Damn. Are you a chick? I sure hope so because I am not into brokeback mounting dudes.Quote:
Originally Posted by alto
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Damn. Are you a chick? I sure hope so because I am not into brokeback mounting dudes.Quote:
Originally Posted by alto
Go and buy 100 scratchcards. That's a whole afternoon's entertainment.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hayduke
Ahhh, tis a good idea my mon. my luck I would come away with a couple of free tickets or maybe a $5 ticket.
the lottery = tax on stupid people.
Yes, I'm a chick. How old are you, cutie?
Oh no, I see this going WAY downhill from here...^^^^
I could wile away the hours
Conferrin' with the flowers
Consultin' with the rain ....
Or you could just shut the fuck up.
...I've always wanted to fuck on a sled. Hmmm...
(You can't go wrong with Hookers and blow. Just make sure you wrap your tool!)
You have no redeeming values other than linking to someone elses stoke in order to gain approval for your new alias, Bluurry. You're just chilling the water for your alias long enough to gain some cred. And then defending yourself against the women who see through you. You psychotic piece of shit.Quote:
Originally Posted by BlurredElevens
With the thoughts you'd be thinkin'
You could be another Lincoln
If you only ...
...had $500.
Dammit girl, I am now stuck w/this song in my head...!! (it's appropriate too many times a day in my world...)Quote:
Originally Posted by bklyn
:tongue:
You liberal communist cunts stick together pretty well.Quote:
Originally Posted by THIS THREAD IS SHIT!
You're either Splat or Dex. Which is it, douchy?
"BipolarElevens = Sledneckdouchebag"
What does this mean??
Does it mean B11s isnt a nice guy??
Quote:
Originally Posted by BlurredElevens
Listen to.... her. She's a 20yo Asian bisexual nymphomaniac.Quote:
Originally Posted by alto
It means someone is about to tell someone to "bleed out their ass" in a cocaine induced fit of paranoia.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sir Jongalot
This what you mean?Quote:
Originally Posted by BlurredElevens
Are You There God? It's Me, Jesus
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“Are You There, God? It's Me, Jesus”
South Park episode
Kenny celebrates his first period.
Episode no. Season 3
Episode 47
Written by
Original airdate December 31, 1999
Season 3 episodes
South Park - Season 3
April 7, 1999 – January 12, 2000
Rainforest Schmainforest
Spontaneous Combustion
The Succubus
Tweek vs. Craig
Jakovasaurs
Sexual Harassment Panda
Cat Orgy
Two Guys Naked in a Hot Tub
Jewbilee
Chinpokomon
Starvin' Marvin in Space
Korn's Groovy Pirate Ghost Mystery
Hooked on Monkey Phonics
The Red Badge of Gayness
Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics
Are You There God? It's Me, Jesus
World Wide Recorder Concert
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← Season 2 Season 4 →
List of South Park episodes
"Are You There, God? It's Me, Jesus" is episode 47 of Comedy Central's animated series South Park. It originally aired on December 31, 1999 and featured the then-nearing end of the second millennium.
Contents [hide]
1 Plot synopsis
2 Kenny's Death
3 Pop Culture References
4 Miscellanea
5 External links
[edit] Plot synopsis
As 1999 is ending, Cartman discovers blood coming out of his anus, leading him to believe he is experiencing his first period. He taunts the other boys for not having hit puberty yet, unaware that his bleeding is caused by a minor stomach infection. Kenny later contracts the same ailment, and Kyle, not wanting to be left out, pretends he is also afflicted. The boys consequently abandon Stan and refuse to play with him, believing he is less mature for not having had his period.
Meanwhile, the people of the world flock around Jesus' house, excited about the Millennium and saying that, at the year 2000, Jesus's dad should make an appearance. Jesus contacts his father and tells him about his potential resurgence in popularity, but God (unseen in their conversation) says he will not show up because mankind is not ready. Jesus, wanting to still satisfy the people, books Rod Stewart to play a New Year's Eve concert in Las Vegas; everybody decides to go, because a rumor persists that God will show up.
Stan, meanwhile, prays for his period, but does not get it, so he visits Dr. Mephisto and gets a bottle of hormone pills. Using them causes Stan to grow a beard, have a deeper voice and develop a pair of breasts, but still no "period."
