work bathrooms = SLAY3D

You havn't even seen slayed until you've gone to a Phish concert. Some big chewbaccah looking motherfucker will just hop on the public sink and take a huge dump and leave without wiping.

Or ever been to a large outdoor event, and seen shit stacked in a port-o-potty literally over the seats height?

Or what about the diarreah bandit?
http://http://www.diarrheabandit.com

As long as we are on the subject, I am hoping that someone can enlighten me as to a phenomenon that I have witnessed at every bathroom where I have worked for any length of time:

The poo sprayed RIM AND UNDERSEAT of the toilet. HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN?

This is the scene: You walk into a stall and someone has "blown mud" up the back of the bowl and, somehow, right up to and under the seat. How is that possible?

Is, against all know laws of human physiology, their anus located in a nearly vertical position?

Are they blowing it out with such massive force that it deflects off of the water and changes trajectory from downward to a 45 degree angle toward the back of the bowl?

Is it dispersed in the middle of a flatulence episode so awesome that a tornadic event is created within the confines of the bowl that slings it to the underside of the seat?

Are they performing a hover maneuver over the bowl with the seat up and got "too far in the back seat"?

Seriously. The physics of it flummox me to this day. I mean, I was formerly a consumer of Tex-Mex on a daily basis and I have experienced fecal discharges that would bring toilet-cleaning Iraqi spider-cave dwellers to their knees. I have had flatulence episodes that made my eyes water, my nose run, and my sphincter bleed. I have shit green diarrhea while simultaneously vomiting yellow bile. But never, NEVER, have I blown shit in an upward direction.

If someone can shed some light on this seemingly paranormal occurence, I would be eternally grateful.

^^^^^
you mean highmarking??
typically the result of PBR benders

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Originally Posted by eDub

If someone can shed some light on this seemingly paranormal occurence, I would be eternally grateful.

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I would PM that guy Poop*Ghost; if anyone knows, he will.

Hahahahah! Poopie threads always make me laugh and this one didn't disappoint. :D

Stone-free, that was some mighty fine writing. I'm still giggling over it!

Sprite

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Originally Posted by alpinedad

Did you shout out, "Game on, mothafucka!"

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what about yelling "leeeeerrooyyy jeeeennnnkiiins!"

I'd really love to yell that and have someone asking me for change for a nickel when I'm blowing the bottom out of the toilet.

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Originally Posted by gorms

Typically the result of PBR benders

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What is it in PBR and Hamms that give you water-ass? I drank 7 PBR's pre-gaming the Broncos-Steelers at Investco Field. During the game I accidently popped the clutch on a would-be fart and ended up throwing out my boxers. I missed almost the entire 4th quarter with ass vomit, but it was a shitty game anyway.

The bathroom in my office has been declared a Superfund site. This, thanks to yesterday's hot link sandwich w/ hot sauce at lunch followed by Luigi's pizza for dinner and several rum and cokes.

My sphincter is toxic.

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Originally Posted by Stone-Free

What is it in PBR and Hamms that give you water-ass? I drank 7 PBR's pre-gaming the Broncos-Steelers at Investco Field. During the game I accidently popped the clutch on a would-be fart and ended up throwing out my boxers. I missed almost the entire 4th quarter with ass vomit, but it was a shitty game anyway.

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Only a shitty game (pun intended?) if your a bronco's fan. :D


When I was eleven or twelve my father took my younger brother and me to a Pitt football game. At some point I took my brother to the bathroom, where he discovered a clogged toilet and had fun causing it to overflow... all over the sandaled feet of the man dropping a nasty duke in the next stall over. After about the fifth time he sacked up enough to yell at us, so we flushed a few more times for good measure and went back to our seats before he finished.

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Originally Posted by gorms

^^^^^
you mean highmarking??
typically the result of PBR benders

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But again, how?

On a related subject, I was taking care of some business today in stall area and from under walls I can see someone walk into the bathroom and enter the stall next to me - wearing socks and no shoes. :confused:

I the desert we brought a sheet of plywood with four holes and four seats attached. Dug a hole and went to town. Co-ed. We where already so misarable no one cared. Spackling was bad when four people where listening. What really sucked was wacthing a fly come up out of the pile and land on your face. The absolute most fun was when the wind hit just right and the TP started to fly. Pretty much got to give the gag reflex a test daily. No one appreciates porcelain more than me. I think I could do a whole thread on Porta Johns.

