Can I ski with you?

Sept. 16, 2000
Finally climbed 4710’, Fred and I went up Winner Creek Drainage to north saddle at 3250’. 3 and half to top. Ran about 8 miles of trip. Good bluebird day.

Sept. 26, 2000
Ran stairs at Hilltop to failure than ran 5k in evening in 17 min. fairly easily.

Sept, 28, 2000
Ryan, Hans and I skied north face of Jewel. Started at 7pm/ topped out in pitch black, except for stars around 9:30. Bullet proof snow. Beautiful night.

It really is impossible to put into words. The brilliant colors, imperceptibly fading into muted grays and deep blues. I was just sitting there in the freezing cold watching Hans get ready as a million stars blazed above.

End of October to October ski season for 1999-2000. 193 days total

Oct. 1, 2000
Climbed Max’s (50min) and connected around to Alyeska. Trip total 1:50.

Oct. 4, 2000
Same rout as the 1st but with 3” of fresh snow to 1000’. 4hours total.

Oct. 6, 2000
Ran 6 miles over 45minutes in morning. Climbed at 95% to base of 6 in evening.

Oct. 7, 2000
Skied Lane Glacier for 1st time. 2 and half to top. Slabby but good for first day of season.

Oct. 8, 2000
Skied off of summit of Jewel Mountain. Crisp, bluebird day. Knee deep fluff up top turning into smooth refrozen at bottom. Excellent. I got sponsored by Atomic Skis.

Oct. 10, 2000
Skied Jewel again, this time, in storm conditions. Good skiing in low light with blowing snow. Inaugural use of Alpine trekkers. Not bad.

YOU TRAIN TO BE STRONGER THAN YOU THINK NECESSARY—
MARC TWIGHT

Oct. 11, 2000
Climbed up to tram in 30min. Ran down Tanaka side than back up 3, down 7, back up road. 1 hour total.

Oct. 12, 2000
Hans and I skied Jewel in bluebird conditions. 1’ on summer snow.

Oct. 13, 2000
Hans, Ryan and I skied Jewel in raging storm. One run, better snow.

Oct 14, 2000
Hans, Ryan, Chris D. and I skied 3 laps on Jewel in marginal conditions.

Oct. 15, 2000
Hans, Fred, Abe and I climbed east ridge to Lane Peak. Sketchy climbing.

Oct. 16, 2000
Hans, Joe T. and I skied Sunburst

Oct. 18, 2000
Abe, Hans, Thom, and I went to ski Sunburst. Abe and I skied Magnum Proper while while Hans and Thom filmed from Sunburst. Flat light, excellent snow.

Oct. 21, 2000
Fred, Hans, Abe and I skied Tincan 2 laps. Excellent snow.

Oct 22, 2000
Skied somewhere with someone.

Oct. 28, 2000
Skied Goldpan Proper, followed by nice little chute on Cornbiscuit. Fred, Hans, Chris F.

Oct. 29, 2000
Climbed Magnum and skied PMS 2 times. Good snow, 4000’.

Nov. 1, 2000
Hans, Ryan and I skied Slowboy#1 around 11pm. Dark. Good snow up top, bony at bottom of chute, good pow to top of 4.

TURN FEAR INTO PRODUCTIVE ACTION—MARC TWIGHT

NOV. 17, 2000
Hans, Joe, Dan and I skied Tincan. Skied the north side off of the heli pad. Climbed back up and skied line 1/2 way between heli pad and summit, followed by three runs on kitchen wall.

Nov. 19, 2000
Hans and I skied Sunburst with 1’ fresh.

Nov. 25, 2000
Mile R., Mike B, and I skied Tincan Proper with perfect conditions. 1’ of hero snow, bluebird and stable. I cut nice little slab out that ran to the bottom. Miserable bootpack out to main trail.

Nov. 26, 2000
Miles and I skied Tincan Proper again. Bluebird, good snow, new line. All good. We went skiers left off the top, down to the creek.


NUTRITION


CARBOHYDRATES 4 CAL. PER GRAM
FAT 9 CAL PER GRAM
PROTEIN 4 CAL PER GRAM

PERFORMANCE

BODY CAN NOT USE MORE THAN 400 CAL PER HOUR
2X GU/HR
4X GU/HR ASPIRIN THINS BLOOD/12HRS

AT WALL, EAT FAT.

HYDRATION

1 QT/HR ON SHORT TRIPS
5-6 QTS/12HRS ON LONG TRIP
ADD 1.25 GRAMS OF SALT
MIXED DRINKS WITH MALTODEXTRINE

Nov. 29, 2000
First day of Alyeska operations. Excellent snow all day as we lapped 6. Very tired, sore at days end. 10:30-2:30

Nov. 30, 2000
SORE! Yesterday beat me up. 10:30-3:30

Dec. 1, 2000
Skied 10:30-3:30 10 deg. Good tracked powder. Sunny. Lots of South face laps.

Dec. 2, 2000
Opened North Face to Tram Pocket and High T. Superb snow with clear conditions.

Dec. 3, 2000
Storm moved in. Skied fresh, windblown snow all day.

Dec. 6, 2000
Refrozen, breakable crust. Skied Alyeska 10:30-2:30

Dec. 7, 2000
Skied 10:30-3pm. Better than yesterday.

Dec. 8, 2000
Skied 10:30-3:30 Freezing rain, light snow.

Dec. 9, 2000
Skied 10:30-12:30. Warm, clear.

Dec. 13, 2000
1’ fresh snow since Sunday. Skied 10:30-2:30

Dec. 14, 2000
Skied 10:30-12pm. Wind scoured fun.

Dec 15, 2000
Skied 10:30-2:30. 6” fresh, good.

Dec. 16, 2000
Skied 10:30-2:30. Soft tracked.

Dec. 18, 2000
31” of new snow. Epic powder day. Goes down as one of the best days ever due to deep dry snow and clear skies

Dec. 19, 2000
6-8” of new snow. Snowboarded 1hour.

Dec. 21, 2000
Mountain was closed early yesterday due to 90mph winds. Skiing was good because of the pumpkin pie like quality of the snow.

Dec. 22, 2000
Good snow.

Dec. 24, 2000
Skied 3 laps, boots hurt.

Dec. 25, 2000
Skied 1pm-3:30 then 6:30-9:30. Excellent storm skiing at night.

Dec. 26, 2000
Good storm skiing. 6-8” accumulation

Dec. 28, 2000
Skied a couple of hours

Dec. 29-Jan 1, 2001
Refrozen crud snow.

Whistler, B.C.

Jan. 2, 2001
Skied Blackcomb 4hrs.

Jan. 3, 2001
Skied one run. Mountain shut down due to thunder and lightning.

Jan. 4, 2001
Skied all over.

Jan 5, 2001
Skied Blackcomb.

Jan. 6, 2001
Skied Blackcomb.

Jan. 7, 2001
Day 1 qualifiers for entry into the Canadian Freeskiing Championships World Tour event. 27th place.

Jan. 8, 2001
Day 2 qualifiers. 2nd place

Jan. 9, 2001
Day 1 World Tour. 14th place.

Jan. 10, 2001
Day 2 World Tour. 19th. Skied huge, exposed line dubbed by one of the judge’s “Jacob’s Ladder.” Tech stair step over death to 70ft air to double soccer kick eject. Massive.
(see ‘2 Cents an Acre’ movie poster 12/16/03

Jan. 11-18, 2001
Finally some down time. I have skied basically every day since mid October. Mostly backcountry first then endless, abusive laps on Chair 6. I feel old. My body cannot keep up with what my mind wants to do. I have not done much since Whistler. Slept, read watched TV. Some things I have been neglecting

It has been one thing after another with my health. 1) left knee 2) right knee 3) back 4) left knee 5) illness 6) bunion on foot. It sucks. I abuse my body every day and I don’t give it time to heal. I should. Last week has been good for me. Even though I have a cold, all of my limbs feel good!

It’s back on the skis tomorrow.

Jan. 19, 2001
Skied to top of Tincan. Horrible refrozen, breakable crust from treeline down.

Jan 21, 2001
Skied Alyeska 12pm-2pm. First time on Aly since Jan 1. All the alders are gone.

Jan 22, 2001
Telemarked 10:30-2:30. 20” of new snow. Very good.

Jan. 26, 2001
Skied 1pm-6pm. Lots of new snow. Thermoflex liners. They are nice.

Jan. 27, 2001
Skied 11:30-4:30 and 5:30-9:30. Telemarked on sweet tracked pow.

Jan 29, 2001
Skied 11:30-2pm

Jan 30, 2001
Skied 11:30-2pm.

Jan 31, 2001
Skied 10:30- 3:30. 15” fresh. Snowing all day. Big storm expected. What about school?

Feb 1, 2001
25” fresh snow. Today goes down as #1 day on Alyeska Resort. At 10:30, sky cleared to bluebird with 2ft of 4% snow. It was epic to say the least.

Feb. 3, 2001
North face opened to the bottom for the first time all year. Knee-deep fluff of 8 laps on West Line.

Feb. 4, 2001
Skied 10:30-2:30. 10 laps on North face.

