The worst car

I read the text. a bandy legged four cylinder as slow as a newborn giraffe. Lol

Thinking harder, I actually had a 320i. Might have been 1980 model? Not that it was any faster. Maybe a bandy legged newborn gazelle.

Cheap plastic everywhere. Not enough power for passengers.

Ending up buying a friends e24 M6. Fun straight six with a lot more horses. But still so plastic interior. But that shark nose is still pretty sweet exterior

Fast forward a few decades and I found an e39 M5 two years ago. Perfection of fun and function. I smile every time I drive it.

Yeah that’s nice progession, E39 M5 top o the hill.

The first job I had working on cars was back in high school , small shop specializing in bmw’s many of them 2002’s a bunch of whacky gray market cars - in particular this 735 I think - huge body standard shift linear power on demand through the gears with limited slip power rear seats - that car blew my young mind..

Come to think of it I bought the 73 Vega wagon from him - it did remind me of the split bumper Camaro a bit - especially when I was hallucinating.

Got a passed down Audi 5000 that I promptly skate stickered out and did very illegal things in. Ahh to be 16.

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Originally Posted by Aldo

Come to think of it I bought the 73 Vega wagon from him - it did remind me of the split bumper Camaro a bit - especially when I was hallucinating.

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That's some funny shit.

Not to derail but this is a car thread and it's near the top and I just heard about these and they look cool: https://www.alphamotorinc.com/jax

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Originally Posted by ötzi

Not to derail but this is a car thread and it's near the top and I just heard about these and they look cool: https://www.alphamotorinc.com/jax

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Cool rides, but kindly get the fuck out of any non electric car thread with that shit. ;) kisses.

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Originally Posted by Core Shot

I read the text. a bandy legged four cylinder as slow as a newborn giraffe. Lol

Thinking harder, I actually had a 320i. Might have been 1980 model? Not that it was any faster. Maybe a bandy legged newborn gazelle.

Cheap plastic everywhere. Not enough power for passengers.

Ending up buying a friends e24 M6. Fun straight six with a lot more horses. But still so plastic interior. But that shark nose is still pretty sweet exterior

Fast forward a few decades and I found an e39 M5 two years ago. Perfection of fun and function. I smile every time I drive it.

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HA my first car was a 1980 320i.... 5 speed, no
Power steering, manual sunroof crank... pretty wicked....


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1985 Hyundai Pony! $5000CAD. Total POS. My GF (now wife) had one that she bought from MIL. We were driving home from the river one day and it lost power, I rolled it into the Safeway parking lot and popped the hood. The wiring harness was in the process of melting into oblivion (about 150k km). I disconnected the battery and walked to my parents house and borrowed my dad's Celica and went home. The next day I called the wrecker, he towed it for free and let me come by to take the roof rack off.

Iz doing this study abroad in Germany while at university.

2 years prior a friend of mine from HS was involved in a terrible wreck of a van while attending the same university. People got hurt real fucking bad, like, a person died and another friend is in a wheel chair. Big state school fwiw.

Anyway, because (or it was at least a catalyst) of this van accident, the transportation regs of the school were rethought. One rule: you can’t rent a car while on the Wuerzburg study abroad.

I was kinda bummed to find this out, but, spotted below my apartment was a Fiat Panda for sale for 500 DM.

“Kit (our professor and sponsor) i know it says we can’t RENT a car, buuuuuuut, can we buy one?”

She looks at me like “what?” And I explain I found a steed for 500 DM.

She says, “Eric, don’t you ever take a 500DM car onto the autobahn.”

It was not the best advice I ever got, but, it might be the best advice I ever took.


(Now, FTR the Panda is nowhere near the bottom of this list, especially in the 4x4 configuration. Kinda bums because this particular black on black MT 2wd model ran fine but would have cost 1500DM in repair just to get the rather rigorous German inspection passed. You can almost cut the horsies in half if I get an MT.)

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Nother time i went to this place inAcadiana called “vermillionville” with my Auntie and some cousins, this is a place which is kinda like this living museum of life in colonial SW Louisiana.

Anyway, we’re all having a good time (and why in the ACTUAL FUCK IS “TOME” even a goddamn word??!?!!!

