Man. That's a long time to be married to end up in divorce.
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Man. That's a long time to be married to end up in divorce.
Hey, really sorry to hear that CJ. As much as we get on each others nerves, I wouldn't wish this shit on anyone. Best of luck to you.
Yep, sorry to hear that. Being married takes a ton of work to please each other and letting shit go to maintain a relationship. Most people have no idea how to get back on track once the communication gets fucked up. That is why Retrouvaille is such a great program. It gives you the tools to overcome most any relationship failure, if you want it to work and maybe even if you think you are over it.Quote:
Originally Posted by stfu&gbtw
Might be too late now but why always rush for the divorce? Sometimes space away from your spouse lets you re energize your feelings. It worked for my wife and I. After Retrovaile and multiple counselors we took a break. Did not talk for 6 months and things just naturally readjusted themselves. Ran into her at our local ski hill be accident and spent the day skiing together.Just like the good old days :) Got back together and cancelled the stretched out divorce proceedings. Anyways, just putting this out there in case anyone else might be thinking about different ways of handling this issue.
not being a dick, but did you have kids when you didn't talk for months?Quote:
Originally Posted by TWINS
I have been in a shitty marriage for a number of years. It sucks. It has fucked with me big time.
I have a 3 1/2 year old boy who I love a lot.
The fucked up is thing is I am supposed to be on a cruise with my wife, my son & her family & I am home alone. It fucking blows.
A lot of factors that I don't want to get into right now, but typing this makes me feel better.
I hope everybody finds happiness in their marriage.
Also, what do you think of your wife that ALWAYS causes trouble with your family, but never hers? What does that say about a person?
I am not perfect, but I can be respectful to my in-laws without loving them.
Yes, we did the marriage counseling and in typical fashion she lied and didn't admit to anything. I guess her dad was right when he told me on the phone that his daughter is a liar and manipulative.
What does it say about a father-in-law and his relationship with his daughter that out of nowhere says to you months before his grandson is born, "If you and Amanda get divorced, I don't ever want her back in my house" ?
I will say it again, I am not perfect, but I can admit my faults. I know I come hard with comments when my wife pushes my buttons, which seems like every single day. I am definitely highly stressed with my career and it comes through in my personality.
I don't know how I am going to ever forgive my wife for telling me last minute that I can't come on this cruise. Yes, as in 3 hours before leaving for the cruise. I don't think I am going to forget or forgive. A person can only be pushed so far.
I am also fucked as my finances aren't good. I can't afford help paying for this apartment and get my own. I am not willing to move to the mountains as much as I want to as I want to be close to my son.
A friend told me to try meditation.
I don't drink so leave out the get smashed, but I think I am going to a strip club tonight. A lap dance or 10 can help me clear my mind.
Never knew marriage could be so difficult.
Uh, I would be jumping for joy not having to go on a cruise. As far as everything else, what helped me was just realizing it was over and moving on. Being bitter and resentful only harms you and your kid. You would be amazed how well you'll feel if you are the "adult" in this situation. As far as financial matters go, I would rather be happy and poor that miserable. This was another hurdle, if you truly don't want to be with this person for the rest of your life money shouldn't matter.Quote:
Originally Posted by SKIORFORGETIT
My cooling off period worked for my wife and I. No kids and finances were separate. She stayed in the house and I rented a room from a friend. Neither of us dated either. Might sound strange but we are both rather conservative in that respect. Probably was the thing that let us come back together though. No baggage from rebound dating. SKIORFORGETIT, go treat yourself to something nice. Time to be a little selfish. Wishing you some peace tonight.
Does not compute... what happened?Quote:
Originally Posted by SKIORFORGETIT
And second, jumping for fucking joy about not going on a cruise. No wife, no kids, puking snow all over the country... Hell yeah! You can be skiing in JH or Tahoe by tomorrow AM. Can't forgive her? You won't be able to thank her enough!
I'm supposed to be getting on a plane to Germany in 10 days... you know how much I wish my wife would tell me I "can't" go. Would be the absolute fucking bomb.
Being excluded from a family vacation is different than having some alone time. When I was 18 I was left home while the rest of the family went rafting and to a family friends wedding. No reason, either, just didn't want me along. Trip was a shitshow of fighting. Still feels bad, and worse when that is pointed out to me.
,
See you at the airport that day too!Quote:
Originally Posted by stfu&gbtw
Edit, cruises suck. that dude's wife sucks worse. If you need anything, call us here in Colorado, I have a place in Silverthorne you can stay at if you need it! Ski and bang college girls ( who are the naughty neighbors everyone dreams about)...win win
Only in your head.Quote:
Originally Posted by mtngirl79
My wife is great, but I have a friend who's wife is like this. I do not understand it...it's as if she enjoys the conflict with her in-laws and resulting alienation of her husband from them. It's bizzarro...you at least are a step ahead of him, in that you realize that she's doing this...the guy know is so whipped that he just goes with it...sad to watch.Quote:
Originally Posted by SKIORFORGETIT
Also, I've never been on a cruise and while it might suck to be with your in-laws for that amount of time, and thus being excluded may seem like a blessing, the time missed with your son is something that I'd be upset about too. Plus, she sounds like the type of person that might actively try to make your son hate you if you're not around to keep that shit from happening. Anyhow, vibes man...sounds awful.
Not if I see you first....Quote:
Originally Posted by DasBlunt
:the_finge
I don't care where I am right now. The fact is I am not on vacation with my son. We could be watching Sesame Street, but if I am doing it with my son then nothing else matters.Quote:
Originally Posted by AaronWright
I am being the adult in this situation.
I might sound bitter. You have every right to say that, but there's way more history between my wife and I that you are unaware of.