Feb. 5, 2001
Skied Alyeska

Feb. 7, 2001
Skied 10:30-2pm

Feb 8, 2001
Skied 10:30-2:30

Feb. 9, 2001
Bluebird day. 30 deg, soft snow. Skied 10:30-4:30

Feb. 11, 2001
Skied one lap on 6. Knee has been acting up.

Feb. 12, 2001
Skied 10:30-2pm in 15” fresh.

Feb. 15, 2001
Skied 10:30-2pm. Christmas was good.

Feb. 17, 2001
Skied 10:30-3pm. Sunny, nice.

Feb. 19-26, 2001
Skied 10:30-3pm

Feb. 28, 2001
Skied Alyeska. Sunny, 6”.

March 2, 2001
Skied Alyeska.

March 3, 2001
Skied 10:30-4pm.

March 4, 2001
Skied 10:30-2pm in sun.

March 5, 2001
15” of new snow. Very good.

March 6, 2001
Another 15” of new snow.

March 7, 2001
18” of new snow. Turned blue at 2pm.




Lake Tahoe

March 11, 2001
Skied Squaw Valley. Refrozen with 3” on top. Horrible skiing. Too expensive, too many people.

March 12, 2001
Skied Sugar Bowl. Nice mountain. Sunny, warm, no people and fun terrain.

March 13, 2001
Hit the Donner Pass Road Gap. It was fun and pretty big. Nice area.

March 14, 2001
Skied Kirkwood. Sunny, hot, big mountain. I had fun.

March 15, 2001
Day one qualifiers for entry into the North America Freeriding Championships. Horrible, refrozen on the venue. 25th place, what could I do?

March 16, 2001
Day 2 of competition. Bigger venue. Ended up in 15th place. Those first day venues always screw me over. 10 points out of first.

March 17, 2001
3rd and final day of competition on huge terrain. Hot day with deep slush. I flashed my line. Ended up in 13th. Whatever, I got my goggle tan!

Back in Girdwood

March 19, 2001
Skied prominent prow on Big League Proper. #1 run of my life. Thigh deep powder on 50 deg mega-spine in bluebird conditions. Got it all on film as well.

March 20, 2001
Skied Alyeska, 2pm-4pm. Nice groomers.

March 21, 2001
Tried skiing in Whittier, but ended up screwing around. Hit the mountain 1pm-3pm. Sunny, cold.

March 23, 2001
Skied Magnum and Sunburst under blue skies and on hero snow.

March 24, 2001
Happy Birthday to me! 21 years old. Skied up Cabin Ridge under falling snow. Nice snow.

March 26, 2001
Skied the mountain 10:30-11:30. Climbed up Cabin Ridge 2pm-4pm. Skied the mountain til 5:30

March 27, 2001
Patrol opened up Chuck’s Line for first time in month. Excellent snow.

March 29, 2001
Skied Chuck’s Line terrain all day.

March 30, 2001
Opened North over to Pinky. Fantastic!

March 31, 2001
Skied a couple of hours, nothing special.

April 1, 2001
Skied 5 laps out on Max’s Traverse. Good snow.

April 2, 2001
Skied flat light on Alyeska for 1 hour.

April 3, 2001
Deep day on the mountain. 20” of fresh, storming all day. Eased up in pm. Nice, no, excellent skiing from 10:30-3pm.

April 4, 2001
Super fun skiing. Yesterdays snow tracked up real nice. North side opened up.

April 5, 2001
Po and I skied Telemark Ridge. Sunny.

April 6, 2001
Skied the mountain.

April 7, 2001
Alyeska… again.

April 8, 2001
Made 5 laps through Christmas.

April 9, 2001
Made 3 laps through New Year’s and the Monies. Super sweet with no people.

April 10, 2001
Kelsey and I skied 5 laps through Ragdoll Gate. Excellent snow, storming. I had good crash in Throne Room.

April 12, 2001
Skied 1pm-3pm. 1 foot fresh that got heavy.

April 13, 2001
Skied 10:30-4:30. Filmed 10 minute of footage. Hans had spectacular ragdoll down Christmas.

April 14, 2001
Skied 10-1pm Cloudy, unmotivated, scared of boss on hill.

April 19, 2001
Jared, Mike W. and I had a great day. We skied 3 laps on north side of Pastoral then skied over and did Grand Daddy’s Chute. Hero snow under bluebird skies.

April 21, 2001
Alyeska

April 22, 2001
Alyeska

April 23, 2001
Employee Ski Day.

April 28, 2001
Alyeska

April 29, 2001
Alyeska

May 1, 2001
Hans, Abe and I skied from the shoulder of Max’s

Mandatory Rest!

I decided that I am never going to heal, my knee if I keep skiing on it every day. I took the opportunity of the mountain not being open as a chance to for me to recover a bit from this long ski season. Don’t get me wrong! It has been great skiing every day, but I need to rest if I want to do this in years to come. I started taking Glucosamine and doing light weights in order to regain some strength and flexibility in my poor left knee. It is going well, I have until the arbitrary date of May 21 to ski again. Gotta set goals, ya know.

May 15, 2001
I got roped into skiing east shoulder of Goat Mountain. 4000’ in 2 hrs. Low clouds, slushy snow

May 16, 2001
Hans and I climbed up Hope Point and skied the wide couloir off the top. Nice summer snow. Good bush wack to trail.

LOGIC AND PROPORTION HAD FALLEN DEAD

The notion of invincibility swept over me the other day. No, it is not the media-hyped version of 20-something male invincibility. It is something in myself that I have found that can not be taken away. It has always been there, I think, it is just now that it has manifested itself something worthy of my attention. The difference between what I have found and what any other punk has is that mine is a conscious thought of my surroundings and how they effect me. Don’t be a defensive driver, take charge of my variables and then go with it. It is a matter of realizing I am physically nothing in relation to most things but my head, as long as it is in the game, is indestructible. The goal is to keep my head while under pressure so that my body does what it is supposed to do. If I can get this one little trick under control, I can do anything. No fear, you ask? No, you only start living when you feel fear. The secret is to train yourself to feel complacency under the gun. In the end, I know I am coming out of it.
Don’t say this is some kind of macho, male thought pattern, because it is not. I have just become aware of melding mind and body into one. Why should my mind be restricted by my bodies restrictions? I am changing my ways so that my body does what my mind says. We will just float this one out…

May 19, 2001
Skied Alyeska 11:30-2pm. Good summer snow.

May 20, 2001
Skied Alyeska12pm-4pm. Firm snow, good day with some filming.

May 21, 2001
Moved into new house with Kelsey in Girdwood

May 22, 2001
Biked Gull Rock with Thom and Joe. 2hr ride.

May 23, 2001
Kelsey and I biked to Bird point and back.

May 24, 2001
I skied Tincan in breakable summer snow. Ran for 1 hour in Girdwood soon after.

May 26, 2001
Skied Alyeska 11-5pm. Sunny, sloppy skiing.

May 27,2001
I am very sore from skiing.

May 28, 2001 (Monday)
Skied 11-3pm. Sunny and very hot.

May 30, 2001
Skied Sunburst. Used 10-EX’s on tele. Very fast, like to turn.

May 31, 2001
Hans and I built a kicker over a dirt gap. Hans had a new headcam going while Thom filmed from the valley. When I skied, I kicked off a good sluff and played with it all the way down.

June 1, 2001
The first true day of summer. If everything keeps at this pace, this summer could be one of the best so far. Kelsey, Dad and I went boating out in Prince William Sound all day today. We went about 70 miles and saw a lot of country on calm seas. Sunny and hot all day.

June 2, 2001
Skied the mountain from11-4:30. Almost too hot.


Excitement, energy, ecstatic, driven… I feel all of these with such vigor… I feel like jumping out of my skin! But where to put all of this energy? Oh yeah, the world!

June 4, 2001
Skied Sunburst solo.

June 5, 2001
Sunburst again, than ran 5k in 20min.

June 7, 2001
Ran 5k in 20min.

How do people get overwhelmed with life and think that the only way out is more work, more money, and death? The problem is that people are getting overwhelmed by all the wrong things in life. There is more to it than a 2 week vacation surrounded by 50 weeks of drudgery. Only the cowardice could accept a fate that will slowly kill them without them even knowing it. Life is not being lived in the work place, in the store full of merchandise, or even in the city. There is a world of beauty and wonder out there that 90% of the people don’t know about. The first step, the most important, is deciding to look for the world and explore it. I’ve been aware for some time now that within 100mile radius of where I am sitting there are enough mountains, lakes, oceans and rivers to satiate a multitude of explorers souls. So what is in 1000 radius? 10’000miles? Holy shit! I’m surrounded forever, by keys to finding myself.



June 9, 2001
Snowboard camp from 11-3pm.. Sunny, hot, nice jumps but too expensive.

June 10, 2001
Skied Sunburst with Kelsy, Josh T, Eric and Allison. Super hot, did 2 laps, about 4000’
In the afternoon, Ryan, Kelsey and I canoed down Portage Creek. About 2 hours, nice trip.

June 12, 2001
Did 5 times intervals on Tanaka.

June 15-17, 2001
Fishing in Homer. Sunny and hot on smooth seas as we limited out at Flat Island.



June 20, 2001
Ran 20min from Daylodge to Hotel and back then to the steeps on Max’s. 40min total.

June 22, 2001
Todd D. Hans and I climbed Alyeska Peak. I skied FastBoy, Hans skied Headstone and Todd got heat exhausted.

