Dharma recovery, check it out.Quote:
Originally Posted by Shorty_J
https://recoverydharma.org/
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Dharma recovery, check it out.Quote:
Originally Posted by Shorty_J
https://recoverydharma.org/
AA isn't for everyone. Wasn't for me... not in the least. I know my reasons, be curious to hear yours.Quote:
Originally Posted by Shorty_J
Feel free to reach out to me and we can chat. Can't promise that I can help, but willing to try.
I've been sober over 16 years now. It never gets easier.
^No idea if this is based in science or has any medical merit... but I was a super alcohol fueler back in my bad days. Not just the day to day, but I could compete athletically and hammer out ultra-endurance efforts on booze-fuel. A terrible super power - who needs a positive reward system for more alcohol consumption?Quote:
Originally Posted by gaijin
Legit. A sure sign of the endless nightmare of basically full time drinking, the permanent midnight.Quote:
Originally Posted by gaijin
Redacted as I can’t delete for some reason
Your wife knows. Unless you're living pretty separate lives at this point, don't kid yourself. Agreed, your couples therapist is not the one to bring this to, but if they're doing their job they will refer you to someone else. But you gotta take it to somebody, there's only so much accountability you can get out of a bunch of randos from the internet.Quote:
Originally Posted by Shorty_J
I'm not an AA subscriber either, but one of many things they got right is if you won't own up to it, you'll never get on top of it. I don't know your situation, but talking to your wife might be the admission you need to make a permanent change. Maybe it's a no go, maybe it's an opportunity.
Thanks for the support.
I intend to take responsibility, and i think this is where it starts, but I'm not ready to do that with the wife right now. She knows some but not all.
I have looked into recovery dharma as more than one of you have suggested and I will make time for it next week.
Tomorrow I'm taking my son skiing... just me and the boy... focusing on the excitement of that for now... that's my main priority right now. We finally have snow here so I hope he does ok as a 5 year old beginner in what might be mild powder snow.
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Take joy in just hanging out with him, and being his dad. It’s hard to lose sight of the fact that those moments are precious (regardless of how it goes, lol). Alcohol dulls the clarity of what those moments mean. Have fun!
I'll shoot you a pm on Monday for a reminder. Have fun with the kiddo today.Quote:
Originally Posted by Shorty_J
I did it without AA.Quote:
Originally Posted by Shorty_J
Totally recovered now.
Unfortunately you need Facebook to access the recovery groups.
Thats the platform that carries most of the information.
Annie Grace " This naked mind" has a great platform with like minded people finding recovery together.
Here is a link to a free 5 day program.
https://start.controlalcohollive.com...xS_ukBQacXL5Yu
She also has a free 30 day program.
William Porter had a " Alcohol Explained " group that is also following a science based recovery.
I see things differently than AA.
Thats ok 👌
We all travel the path of sobriety and recovery differently.
My road has come to a end.
I'm now cutting a skintrack for others to follow.
I followed a program based on a book called some sat in darkness It is Bible based but has a lot of good practicals for staying soberQuote:
Originally Posted by Shorty_J
There is alanon and other types of recovery groups like celebrate recovery
Relating to other’s situations is important
Not judging but relating especially as you get sober and your life gets better don’t look down on others
Remembering I am not alone in the fight
It is a battle and it’s ok to struggle as long as I don’t use
The struggle is real and I have to admit that
Be grateful for every day and be present
Get a sponsor and work together to stay sober
Remember everyone already knows your not hiding anything and talk through your struggles
If you have one foot in yesterday and one in tomorrow your dumping on today It’s ok to learn from the past don’t dwell on it The future is what you make of it today
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Try talking with your General Practitioner, get one if you don’t. Be open to Rx. Suggestions.Quote:
Originally Posted by Shorty_J
Sounds good. I'm curious what you see differently than aa? I feel like it all comes down to honesty within yourself. Thx.Quote:
Originally Posted by TWINS
I agree, honesty in all aspects of your life is critical, ime. There is also a thing called Radical Self Actualization that I went through not long ago, before I even knew it was a thing. For me, I experienced a true coming to terms with who I am, who I was, and realistic assent of who I am, and likely can be at this age going forward. It gave me immense depths of gratitude, and has made it possible to endure some of the stuff I have been going through.
I not a drinker, so I hope you guys don’t mind me posting.
I’ve spent the last 9 months helping a young mother who is killing herself with alcohol and pills. We dated briefly 2 yrs ago, but I knew something was up, and stayed friends even though she trashed me pretty good. A yr later she lost everything she hadn’t already thrown away. I picked her up at the hospital, the police station, even the curb one night after searching for her on her parents behalf. I Put her in recovery in December, You guys the story, I won’t bore you. But I’ve decided to move on with my life, move west, and I fear the worst, but there nothing more I can do, and my business has been at a stand still for 9 months.
