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Then this is a no brainer. Move on quickly and easily when you start dealing with too much bullshit, such as the bullshit that has led you to seek therapy from an old man ski forum. If she does not want kids than you dont even have to feel bad about wasting her time.Quote:
Originally Posted by MNazWIcoWA
Op, are you in Leavenworth?
We have been able to figure it out…
My wife probably skis once every two years. Pre-kids, I used to ski or bike multiple times a week. Now I’m lucky if I get out a few times a month (we have an infant and a toddler). I wish I could get out more but the compromise is worth a happy marriage. Once the kids are older my wife is going to be stoked for me to disappear with them for a day on the hill and I’ll start getting more days in….
We live in Seattle. The discussion of moving comes up a lot but there is no easy answer. Her family is in Scottsdale, and PHX is a non-starter for me… my family is in the Bay Area and it’s pretty unappetizing to move from Seattle to a higher COL… So far, Seattle is a good compromise between getting out in the mountains and having the culture and social inputs that keep her sane.
The hard truth is if you can’t find a fair compromise; then the relationship should end… so you both can be happy.
I’d also question if she truly doesn’t want kids. Several women I know were staunchly “no-kids” in their 20s, only to change their toon completely in their mid 30s… Biology man….
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I don't know much about Minnesota but I'm sure as others said you can jump on a plane and ski somewhere else
Small hills are fun and I'm sure there is tons around there
What about the mtn biking? I'm sure there is some there
The plus I found out is that average places in average America have great trail systems and bike riding is fun even better the trails aren't dooshed out like they are in Colorado
As for women they come they go I've been married divorced through endless relationships it's all fun women are fun but I'm not moving somewhere that isn't heavy on recreation and access to public lands I've told chick's nope
If you are going to move there and die like 80% of the people who live there that's on you. If your going to take it by the balls and continue your lifestyle it'll be great
As someone who grew up in Minnesota, there's still quite a lot of outdoor shit to do...it is just different. I could move back for the right combination of family/friends/career although I really don't have any friends left there. Ironically my wife now has more friends in MN than I do despite being from the PNW (there does seem to be some sort of PNW-to-MN pipeline).
But it is definitely different. I would probably XC ski a lot more, and almost never bother downhill skiing the little trash hills. I would also almost never drive to the "better" skiing like Lutsen and would instead use the airport for real skiing (but I would still drive to Mt Bohemia to chase a storm). My dad has gotten super into snow-kiting with skis on frozen lakes...I'd probably get into that too.
Similarly, in the summer I'd still ride a lot of bikes, but it would be rolling XC terrain (and road instead of gravel). Maybe start racing cyclocross again too. I'd probably do a lot of sailboat racing. Plus the twin cities have far more vibrant music/food/arts/cultural scenes than anywhere in the mountain west unless you include portland/seattle.
Not saying it is better (obviously I don't live there now), but life goes on and you find ways to enjoy and embrace what your home offers. There are certainly far worse places to be.
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Originally Posted by dan_pdx
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It might be hard in a ski town or small town, but in any place with a decent population I strongly disagree. It might have been the case 20+ years ago, because while the women were out there it was hard to find them (because most women past a certain age aren't going to bars and places like that). But with dating apps, it's fairly easy to find them now. I had very little trouble finding a quality woman in my 50s.</p>
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Originally Posted by skaredshtles
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I could easily live in Vermont for the right lady. But Minnesota? That would have to be one damn fine women. Maybe the OP's women is that? Still need tits to confirm.</p>
From where I'm sitting this has nothing to do with skiing or biking. Listen to your gut. If you're with the right person you're with the right person and it all works out. Doesn't really matter where you live because if you girl is cool she will support all your ski and bike adventures 100%.I left the mountains for a girl, couple years later we broke up, by then I had to good of a job/income to contemplate leaving even though I didn't really care for where I was living. Then I finally had it. Quietly sold off majority of my stuff. Quietly lined up a job driving snowcats at Snowmass, secured living arrangements, etc. This was at 34 years of age. I made the decision at that point that the single life was for me, like you, I saw no kids in my future, etc. So got these great plans to ski bum the rest of my life, I'm 3 months out from heading west and bam, I meet the girl. The one where the instant I saw her I knew she was it. I got married 8 months later, I immediately became a step dad to a 5 and 7 year old, a year later we had a third. Because of the jack ass ex and divorce agreement it committed me to another decade of living in Michigan.Fast forward to now. My two older kids are in college, my youngest is in elementary school here in Durango. I ski 3-5 days a week. Get to travel to ski whenever I want. Biking is year round in all directions. My wife is not a skier or a biker. She has her passions just like I have mine. We encourage each other all the time to do what you love doing. Life is too short to do it any other way. Both our families live in MI. After 4 years into living in Durango, I can say without a doubt the distance from our family has improved our relationship 1000%. We can jump on a plane anytime to visit, not really a big deal. If I could do it all over the only thing I wish is that I met my wife sooner. When you're with the right person, there is no limit to what you can do. When you're with the wrong one, it's fucking suffocating (and the suck part is you don't even realize it until way later or sadly maybe never).