June 23, 2001
Biked around town 4hrs.

June 24, 2001 Water skied at Big Lake.

June 25, 2001
Biked to Alyeska, climbed up, rode tram down, biked home in 1 and1/2 hr.

June 26, 2001
Ran 45min/ about 6 miles.

June 27, 2001
Hans and I climbed Max’s and slide down off saddle.

June 29, 2001
Biked 1 hour.

Time is the most precious because we are born with so little of it.

June 30, 2001
Abe and I did the “Genocide Traverse”. It is called after South Suicide, North Suicide and Homicide Peaks. By traversing all of them from Falls Creek trailhead we gained a total of 8000’ while totally submerged in a 2500’ thick cloud bank that stretched to the horizon in all directions. We gained only one vantage point that allowed a visual distance of more than 40-50 yards and that was on top of North Suicide. The rest of the trip was endless technical ridges followed by map deciphering. It all came back together at the car 9 hrs later. Good day.

July 6, 2001
Abe and I did one of our more stupid trips today. Our initial plan was to bike to Eagle River via Crow Pass trail from Girdwood. However, after 10 hours of pushing and carrying our bikes over the largely unbikable trail, we called off the planned bike back to Girdwood along the Seward highway for the preferred ride in a car. 30 mile to Visitors Center.





































Interior Freedom

July 10, 2001
Well, I finally managed to break myself seriously. I busted my collar bone into 3 pieces. I was in the zone, hitting numerous 10ft cliffs on the ol bike. Finished the day by taking a header. It hurt like a bitch and when I tried to get up I saw my shoulder was not working. I reached up and could feel the end of the bone sticking through the skin! Got it on film at least. So I get to wait until the 16th of August for another doc appointment. Until then… lots of nothing.

The only thing I have now is remembering why I’m out there. Ascending into the mists above, unknown terrain, rock formations and intangible truths. “Those above know what is below…” is true in more ways than one.
Your mind creates your own reality. You can choose to accept this or not. You can be conscious of it and set you mind working for you, or you can ignore it and allow it to work in ways that hinder you and hold you back. But your mind will forever be creating your reality.

“Every day in every way it is getting better and better.”

July 30, 2001
Climbed Alyeska in 30min.

July 31, 2001
Climbed Alyeska in 30min.


Aug. 2, 2001
Climbed Alyeska in 30min.

Aug. 5, 2001
Climbed Alyeska 3 times in 3 hours.

Aug. 9, 2001
Climbed Alyeska 2 times.

Aug 12, 2001
I wandered up California Creek. Kelsey, Amy and I had nice float on Portage Creek. An excellent evening to do so.

Aug 13, 2001
Today I came closer to death than ever before, and in such an embarrassing way! Abe, Hans and I climbed the entire length of Penguin Ridge in 6 hours. At that point, I started to feel sick so I decided to climb down to the house with Abe while Hans continued around California Creek drainage. 1/3 of the way down, I started to drift in an out of consciousness. I became delirious from the heat and needed to get home asap. I could feel myself losing it as I staggered down the hill, out of control, crashing through the alders, trying to avoid the sun. Like a vampire. I wanted to lay down but I knew I would not rise. I had left Abe in the dust as I made haste. I really got scared when I started to get cold. I blundered ahead for what seemed an eternity. I remember looking up, thinking the wind was blowing or there was a jet overhead as I peered out the forest to the sky. It turned out to be a little stream. Water! I drank and bathed in the tiny stream as the flies covered me while I even wept. Whoa! I had never drifted off that far and it was unnerving. I diagnosed the problem later as a combo of heat, dehydration and the use of Ripped Fuel, an ephedrine based supplement you can get at the store. I nearly did not make it, but I am stronger now.

Aug. 20, 2001
I needed one entire week to recover from Penguin Ridge trip. I have never ran myself that dry. Today I climbed Max’s to Alyeska Peak. Sunny and hot. Nice outing though. That was after I biked to Bird Point and back.

Aug 21, 2001
I went out fishing in Seward. It was hot and sunny on the water but the wind was blowing so hard that we could not keep course while trolling for silvers.
I have been doing some reading lately. I happened across some interesting material discussing the nature of reality as we perceive it. It all comes down to quantum wave frequencies and quantum collapses. The waves represent all of the possible “choices” for any given moment and the collapse is the reduction of choices near infinite to 1.
Before even knowing the definition of quantum mechanics, I had been doing some unfocused thinking on the nature of consciousness and our perception of reality. I came up with a diagram below to represent how I perceive reality into existence.





All information that can possibly be accessed by human consciousness.

< The subconscious



<Filter



<Conscious

I was somewhat astounded when I came across similar models drawn by professional physicists. They referred to the subconscious as “yet to be known as true and the conscious is known to be true right now.”

I believe we are able to tap into the vast amount of information held in the subconscious and render it “usable” to the conscious mind. Once that is achieved reality as we know it can, in effect, be altered to what we like. The tough part is releasing from the collective conscious (the gravity of thought held together by society as a whole) and developing my own universe. Why not? If I control what makes it through my reality filter, why could I not change my perception of the world?
I am merely at the cusp of beginning to understand and deal with the sheer power I have in my own head. A man’s perception of his universe is his universe.
I began applying some techniques to tap into my subconscious. I have been floating on a cushion of air ever since! (about a month) I told myself that I will be happy. Believe it or not, I have not had an inkling of being angry or sad or frustrated. 1 Month is along time considering the roller coaster of emotions humans go through. Which brings me to time. Time is simply a measurement of change within a system. Change is an altering of what is perceived to be true by the collective conscious, or the system. Differences found between cultures is the difference found between their respective collective conscious. The culture is the manifestation of the collective conscious and within the culture is a shared perception of time. Therefore, time does not actually exist on it’s own. What if nothing changes? There will always be change as long as humans perceive and adapt to the environment around us.

It seems silly to me that people have, at there finger tips, the ability to change their world through mere thought. Thought, however, is not used in the ordinary sense. By thought, I mean, being consciously being aware of perceptions and reactions in myself as I relate to the world. By being aware. I can control the quantum waves that I allow to create my nexus in the universe.

I look at these silly little issues that society deems important or pertinent to success and I have to laugh now. In little over a month I have undergone radical changes in my self-image and my perceptions of the world around me. If people would stop and smell the roses, they might noticed that they have been sucked into something that was not meant to be. Everything is alive and interconnected and has the potential for anything. Sadly, people do not take the time (haha) to listen to their subconscious (God?). They do not realize that that is there ticket to happiness and freedom! But I’m done worrying about that. I know plenty of people (myself included) that spend too much time venting and worrying about the stupid and directionaless, goal-oriented lives that the masses are living. I am beyond that and am tremendously relieved. I used to battle against insurmountable odds to change the people around me. To convince them that there is a better life out there for them. What is the point? I do not yet have the influence to be the drop of dye in the bucket of society that colors all of the water. I am going a different route. I am recoiling from societies ills and seeing only good in every situation. That way, I will have a cascade of objective reductions that lead to my enlightenment and bliss.

The problem is that I still do have to live with society and plan on doing so for some time. My plan is to create my own Shangri-La, wherever I go. One person sees sorrow, so I see happiness. One person sees death, so I see life. And this view is not entirely selfish. By recreating my subconscious truths I am lending some thing to the collective whole. And in day-to-day interactions, if I am perceived as happy and with out a care in the world, maybe it will rub off on someone.

Aug 28, 2001
The mechanics of objects on the quantum field is fascinating. The machine of the universe churns away relentlessly, regardless of one man’s desire to tap into and apply the power and wisdom available. I am just a fleck of foam, floating directionaless and without sight, until I reach deep down within myself and throw away pride and individuality. Once done, I am released from the burden of challenging the ebbs and flows as dictated by the moon and I am allowed to expand, grow and absorb the energy around me. It is there. It’s oppressiveness, once the cause of my claustrophobia is now the cocoon of warmth and security in my search for personal freedom. The freedom to dictate my own path (with guidance from the moon of course) to happiness and success on whichever path I choose.

It is subtle at first. It is still subtle now, but it is there. I can smell it in the air and my mouth is watering. I am a receptor for all things good in the universe and I want to absorb all of it. Slowly at first, than exponentially things will turn up good in my direction.

Once your acknowledgement of lack of actual perception, your actual perception is sharpened. The greens are greener, the reds more vibrant. Your nose detects even richer undertones to familiar scents. Close your eyes and the visual energy is transformed into the audible. A forest buzzes with electricity. Plants and trees creak and stretch towards the sun or falling rain. Once you allow yourself to see the world for what it is, you will be rewarded infinite times over in its return.

Sept 3, 2001
I’ve working quite a bit the last couple of weeks. I have to be prepared for the upcoming ski season. Kelsey and I moved into a nice little studio apartment today. It is new, bright, warm and cheap.

I went up and ran Alyeska today. It was interesting because I was trying to apply some “mind power” to a physical activity. With not much effort, I climbed to the top of the tram in 23:30! That is a PR. I normally do the route in 29-30min for the same effort . The difference was that I thought about being lighter. As soon as I thought I was getting tired I did get tired. So I had to think that I wasn’t tired and that this was an easy pace etc. I was proud, not for the quick time, but for the conscious use of mind power.

