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I don't think I got contiguous sleep until year three, and then we had kids in years 4 and 6. My daughter would nurse every two hours for the first year of her life. She was born slightly premature and was underweight. There was no Ferberizing to be done. The kids are 22, 18, and 16 now.Quote:
Originally Posted by SkiLyft
Anxiety doesn't go away, you just get used to it. Mine are 4 and 6, and coupled with a herniated disc in the middle of it, I haven't gotten out like I used to - but it's ok. I am the LEAST important person in my family the way I see it, so if I lose out on some days so my kids can have a better childhood, I'm ok with that. Growing as a person is tough, and realizing that the adrenaline and other things were just a band-aid for learning how to deal with things has been valuable, but difficult. I'd like to say I'm a better person than I was before they were born, but I can't really be the judge of that. I do know it's an adventure and excited for a summer of biking and having fun with my kids.
Hardest part of parenting, like many things in life, is just showing up consistently. You're never fully prepared. But you show up and you give it your best and let the chips fall where they may.
There's probably another way but nobody has been kind enough to show it to me yet so that's how I roll.
Right?Quote:
Originally Posted by Cruiser
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cruiser
This and the anxiety is from the responsibility of keeping a small human alive and developing in a way that is positive for all.
Realized it has gotten harder over the last year, as we used to get a break when Grandparents or a babysitter took the com, or the kid went to school/camp/etc. but that has not been an option for a year. We are on parent duty 24/7/365 its exhausting. Gotta trade off with partner and get some time as Rev points out. It helps everyone.
Don't worry, those first weeks/months will all be a distant memory soon. It's such an adjustment the first go around. Hang in there and enjoy as much of it as you can.Quote:
Originally Posted by SkiLyft
For my money, the hardest part of parenting is watching kids drink their own disgusting bath water.Quote:
Originally Posted by Cruiser
Holy shit, this.Quote:
Originally Posted by Woodsy
My wife and I have had three "dates" during the last year.
1. Bike ride...her rear hub explodes on the first climb, day over.
2. We get one of their teachers to watch them on a Sunday...14" reported...the ski area loses electricity and all the chairs shut down.
3. Drive to get vaccines an hour away and back.
This sounds like it could work a lot better with two or three sisterwives ya know.
Oh, those first couple months with shitty sleep suck ass. Just grind it out and get as much sleep as you can. And watch your diet - it's an easy time to get fat and your fairy godmother isn't going to show up to give you the time to spend all day at the gym in a few months.Quote:
Originally Posted by SkiLyft
My oldest turns 6 today. This age is great, if you ask me. I'm picking her up early from school and we are then going kiddie park jibbing in matching unicorn onesies (assuming the spring weather holds). I will be substantially more sober than I would have been for this activity before I had kids, but I'll have just as much fun. Probably more.
Her 3.5 year old sister is still pretty toddlery and is, frankly, a pain in the ass. The hard part is slowing myself down and trying to enjoy this age for what it is, too. I'm trying to cut down on the coffee. I don't think it helps me to be as patient as I could be.
The lack of a babysitter has sucked terribly this year. Getting some time off is important.
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7 months. Ugggh.
The first year is brutal.
It gets better. Once they’re toddling it’s cute and fun. Miss those days. But time moves on.
You got this.
Until she says honey I think we should have another.
Somehow we’ve made it to 9 with our girl. It’s an amazing journey but is very hard, no doubt. Some days I want to scream endlessly and run away but most I am more happy and fulfilled than I thought possible. Seeing her progress in things like math, foreign language and reading to skiing and biking are more exciting to me than a powder day, no lie.
The first year is brutal but so are other periods of each year. Then magically they’re not. Then suddenly they are again.
I have no problem with them drinking the bathwater unless they've pooped in it. Then it's off limits.Quote:
Originally Posted by RootSkier
I'm jealous. Last March, it was two week stretches of, "You guys in that room, I'm going to shower and then hit the sack", after having known-positive covid exposures. Wife wanted to go home to Centro for the Summer to see family, and we had tickets for May. As I am typing this, I realized it's a year to the day. So, yesterday a year ago, they cancelled the flight in May around noon. We had a quick chat, then booked tickets for that night, and I dropped them off at the airport on the way to work. They got into Nicaragua at 2pm, and the airport halted all international flights at 5pm. My daughter is now 2 1/2, and I've only seen her for 12 days in the last year(plus whattsapp, which doesn't hold a 2 1/2 year olds attention very well). I feel for my wife, who has had her for a year straight.
