, but one of these shitty days, unless somehow I die in my sleep or something finds a way to get better and I'm not some solitary bitch man beating a path between a sucky job and a sucky apartment, I'm going to find the time to write it all out and get this done with. I'm past my expiration date, just a matter of time.

^ wow, man... you've got some daemons in you!

just, try and block out The Hum. then get away from that place. i did and it was worth it, but i was never a chosen one...

ps: i have to admit, it's beautifully written. if it's fiction, then kudos to you. bukowski would be proud.

“If you're losing your soul and you know it, then you've still got a soul left to lose”

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by YetiMan

...I'm past my expiration date...

---

BULLSHIT!!!

32 is still young for most things in life... Your best years are yet to come.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by YetiMan

There's a huge chasm below me. Once, 10 years ago I dropped a bowling ball off this bridge and counted 16 seconds before I heard it hit the bottom. When trucks pass the whole thing shakes. I've come out here every few days for the last few weeks because, really, I need to be here and think really hard about whether or not I can actually do. this. any. more. I guess I can, I have some reserve of ridiculous leftover ego that tells me I'm ok, even when rational thought says no. I have some useful purpose here. But I think that purpose was to close the loop on my little neighbor kid, who's now a big neighbor man, and now sits at the bar and points out all the important people in town who are his friends, and introduces me to the beautiful young women who hover around him and are clearly annoyed to be around me. I'm here to show him how bad it gets if you leave this sanctuary, if you leave Taos, if you leave this little corrupt place where you're handed the keys to the city if you're the chosen son, and when you leave the real world will crush you. See me, dude, see it and learn. So that's my role, to come back here so my one and only project that didn't turn to shit knows that he needs to stay here and be the fire chief someday.

But really, what else? What am I going to do? Watch TV, go to work? Ski ice bumps at TSV with my fat ass and my bad knee...The wind blows around and it occurs to me that I've never written an adequate explanation for jumping, which is what all these people who've been my friends and family through all of my selfishness and my ups and downs, what they deserve. I spent years trying to figure out why my dad cut it short, like it was me. If I know anything tonight it's that it wasn't me, it's jobs, it's knowing that you'll never have money and time at once, it's aging and weakening, and lonliness, and failure, and manifest inadequacy. It's that moment where you take stock and realize, accurately and rationally, that you're actually fucked and that fighting it is just like fighting any other wreck you know is inevitable. You might stay on your feet a little longer but you'll blow your acl trying. That's what it feels like right now. Like when I'm in a cardboard box I'll look back on this and think "yup, should have just hopped off the bridge that one time".

I have 5 and a half hours until I have to sit in a chair for 12 or 14 hours doing a job I hate. The only thing I have to look forward to is the Red Wings and really, who gives a shit about them anyway. I'm 32, right at the age of all their best players and I'm watching them, I'm not playing, I'm watching. I'm all but unemployable, all but homeless, and every night for months I've reconfirmed there's no god by praying that I die in my sleep tonight.

So, tomorrow, if I'm there at my shitty nightmare of a job, making my rent money for my shitty apartment in the shitty desert full of asshole indians who own everything and supervise me with their fucking 5th grade education and quasi-retarded english skills, I might remember to start on the long, long letter of explanation so everyone can understand that it's not their fault. It might be a few people's fault, because when a step son needs a job, or long time employee asks for some slack b/c it was a bad year with a lot of death, or whatever, a smart person has the cognizance to recognize that it might be the last straw. It feels like the last straw. Like in 5 hours when I go and start typing phone numbers into some excel document like a fucking bitch, there's really no reason to even do that. Because when a firefighter is reduced to sitting in a dispatch center like a god damned crippled woman it's the worst kind of insult. Every minute is like getting kicked in the nuts.

So fuck it. Tonight I don't have enough time. The last time I wrote an explanation of this complexity it was like 35 pages and it took 10 or so hours. I can't do it tonight, but one of these shitty days, unless somehow I die in my sleep or something finds a way to get better and I'm not some solitary bitch man beating a path between a sucky job and a sucky apartment, I'm going to find the time to write it all out and get this done with. I'm past my expiration date, just a matter of time.

---

That looks like pretty sober typing.