Refocusing my attention has provided quite a bit of entertainment in the last couple of weeks. We spend so much time seeing the world in its concrete manifestation that we see beyond the world in its neutral state. By focusing my attention on one scene, I can see it for what it is—a moving, dynamic web of energy that is ever moving and rolling with vibrations of energy. People melt into the backdrop and sounds die away to a muted drone. It is pleasant and relaxing to say the least. A wave of warmth and euphoria sweeps through my core and I have to smile. The universe around us is a beautiful place! Plants move and grow, streams gurgle to life and people are easier to forgive and understand.

I’ll compare thought to electricity. Wherever there are no clouds, electricity leaks from the negatively charged earth to the positively charged atmosphere. This leakage is restored to the earth in thunderclouds, which pick up and store the lost electricity. Electricity always tries to find its way back to Earth, constantly trying to bunch together enough to send a cumulative burst of energy to the ground. Thought is similar in that it flies around your head basically unhindered. But with some concentration of your thought energy can be focused to a point where it forms a “spark” and manifests itself in the physical state. So, the more I think about what I want, the easier it will come.

Sept 6, 2001
Hans, Abe, Mike and I skied 1ft fresh on Jewel. That is the earliest I’ve skied snow that good.

Sept 8, 2001
Skied Jewel again but it had refroze over night. Still sunny.

Sept. 9. 2001
Similar to the Buddhists, I have come up with a simple way of getting as many prayers out to the universe as I can. For every step I take, I’m sending positive vibrations out into the web of energy, calling for all positive things.

I believe there is a limited amount of energy available for filtering at any time. In the summer months, everything is alive and breathing and utilizing most of the available energy. But come the autumn months, things start to change. All of the energy that was pent up in the plants and animals is now more easily made ready for the willing to look for it. As each left falls and each salmon dies or each squirrel bunkers down to hibernate for the winter; they are releasing their energy back to the web. For those searching for answers through thought and contemplation, the signs are everywhere



“A” reality is what every one sees. In it 1” equal 1” and 1’ is 1’. Walls are solid and trees don’t breath. People are blind and selfish only because of their ignorance. Ignorant to the life that surrounds them. They are selfish in their own world where they are the center of their own universe, but still at its mercy. In “A” things are the way they are because that is what we are told they are. “A” is inside the box.

“B” reality is dynamic and ever changing. Where “A” is a black and white photo, “B” is an IMAX Theater and you are the director of your film. You call the shots. In “B” abundance is there like fruit on a tree, you just have to set up the ladder (acknowledge)


“When an object or purpose is held clearly in thought, it’s precipitation, in tangible and visible form, is merely a question of time. The vision always precedes the realization.”

“Dreams will show you where you are and where you are going, they reveal your destiny.”

“Man has his future within him, dynamically alive at this present moment.”

“To fully understand a grand and beautiful thought requires, perhaps, as much time to conceive it.”

“All truly wise thoughts have been thought thousands of times; but to make them truly ours we must think them over again honestly, til they take root in or personal experience.”

“Every new belief needs time and attention to flourish.”

“Something we were withholding was making us weak, until we found it was ourselves.”

“All the arts we practice are apprenticeship, the big art is life.”

“Creative people thought they were creative and the less creative people thought they were not.”

“Who can tell what is good and bad luck?”

“No such thing as problem only opportunities.”
Every problem is an opportunity to read the signs the universe is giving us.

Sept. 11, 2001
I climbed up to the saddle by Jewel and filmed Hans as he skied the Milk Headwall. He had started boot packing straight up the 2500’ face at 7am that morning. We coordinated by radio. His line was hockey rink ice on 45 deg + giant fin to couloir to double bergschrund. Crazy.

Sept 14, 2001
Hans and I skied on the lower end of Crow Glacier. New terrain discovered.

Sept. 17, 2001
Hans and I drove to end of Palmer Creek Rd. We did Palmer Peak traverse. Circled up and around little glacier and came off peak on right side.

Sept 18, 2001
Thought is always trying to manifest itself into the physical state. Like a tornado or bolt of lightning, with out a concentration of the omnipotent energy source, it powers go by unnoticed like air. But once its strength is focused, it knows no bounds.
(My subconscious is bringing me perfect people and circumstances to get me up the mountain and down)

This is my interpretation of the relationships among the conscious, subconscious and the energy that fuels subconscious thought and development.

Sept 19, 2001
“The future exists first in imagination, then in will, than in reality.”

This is great! Just have to keep this ball rolling. This winter is going to be start of a new era. I will be paid to ski how I want. I am going to travel everywhere I want to. We are going to get the best footage to date. I am going to keep attracting people and circumstances that are perfect for what I want.


Lucid Dreaming

To the uninitiated, life is spent primarily in the conscious state. Driving, eating and working all require the person to be conscious of his surroundings i.e. time and spatial relations as perceived by the observer. 2/3 of day is spent doing mundane things, the last 1/3 is spent sleeping. It is the time when the body and conscious mind rest and replenish in preparation for the next day.

During sleep the conscious mind shuts itself down to outside stimuli in order for the subconscious mind to take over the thought process. Dreams occur when the conscious and the subconscious interact and the dream is remembered as real to the conscious mind. For the most part, you can’t control your dreams because your conscious mind controls your physical action during the day, so if it is asleep you can’t fight the direction the subconscious wants to take you. The secret to lucid dreaming is to keep your conscious awake during the transition your body makes into sleep. The reason lucid dreaming is helpful is because you can control the pace and direction your dream goes You can question people, respond to questions and generally interact in a very physical way. Your subconscious presents information in the form of symbols and ideas (dreams predate language) and it is up to you to decipher the information given as it relates to day to day life. Your subconscious remembers everything, it perceives forever. Anything you have seen or done is locked away in storage. On top of that, your subconscious also has all the information from everything and everyone in storage. It is infinite in its knowledge. Lucid dreaming is one way to access this information.

Like most things, lucid dreaming takes patience and practice. But once learned it comes quickly and ever ready to provide answers.

1)Be tired, you can’t dream if you can’t sleep.
2)Relax
3)Focus on putting your body to sleep. Do this by imagining the prickly sensation you get in your foot or leg when you sit on it wrong. Imagine it in your hands, creeping up your arms. At the same time, feel it crawl up your spine from your pelvis and join your arms.
4)Your legs may feel numb or prickly as well. The feeling goes up your legs to the pelvis.
5)At this point, the prickliness may give way to fuzziness. Your body will feel like it is sinking away from you or like you are falling through the floor.
6)Take notice to what your eyes are doing. They should be darting around, this way and that. Now you are asleep. It is a very pleasant feeling
Anything you see now is your dream and you can control the action. Ask question, take part and learn. I have also noticed that the fuzzy numbness gives way to what can best be described as electrical currents running through your body. Your body twitches accordingly. It is the same sporadic movements that someone makes while sleeping next to you. It is just now that you can feel the energy behind the movement. The question is, are these currents always there or only when you sleep?

I believe that we are connected to everything and everyone around us by a web of energy. Everything is everything. When you have a lucid dream your conscious is finally aware of your subconscious energizing your body and mind. Your subconscious is your connection to the web of energy.

Neurogenic Script (Leary)

1)The helpless infant (circuit 1)
2)The walking-struggling-competing child (circuit 2)
3)The word and tool using older child (circuit 3)
4)Imprinting-conditioning the sexual circuit (4)
5)Reproduction… the cycle continues.



I read the cover of “Prometheus Rising” and it mentioned the “Quarter Trick”. I did not know what it was referring to. That evening, I was cleaning out my house in preparation for moving and kept finding quarters wherever I went. Literally vacuum the room, go to the next, come back and there would a quarter in the middle of the floor. I exclaimed this to Kelsey.

I went back and read the 1st chapter of the book the next day and the exercise basically says to visualize quarters everywhere. Pretend that they are everywhere while imagining the size, shape and texture. Some say it is that the quarters are already there, you just happen to be looking for the. Others say that the quarter is such a small piece of the universe with billions of chances to be anywhere that your little might can actually manifest the quarter to appear. They keep turning up.

Sept. 24, 2001
Jared, Hans and I skied Jewel and Summit Side today. 3 laps in 1’ fresh.

Sept 27, 2001
Hans and I climbed up towards Magpie Peak from Crow Pass to scout lines. Started snowing. 4hrs, 4500’.

Sept 28, 2001

1)“I’m done with this”
2)Beat Beethoven
3)Balloon Theory (revised)
4)Infiniti/1, 1/infiniti
5)One last thing…

The 5th feels electric and smooth. Energized beyond restraint. Conception of and concentration on thoughts

Why? Saw I was done so decided for one last teaching and compound rest in shortly, because of interest on my part.

Sept 29, 2001
Jared and I climbed up towards Middle Peak from Byron drainage. Sunny and nice out. Sketchy descent.

Sept. 30, 2001
Hans, Jared and I climbed a nice ridge circuit up in Archangel. Good solid rock, some bouldering too.

End of October to October ski season for 2000-2001. 143 days total
( Interesting, I skied the same amount of days as from 2 seasons ago)

Oct. 1, 2001
This is the beginning of a new era! This coming winter will be the launching pad for my skiing career. I am excited. I think and plan but I know I don’t need to because it will all work out in the end. My life has been pretty good so far. I only intend to improve on my foundations and set no limits on myself. If you name a limit, it most certainly will arrive as expected. Tomorrow I will ski and tomorrow I will be me.

