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I like how complimentary you are of her. I lost a close friend to suicide and it gives me comfort to think he is at peace. I always think of how much pain he must have been going through to make such a decision. Prayers going out for you and your daughters Frozen. Hopefully you’ll always remember her so fondly and celebrate what good she gave you.
My sincere condolences and prayers for you, your daughters, your Michelle and all of your family and friends who are hurting Frozen. I feel horrible for you. Thanks for being brave enough to share here, too often this kind of grief is pushed into the dark corners where it’s hard to get the light.
Peace to you all in this hard time.
This is a great tribute and a really hard read. Vibes to you, the girls, and anyone who knew her. The whole thing is tragic
You definitely had quite an era together. So many life events took place with her that I'm sure you are grieving on several aspects of the loss. Thinking of you and your daughters.
Thank you for sharing and allowing us to be part of your grieving/recovery process. +++VIBES+++ sent your war.
So sorry for you and for your daughters. Hopefully you all find peace in time. Come back and post again whenever you need to share.
Very sorry to read frozen. I appreciate you sharing part of your life.
So sorry for you and your daughters. RIP Michelle. +++vibes+++
Peace to you frozen & your family
Condolences…reading the impact these choices have at times been what has kept me circling the sun. Warm thoughts and vibes to you and your girls
My deepest condolences to you and your daughters. Nothing harder to deal with than suicide of a loved one.
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Thats a tough read Frozen. Your a good shit. The universe is a better place with you in it. Keep your head up. I hope our paths cross again one day. Lot of love.
I am truly overwhelmed at the kindness. Thank you to all those who have reached out here and IRL.
I pickup my youngest daughter from the airport in a few hours. She made the choice to go sit with her mothers body (mind had gone, body was on life support so they could donate organs - they did that and shut down the machines late Tuesday night/Wednesday Morning). We have both daughters lined up for therapy/grief counseling today - each separately.
We talk many times a day. I was on the phone with my youngest as she waited for her moms heart to stop - we didn't talk we just were there for each other. That was a hard night. I will try and redouble my efforts as a parent. I have a second grader who through whispered conversations learned that his sisters mom has died. He sleeps with us every night now, just the concept that moms die has his little world rocked.
To my oldest friends here - time has passed and we have changed and moved, but I still count you as the best of friends. Thank you for still being here, all these years later.
Godspeed Michelle. I hope you find peace.
Condolences to your daughters, you and your families.
So sorry for your loss Frozen. That was a beautiful eulogy, and I can only imagine the tangle of emotions you're having. It sounds like you're surrounded by support and love. Way to keep showing up in the face of the unspeakable.
Aw Frozen, I'm so sorry. I wish I was there to bring you a mocha.
“Be excellent to each other.”
Tough read...but that was a gut punch I was not expecting.Quote:
Originally Posted by frozenwater
Vibes+++ and condolences. No words.
One love Fred. I'm so sorry to hear this and I hope she found the peace she was looking for.
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So sorry Fred. I hope you can help your girls get to a place of peace.
We are deeply sorry for your loss, Fred. Thank you for being so vulnerable, honest and open. In some ways, at least from my grief in the past it helps to just "put it out there"
Somehow saying all of this feels better/good/needed. I wish you peace, love and much much healing to you and your children...all THREE of them.
+++vibes+++ as requested -
More Condolences...
Thank You for sharing your experience, frozen-
wishing Peace for Michelle,
And ( peace ) for the rest of your Family - and friends, too.
With love
tj
Really sorry for the loss.
+1Quote:
Originally Posted by mud
_____
Deepest condolences to you and your daughters frozen... hope you and your daughters stay resilient in light of a crummy situation.
_____
Mental health and suicide has reared its head several times with friends/family in my life recently - and I can not understate the importance of opening up and seeking help. Therapy has changed a lot of people's lives for the better. As ugly as the world might seem, sometimes talking with someone new - having that new "friend" or perspective can mean everything to pull through a moment of crisis or despair. Best of luck.
Very sorry to hear this. A good friend's nephew committed suicide last year and it's been hell for their family. It has made me wonder if the person who took their life would have chosen a different path if they could see the aftermath. I supposed not if they are in that dark of a place. Just shitty for everyone involved.
Frozen, so sorry to hear this. A lot of us old timers are still here around the campfire, lurking more and posting less. But we're still here. If typing stuff out helps you through these times, we're all here with you and we're listening.
One or my best friends committed suicide 7 years ago. He wasn't able to move past his childhood trauma despite a monumental effort.
It still hurts. He was a great man and a great friend, like a brother to me.
I talked to his wife a couple weeks ago. She said that she recently had a dream where he showed her this peaceful life he had in another place somewhere out there and that it gave her some closure. We were both choking up talking about it on the phone.
All the best to you and your kids. I'm so sorry.
Damn. I'm so sorry. I have an ex and two 20 something kids. This really hit me.
Lost my 17 yo nephew to suicide 4 months ago. It's such a complicated mourning.