I can type fine when I have the spins. I can win beer pong contests and ride motorcycles and ski and play hockey when I'm shitfaced drunk. I attribute it to a childhood of drinking and riding bicycles, then drinking and driving, and drinking and skiing, then a young adulthood spent stoned 24/7 for a matter of years. it's not as hard as it seems.

YetiMan=
http://members.shaw.ca/david.p.z.888...wan_kenobi.jpg

^^^^^+++++++++++++++++1

I'm stoned, tired, hungry, and my vegetarian pad thai has chicken in it.

I normally wouldn't eat the noodles but I'm hungry.

So I tried picking out the chicken.

But I'm stoned and it's not as easy as it looks.

that is all.

okay apparently I wasn't stoned enough if I wouldn't eat chicken while hungry, but stoned enough to leave my f'ing fork in the box when I went back to retrun it for veggie pad thai.

and the dude didn't even bother telling me, when I showed him there was chicken in the box, that there was a fork in there???
and then they were in such a rush to remedy the problem they forgot to put peanuts in my replacemnt dish.

I love being high.

fuuuuuuuuuck. it's 9somethingam and i have to give a presentation in class soon but i'm still verymuch veeling the effects of last night. everything is spinningggggg

Boulder IPA Is really fucking good. I'm quite assed up right npow....

by to breakers wasnt planning on drinkeing just went to watch but wow we got ahmmered and had a lot fo fun man i am hungry now earl says smeart cars are cheap onlyu 14KL i think they suck no space for the dog so what hey dong t have any space for the dog there is no bcack seat i dont want one odf your hippy mobikes

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Yukonrider

DAMNIT I CRASHED MY BIKE AND NOW IM ALL BLOODY, AND IT HURTS STUPID AACLOHOLE. wow caps lock. s,iing tomorrow
!!!

---

I've been enjoying this one ^^^ at the last page top for a few months... and didn't wan't it's wise message/location to be yielded quite yet.

I've not been unsober lately with all the shit going on in my life, but did want to comment that perhaps instead of "Get Drunk, Post as much as you Can"... a more kick ass thread title would be "Get as drunk as you can, post much!!!"??? :D

Checking in ladies and gents. Cuban cigarillos + inhale + beer = happiness. Going to bed and hoping wife doesnt make me sleep on the couch cause I stink like a humidor.

Why is Rudy Garmisch such a dick??? I realize he took Sunny up, down and all the way around, but still...

Where to begin...

I drove a white 2008 ford expedition with a green stripe, multiple antennae and a light bar along the mexican border this weekend. It was fascinating to completely blend in with the law enforcement entity there. Even the border patrol guys thought I was one of them.

I wonder sometimes in a situation like that, with 10 hours of driving and a night of sleep to ponder my chances at just driving over the border and never coming back, whether this is some kind of bizarre test. Or if Wayne Dyer is right and I've just manifested these situations by constantly thinking about it.

All I know is that I want out of my own life so much that the idea of just lighting out into some other country, selling the cop truck for 15K and disappearing somewhere is really attractive.

I realized in a flash some time this week when I overheard someone tell their spouse over the phone that they loved them, that perhaps that's a measurement of how good your life is going. How many "I love you"'s per any given time period. I can't even accurately recall the last time I spoke that phrase seriously and with any truth. It's got to be going on 4 or 5 years now. This is troubling.

I realized the other day that I didn't even really like this woman I was dating last month. I just liked her dogs, and her cat. And I like sex. And it was nice not being alone, but her specifically: meh. I'm still a little butt hurt over some of the shit she posted on facebook about losing all faith in men and how awful men are, and about her intentions to whore around with the various hippies around for this ridiculous "summer of love" :rolleyes:
I may not be a confident man, but I'm kind of surprised that it's twice now that I've been the catalyst for a big outburst of man-hating. Fuck's sake. I'm nothing but a gentleman, I bought this woman groceries and cooked for her even though she was meh to meh minus. I'd like to say I put in a good effort under the circumstances, but evidently not.