Oct. 2, 2001,
Hans, Abe and I skied 3 runs on Jewel. The weather moved I and out with moderate film conditions.

Oct. 3, 2001
Don’t make the mistake of looking at life through cardboard tubes.

Oct. 7, 2001
Neurogenic Script (Leary)

1)primitive organism; infancy
2)vertebrate struggle; childhood
3)semantic-theological learning ; school
4)socio-sexual domesticity
5)neurosomatic rapture ; zero gravity, space migration
6)neurogenic vision ; longevity/ immortality
7)meta-programming skill ; intelligence intensification (I squared)
8)meta-physiological vision ; (?)

Oct. 8, 2001
Abe, Ryan, Hans and I skied up Crow Glacier. We turned around due to fierce winds and snow. We spied excellent terrain for the future.


Oct. 10, 2001
Imagine a government that called itself a democracy. Suppose for whatever reason they decided, either then or 50 years earlier, that they wanted to become a totalitarian/Big Brother type regime. How would they go about doing that against the nay-saying of the people?

Brain Theory.

Lay on your back in a meditative state. Become aware of your body relaxing. You can experience the difference between actions made by your left or right brain. While lying completely relaxed, send the signal to your finger or toe on your right side, to barely move. Maybe not even visually move, but send just the signal as if you’re about to wiggle the finger or toe. Notice the light filling the left side of your head. You can actually experience the light of perception (in this case instruction) as its weight physically tips your head toward the left side! Is it the weight of the flow of blood to that side of the brain you notice? The weight of light? I don’t know. Try it on the other side as well.


Thought= Light  information  matter  weight?

Thought  Light: Perception of Light by brain = Thought

The metaphor of light fit perfectly into the thought=matter=weight equation.

The light enters the left side of the brain and the head tips to the left.

Light = consciousness
Light = ???

“… in the likeness of me.”

Blood creates heat, heat is concentration of light energy. The Sun is our center of light energy.

Thought outweigh matter?

DNA  atomsmoleculescells  organs  systems of organs  humans  systems of humans (politics)  species of human  kingdom of animals  biosphere  ecosphere  planet  solar system  galaxy  universe  DNA of next universe?

DNA structure and process’ = universe structure and process’
Cosmic homology. Atman and Brahman. Alpha and the Omega.

Oct. 11, 2001
Abe, Ryan, Hans and I skied Jewel in deep, fresh snow. Good skiing.


Oct. 13, 2001
Imagine being born. You come into the world wide-eyed and ready for anything. Anything is possible. But as you start to grow and learn (become conditioned), “tubes” start to grow around your eyes. Much like looking through a roll of paper towel. The more you are taught by society, the longer the tubes grow. The longer they get, the less you are able to perceive of the entire world around you. You only get to see whatever is at the end of your tunnels. Every person has their own reality tunnels that they live in. Some tunnels cross at places while some run parallel. (see fig 10/3/01) But for the most part, no one is living up to their potential because they are being held back by instinctual leashes that are somewhat difficult to remove.

Why go through life only seeing a fraction of a % of what the universe has to offer? Shed those unwanted fears and desires and live! But be sure to live for yourself. You’re surrounded by people with an agenda that includes getting as many people to join them in their reality tunnel as possible. Misery loves company. The idea behind my thoughts and writing is to cull through as many different tunnels and systems of thought as possible. Some can be discarded immediately because it is clear they do not match my ideals while some can be integrated into my compilation of attitudes and beliefs.

It is tough work. I am perpetually bombarded with other people’s ideas and morals. I am told I am bad if I do not comply. Am I just supposed to do what I am told? Because, if that is the case, the world will be filled with bigots and war mongers… Oh wait, it already is! I suppose from someone else’s point of view, I am just the same as everyone else. I am looking for direction, meaning and guidance in my life. Where I intend to stand apart from the rest, however, is my lack of preaching and pushing for what I believe. I believe all of the answers can be found within your self. I am as strong as the universe because the universe is within me, down to every last cell. I am not going to go look for shoulder to lean on because I have enough will to lean on myself for support. The Spirit of Life is alive and kicking in my soul and I intend to on using its energy to remove myself from the pains of physical existence and relish in the pleasures of life like it is supposed to be.

Oct 20, 2001
In following with the chronological order from 10/10 /01, nuclear fusion might have to do with the merge from one level of energy to the next, The nuclear blast is made of the same energy that fires along on the cellular level. Enough nuclear blasts? Next level?

8 circuits stacked high.

8) revealing
7) full preparation
6) gentle preparation
5) enlightenment from 1-4

4) reproducing
3) functioning
2) alpha male
1) fear/ hunger

The first 4 circuits are operated primarily in the left brain. (90% of population) The second 4 circuits are operated by the right brain (10% of population). To aid in left and right brain thought it helps to sleep on proper side of body to stimulated problem solving in the night.

Sleeping on the left side awakens the left brain because the right side is exposed and needs to be put on survival mode i.e. detecting approach/ attack of strangers. While the left brain operates it goes over practical ideas and concepts that are affecting it over the day.

Opposite is true while you sleep on your right side. The left side is exposed, stimulating thought in the right side of the brain as it mulls over creative and non-linear ideas. Once the two sides are quieted for the day, sleep will occur on the back for most restful sleep. That is sleeping with comfort and satisfaction within your existence. You can purposefully sleep on one side or the other to answer specific questions.

Note: sexuality has to do with culmination of first 4 circuits. Does it have anything to do with culmination of last 4?

Acquire friend from each of first 4 circuits. Each person satisfies need for interaction with all circuits. All people need interaction with circuits and ceasing to judge or hurt any other animals, people before ascension occurs. The final part is to keep relationship with the spirit that runs everything. You do not need another person on the other side to help. Be careful not to be swayed by false prophets. Their path is at first clear, but soon becomes faulty. You cannot ascend if you let go of your people. Practice seeing peoples personalities and traits. Decide which circuit they most likely belong. Soulmate? Someone who matches all of your circuit/ reality tunnel?

Reformulated idea on friends.

I can pretty much look at any stranger and, within seconds, see what motivates them, what makes them who they are. Facial expressions, walking, stature, talking are all clues to personality traits. My close friends, however, seem much more ambiguous. Upon inspection I see a blur of humor, motivation, and interests that at first I did not understand or could not decipher. Then I realized that the characteristics that they separately share are collectively mine. They are my most vibrant mirror and I see myself in them. Maybe this is why all of my friends are such weirdo’s!

Bringing me down
1)Moved out of Katy’s
2)Moved into shitty house
3)Got sick
4)Broke up
5)Maddie died
6)Abe and Ryan summer
7)Moose’s Tooth, hurt knee
8)Fred, Kristen room mates
9)Still sick
10)Whistler/foot hurt
11)Drinking all along
12)Money problems
13)Sick
14)Broken collar bone
16)Started thinking/ enlightenment!

Think outside the box.

1)Be impeccable with my word
2)Don’t take anything personal
3)Don’t make assumptions
4)Do your best



Oct. 23, 2001
Jared, Hans, Abe and I skied 2 laps on Sunburst in excellent snow, 1-2ft on smooth base.

Oct. 24, 2001
Skied up to Taylor Pass then hung left and did Sunburst Proper in the sun. Skied lap off of the front to the car

Oct. 25, 2001
Skied a lap on Tincan from helipad. Better snow then the 24th.

Oct. 26, 2001
Skied Tincan again before working at 2pm. Sunny, cold.


Oct. 28, 2001
Fred and I skied Todd’s Run and climbed CFR to do the south side to the car.

1) Be impeccable with my word.
My word is the most powerful tool I have. It lets me convey my message, thoughts and feelings to others. It can be used for good or evil. What I say can have profound effects on people both near and far away. Speak with people with only good and honest intentions. In turn, people will respond with goodness and honesty.

2) Don’t take anything personally.
People only speak what is on their mind. They speak their thoughts and their feelings. Their perception of themselves is how they see others.

3) Don’t make assumptions.
Don’t assume that when someone says something that it is truth. Don’t assume that their thoughts and feelings should be your thoughts and feelings.

4) If I do my best at everything I do, while applying these simple rules to my life, I can have anything I want out of life.

How can you define God when God is everything? How does man have the audacity to name, structuralize and corrupt the spirit that is all things? Everything is alive with different levels of intensity. A rocks molecules jump, vibrate and bounce one another because THE energy runs through them as well as every person, dog, cat or tree. Once you tune into the different frequencies of the energy, the world becomes an amazing place. I’m at peace with my world because I have created it. Humans stand apart from the rest because we have the ability to be conscious of the act of creating. Rocks and trees are conscious of their world on their energy level. Humans can experience not only their own physical and emotional world, but including the realities of other people, animals and plants down to the cellular level.

Oct 29, 2001
“There are two mountains on which the weather is bright and clear, the mountain of the animals and the mountain of the gods. But between, lies the shadowy valley of men.
--Paul Klee

Does our “higher” level of consciousness somehow remove us from the basics? The basics of seeing the universe for what it is? Removed the ability to perceive the under-lying structures and energy fields of reality? Humans perceive the world and than seek ways to change it to meet their needs. Animals perceive the world and seek ways to change themselves to meet their needs.