About a month before they left, I took my wife to Burke Williams, then headed to Oakland Zoo with the little kid. She slept all the way there, and must have sullied her diaper mid-snooze. I became aware of a strange smell at the golden bear exhibit, and we had to head back to the car. She SHIT MY NECK! Cleaned up and had an amazing day, plus the wife was in an incredible mood.
There's been freak covid scares with it ripping through my wife's entire family, pediatricians prescribing chemo drugs for fevers, lacerations, dog bites, scorpions and frequent fevers. Strangely enough, my daughter hates gallo pinto, and asks for pizza every day(she never ate it with me, it's my favorite thing in the world!!!).
I'm down to about 4 weeks left, maybe 6. I can't wait to be able to hold my daughter again, especially when she is crying. Sometimes I think that anxiety is reassuring, maybe caring for someone more than myself. My point is, enjoy every second!!
Jeepers, bs, that's heart wrenching stuff. Holy shit.
Be glad you didn’t have twins.
I knew 0 about kids. Up until the day they were born my life was a vacation. Then, I was up almost 24/7 while my wife recovered from the c section. As soon as I was done feeding and changing I’d have about 45 minutes then start over again.
Whatever you do, do not make any major career, investment, of serious decisions until you adapt.
We used to say on the trading floor, you always lost money the month u got married or had a kid. 2-2 here.
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^^ Best to you BS!
Think Rev hit a pretty good point about balance which also requires some selfishness to keep yourself square, same way that I'm a better husband & father if I get some me time. Wife will sometimes kick me out of the house to go for a ride. Come back from that or equivalent and it's always a better result for you + family. Edit to add - you certainly have to do the same for your partner as well!!
Saw this today and think it belongs in this thread (1:50ish onward): https://youtu.be/RLrlz2sjaDI?t=110
Love this sentiment when skiing, bikes, whatever with my kids who are in a really fun age 7&9
A wise person I knew said that life is a river flowing. if you stay in the river you become old and grey with grandchildren, maybe great grans, climbing all over you slobberring, and you will have lived every horrible cliche you laughed at in college. And if yoiu don't your stuck in the swamp rotting. A bit hokey but incredibly accurate.
The river certianly has some very, very pretty parts, You don't get to stay.
Yeah the problem is it's only like 7 years I thought it would be at least 20. Then the rush of high school and sports, then college aps then they're off to college and you sit there staring at this person who caught your eye in a bar 25 years ago....she looks familiar...and it all seems like a mad blur wait what were we talking about? were the fuck did i put my glassesQuote:
Originally Posted by 54-46
100%, especially in pandemic times.Quote:
Originally Posted by VTskibum
They're on your head, or if your kid is <5 probably have been crushed.Quote:
Originally Posted by Marshall Tucker
I can’t give parenting advice, butttttttttt......
Those d00ds posting pics in the I Play With My Kids Toys thread seem to be really good Dads. Kids are all smiling in that thread.
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And the rockets thread.
Just starting this last phase.Quote:
Originally Posted by Marshall Tucker
She does look familiar. And 25 years older.
^ same wise man once said "so you think Keith Richards looks old? look in the mirror sometime. In case you hadn't noticed you came along for the ride too."
:fmicon:
Lots of sage advice already mentioned, but Enjoy every f'in minute of the suffering, and good times, they are over too quick when you are looking in the mirror, but seem like Mount Everest at the time.
No book or person will be able to tell you how to do it, they can provide insight and direction, but you and your wife have to decide how to actually do it, in the moment its needed. Be consistent with them, and pivot as appropriate, they are little individuals almost immediately, but also amazing sponges. it is hard, but more rewarding than a pow day, except when you eventually get to enjoy one with them.
Good luck
The parental protective instinct is strong.Quote:
I’ve dug more into this and I think it stems from a few things the primary being concern for my daughter but I know sleep deprivation can’t be helping with that!
When our son was 2 or 3, he was sitting on his balance bike at the top of a slope. I could see him thinking through the decision making process: should I send it, or back off? While I can be an anxious person at times, the little I read before we had kids advised me to project the behavior appropriate for the situation. This has actually helped me with my anxiety, as I more frequently force myself to take a step back and rationally think things through before reacting these days. Sleep deprivation does not help with that for sure.
While I was really tempted to stop our son before he let the brakes off, the risk was minimal, I stood back and watched, and he sent it successfully.