I feel like I've reached a point with this "going to find somewhere to move" thing that's akin to that moment in the blair witch project where they realize they've spent all that time and made all that effort to arrive at the same place they were before. Can't find a job anywhere else so I can't really move. If I want to go to school somewhere to try to open up some options to make a better living, I have to live there for 6 months or a year first, living there and proving residency requires a job, can't find a job, can't do any of it. Moving here was a huge mistake, like every other move I've ever made. Now I'm somewhere totally unworkable, and I'm having to put new mexico on job applications. I could be wrong, but knowing what I know about new mexico, if I were in montana, or vermont, or alaska I wouldn't touch any applicant from new mexico with a 10 foot pole. people here are retards, and now I'm lumped in with them by virtue of my mailing address.

Stuck here. I'm getting closer and closer to actually losing my temper at work, which is always bad. Every time I've lost it at work it's been a tipping point. I spend all day every day with a roiling pot of vitriol on the tip of my tongue, so when any of those motherfuckers comes at me disrespectfully it sort of breaks the seal. Then it's all I can do to calm myself down, and I'm getting closer and closer to the point where everyone's just going to hear some truths about what I think of their shitshow operation and their shitshow town full of inbreeding waterheads. Then it's either work at an awkward place where nobody likes me anymore which is happening naturally anyway, or I get myself fired. Frankly, I suppose I lack the self control to be surrounded by ultra-frustrating shit perpetrated by douchebags and not find myself on the edge of telling them to fuck themselves at all times.

I found myself at the bar tonight cornered by a typical massively lame french guy and a local waterhead talking loudly at each other and doing their best to draw me into their ridiculous, loud, worthless spanish to franglais and vice versa bullshit small talk. This while everyone sort of naturally paired up all around me, like people do at 1AM at the bar. People making out in the corner. Interesting conversations taking place. There I am, in another universe, pinned down by idiot uno and idiot dos. I had like 5 words with a woman tonight that involved her taking a chair from the table where I sat by myself most of the night. Why I bother, who knows.

Invisible boy: Remember mystery men? The shoveler...Mr. Furious...The Invisible Boy... I am the invisible boy, apparently. Or the invisible man, as it were. All this week I've been the invisible man. It's alternately amusing, fascinating, sad, and frustrating depending on the context. But there I am at the coffee shop with 2 women right next to me having an hour long detailed conversation that would make Dr. Ruth blush, as if they didn't even notice or care that I was sitting 2 feet from them on the same bench. There I am at work waiting to deliver some paperwork while the woman has a 15 minute small talk personal conversation about hers and the caller's families...no "just a minute there's someone here"...no "is there something you need?". Just on and on like I wasn't standing 5 feet in front of her, with my truck idling out of the open front door, obviously there to take care of some business. Then afterwards, she hangs up the phone and dials someone else for another personal conversation. After all was said and done and she finally noticed me, it was as if I had just shown up, the 15 minutes of me pacing around, standing there, going outside to shut the truck off and coming back...all never happened. Invisiblity. I am a ghost. At the hot springs the other night people showed up, walked around as if they couldn't see me, sat down all around me, not a nod, not a hello, not a glance, truly as if I was literally not there at all...and proceeded into a conversation about criminal and sexual and personal shit that you just wouldn't have if someone was 5 feet from you. But there I was, the invisible man. I was at wall mart today to get some sheet metal screws, and a pair of guys were having a conversation with one another standing directly in front of the sheet metal screws. Blocking the aisle. They carried on as if I were invisible for like 5 minutes while I stood there 2 feet from the guy on my side trying to politely get around. When one of them moved on, and I moved in to get my screws, there was no apology from this remaining guy, no eye contact, no nod, no acknowledgment of my presence. I am the invisible man. It's so weird, I honestly don't know what to make of it.

I wonder at times what it means. If it's some kind of spiritual thing where I'm getting ready to be a ghost, or that some kind of life is already gone from me and my presence doesn't affect these people. That I can stand with my visual, physical presence clearly evident, and yet it's as if I'm not there at all. It feels like there must be some significance to it, but I can't really tell what exactly. I mean, did I die in my sleep last week...am I just some invisible spirit walking around here? What gives with this happening over and over again?

I found out tonight that one of my good old friends from Taos moved to Park City years ago and never bothered to look me up even though he would have known I was 20 miles away in Salt Lake. The guy got married, the whole thing...up there 20 miles from me, for years w/o getting in touch. I had a picture of us hiking the ridge on my wall that whole time he was up there not letting me know he was around. I guess that I must have been the guy with the ski shop, and when you stop being the guy who can hook people up, there's no need to remain friends. I'm bummed about this.