Yeah the spectrum/constellation of emotions is incredible.
Frozen - give yourself permission to feel all those emotions - including anger.
What a heartfelt and raw post. Fuck Frozen, im so sorry for you and your daughters. Much love to you guys.
I volunteer with a foundation that provides grief assistance to children who have lost a parent and I’ve seen firsthand the benefits of having that support. It’s awesome your kids have you as their father.
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Fck. I cried. The older you get the more shit rings. Prayers and vibes man.
I am incredibly sorry to hear. I have two (much younger) daughters despite my being the ~same age as Michelle. I can’t imagine having to support them in such a situation. I am sure you will do all you can — and do it well - while managing your own grief. Damn. Sincere condolences. Lean on this community as much as you need to.
I have lost a friend to suicide. It was hard to process and understand. Her situation was related to a state of mental health. I wish I’d been closer to her to have had more awareness. I felt guilt that I wasn’t in the know enough to have done more for her but perhaps there was no action of mine that would have mattered. I’ll never know.
Continue to be there for your daughters and celebrate all that she touched while here on earth. Her mark was left definitely on you and your time together as well as your kids. Nice tribute to her and your ups and downs and the love shared.
Prayers go out as you and your daughters deal with her taking of her own life, that can be rough also.
Vibes to you and your daughters. What a gut punch to lose someone that helped you become the man you are from the beginning. Whatever happened between you two at the end of your marriage doesn't change the fact you created four awesome people because you were together for 20 plus years.
Was so sorry to hear F,Quote:
Originally Posted by frozenwater
I only knew her with you when we met in the early-mid aughts and y'all didnt divorce till after I left and I am glad you and I stay in touch.
Both of your hospitality was greatly appreciated in SLC & in Driggs.
You were always gracious and entertaining hosts.
Her patience with us and abilty & willingness to care for your daughters while you and I had adventures up the Cottonwood Canyons as well as in downtown SLC/Park City definitely helped shape that time in my life.
Sorry she couldnt see a better way out and glad you and your new wife and son are doing so well. Look forward to J & my CJ sharing adventures one day.
big love for you from the right coast
My deepest condolences to you and your daughters Fred. You’ll all be in my thoughts and prayers.
Suicide is very tough on the survivors. Be well. We all have hardships, it unites us as humans in an odd way. Wishing you and your daughters light
Attachment 484956
Allow me once again to throw random thoughts into the darkness. I also wanted to share the announcement for those who new her here. Those who really new here got it and attended. I did not attend, though in hindsight I wish I would have. Her husband was attending and I thought it would be to odd. Later my daughters said I they wish i would have come, but prior when I asked they stated it would be to weird.... there was no right answer.
I have been looking for answers for a months. What I have pieced together tears me apart.
For a few years before we finally threw in the towel she would talk about divorcing. The reason always the same "I'm just not happy anymore". I was far far from perfect, but I would try - but there is not much you can do to make another happy. What we didn't do is ever go to therapy. It was discussed, but never happened. Finally one fall day - on my 39th birthday we were on a favorite hike in the mountains above our home and she hit me with it again. "I want a divorce, I am just not happy". This time i didn't try and dissuade her. I simply said "ok, lets figure out how to accomplish that". So I did. I marched it forward, I filed for divorce for her - I had her dictate what she wanted, it was mostly fair. We went down and filed together. The clerk was amazed "You two are really divorcing? You seem so happy together?"
It was finalized in March of 2010. She regretted it immediately and wanted to get back together. She wrote me love letters, she made lists of things we used to talk about doing and how great it would be to still do them. So many times I almost went back, but my darkest days single were brighter than the dark days with her. So...... we never reconciled. What I should have done is dragged her to therapy. That was my duty as childhood friend, spouse, lover.
Why didn't I hear her? She wasn't happy. That was a cry for help. I was wrapped up in how it was bad for me, but I was not wrapped up in how do I help her. Today I would get her therapy so fast. There is so much I could have done.
None of this is to say I wish I had stayed married. I am in fact glad we divorced it was the best thing for me, but why couldn't I help her along the way.
I am now many things I never would have imagined. Success upon success it would seem. However I failed harder and deeper and worse than anyone can ever fail, I did not see that my best friend desperately needed help. Thirteen years later still not finding happiness she took the last step she could to relieve her pain. Now my daughters and I live in pain. A pain you see in new wrinkles around my eyes from sleepless nights. From hair that was graying but is now solidly white. If you find yourself in my shoes - don't worry about making the person mad at you, piss them the hell off if you have to. Get them help. God knows I will spend the rest of my days wishing I did.
glad your sharing frozen, thank you very much.
I know its words from e world, don't beat yourself up, this is not on you.
edit: https://988lifeline.org/ 988 is the suicide and crisis lifeline created by FCC, dial 988 for access nationwide US
I'm sorry for your pain, frozen, and for the pain of your children and loved ones. But you are a better man for sharing and processing that pain, and I hope that brings you some solace.