Nov. 1, 2001
Hans, Fred and I skied at Tincan. About 3 feet had fallen overnight leaving the slopes extremely unstable. I’ve never seen snow slide so readily. 3-4’ fracture on every roll. Good ski-cut practice. I almost got taken 2 times. Scary.

Nov. 3, 2001
Built a couple of kickers at Tincan. Lots of new snow, lots of people.

Nov. 4, 2001
Abe and I went out to ski 2 laps on Tincan. Good snow.

Imagine thought as if it were a deck of cards. In the ”normal” state, thoughts can go through your mind entire decks a second. Whereas, in the meditative state, each card is laid out, face up for your conscious examination of its suit and value.



Nov. 5, 2001
Skied 2 laps on Sunburst in perfect weather and snow.

Nov. 6, 2001
Ryan, Abe and I skied Tincan Proper while Hans filmed from Sunburst. Good snow up high, sketchy down low.

Nov. 7, 2001

1)More shared energy in groups/families.
2)Bodies moving around constantly
3)Single bodies dimmer/ fizzle out
4)Occasional black body. They are bad/cancerous.

Nov. 9, 2001
Fred, Hans, Jared and I skied up Sunnyside, down to Seattle Creek and back up for 2 runs on Sunnyside. 7500 vertical feet.

Nov. 10, 2001
Again to Seattle Creek. Excellent snow. Only one run on Sunnyside.

Nov. 11, 2001
Kelsey and I skied Sunnyside. She did good.



Nov. 16, 2001
Fred and I climbed and skied 8500 feet today on Tincan. We made 4 laps to the valley bottom skied left of the Gnarlies. “Cold Smoke.”

Nov. 17, 2001
First day on Alyeska. Super good skiing. We only got 2 runs on 6 before 60mph winds shut most of the mountain down.

Nov. 18, 2001
All of that good snow from yesterday turned to slop. Skied 10:30-2:30

Try focusing on the point between the inhale and the exhale. That split second is the difference. It’s kind of like reading between the lines. You normally notice the in or the out. Likewise, you normally notice the physical world.


Nov. 19, 2001
Time is defined as the increase of entropy within a system. Entropy is wasted energy. If everything that has ever happened in the past has led to where I am now based on my memory of events and how to react to similar events in the present, then all events that are to happen in the future are predetermined based on anticipated trajectories of thoughts and emotions towards specific events that have yet to happen. If I remove myself from the traditional sense of causality (reverse cause and effect) I can give myself memories of the future.

Time
 present 
events in the past events yet to happen

I have a selective memory of my past. I only remember events that I can use, or possibly use, in future events. I’ll remember how to act based on positive or negative reinforcement received in previous event. Now, if I only remember events in my past and present that are positive and lead to my goals, my goals will be attained. Furthermore, if I make memories of my future, my prover will set out to make these memories true. There is no time in the calendar sense. (that was only created for convenience) Everything is everywhere is everyone, right now! I will work on acknowledging past achievements and remain ever goal oriented.
Following ideas based on causality, I will create events that cause effects that create the desired cause. I will create my future.

Nov 20, 2001
Seven Arrows of Time

1)Increase of entropy
2)Psychological: memories of past, not future. Seems to go forward.
3)Thermodynamic: effect follows cause. Ripple pebble in pond
4)Expansion of universe: equally valid for relativity, universe is crunching.
5)Black hole/ white hole theory
6)Quantum: measurements never dissolve back into probabilities
7)Neutral Kaon decay: CPT (charge, parity, time) reverse charge.

Live in moderation when it comes to living in the past or future. Say you have x amount of energy set aside for evaluating the past and the future. Most people focus too much energy into the past or future. You should even it out to 50/50 for past and future. Future memories are just as important as memories of the past in creating the present moment.


Nov. 22, 2001
Refrozen shit. Skied 2 hrs

Nov 23, 2001
Refrozen shit. Skied 2 hrs

Nov 24, 2001
Smoothed out, refrozen shit.

Nov. 26, 2001
Hans, Fred, Ryan G and I skied south face of Goldpan. Sunny on perfect snow.



Physicist continue this search for the most basic unit of the implicate order. This is impossible because the smallest part of matter is everything, the universe etc.
(see 10/3/01; 10/13/01, #3)

It is impossible to comprehend with logic or linear thought. Words used only produce negligible effects. Words are symbols for symbols. Symbols are a product of logical thought while the universe predates (see 11/20/01) and transcends logic. Only experience can convey this oneness to the listener.

Frustrations can occur for not being able to share with others and expound my non-linear thoughts into symbols. But I know. It fills me with excitement, like I’m about to uncover hidden truths around each bend. If I let the spirit (?) fill me, then it can more easily reach out to others. Be careful though. Most people do not want to be told what to think or do with their lives. Likewise, I do not like being told what to do.

Maybe my happiness will be contagious? Lets hope so.

Nov. 27, 2001


Nov. 28, 2001
Skied the mountain, still hard.

Nov. 29, 2001
Skied Alyeska. Hard, fast snow.

Nov. 30, 2001
Skied 1pm to 5:30. Practiced 180’s on jibbers. Getting better.

Some interesting aspects of the future came up today. I will continue my thought from 11/18/01 with some clarification. I became aware of the present in a more clear sense. It seemed to be an actual length of time but I don’t think it was. In the present, I could see where my actions were leading me to my future, therefore I could see my future. Albeit, not very far and technically, I was sitting on a chairlift so my options were somewhat limited. With more practice, you should be able to see further into the future.

It also occurred to me that the future that most people create for themselves is fallacious. People create the future that they think they should create themselves based on what other people think. They think that they cannot always have fun. They think that they cannot be prosperous. They think money is hard to make. They are wrong! Life is what you make of it. Your present lasts for an infinitesimally short amount of time. That means that every instant is an opportunity to make choices that alter the path that you are on. Things might not change over night, but hundreds of thousands of branches in your path will lead you to your future. As long as you keep your eyes open for opportunities that adhere to your plan for life, they will come up. And if you happen to miss any, another will be along shortly.

Dec. 1, 2001
Skied 10:30-1:30. Too cold. Still has not snowed.

Dec. 2, 2001
Snowboarded 11-2:30. Cold. Good groomers, first day snowboarding on the hill.

I am alive with energy! I can see, feel, hear, taste and smell it. It has always been there, just not as obvious. Intoxicating. I can see the energy in everything. Electric pulses fly by unnoticed until you take charge and start looking. Visual snap, crackle, pop. It is not disorienting in the slightest. I am somewhat reassured that I am looking in the right direction. I am more alert if I am on the watch.

Currents of energy flow. Like creeks between lakes and the eventual ocean. The same energy flows between people, animals, flowers etc. Your body is a receptor for this energy. No, more like a conductor, it is part of the system, integrally connected to everything else. There is no receiving or giving, it is all mutual.

Interesting. I just heard the distinct sound of water spilling on the hard wood floor in the next room. Upon looking, I found no spilled liquid of any sort and resulted in waking sleepy Kelsey. I was done with “feel” and was about to think of “hearing”. I suppose I heard flowing water. (turned out to be the bathroom tub’s faucet draining 5/20/02) ;)

I can hear the buzz on occasion but more often a ring or bell. Snaps and pops. Sounds of energy jumping about from here to there.

Food is so good! I get a genuine kick out of any and all food. It tastes good, I enjoy it and it is nourishing.

I can smell the trees, air, snow, dirt, water and salt. I especially love smelling food on its way to my mouth.

Dec. 5, 2001
Skied 1 lap on Alyeska. Too cold.

Dec. 6, 2001
Skied 1 hour. Cold

Dec. 7, 2001
Skied 11:30-2:30. Snowboarded 4:30-5:30.

Enlightenment! Should it be so easy? A path lies before me as clear as ever. Is it right? Is it wrong? Is it the future or my created past? How should I know whether I’m being tempted by good or evil? Silly. Why ask a nonsense question when the euphoria rolls through my core? There is no evil, only ideas created by men. “Neti, neti” is what I say to “bad” ideas. If a seed takes root, it will grow. It is up to me as to what grows in my garden.
I can see my past with ever increasing clarity and interest. My future expands to the horizon. What stops my sight is the curve of neglect that has bent into shape over years of focusing on the past and fearing the future. Why should I fear the future any more than the past? The past is what created me in the present. I should then be able to create my future out of the present. I’m done tripping through life with a candle to see the way. Enlightenment is seeing how to strategically use mirrors and windows to magnify my vision power.

What happens when thought supercedes/transcends prose? What words, with any satisfaction, can convey the sheer magnitude of the furthest reaches of the mind? Symbols and sounds have their limits. Artists and musicians are the best at starting the capturing process. Writing can bring on frustrations. Language was created and is used by only a very small portion of our brain. What does the remainder use to communicate? Nonlinear objectives are reduced into a subjective singularity by what means? What process plays the matrices between thought and the physical universe?