@skaredshtles, pouring one out for our homie…. ;-(
One problem is Minnesota has a disappearing winter. Nordic is becoming a rare breed too.
I chukkled.Quote:
Originally Posted by rideit
Yeah, I grew up near Chicago, and spent a ton of time in MN. Cool place if yer from Chicago to visit. I also lived in NYC and Cape Elizabeth, ME. I live in the west, and I am in no fucking way moving East, unless it’s to the Alps. Sounds like she needs more city stuff. I love city stuff. Maybe there’s a compromise place that ain’t Central WA? Also fly to see family.
See? This guy gets it...Quote:
Originally Posted by plugboots
Pretty rare for two people who have established careers that allow them to live essentially anywhere choosing…..Minnesota. One factor to consider here is what your exercise personality is like. Some people (definitely not me) have the discipline to get indoor exercise daily when it is a thousand percent humidity in Alabama or minus 40 degrees in St Paul. I would probably end up as a chubby alcoholic watching sports on TV if I moved there. My point is that the choice you face is more than just a discussion of preferred hobbies. This shit can have serious consequences twenty years from now on your health both mental and physical.
I'm from VT, and I don't really plan on moving, having had a permanent address here all but six months of my time on this rock. However if my wife said let's move to ________ I'd have my bags packed before she finished the sentence.
Yeah, Vermont is the worst place to retire, smart people move across the river. Just sayin’
"Riser, let's move to Houston!"
"Why are you unpacking your bags?"
I'd rather live Upstate than in fucking NH.
If you ever go to HoustonQuote:
Originally Posted by dan_pdx
Better walk right
Keep your hands in your pockets
And your gun belt tight
Isn't Minesota where they fed those mobsters into a wood chipper and is that the kind of place you wana live ? everywhere I ever moved had skiing but its s BC eh
You can do that going westward for, like, a while.Quote:
Originally Posted by skaredshtles
https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/202...b46a1865c5.jpgQuote:
Originally Posted by frorider
OK. Now we need more info. Or at least pictures of her boobs to decide if you should continue going forward with her.
No one can advise you. Only you know how much you love this woman and how much you love the mountains and mountain sports. I would keep in mind that over time our priorities change, our bodies change, our feelings towards one another change. Whatever decision you make today could turn out to be the best you ever made or the worst. IME people who value other people over the other things in their lives are happier than those who value their sports, their possessions, their addictions, etc. more. But that I think has more to do with the kind of person who makes the choice, not the choice itself.I do see a red flag in the fact that you and she got together while you had a certain life and certain priorities and now she seems to want to change all that. For any relationship to work we have to accept each other as we are not as the people we hope the other will become. Circumstances change; people don't. This is a relatively minor test of your relationship--compared to serious illness and disability or financial disaster which will strain the best relationships.
FWIW as states go Minnesota is one of the best IMO. Prosperous and diverse economy, smart politicians, progressive mindset but not as cringey liberal as, for example, Seattle. And if you like "lake life" it's one of the best places to be. You could do a lot worse if you choose to leave the mountains.
A private island would be nice.