Ok, I sound like a dick, but just in a really bad spot here.
got itQuote:
Originally Posted by TWINS
thank you, trying for some inner peace. Haven't had inner peace in about 6 years.
I treated myself to a new ski outfit from Peak Performance. PUMPED!! Also, did some shopping today for myself and for my son.
I miss my son like no other right now.
I will also say that I am really hurting inside that I am not with him.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DasBlunt
thank you for the offer
I tried looking for flights the other day to go skiing out West but flights are insane
thank you, greatly appreciate itQuote:
Originally Posted by Adolf Allerbush
I will tell you this, my wife's family pretends to be so close knit, but that's only if you come visit them. They never come in to see us or our son. I think my wife hates that our son is so close with my parent's, who come in to visit us. Keep in mind her parent's live only 35 min drive from where we live. My wife has abandonment issues from when she was younger from her first dad.
I am not saying I am better than your friend, but he should wake up. And I do feel bad for him cause what he's going through sucks. Nothing less. It sucks.
I would feel bad for my son if my wife or any of her family members say anything bad about me. Anyways, I would find out when he gets back on Tuesday. Keep in mind he is 3 1/2 so he has no idea what "don't say anything to daddy" means. He tells me stuff all the time, even good stuff, that my wife doesn't tell me.
I wish somebody around nyc wants to drive and share a room near Sugarloaf. I could kick in for gas money and extras.
I had to laugh.....Quote:
Originally Posted by stfu&gbtw
This one thousand times over.Quote:
Originally Posted by AaronWright
I'm certainly having a hard time being the adult but dwelling on things you can't change provides no comfort. You can work on what you did to arrive at the point where divorce was the solution but beating yourself up gets you nowhere. You can make sure your self-aware so you don't make the same mistakes in the future. The focus should be shifted to the important things in your life like taking care of yourself and your kid(s). Talking to a counselor has helped me immensely and I recommend it.
I also roll with a solid "thank you for your input" when people (ex-wife included) offer up suggestions about my life.
Thanks to all for the support I've received here. That means the most of all.
If you want to come up and go for a mt bike ride with me and my daughter you are welcome to join us. We may ride tomorrow if the fog breaks and Friday looks like we almost certainly will. While I'm still unemployed I am free to ride when they're back in school next week too. A few hours in the woods can only help to clear the head...Quote:
Originally Posted by SKIORFORGETIT
hope you're doing okQuote:
Originally Posted by concretejungle
greatly appreciate the offerQuote:
Originally Posted by gravitylover
I don't MTB
If no skiing this weekend, I might head to a friend's house out of the city.
I have to say it again, it feels good typing this stuff.
Just because you haven't before doesn't mean you can't. If you're 5'8" or under I have a bike you can use. Like I said, time spent in the woods is good for the head...
Hey, I've been there too, I'm just trying to provide some perspective. If it's over then let it go, it doesn't matter what the history is. The shit my ex and I went through and said to each other was horrible but once I accepted that it was over I wasn't angry or sad anymore. It will get better, it's just like the grieving process.Quote:
Originally Posted by SKIORFORGETIT
SOFI--if you take him up on the offer make sure you still have health insurance after the divorceQuote:
Originally Posted by gravitylover
The only way to win the drama game is to not play.
Wimens who do this are often psychopaths or a very least sociopath/narcissistic.
Bee good to yoself.
Typing thoughts out helped me too. I belonged to another local ski forum with a off topic section that had not been posted in for over a year. I started blogging what was going on with me and a few people found it. Made me realize that I am not alone in this world and alot of people have traveled this road before. Probably the best therapy I could receive when feeling down. If you start feeling shitty just post up ;) We are all out here :) BTW Wishing you a nice New Years Eve.
Exactly.Quote:
Originally Posted by AaronWright
I live in a town where up to 5 cruises arrive per day in the summer. The way they lather passengers in Purell at every passing, I'm 95% sure it's a giant norovirus shitsoup festival. Count your blessings.Quote:
Originally Posted by stfu&gbtw
cj - I'm just now checking out this thread and all I got is the already mentioned "let it go/move on asap" but I'm sorry to hear about it. Vibes, man. Give yourself a year to be a little nuts, and work hard to keep good with the kiddos.
happy & healthy new year
I went out drinking last night. As I had mentioned, I rarely drink.
Felt good to throw back some beers and get lap dances.
^ nice... strippers are awesome. thank god for all those shitty fathers!
if you look deep enough into a strippers eye, you can see her dad walking out of her lifeQuote:
Originally Posted by stfu&gbtw
wife & son come home tomorrow for vacation
very excited to see my son
A few days ago I almost posted in here that it looked like I was heading back down the road to divorce again, almost got there a couple years back but stopped right at the edge....well now all of a sudden a few days later she's all lovey dovey again and I don't even know wtf changed. Bitches be crazy.
Yep, every now and then my girl goes off on me and tells me to move out. About 2 months ago I told her if she ever did that again, I would leave her. Pretty damn nice to me since then. Go figure.Quote:
Originally Posted by iceman
LOL.Quote:
Originally Posted by liv2ski
You know she'll do it again and you know you won't leave
This is really all anyone needs to know about women.Quote:
Originally Posted by iceman
I believe that me and the missus completely lack the energy and determination to split up any more. It's easier just to let the other person vent and say "I was wrong." It's kind of a relief.
It won't be so funny when your daughter is shaking what her mamma gave her for the current string of soon to be divorcees??Quote:
Originally Posted by stfu&gbtw
She can hang out with Bobby and company...
lol... what a predictable cunt you are! Just imagine, if you weren't so unfuckable, maybe you wouldn't have to leech off strangers on the internet for a living... at least you'd have something to trade!Quote:
Originally Posted by mtngirl79
If I have to choose between my daughter growing up to be a stripper, or growing up to be you - I'll buy her first pair of heels.