Words fail. Is that the evolution of man? Ceasing to communicate visually or audibly? Neither sound nor light exists where there is no one there to perceive it. When the communication of information reaches the point where it can reach all of humanity by means faster than the speed of light, there will be no locality and therefore no production of light or sound waves. If there is no distance for the information to travel it means that the universe that was once considered infinitely large has been reduced to the infinitely small (relativity). Does that mean that the universe had any size to it in the first place? If information (i.e. thought, light) is transmitted at the speed of light, than the universe is reduced to a singularity by the same imagination of the collective conscious that gave these arbitrary dimensions to the physical world to begin with.

Before there was anything, there was a singularity. This singularity was ignited by a spark of recognition and expanded exponentially to infinite, relative to the original spark. How far is infinite? It doesn’t matter if it is 100x infinite or 1/2x infinite. Infinite is the uncountable, the unreachable and incomprehensible. Anything that is outside our limited scope of recognition is infinite just the same. The moon used to be deemed unreachable. Now it is reachable. Mars used to be unreachable. Now it is reachable. Jupiter is just the same. One day it will be reached along with the rest of the stars. Just as soon as the collective conscious realizes the integral part it plays in the creating of reality. The infinite will be reached by thought and be reduced to the infinite nothing, just the way it started.

The expansion and general dimensions of the universe have been proportional to our understanding of the universe. 200 years ago, it was thought to be X big. Now it is thought to be X to Nth in size relative to original X. This occurs because as we come to understand the vastness of our minds we are able to apply that vastness to our surroundings. As soon as you reach the furthest reaches of thought you will reach the furthest reaches of our universe. As soon as the perceived infiniti becomes finite, oneness will occur. (see 10/3/01)

Interesting supporting data: apparently an inexplicable thing happened just milliseconds after the “Big Bang”, physicists theorize that %90 of the “stuff” in the universe disappeared from our space-time. Coincidently(?) we only use %10 of our brain in day to day activities.

We are only observing the tip of the cosmic iceberg.

Dec. 8, 2001
The nervous system acts like a very complex receptor to all types of energy waves. As humans in this society, we’ve become conditioned to only receive a small percentage of the frequencies out there. Some call it telepathy, or 6th sense or some form of mysticism (it being the ability to tap into the control center of frequency acceptance). Mystics are generally regarded as absurd or nonsensical by all of the rationalists and moralists. They are if you base your perceptions exclusively on words and symbols and relying on the absolute “physicalness” of reality.

The physical integrity of reality is replaced by nonlinear time functions and nonlocal space functions in the upper levels of consciousness. As said in 12/7/ 01, once linear time and locality are abandoned what can be said to describe it? Of course, through the mind-eye of the mystic, mathematical functions are discarded along with language. How can arbitrary symbols shed light on what is essentially pure light? Thought is represented by Light (see 10/10/01). The nervous system is the conductor or middleman between these two functionally indifferent representations of energy.

A mathematical function could not be created to represent thought. There is no way to step outside the system of thought to measure it objectively. The system does have its limits but once those limits are reached, the infinite collapses into nothing. Time and space are negligible therefore math is negligible.

My path is clear. Bring thought and light together within myself. They were never meant to be separated--- they never were separated. The separations that man has put between man and animal, man and earth. man and man, thought and reality are all constructs of the imagination.

I am sitting in this chair as plainly as I am paddling in the Amazon. I am in Africa, Australia and Antarctica right now. I am in the stars—I am the stars! I am pure thought and I channel the energy of the universe through my nervous system.

Pretty neat, huh?

Exercising your nervous system is essential to productive thought/light fusing. Meditation is great because is allows the mind to be released from the physical world and come into contact with the subconscious. The subconscious is the unseen controlling factor behind your bodies involuntary actions. The conscious is the controlling factor behind voluntary actions. Your subconscious normally takes over during sleep. The physical world meets the nonlinear/ nonlocal and dreams occur. Meditating allows you to consciously dream. Similar to lucid dreaming (9/19/01). Your nervous system is the product of the conscious and subconscious; local and nonlocal. By exercising your nervous system you are able to perceive different energy and frequency levels. As humans who exist primarily in a physical existence predominately controlled by our consciousness, it is difficult to remove our selves from the physically constructed reality… at first. With practice at anything comes improvement. Small steps at first then the world unrolls before you like a carpet.

Dec. 9, 2001
Skied 3:30-5:30. Warmer, 15 deg.

Dec. 11, 2001
I am the source and resting place of positive energy and success! The thoughts I send out boomerang back to me carrying success, independence and power. Power to explore the world the way it was meant to be explored. Independence from the working mans system. I am above the system now. I succeed at what I set out to accomplish and it is easy. “What the thinker thinks, the prover proves.” I’m proving myself to myself and I am overflowing with motivation.

I’ve developed a wider understanding of the basics of the nature of consciousness and how it relates to the reality of the universe. The universe is my consciousness and I can control both with patience and practice. The application of this understanding is pertinent to my success in life. If I work on developing my prosperity/ success consciousness I’ll inevitably succeed at everything I set out to do. Any goal I make will be attained! Focusing on making myself successful and prosperous will reflect positively on all aspects of my life. If I can remove all financial worries I can focus more fervently on self-improvement and philanthropy. I love myself, now it is time to share the wealth.

Dec. 12, 2001
1ft of fresh on ice. Better in afternoon. 25 deg.

Dec. 13, 2001
Skied 1p-4p. Nice tracked powder, getting colder.

Dec. 14, 2001
Abe and I skied 11am- 2pm. Good tracked pow. –5 deg.

Dec. 15, 2001
Skied 10:30-12:30 and 3pm-4pm. Started to snow, pow tomorrow?





“Are you awake for the day?” I am awake! I have waken from a restless sleep plagued with visions of pain and suffering covering the world. People were subjugated to living hells by their own devices and they didn’t even realize it! Entire lives were wasted because no one chased their dreams and fantasies. Most did not even dream to begin with. Life starts as a glimpse in the night than develops into “careless” daydreaming. But with a little bit of care and attention, a daydream will become subject to conscious contemplation. “What if I did that? What would happen? What would people think of me?”



How does the answer to any of these questions affect the outcome? Well, if you care about potentially negative answers, you have not allowed the dream to fully take over. Once you are under the control of creating your happy future you stop noticing the negative possibilities because there are none!

Problems only arise when they are given more than a seconds thought before they happen. A dream that arises from pure thought will have a positive outcome.

It is so easy! Wake up! Look around and live life. Go big. Seize the day. Whatever. Just do not give up on what makes you happy. I choose to be successful and prosperous. I can feel the tides of positive energy shifting in my direction.

Dec. 16, 2001
Skied 11am-2pm. –10 deg. Good snow.

Structures and foundations erode. Once strongly held beliefs and strategies fall away, leaving my naked self. Self-analysis is key to understanding role playing and casting in society. My soul is tender and pure. Like its origin and siblings, it yearns to break free of the confines and restrictions that hold it down. I want to fly, expand, learn, grow. I want to become everything. I want to feel the pleasures of life and destroy the pain.

I had a dream the other day. I could feel the pain of someone who had hurtful words said to him. I could see the pain of his soul. A mangled arm hung at his side, broken by the words. We are much more sensitive than our bodies know. We hide and are protected by our body but it also dulls our senses. Our bodies are barriers erected by warring factions to keep each other away. Our souls can come close, but not as close as they were meant to be. We have created this separation and it is killing us. People are attracted to each other like moths to a flame. They see the light but eventually get burned by their physical limitations. Our bodies hold us back from existing in our natural state, which is pure light. Some would say that to be human is to “sin”. Sinning would be anything that is not perfect, so to some extent, by existing in this physical state I am imperfect by default.
No stress though. I’m going to just kick back, work out the kinks as they come along while still believing in my perfection and dreaming of the enlightened state.

I am prosperous by my own definition. I am successful by my own definition.

Dec. 19, 2001
Skied 10:30-2pm. 3” of snow.

Dec. 20, 2001
Dry-lovers challenge. If pursuing wet, happiness persists. I saw snow and trees but no sun. Some wind too. Tomorrow perhaps.

Integration of mind and matter. Body, mind, soul. Seeing the light leads to seeking the light. Seeking the light leads to integration with the light. Integration only after learning the ways of the light.`

Dec. 21, 2001
Skied 10:30- 2:30. Than 6-7:30. First day of night skiing.

Dec. 22, 2001
Skied 10:30-2pm. Than 8-9:30.

Dec. 23, 2001
10:30-2pm. First Day on North Face.

Dec. 24, 2001
4 laps on North Face. Sunny good snow.

1)video game
2)Jared, Hans; follow.
3)Breathing
4)Truman Show

Dec. 27, 2001
In the meditative state, breathing becomes pertinent to creating my own tranquility. Practicing prayama helps ease the mind from one state to other. You forget everything that does not matter and focus on the present—and you enjoy it.