The crowd in Las Vegas for the New Year's concert is enraged upon seeing Rod Stewart (portrayed here as very old and incontinent) and they turn against Jesus. With them preparing to crucify him again, Stan asks Jesus why God does not answer his prayers, and Jesus explains that, if God does everything for you, then your existence has no real purpose. Jesus realizes that this was God's message: Jesus had to figure his own way to get people to follow him. And just as he realizes this, God arrives.
After the crowd's initial shock over God's appearance (as a small hippolike creature), God offers the people the chance to ask one question. The crowd plans to ask the meaning of life or existence, but before anyone else can ask, Stan comes up and asks why he hasn't gotten his period. God explains that boys don't get periods, and tells the truth: that his friends are sick and Kyle was lying. He then returns to Heaven, saying he will answer another question in the year 4000. Stan is satisfied, and joyfully starts singing "Auld Lang Syne", but the angry crowd turns on him as the credits roll.
[edit] Kenny's Death
Believing that he has his period because his buttocks are bleeding, Kenny starts using tampons. However because he keeps the tampon in his buttocks for several days, he eventually bursts from inside out. The doctor's worry is that "he could have been following some kind of crazy new fad. Perhaps the children are all shoving tampons up their ass because they've seen the Backstreet Boys doing it on TV or something."
[edit] Pop Culture References
The title of this episode is a reference to the 1970 book Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret by Judy Blume.
The physical appearance of God in this episode is roughly equivalent to that of the ancient Egyptian "Ammut, the Devourer" (a chimeric, female personification of divine retribution).
The melody which plays while Jesus and Stan discuss the nature of prayer is the tune to the song "Onward, Christian Soldiers".
When the citizens of South Park are waiting to see if Jesus will come out of his house and whether or not he will be scared of his shadow, is a parody of Groundhog Day. In this case, if Jesus isn't scared of his shadow, the next 1,000 years will be filled with peace and love.
The boys read Women Who Run With the Wolves.
[edit] Miscellanea
Due to the quick production of this episode (creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone wanted to be able to celebrate New Year's Eve with their families), several elements from previous episodes are recycled in this installment, including:
Jesus' photo of himself and Santa singing their Christmas debut concert together.
The X-ray image from the opening number of the previous episode, "Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics" (shown in this episode on the evening news).
The brief TV footage of Jakov (from the episode "Jakovasaurs").
Ironically, fast episode productions would become a positive hallmark of the series, as Stone and Parker would later take advantage of this technique to create episodes with (sometimes literally) up-to-the-minute cultural references or parodies. Since this episode does in fact deal with a (then) current event, namely the millenium, it could be argued that this was the first of South Park's "currently relevant" episodes. The first definitive "currently relevant" episode was produced five episodes after this one, when Parker and Stone jettisoned a story idea about self-replicating sisters in favor of an Elian Gonzales parody in Quintuplets 2000.
This is the first time a recurring female character has spoken since the death of Mary Kay Bergman.
I won a scratch lottery yesterday too at a bar. $4. It was sweet.
No, no, you mean this:
Dung Hardens
"Dung Hardens." -- The Righteous Teacher. Recently translated by the Satanic Rabbi from the Dead Sea Scrolls.
The following is a transcription of the Satanic Rabbi, with the aide of his faithful disciple (the minor Babylonian demon) Isuzu, spreading his good word over a late night talk/music radio show on Sonoma State's college radio station KSUN, back in the year of our lord 1993. The show was hosted by ecstatic Bob Goldthwait imitator Chris the Fish and his bourgeois partner and station programmer Doc the Crotch.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Isuzu: My lord the Satanic Rabbi must speaketh his wisdom to the world.
Chris the Fish: What do you want to say to us Rabbi?
Satanic Rabbi: I'm interested if you're circumcised or not. Because it is not too late my son.
Fish: No I'm not. I don't have that much extra.
Rabbi: Well most white American Protestant people are briss.
Fish: But they're not Jewish.
Rabbi: Well, have we controlled you or not?
Fish: No.
Rabbi: No? Have you seen a Hollywood movie in the last ten years? We, the Jews, produced it.
Fish: You run my bank, too, huh?