The healthiest person I know, that guy that's always eating healthy and running and working out. Making all the hard choices to live a healthy life...A guy who's in amazing shape and 33 years old, is all of a sudden in stage 4 cancer and is probably going to die. Suddenly....one day I'm calling him up with a joke, the next week I'm getting a call about how he's going to die soon. Why him? How him...how him and not me? WTF.

Every day I get closer to one more round of selling and giving stuff away so I can just bail whenever. Nothing, and I mean really nothing, is right. I'd like to latch onto something, even something small to get an anchor point into some positivity, even something small, but I scan around and really there isn't an aspect of anything in my life that's going well.

Every so often I drink too much and I can't sleep, so I have to sit here and tell you all what's going on, because if I close my eyes I'm going to hurl.

I'll probably sooner or later have a motorcycle, a couple of bikes, a bunch of powder magazines, some skis, and some furniture to get rid of in taos, if anyone wants any of that stuff.

I don't know what's next. Maybe just nothing. I'd like that, to just stop all of it. Not go to work, stop trying to meet people and do stuff, just nothing. I could go for one of those chemical coma's they talk about, wake me up when it snows. Wake me up when somebody's ready to hire me for a decent job, wake me up when a woman I can get along with exists within 100 miles of me. Otherwise I'll take a pass.

you make me not want to drink because as i stumble across your exploits the last few weeks i read it like foreshadowing of where im headed. and its fucking scary. luckily im not as deep in the well as you are and i maintain a blissful amount of ignorance to most everything in daily life. like one of my exs once told me, 'you have alot more issues than you are even aware of, you just enjoy them all way too much'. maybe thats what you need to do? once when i was stranded in south america (and i dont speak spanish) i learned firsthand the significance of the following: inconvenience is adventure wrongly considered. maybe you need to :fm: when you want to :cussing:

Crap

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by YetiMan

...Invisible boy: Remember mystery men? The shoveler...Mr. Furious...The Invisible Boy... I am the invisible boy, apparently. Or the invisible man, as it were. All this week I've been the invisible man. It's alternately amusing, fascinating, sad, and frustrating depending on the context...

---

Jeremiah, you are NOT invisible here.

I know you are going thru a "down" period now... but know it will NOT stay that way!!! IMHO you need some time to "recenter" your life, however you want to define that. Even if that means moving back "home", even if "home" means no mountains, at least for a while. Hell, I'm obviously no counselor, so who gives a shit about what I say or think... but I know you've helped counsel friends in tough times, try and remember that they've had down times and come back strong!!! That will be you too.

You've had some knocks recently... maybe even enduring an identity crisis or mid-life crisis right now? I've been there... it sucks! But given some time, and some opportunities you'll get some breaks and be back doing something you like, with time and money to pursue your interests. One thing that I'm sorry to say may be past, is measuring your life by the quality of tail you can pull in when sitting on a bar stool. Getting old does suck in that way. Find other ways to socialize... there are lots of chicas out there looking for someone respectful and helpful like you. Have you tried the online sites like www.plentyoffish.com etc. yet??? DO IT, do it!!!

miT

as someone who has been on POF for YEARS i can tell you its a great place to catch pussy and good friends, but in the last 4/5 years or so no one worth settling down with.
im not knocking the site, i wouldnt be on it for so long if it wasnt worth it, just dont think youll find a wife there. i have met 4 awesome chicks though who will be my friends for the rest of my life despite how far they keep moving away. (fuck, maybe if i had moved with any one of them my life would be going in a completely different direction. they all seem to be doing better. but why the fuck would i want to leave jersey?!!?!? for real).

good luck.
ps dont know how it is in your region but in the tri-state area when a woman has 'hang out' or 'activity partner' (with no pics of her being anywhere but in a bar) then those are chicks looking for sex. make use but dont get expectatious.

...yeh i made that up. just now.

Fuck i just rode a scooooted around ze block. Wow.

I drink to forget,but hangovers always remind me when I've been overserved.

Damn you hangover.

I ONLY POST BECAUSE I CAN.