Poll: How many of you idiots think you could kill a gorilla?

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03-16-2023, 01:42 PM
BmillsSkier

Right? That's some bold talk.

Show us your work.
03-16-2023, 01:46 PM
Skistack

And rip your arms off your body.

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03-16-2023, 01:50 PM
ötzi

Everybody has a plan until their dick gets bitten off.
03-16-2023, 01:57 PM
Danno

Quote:

Originally Posted by californiagrown

I think that most people when attacked switch into flight/protect mode and that doesnt work against a wild animal in a rage trying to kill you. You cant ropeadope a wild animal.

But being able to "flip the switch" (think on PCP uncontrollable rage) and fight back with the intention to mash the opponent into a fucking pulp gives the bigger animal quite the advantage. So, a 180lb fit male human should be able to come out the winner against a 120lb chimp (not unscathed, but the winner). The biggest disadvantage humans have is our super fragile skin, and our hands and teeth being pretty shitty for ripping, cutting and tearing... so we should be able to smash, choke, grab & break limbs etc as long as the flesh wounds received in the process arent too serious.

So, im pretty sure i could take on any chimp under 120lbs without dying first. Odds get much sketchier and top weight gets lower when we start talking about animals with sharp teeth and claws who are natural predators who instinctively kill as efficiently as possible.

I'll put up $37 to watch you take on that chimp. No flakka.
03-16-2023, 01:59 PM
Core Shot

Quote:

Originally Posted by ötzi

Everybody has a plan until their dick gets bitten off.

Am I expected to fight a chimp (or Buffalo) without jeans?
Wtf. I thought this was a civilized discussion here.
03-16-2023, 02:02 PM
EWG

Quote:

Originally Posted by Danno

I'll put up $37 to watch you take on that chimp. No flakka.

Hell, go ahead with the flakka. Won't make a damn bit of difference.
03-16-2023, 02:08 PM
Danno

Quote:

Originally Posted by ötzi

Everybody has a plan until their dick gets bitten off.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Core Shot

Am I expected to fight a chimp (or Buffalo) without jeans?
Wtf. I thought this was a civilized discussion here.

Ok, so he's wearing jeans. How about everyone has a plan until they are getting beaten to death with the arm that the chimp just ripped off.
03-16-2023, 02:11 PM
El Chupacabra

Quote:

Originally Posted by ötzi

Everybody has a plan until their dick gets bitten off.

Sig-worthy.
03-16-2023, 02:19 PM
jono

Quote:

Originally Posted by BmillsSkier

Right? That's some bold talk.

Show us your work.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Skistack

And rip your arms off your body.

Ok, sure, but to be honest, if he rips his own arms off I don't need to see his work.
03-16-2023, 02:45 PM
cat in january

I will source the pcp and also throw $37 in
03-16-2023, 02:49 PM
Mustonen

I’ll pay $10,000 if he fights the chimp without falling or stopping.
03-16-2023, 02:57 PM
pfluffenmeister

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mustonen

I’ll pay $10,000 if he fights the chimp without falling or stopping.

Cover travel costs?
03-16-2023, 02:58 PM
Mustonen

Only if he wins.
03-16-2023, 03:00 PM
dunfree

Nothings more grindset than thinking you’ll beat a chimp in a fight. Your last thought will be wondering how he fit your femur up your ass
03-16-2023, 03:10 PM
Vt-Freeheel

They sure don't remind me of Curious George
03-16-2023, 03:26 PM
californiagrown

Quote:

Originally Posted by cat in january

I will source the pcp and also throw $37 in

Will need to test the PCP a week prior to make sure im taking adequate dosages (not too much, not too little), will be wearing some carhart duck pants, and will need someone to donate a powder skirt to make sure the chimp cant get up inside my jacket.

If my calculations are correct, and i assure you they are because i did them while relatively sober, I should be as strong or stronger than the 120lb chimp.

The national library of medicine says chimps are about 1.35x stronger than humans on a pound-for-pound basis. Meaning that a 120lb chimp is about as strong as a 170lb human. So, its an overmatch from a strength perspective, but the chimp has the nails and teeth which will be problematic

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/art...g%20velocities.
03-16-2023, 03:34 PM
JimmyCarter

Quote:

Originally Posted by ötzi

Everybody has a plan until their dick gets bitten off.

Churchill?
03-16-2023, 03:36 PM
ötzi

Quote:

Originally Posted by californiagrown

... the chimp has the nails and teeth which will be problematic

But, Caharts and a powder skirt. You're golden.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I6eQ78HCGEA
03-16-2023, 03:48 PM
californiagrown

Quote:

Originally Posted by ötzi

But, Caharts and a powder skirt. You're golden.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I6eQ78HCGEA

Plus i have unlimited access to the Gimp Zone to help heal up after i dispatch that mangey monkey.
03-16-2023, 04:19 PM
CarlMega

I trying to find a clip that I could swear had Judo Gene LeBell playfully wrestling a chimp... but 1st came up with video of a 90lb chimp kicking a 220 lbs guy to the curb. The chimp was leashed, probably drugged, abused and it was gross animal cruelty so I'm not linking it.

But yeah, your dick would get eaten. It'd take a lot of dicks being eaten to even the score but I'm sure every bit helps so go for it.
03-16-2023, 04:25 PM
Skistack

What about giving the ape a bag of dicks? While he’s busy chowing down you can sucker punch him.

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03-16-2023, 04:51 PM
Vt-Freeheel

Could this match be at The Beach in April?
03-16-2023, 06:32 PM
dunfree

1 Attachment(s)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vt-Freeheel

Could this match be at The Beach in April?

yes please
Attachment 452140
03-16-2023, 07:19 PM
stealurface831

Quote:

Originally Posted by californiagrown

Will need to test the PCP a week prior to make sure im taking adequate dosages (not too much, not too little), will be wearing some carhart duck pants, and will need someone to donate a powder skirt to make sure the chimp cant get up inside my jacket.

If my calculations are correct, and i assure you they are because i did them while relatively sober, I should be as strong or stronger than the 120lb chimp.

The national library of medicine says chimps are about 1.35x stronger than humans on a pound-for-pound basis. Meaning that a 120lb chimp is about as strong as a 170lb human. So, its an overmatch from a strength perspective, but the chimp has the nails and teeth which will be problematic

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/art...g%20velocities.

been down this road, man. pretty sure I quoted the same article somewhere upstream. nothing can convince them.
03-16-2023, 07:44 PM
JimmyCarter

Quote:

Originally Posted by dunfree

yes please
Attachment 452140

Goddammit I forgot I was in love with her

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