Tammy Wynette cannot be reached for help-Divorce advice

Thanks for thinking of me mags, it's good to know that somewhere out there in the ether that I'm not completely invisible.

On on that note I may have in a moment of anger reached out to many mutual friends and informed them that I will be traveling solo from now on because I caught my wife sleeping at another man's house and lying about it. Asshole move? Definitely. These are good people and don't deserve to be in the middle of our shit. Then again it must have been a little late since apparently she went on the defensive to half of them before I even thought to reach out and now they're radio silence. Cunts.

I I own my role in this but infidelity is something I do not tolerate, she knew this and it was agreed when we separated that we would not see others and work towards saving the marriage. I guess I'm the fool here.

Anyway, trying to abuse myself less, think long term, focus on when I'll see my son next, and be patient. It would help if I could eat though. These days the only appetizing meal is coffee, cigarettes, malted hops and distilled corn water.

1/2 way through another week.
No, you are not a fool for standing by your word.
At the end of the day you have to be happy with the choices you make.

Sorry for the blog update but...

got out my boy back today after 5 days of blackout communication. Was the original day that I was supposed to get him per our new schedule but she had been threatening keeping him. What a fucking low thing for a human to do - use a child as a bargaining chip.

in my head I always knew I'd get him today. She must have one hot weekend planned. Fuck her. I get my boy, she can have all the old wrinkly balls she wants. If that's the case.

So so happy yet such a wreck. Fuck me, I need a good hand soon.

i moved into a van and stayed on the move. staying in one spot felt like i was going to drown...

wish i had better advice, but that was the only thing that kept me sane and not getting pulled into a consistently dark place...

good luck.

My ex (whom I was with for 10 years), had an affair with the guy who played guitar in her band. You know, like the one male in the group, who she spent countless evenings and weekends away with, who I wasn't allowed to feel jealous about... Yeah, she left me and immediately started dating him in our small town of 1600 people.

It was very rough, to say the least.

I didn't handle it well. I kept trying to find some kind of understanding of how this person, who I trusted so much, could betray that trust so fucking terribly. Hindsight being what it is, I now see that I wasted a lot of time and energy on this, and really should have focused on moving forward.

This, for me, entailed accepting that I don't control a whole fucking shit ton of stuff in the world. Also, that not everyone thinks and holds the same moral standards as I do. This last one was a tough pill to swallow, especially when you think you know/relate to someone so much. A good buddy told me "She turned out not to be who you thought she was.", and he was right.

So, imo, you don't have to forgive, you don't have to forget, yada yada yada. But you do have to move on. And for me, changing the focus from "Letting IT go" (ie, forgiveness etc in my mind), to "Letting go OF it" (Calling poison what it is, and purging).

Good luck fella. I will almost guarantee you in one short year you will have grown and changed and learned quite a bit.

^guitar players have no morals.

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Originally Posted by BCJC

Hindsight being what it is, I now see that I wasted a lot of time and energy on this, and really should have focused on moving forward.

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Quoted for wisdom.

Just saw in the paper this morning the quote "in every relationship the person who cares least is in control".

Sounds pretty pop-cultural-ish, and I guess it is, but if you let go of caring about what the fuck she does maybe you can take back caring about yourself.

Interesting cat who wrote that, went through a lot of shit in his life: https://www.washingtonpost.com/local...18d_story.html

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Originally Posted by iceman

Just saw in the paper this morning the quote "in every relationship the person who cares least is in control".

Sounds pretty pop-cultural-ish, and I guess it is, but if you let go of caring about what the fuck she does maybe you can take back caring about yourself.

Interesting cat who wrote that, went through a lot of shit in his life: https://www.washingtonpost.com/local...18d_story.html

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Just read his bio and looked up his book. Might buy it.

I used to wish my ex would find someone else so it would make it easier to call it quits. I even encouraged her a few times. Finally I got tired of waiting and we got divorced.

There's hope for everyone. Mtngrl is off the couch and now giving life advice from the chair.

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Originally Posted by skiballs

^guitar players have no morals.

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Yea but at least they're not bass players.

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Originally Posted by TWINS

Just read his bio and looked up his book. Might buy it.

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Sounds like he was an interesting guy for sure.