Rabbi: Exactly, so why aren't you circumcised my son?
Fish: I thought it might hurt.
Rabbi: Oh no, it's painless. Then you can service faithful wives for hours and hours without suffering the indignity of premature ejaculation.
Fish: So? As long as I get off why should I care how she feels?
Rabbi: Well, this is the foundation of Jewish marriage, most Jewish couples are married for fifty or sixty years. All you have to do is spend $5.50 and you can get a minister or a Rabbi to come, he puts an ice cube on your, you know ...
Fish: I ain't putting no ice cube on my penis.
Rabbi: No, I didn't say that! You said that!
Fish: I did not.
Rabbi: You did, I heard it, I'm shocked. Your thing, your pibic, which is Yiddish for the thing ...
Fish: Your penis.
Rabbi: YOU SAID IT! You know it is written in the Tora you are going to burn in hell because you are not circumcised. I'm sorry my son, you're droopy bullshit.
Fish: It doesn't matter. I may go to hell, and I'm okay with that. But I'm going to do something good with my life while I'm still here.
Rabbi: You can't. Your thing isn't circumcised, shithead. You're going to burn in hell. It's Jewish law!
Fish: But hell isn't here yet.
Rabbi: Do I have to drill it into your head? I may be a Rabbi but I'm not like a wimp!
Fish: I'm not dead yet. Can you understand that?
Rabbi: You are dead dude. I've got hit squads. You get that thing cut, man! You get it cut!
Fish: If it makes you feel any better I'll let you cut my penis off.
Rabbi: With my teeth?
Fish: With your teeth, as long as you bring the ice.
Rabbi: It's not exactly Kosher but it could be done.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Above, Isuzu covorts with the terrifying forest demon Humbuba
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Fish: Bring some salt and pepper, then it'll be Kosher. And some pickle juice. Then I can save it and show it to my kids. I can say, "I'm not your real father, I went to a sperm bank." You know I'm never having kids because of all the drugs I did when I was younger, like last week.
Rabbi: Well, my son, this is evident, but what is more evident is that your soul will burn in hell if you do not have a circumcision. It should have been done when you were about ... thirteen.
Fish: (With Yiddish accent) Do I sound Jewish to you?
Rabbi: You are a Jew. Your mother was a Jew. What was her name?
Fish: Rose.
Rabbi: Exactly. Rose, Rose, hello my name is Second Hand Rose.
Fish: Actually her name was Rosemary. I'm really Rosemary's baby. I was possessed when I was born so I'm damned already.
Rabbi: Sperm of Satan?
Fish: Satan's my buddy, he's my father ...
Rabbi: HAIL SATAN! HAIL SATAN! We Jews love you. We've waited years for you. Satan has to take over and get these Christians out of here so we Jews can take over. Finely! Please, please, kill all the children!
Fish: All you have to do is unite with me in Israel, we'll kick out all the Arab bastards and kill the Muslims, Christians, Protestants. KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL! ... I'm part German though.
Rabbi: I guessed. As a Jew I could feel it. I could see you being the post master of Krakow, turning in Jews to the Nazi's.
Fish: My grandfather was a Nazi. He worked in an internment camp ...
Rabbi: Yes, making window and lampshades out of Jewish skin.
Fish. Yeah, and anyway, I was looking through one of those Time Life books and I saw him ...
Rabbi: You are a Jew! I told you you were a Jew.
Fish: No, he was herding the Jews into those gas chambers.
Rabbi: Well, Jews do that.
Fish: He was a secret Jew, a Jew within.
Rabbi: A Judas goat.
Fish: Does that mean he will be sacrificed?
Rabbi: It means that your soul is going to burn in hell if you don't get circumcised. You've got that little flap of skin there, but you're a Jew dude. You're passionate, man. Are you musical?
Fish: I am a passionate man. And I'm musical.
Rabbi: That's two. Do you have a certain flair for clothing?
Fish: Kind of.
Rabbi: Barbara Streisand?
Fish: Hate her.
Rabbi: BURN IN HELL!
Fish: Hey, three out of four ain't bad. C'mon, give me a chance.
Rabbi: Alright, you're a Jew. As a Rabbi I grant you honorary Jewdom. You mother wasn't a Jew but if your father was then you are a Jew.