Tome: n: that word that pisses people off when they try to spell “time” on a handheld. Ex: “you gonna spend a lot of tome going through this tome” “how much tome you got?”

What tome is it? The clock on the wall says midnight. Last call.

Anyway, my cousin somehow buys a vermillionville branded and presumably approved y-shaped slingshot from the gift shop that appears they might just sell you a nuclear bomb as long as it has an etching of the city on it...

My cousins and I. Well, I, really, proceed to pick up bits of gravel from the driveway and shoot it at my uncle’s disabled project 78 Camaro (which had been there for many many years) and I popped the back glass with a well placed shot.

I’m pretty much terrified. We come up with some dumb story to get in front of the whole thing so it’s like “thanks for telling us.” It’s possible that people were getting sick of this car.

My other cousin, over dinner, finds out what really happened and declares “I coulda got 500 bucks for that glass”

I look over at him and I’m like, well, then, how come you didn’t?!?

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K one more ...

Back in the early days of eBay my friend Jeff grabbed a 2002 from California.

Should be in a different thread but oh well.
Him and his smoking hot hairdresser wife needed to borrow my truck for the weekend and the idea would be to trade cars and get a free haircut at this uptown joint his wife worked at.

Anyway, I grabbed this little 2002, I think it was a 74 maybe. White with a four speed. This was like 1998.

So I go pick up this thing and it is perfect. It has like 60k miles and she is perfect. Blasting down some backroads with that thing, ha! Fun. I’ll tell you the ladies just loved that little car too. Tons of attention that a college student earning C grades does not deserve. It still had Cali tags and she just rode like she was supposedta.

I hardly remember the little thing feeling underpowered in a 4mt or 5mt for its age. Neat car. Obviously off topic but since the 1.8 came up I had to park it somewhere.

And maybe it’s for no other reason than little cars like this, learn a fucking MT. What y’all think that car had like 90 Hp maybe. 150 ftlbs? Sexy fun was that car.

Cheers!!!


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See , I think fiat was too good to make his book! I think you should’ve hit the autobahn just to spite kit. I bet she doesn’t like Utica club...

I’ve got one for you Lafitte- stand by! Next entry in your honor!

And I heartily agree a properly sorted 2002 is a joy to drive - power to weight ratio just right - hang the tail out , clip the apexes - that view out over the hood was really pleasing, tuned right, a tii was A Car way ahead of its time!

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Originally Posted by Aldo

And I heartily agree a properly sorted 2002 is a joy to drive - power to weight ratio just right - hang the tail out , clip the apexes - that view out over the hood was really pleasing, tuned right, a tii was A Car way ahead of its time!

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Agreed. I have an uncle with a cherry little 2002. Car is still tight as a drum and handles great. Sure, it's slow by today's standards, but car's still a hoot to drive. Perfectly mechanical without being annoying. BMW got it right with that one.

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Originally Posted by ötzi

Not to derail but this is a car thread and it's near the top and I just heard about these and they look cool: https://www.alphamotorinc.com/jax

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Looks like a jacked up Lada...wtf iceman?

Attachment 368979

Back in 1989 I took a 71 2002 from Steamboat to AK and back. 11,000 miles and the only problem was a set of burned points that disabled the car 90 miles north of Fort St John. That was a pricey tow :( The thing was all sorts of fun though even with stuff piled two feet deep on the roof. It did get us searched at 3 out of 4 border crossings and got us in trouble each time. Apparently border guards from both countries didn't think that a couple of guys in their early 20's had anything other than noble intentions driving an old BMW on that kind of road trip :smoking:

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Originally Posted by Jong Lafitte

Anyway, my cousin somehow buys a vermillionville branded and presumably approved y-shaped slingshot from the gift shop that appears they might just sell you a nuclear bomb as long as it has an etching of the city on it...

My cousins and I. Well, I, really, proceed to pick up bits of gravel from the driveway and shoot it at my uncle’s disabled project 78 Camaro (which had been there for many many years) and I popped the back glass with a well placed shot.

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Et Voila Monsieur Lafitte; ca vas?Attachment 368980

Are these not Geo Trackers?


https://www.facebook.com/RISKROCK/vi...76650712892389

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Originally Posted by Aldo

Et Voila Monsieur Lafitte; ca vas?Attachment 368980

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Ha!!!! elle est belle!! Belle!!