Absolutely gut wrenching, and telling her my plans, I feel like shit, but as you all already know, you can’t do it for them
I just wanted to say, how this has changed my life, (and I’ve seen some shit at 52). No one asks for a this gene, no one asks for depression, no one asks to be homeless. Keep battling, never give up, and know there are people always rooting for you.
I have been a steady drinker since High School. Crashed a car once when I was 21 and almost killed my self and two others. Done a ton of other shit. My main squeeze (now wife of 14 years, 2 daughters 9 and 11) has stood by my side until this week. I have been trying to stay sober, goes well for a few months then I slowly get back into it, it goes well for 6 months then quickly goes down hill into a state of drinking at least 6 days a week and doing/saying stupid shit to my wife. Never any cheating or physical violence, just being a mean jack ass. This last go around I only drank beer and seemed ok but last week just spun out of control until the last day when I was almost black out mowing the lawn at 1pm!
She is done, says she still loves me but has given enough chances the past two years. I love her and my kids and our life together and when sober am the best Dad and husband they can ask for. I just want her to believe in me, I can't imagine not being here for my girls.
I am ready to fully commit but its fucking scary, I liked how I felt when sober but it always pulled me back. I have been reading this thread all day and tons of good support and help. Any tips are welcome. I have some good friends here who have recently made the switch to not drinking so that helps. I just don't want my marriage to end.
The AA thing worked for me. Found a not super religious group, 30 meetings in 30 days and then weekly, more as nec. The support and understanding were indispensable and the lack of bullshit…everyone’s been there and knows a load of crap when they hear it.
We are here for you. Fully commit to be radically honest w yourself. Once you step through that you are on the right path.
You are exactly where I was, and we all were. We all have the same story. Millions of us. You are in good company.
Pm me I'll tell you my story.
Admit to yourself and everyone else in your life you are an alcoholic and cannot manage your drinking. Do the work. Join us. We are legion!:)
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Or, you could just stop drinking without any admissions or guilt, fuck everyone else, it’s your path and yours alone. It’s not some huge accomplishment to quit, you just do it and live without. Life is way easier without.
That is a bit how my story was. Crashed a car at 22, not too bad. Did random stupid shit here and there, and as a husband and father was generally pretty good, but sometimes would drink too much and it was not good. I did go to a couple aa meetings, and while I stopped at that, it was a reality check that people can lose it all pretty easily if they don't stop. So I stopped, and that was it. I just stopped. Been like 6 years now. You like drinking or you like your family? Once you realize they are incompatible, you have a choice to make. Make your decision. Know what's at stake.
It's not always that easy. Substance abuse is a strange thing. When I worked offshore we are always high and half in the bag. It was a tough adjustment to come ashore and lead a normal working life when you are always used to being fucked up and living in a vacuum. People need help with this and its not an admission of guilt its an admission of needing help tackling a problem that affects everybody around you. Most guys I worked with, including myself, went to treatment and counseling. Some guys died from drugs and drinking and some wound up in jail. This was twenty years ago and I have a good friend who is getting ready to get out of prison in New Hampshire next year. He's been in jail for almost twenty years.Quote:
Originally Posted by buttahflake
My father drank himself into the hospital when I was a freshman in high school. He tried the AA thing and it wasn't for him. He made sobriety happen but he also starts drinking non alcoholic beer every morning at 6:30. He's 80. When I was in treatment he told me that alcohol should be a reward and not a punishment.
In closing, I want to disagree with what you said about this being somebody's path alone. That rarely works. In my case I needed the help of the people that were most negatively affected by my substance abuse. They could see through the bullshit when I couldn't.
Buttcake is fine w being a drunk asshole to everyone is his life and not apologizing. What a guy.
To BF: it’s the destination that matters way more than the journey taken to get there. Positive vibes from one non-drinker to another.Quote:
Originally Posted by buttahflake
To others who care about a random perspective from someone who doesn’t share much on webz:
We all do it for different reasons and California sobriety seemed to work great for me. I debated that with AA folks and committed 2 of 5 meetings I attended (if you exclude the meeting I listened cowardly from the door at 10 years before I was ready to stop). So we don’t all need AA to reach the conclusion you reached - even though I believe I saw you chose to cut out MJ too - different than me. I’m a stupid contradictory cunt on a lot of things but am in favor of whatever works creates the outcome you’re after - so that’s how I rationalize it - FWIW.
I’m Kali sober, still like THC gummies.
Thanks! I will PM you. Seems I may have a chance of saving things with my family but she is dubious. Appreciate being able to chat on here. Fucking nasty sleeps and night sweats this week.Quote:
Originally Posted by byates1
Thanks! I will PM you. Seems I may have a chance of saving things with my family but she is dubious. Appreciate being able to chat on here. Fucking nasty sleeps and night sweats this week.Quote:
Originally Posted by byates1