Fish: My father wasn't a Jew, my grandfather ...
Rabbi: What was his name?
Fish: Satan.
Rabbi: Your fathers name is Fish Satan? Good luck. You name is Fish Fish? (laughter)
Fish: Fish on me man, I'm pulling on the line but it's just not catching. I don't know what's up.
Rabbi: I'll tell you what's up. Killer viruses from Africa. It's much worse than AIDS. It causes you to bleed from your nose, to your ass, to your ears, within 15 hours. It's called the Baboon-Gibern virus. It's affected something like fifty thousand people in Africa. It was supposedly contained, but it's out there ...
Fish: "It's out there," boys and girls.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Satanic Rabbi and Humbuba after several barrels of fortified beebleberry wine.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rabbi: You think your friendly neighborhood Rabbi is talking dribble. No. Death is waiting for those who are not Jewish.
Fish: Death is waiting for all of us. We all have to die for some reason.
Rabbi: Not of bleeding out the ass, dude.
Fish: Why not bleeding out the ass? There are hundreds of thousands of people getting shot everyday. They're bleeding out their chest, their stomach, their scrotum sac is getting blown off by a round of M-16 gunfire. And you're telling me bleeding out the ass is so much worse then getting shot sixteen times by someone you don't even know.
Rabbi: If you're white you bleed out of the palms of your hands. Have some manners, dude.
Fish: If you're white you bleed out of your eyes, and then your toe nails pop off and start bleeding. Who cares, we all gotta die. It may be heaven, it may be hell, it may be somewhere in-between and you'll have a smoke and a beer.
Rabbi: Northern Exposure, dude.
Fish: That's a killer show, what's wrong with it?
Rabbi: What are you doing, dude? Bob Goldthwait with Northern Exposure crossed?
Fish: I'm looking for the Northern lights and hoping God sees me. The star is out. Rabbi: Well, I am. (laughter) I don't know about you. But you're like a hash dude, like something I've seen before.
Fish: Hash is stuff you smoke that's brown. It makes you dreamy. It makes you laugh for eight hours straight and when you eat a piece of pizza it tastes like Colgate.
Rabbi: I read a recipe for Colgate in Parade magazine, actually. You put a spoonful of mint toothpaste in the gravy for lamb. Apparently it's quite delicious.
Fish: Yeah, okay. I believe you. I swear.
Rabbi: Why not? I'm a Rabbi.
Fish: Yeah, Rabbis always tell the truth. Bullshit! Religious people always lie.
Rabbi: Do you doubt my credentials? I am the dude of all Rabbi's and I'm telling you lamb with mint toothpaste tastes delicious!
Fish: You are the Anti-Christ!
Rabbi: YES! 666! 666!
Or This???
http://www.urbandictionary.com/defin...m=Bleeding+Ass
1. Bleeding Ass 7 up, 4 down
Someone who bleeds out of their ass from an over dosage of ex-lax and is an ass.
Flynn is a bleeding ass.
by harriet Mar 16, 2003 email it
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2. Bleeding Ass 6 up, 7 down
To have your Ass bleed from far too much anul sex
Man i wish he hadnt fucked me in the ass so much, i have a bleeding ass
LMFAO.
You are one sick hillbilly fucktard, blurred. But it wasn't me.
Prolly that Buttfucked Elevens guy - You know, that fan of yours you endlessly accused me of being, the one you went crying to the admins about? Once you found out it wasn't me, you then told whoever it was that they owed me an apology. That's some funny shit. I'm laughing at you because you are insane. But I have to agree with whoever it is. You are one sick and sorry sad sack of shit. You have been since the day you arrived and that has never changed.
Maybe you could use all the superwhizball interweb sleuthing capability of yours that you always brag about and figure it out. Till then, get a tampon, you're bleeding.
Please feel free to continue with your stalking obsession.
Apparently you take all this quite seriously for a guy who says people shouldn't take his bullshit seriously. :fm:
Whatever man. After looking at some of your old posts you are indeed a man. Or an ugly woman!:biggrin:Quote:
Originally Posted by alto
Sir Jongalot, quit cunting up my thread!!
Stalking, lol. Quit being so paranoid.Quote:
Originally Posted by splat
Go outside and get some fresh air or something.