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Originally Posted by mtngirl79

So, basically you are the person who wants out and drops clues and tells with actions and behaviors hoping the other person pick up on it and gets tired of your crap and does the dirty work?

Nice.

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No, she wanted out and told me that she hated me and had no interest in me. We talked about divorce a few times and tried to make things work because of the kids. She didn't even sleep in the same room as me and I said if we aren't getting a divorce maybe we should discretely have other outlets for our needs. No go. She wanted to stay married because of the gravy train but not have anything to do with me. This all happened over a period of 12-18 months, but had been brewing for years, and finally I sat down with her and said "I'm done" and she said "Me too". What I posted earlier was just a concise summary and in the spirit of just accepting the inevitable.

Nice that you make assumptions and judgments about things you haven't a clue about. I may be an asshole but you will always be a stupid, narcissistic and bitter cunt.

For fucks sake...
Way to take 2+2 and assume 22 is the correct answer and pass judgement.

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Originally Posted by mtngirl79

So, basically you are the person who wants out and drops clues and tells with actions and behaviors hoping the other person pick up on it and gets tired of your crap and does the dirty work?

Nice.

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Originally Posted by AaronWright

Nice that you make assumptions and judgments about things you haven't a clue about.

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This is why I don't tell people Im divorced, people have an ideal of what marriage is or how it should be.

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Originally Posted by mtngirl79

You're right, it was a cheap shot.

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Take a short walk back over to the couch and examine your motives.

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Originally Posted by BCJC

My ex (whom I was with for 10 years), had an affair with the guy who played guitar in her band. You know, like the one male in the group, who she spent countless evenings and weekends away with, who I wasn't allowed to feel jealous about... Yeah, she left me and immediately started dating him in our small town of 1600 people.

It was very rough, to say the least.

I didn't handle it well. I kept trying to find some kind of understanding of how this person, who I trusted so much, could betray that trust so fucking terribly. Hindsight being what it is, I now see that I wasted a lot of time and energy on this, and really should have focused on moving forward.

This, for me, entailed accepting that I don't control a whole fucking shit ton of stuff in the world. Also, that not everyone thinks and holds the same moral standards as I do. This last one was a tough pill to swallow, especially when you think you know/relate to someone so much. A good buddy told me "She turned out not to be who you thought she was.", and he was right.

So, imo, you don't have to forgive, you don't have to forget, yada yada yada. But you do have to move on. And for me, changing the focus from "Letting IT go" (ie, forgiveness etc in my mind), to "Letting go OF it" (Calling poison what it is, and purging).

Good luck fella. I will almost guarantee you in one short year you will have grown and changed and learned quite a bit.

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This is gold. For whatever reason I can call my ex an asshole in my head but really accepting that he is actually very toxic is difficult. Sounds easy but since we have a kid together, it's a constant thorn in my side as we have to continually interact. Letting go, sticking to boundaries and taking the high road are really important to overall well being in these situations. Hang in there OP.

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Originally Posted by AaronWright

I may be an asshole, but you will always be a stupid, narcissistic and bitter cunt.

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Quote/sig worthy for surz

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Originally Posted by AaronWright

I may be an asshole but you will always be a stupid, narcissistic and bitter cunt.

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Originally Posted by liv2ski

Quote/sig worthy for surz

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Right?!?

I think marriage is an outdated institution that needs revision to the laws. Europe is starting to look at fundamental changes.

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Originally Posted by neufox47

I think marriage is an outdated institution that needs revision to the laws. Europe is starting to look at fundamental changes.

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I agree. In the beginning of the 5-10 marriage contract, there should be a solid prenup that spells out everything if the contract is not extended at the end of the term and then is re negotiated for each term of the continuing marriage.
Perhaps if people knew the marriage contract needed to be extended by each party at the end of the term, they would be a little nicer to each other during the marriage. If not, when it expires and is not renewed, easy peizy, you're no longer married and on with your life.
No conflict of divorce, it is just over per the prenup done in the beginning.

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Originally Posted by neufox47

I think marriage is an outdated institution that needs revision to the laws. Europe is starting to look at fundamental changes.

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you mean like cats and dogs getting married?

No more like Germans and Russians...

Awesome idea about the new-form marriage contracts, now go talk the chicks and get back to us. I'm sure they'll be all in.