Originally Posted by
Summit
The 5 o'clock news will pick it up:
"Tonight on FOX31: Hitting this simple common hard object at high speed can kill you! But ski areas don't want you know! Find out what it is after the break!"
Anchor: "Thanks for staying tuned to FOX! Now, Teresa with our main investigative expose: TREES: FRIEND OR FOE?"
Teresa: "Though they turn snow-melting-CO2 into breathable oxygen, trees have been secretly murdering skiers and their crimes have been covered up by the ski areas... why you may ask? Is it because the ski areas are so afraid of global warming that they consider killer trees a necessary evil? We asked professor Den I. Dob-Vious of Colorado Christian University and W.R. Hearst III, owner of the Scummit Daily Skews."
Prof. Dob-Vyus: "Well these ski areas are run by a bunch of deluded liberals who believe in so called 'human caused global warming.' They actually think that trees make snow. But we know that only Jesus can make snow."
Hearst III: "Well not sure how Jesus got into this, but..."
Prof Dob-Vious: "Jesus is in everything?"
Hearst III: "I think I'll have a reporter do a 29 part series about how Jesus is getting into things uninvited... it will sell some real estate ads!"
Teresa: "Professor, do you think the ski areas are guilty of something?"
Prof Dob-Vious: "They are going to burn in hell... and let me tell you... there is NO snow down there... just salt peter, Hitler, and Democrats!"
Hearst III: "... and a 9 parter on how global warming might cause hell to freeze over... this is great!"
Teresa: "Uh... OK... that's all we have time for... up next Donald Trump flips on another issue when he discovers that pretending that bad is good doesn't actually make it good."