Further proof that guilt by association is another well founded American principle.
And this just in:
SADDAM, OSAMA AND KIM FORM KILLER BOY BAND... TORTURE!
Missing mass murderers Osama Bin Laden and Saddam Hussein are not directing terror attacks against the U.S while in hiding. They're busy working on a new CD along with North Korean tyrant Kim Jong Il -- in a bizarre bid to become the world's hottest new boy band!
So says veteran South Korean journalist Li Soon-Yek, who claims he watched the trio rehearse and lay down tracks in a $1.5 million state-of-the-art recording studio in the basement of Kim's palace in Pyongyang.
"Ostensibly, the purpose of the CD is to spread their gospel of anti-Western hate. Every song is laced with lyrics criticizing America," says Li, who first published the claim in Truth, an underground magazine.
"They told me they believe the best way to win over the masses of young people around the globe is through the music played in dance clubs.
"But the crazy part is, these guys really think that they'll be bigger than *NSYNC. Kim told me, '*NSYNC is overrated -- We will crush them.'"
The bloodthirsty trio's bizarre foray into pop culture was prompted in April when an Iranian music producer who sympathizes with Al Qaeda took one of Osama's many taped speeches and put a techno dance beat behind it.
Bootleg copies of the eerily hypnotic single made the rounds in clubs in Iran, Saudi Arabia and even Paris, where anti-Americanism is very chic.
When Osama learned the single was a hit, he excitedly contacted his allies.
And quickly, the group got the brainstorm of performing in public.
"Can you imagine how President Bush will squirm when we appear before huge audiences around the world, with thousands of people chanting our names?" Saddam asked Li. "His inability to stop us will make him a laughingstock."
While U.S. officials can't confirm Li's story, some find it plausible.
"These men all crave the limelight, the adulation of crowds," notes a State Department source. "Also, Saddam has been obsessed with boy bands for years -- he once invited *NSYNC to visit Iraq.
"And Kim, whose fondness for young girls is well known, obviously would be motivated to create a situation in which teenyboppers fawn over him."
To prepare for the demands of full-fledged stage shows, the leaders have actually been taking voice and dance lessons, according to Truth.
"While Saddam has a decent baritone and Osama can carry a tune, Kim sounds like a cat being strangled," Li reveals. "But the last voice coach to offer constructive criticism to Kim was arrested and executed for treason."
The group has already begun touring caves, training camps and bomb shelters.
"They want to try out their songs in smaller venues before they play to bigger audiences, just like the way the Beatles started out in small clubs in Germany before they hit it big," the source reveals.
"These guys actually think they're going to play arenas -- and who knows, maybe they will."
Naturally, with three giant egos in the room, conflict frequently arises.
"The others complain that Saddam is too bossy," Li says. "And he doesn't like the way Kim skips rehearsals, telling them he 'has a country to run.' "
Even the name of the band remains a contentious issue. Among the possibilities: Axis of Evil, W*M*D, and Glorious Singers Who Defy the USA. They seem to have settled on Torture for now.
When asked about the oddball band's chances for success, music-industry insiders are skeptical.
"Sounds like those three killers are even more delusional than we realized," says a U.S. music critic. "The best they can hope for is to go down in music history as the world's oldest and ugliest boy band."