What a piece of shit car. My uncle Bob (his widow, kids and ex wives called him “Bobby” and his doppelgänger was maybe Jeff Fisher the nfl guy, yes, even with the similar haircut) kinda knew what was cool. I get his vision because the car he had was an eight cyl.

That’s all it had going for it. I forget if it was 5.7 or 5.0 but you could still fit the carb in the fifth pocket of your dungarees. Nonetheless I’d think you could coax some horsies if you reworked the top.

Underpowered, on a Chevy small block, you’d think you could fix. That said, I mean “project” was a stretch, it just sat and didn’t run BUT... you just wouldn’t believe for a 12 (at the time) year old car to be such a piece of shit. I mean it had somehow become a total hulk. The body was straight and the trim was all there but the paint looked like it was single stage and like .0005 mm thick, pea green with a red door, the dashboard was so tall and flat it was like you were in the pilot house of a boat. Fucking rust on the rockers In a part of the country where they don’t even use salt on the roads? Mildew on the inside, door cards just mysteriously flopping around. All of the fake chrome totally peeling up. Good god. He lived, and kept that car, on the same land as my grandpa and my other uncle. There was tons of project cars and junkers on the property. They had some very cool restored army Jeeps like M151, MB M38 and army dodges Like M37 Iirc. Anyway, I’m not sure anybody was sad to see that thing go. Uncle Bob OTOH, man we miss you dude. Sorry I busted your car bro .

The no power car reminds me of my ‘93 “mustang” in quotes because it was a 2.3. Probably won’t make the list because the 2.3 was bullet proof and the car was pretty rugged but woooooof!! 88 HP on a good day and oversteered in weather under no throttle like a MF.

Has Trabant popped up? I think parts of the rear interior body were literally paper mache.

Also what about the Chrysler Mitsubishi TSi conquest thingie? Not because it was so terrible of an idea but did any of those turbo motors survive past 15k miles??




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My college roommate (early '80's) drove a gorgeous '65 Chevy pickup that had been in his family forever. It was in near pristine original condition.

When he graduated, his dad, in what I'm sure was a very magnanimous gesture, bought him a brand new car as a grad gift. He walked outside to see his brand spanking new Chevy Chevette. I'll never forget the deflated look on Fred's face , nor how terrible he felt about feeling so deflated in the face of a loving and well-intentioned gift.

You know I think that conquest TSI had a following- but hell yeah should have been in there just for the Aqua pinstripes so many of them I saw round here had.

I have to include this- it may have the best punch line of the whole book , it’s been making me laugh all day: I know there’s been some mention of it previously in the stream of consciousness!
Attachment 369057

My vote may have to go the early 90s Dodge Shadow. Geez what a POS. With the coupes, was a known thing that from the factory, the door didn't quite clear the fender. So every time you opened the door, "POP!" Every time you closed the door, "POP!" Would always make me laugh seeing Shadows out there that all had the same familiar front fender dent by the door. Car was slow as balls with its like 88 gerbil power and 3-speed auto. Friend had one, which one could argue was a good high school beater as it got pretty good mpg in its defense, was halfway reliable, but best of all we got to beat the hell out of. The interior was practically Soviet quality. Could have been built by Yugo as it was such a rattly piece of crap. Even when NEW it sucked ass. Was totally falling apart by year 2. Geez we all hated that car so much. Fun to mock though, so at least it was good for something.

https://file.kelleybluebookimages.co...11_505x375.jpg

My tenant shoved an LS motor in a coupe deville 1978.

I secretly want it. For motor boating. But no. I’d rather drive than float.

I don’t know where this goes but here's something funny.

Attachment 371499

^^^^ respect


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I had an 87’ Honda Prelude growing up in super upstate New York (near Niagara Falls, Canada).
It didn’t do well in the corrosion department and the floor rotted out so bad it was basically a flinstones car. I had some experience with fibreglass for a part time job so made possibly (not fact checked) the first glass bottom Honda. Mid winter it would have 3 inches of ice in the footwell, had to scrape the inside of the windshield every cold night... it smelled like a goat. Welland girls didn’t mind....


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