I've shared bathrooms with girls more times than I care to count, and I can honestly say it smells like roses when women are poo-ing...

I know this because I'm the one choking back the vomit tickling my throat while waving the spray can like a metronome in hyperdrive... Judiciously, as Ms. Erica would put it. :D

I have a hunch that the Nazis gassed their prisoners with the odiferous remains of bratwurst & sauerkraut, the most lethal combination known to humankind.

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Originally Posted by eDub

But again, how?

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I think it just sprays out everywhere. Highmarking the rim or underside of the seat is impressive, though.

How about the people who leave their work in the toilet for the next guy? I respect someone who can stink up a bathroom for hours, but not flushing--that's beyond the pale, IMO.

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Originally Posted by Stone-Free

The mens shitter on my main floor is directly across the hall from my office. On Monday, this asshat comes down from the 2nd floor and fucking destroys the shitter. Loud 5-10 second farts, mixed in with random machine gun farts. His ass is literally throwing up for minutes, and I have bank VP sitting in my office. We are chatting, and I'm trying to keep a straight face.

Captain Butt-Trumpet opens the bathroom door, he cant see my client, and yells- 'Whatya think of that, Stone? Nice work huh?'

He walks into the doorway of my office to chat, sees the VP, and turns 8 shades of red and leaves. I was fucking mortified....:cussing:

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We have a winner. hif-inglarious

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Originally Posted by InspectorGadget

I was already laughing my ass off - no pun intended - reading this thread, but Stone-Free's post was nice work.

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I'm LMAO as well!

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Originally Posted by irul&ublo

The bathroom in my office has been declared a Superfund site. This, thanks to yesterday's hot link sandwich w/ hot sauce at lunch followed by Luigi's pizza for dinner and several rum and cokes.

My sphincter is toxic.

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Needless to say, but environmental law this semester was one big poop joke. Clean Water, Clean Air, RCRA, and CERCLA, point source discharge, effluent limitations, etc. all funnel well into bathroom jokes.

When the professor said the word "big dirties" I nearly lost it.

apartment bathroom = slay3d. see this thread tomorrow morning at work after the slaying.

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Originally Posted by snowsprite

Sidenote (because I love those...) One time when my eyeballs were floating at a concert I could not stand in the ladies room line anymore. So I strode into the men's room with a desperate look on my face, and the line there (albeit smaller) parted like the red sea. They looked a bit surprised, but ushered me in and were very gentlemenly about it. At that point I would have taken a urinal.

Who says chivalry is dead?
;)
Sprite

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This is quite common during Oktoberfest. It seems the main reason guy's let women ahead of them to use the stall even though they usually have to "piss like a race horse" is so they can watch the woman piss from the top of the stall often with camera in hand.

i love the tgr forum

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Originally Posted by The AD

How about the people who leave their work in the toilet for the next guy? I respect someone who can stink up a bathroom for hours, but not flushing--that's beyond the pale, IMO.

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At least if you do this build up a floating raft of toilet paper first so the turd just sits there rotting out of the water, floating around the bowl like it's lost at sea. Go big or go home.

I have been refreshing this thread hourly.

I slayed a throne a few months back at our Mexico office. This particular throne is across from the Presidents office. Needless to say the locals avoid using this one and use the one on the plant floor. Me, well my stomach is having a issues with the fresh salsa that I had with lunch. Gurrgle, blurp.... 'Oh shit'. I set a record High-mark...

After this I was asked never to use that restroom again.

I just had a little encounter with the bathroom at my work place. It was one of those poops where you haven't gone in three days because of eating a ton of cheese. Anyway, i dropped a huge brisquette that immediately sank to the bottom leaving wonderful streaks and a horrible stench on its way. A courtesy flush would be useless for this.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Grange

This is quite common during Oktoberfest. It seems the main reason guy's let women ahead of them to use the stall even though they usually have to "piss like a race horse" is so they can watch the woman piss from the top of the stall often with camera in hand.

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This makes total sense b/c women touch themselves and all kinds of sexy stuff while they make pee-pee!
:D
Sprite

9:22 AM MDT, work bathroom slay3d.

why are Monday morning slayings so much better?

The UPS guy just showed up and left a smoking crater in the office bathroom. Apparently when they say "heavy lifting" on the job description they ain't just talking about packages.

What can brown do for you?