New Horizon
The heavy seas placate as I soar above, from end to end of the horizon. I calm all and bring ease of pain and burden. Laughter! I can hear it. It makes me smile. Why not? What stops me? I am everything there ever was. I know all, see all and feel all. Our sea below. A sheen of oil coats the surface and the colors dance with the sky. Our sky. They are now the same. They are one. Were they ever not? They were designed as one. Man, and his constructive (destructive) ways! The horizon was created by man. Separation of the spirit from the body; the sky from the sea. The sky beckons the sea to continue the dance but the crimson horizon objects! Until now, they had forgotten each other’s touch. Rapture! How could they let go? Once before nut not again! The sky’s love for the sea was strong but the love for the sky pent up in the abysmal depths of the sea was overwhelming. The sea rose up in a violent, blue protest against the guarded horizon and the worlds boiled. Seas stood tall and fingers of mist reached out passionately—desperately to grasp the sky and unite. The sky, in turn sent down a deluge of such ferocity that the horizon began to choke. The salt spray blurred all vision. Borders dissolved. The horizon, sensing destruction, shed a tear into the fury. At that, all were one. Sea, horizon and sky all unified in synchronized throes signified by their mutual inseparability. A spark! A sliver of light where the indestructible horizon once reigned. Growing, expanding, the sun rose and shed light on everything.

Consider it the height of intellectual laziness and mental incompetence to involve the word “God” to cover the limitations of my imagination and vocabulary. –R.A. Wilson

Dec. 28, 2001
There was some good filming on the mountain. Sunny and warm.

Dec. 29, 2001
Skied 1 hour in morning.

What if the speed of thought began to supercede the speed of light? Would the mind than be able to perceive the nothingness on the other side of light? As I enter a room shadows jump away as if by turning on a lamp in the corner. Supercede light/ supercede time/ brief visual cracks in time? A shadow is technically an absence of light in an area that is relatively bright. So a brief crack in time would appear as a quickly dissipating shadow running from the light of perception.

What does that mean? Does that mean that there is no predestined future laid out before us? By perceiving nothing, in what in affect is my future (entering a room), I am perceiving that our present is being instantly created (speed of light) by our mind as we go along. If there is technically no future, and nothing more than an infinite series of present moments, that also concludes that there is no past. (see 11/ 30/01)

Sharpening of the mind allows one to catch these brief glimpses into the infinite nothing, as past, present and future dissolve into one. (see 12/ 27/ 01)

Dec. 31, 2001
Skied 11-2pm. 40 deg on super good snow. Like spring skiing.

Jan. 1, 2002
Good skiing on the New Year. 5” of creamy snow. Fast and fun.


Energy Flow
trees: leaves, roots
streams: stream to river
traffic: highways and byways
veins: arteries

All share common characteristic of having branches. Path of least resistance is where 2 paths converge to single larger path.

Jan. 2, 2002
Skied 11:30-2:30 then 6:30-8:30. Good storm skiing all day. Practiced switch takeoffs.

Jan. 3, 2002
Skied 10:30-2:30 then 6:30-8:30. More switch takeoffs and landings.





I find conclusions jumping out at me. Everywhere I look, I find conclusions to answers I did not even ask. A question posed, begging an answer, is a problem. A problem solved has been ended by a conclusion. A conclusion has to come from someone. The less conclusions I have to come up with, the better off I am.

Problems in day to day life stem from actions made by yourself or others (usually others ) Why worry about people bringing problems to you when you should be worrying about is you.

Problems are the manifestation of negative or unstable thoughts. Before judging others, judge yourself. If you pass your test, then everyone else will pass your test.

People have a finite number of answers to give. Avoiding people would work but it is lonely. Instead, find people and love them. See the good in people and their troubles will be gone and you will be at peace- answering to no one.

Jan. 4, 2002
Skied 10:30-12pm. Went to town.

It has started! Slowly at first—now increasing! All the energy I have put out is returning 10 fold! 20 fold… How can you give number to something like that? Like salmon returning to their stream of birth, my positive, faithful thoughts have returned, in the physical sense, bearing gifts.
What a wonderful world it is!

Enlightenment is at the end of the path for those who seek their own. All leaders; teachers, politicians, sergeants, coaches, priests, rabbis, roshis etc etc. They teach you or lead you to what they know. They only know how to lead their own life, ultimately. No one can teach someone else how to find themselves or find God.

I am my own leader, teacher and disciple. I was lost in a sea of heads but now I have found my own isle of paradise in this vast wasteland of the misled.

Jan. 5, 2002
Skied for some time.

A candle? A link between perceived controlling of light/ energy and actual controlling / integration of light/ energy.



Classic Evolution vs. Revised Evolution

Monkey  man  (? ) monkey  (?)  (?)
^
man

By observing the discovery that we can control light/ energy and also create it, our ancestors diverged from the original path for life on Earth. Their path was one of perceived control of light/ energy (knowledge). By thinking we had mastered everything, we created this cul-de-sac that humanity now dwells in.

Light is pure in all of its dimensions.

If man had continued along the path of light, there would be no loss of truth in society. Humanity would still be in the light to this day. Humans would be “at one” by default. Instead, humans took what little control they “thought” they had and they ran! Thinking they had discovered all there is to life, the humans did not realize that the flame they where holding was now flickering out, its wax all gone. So now, by the light of their tiny, insignificant flames they read scriptures created by their little minds detailing the pain and sacrifice they must endure while raising the book-readers on high.
(The light shines on through the chaos; light falling on blind eyes.)

“Then there was light…” refers to man’s first recognition of their (inferior) light. It appeared the moment intelligence came into existence. Before that, light was integrated into light! Nothing exists in pure light because there is no room for structure and shadow. “Intelligence” is only a lone drop calling itself the universe while floating through the vastest of seas. How can the universe be held in a drop when it is also in another drop. All drops are the universe. The vastest of seas are only one drop in the vastest of seas.

The infinity is where ascending humans will find truth in the light.

Jan. 6, 2002
Skied 10:30-2:30.

Jan. 8, 2002
I placed 7th in the qualifying rounds of the Canadian Freeskiing Championships in Whistler BC.

Jan. 9, 2002
I ended up 7th overall in the qualifier.

Jan 10, 2002
Blew off the World Tour to go film around on the mountain with Abe.


Jan. 11, 2002

I search and seek, always hoping to find.
To this quest, my soul does bind.

Here and there, my eye does look.
Up and down, inside a book.

Outside this window, behind that door.
For whom I search, I’m not quite sure.

I’ll know the sight when my eyes do claim.
Above mans reach,
His worry, guilt and shame.

Into the past I scream and shout.
But these skeletons know not what I talk about.
So for my future I hope and pray,
Will I succeed on this judgment day?

It does not matter because I have found
a brilliant light with the purest sound.

Under what rock was this treasure hidden?
From which tree was this secret given?

From which wind did my answer blow?
And in which direction will I flow?

Falling! Dancing! Leaping!--- FLY!
I know no limits, my smile sly.

Who responds to inquiries so deep?
Into whose ears do the seep?

Why must I always seek thee out?
Why don’t you come forth to show the route?

“Look before you, a path does lay,
Just close your eyes and see the way.”

I close my eyes and sure enough,
A shining light in the rough.

On second thought, I was surprised to see
The whole universe inside of me.

Colors are inversely related to lack of pure light.

Jan. 12, 2002
Skied 11-3:45. Then 6p-9p. First day on the Knuckles.

Jan. 13, 2002
Skied 10:30-1:30. Tweaked back, good skiing though.

Original Sin
Theft of consciousness (light) from God cast humans into painful existence. Human nature then behaves as bully to other species and each other. Subconscious inferiority complex manifests itself in the population as aggression. (national scale) (see 1/ 5/ 02)
(see 12/ 29/ 02)


Jan. 14, 2002
10:30-4pm. Best day so far. Powder everywhere and no people.

Jan 15, 2002
Skied 10:30-2:30. Christmas opened for the first time. Great snow, flat light.

Jan. 16, 2002
Filmed all day in Christmas and the Knuckles.

Jan. 17, 2002
Skied 10 laps through Christmas/ Knuckles. 36,000’ vertical. Super smooth.

Jan. 18, 2002
More of the same. 6 full laps in 6” fresh.

Jan. 19, 2002
3 North face laps. Tired.

Body balance is like a padlock. The right combination of body positions leads to oneness between body and mind. Every joint and limb has a bulls-eye position for itself along with its relation to all other parts. Once each part is aligned properly with all other parts, all disturbances disappear.



Jan. 21, 2002
Skied 10:30-2:30. Hard snow

Jan. 22, 2002
Skied up “Endless Ridge” with Abe and Ryan.

Jan 23, 2002
Skied 5 laps in Christmas/ Knuckles. Good snow.

Jan. 24, 2002
Christmas/ Knuckles 3 laps.

Jan. 25, 2002
Skied Goat Couloir. Sunny, 10 deg. Sketchy snow getting into chute. Windblown slab with huge exposure (2000’) Hit some rocks down low. Went night skiing in evening.

(note: the next day there was a moderate earthquake that shook South central AK. I looked up to Goat in afternoon and saw that the quake had caused a huge slab to break off exactly where we had dropped in the day before. Crazy.)

Curtains fall to the floor! I see all there is to us. Transcendence from infantile concerns leaves me with the mind of a child. The abstract becomes more clear. Physical and emotional toils abound. But so do people who are blinded by their games. Who was it who kept pushing a rock up a hill for all eternity? Why fight life, climbing uphill, when you can jump on a rollercoaster and fly beyond fear? Fear is the #1 determinant of human emotion. From fear stems greed, anger, sorrow etc. Abolish fear and you abolish all sadness. Once sadness is gone, you only have love. Sharing your love increases your resistance to sadness.

Jan. 26, 2002
Skied 1 hour, cold hard snow.



Island

I am wide awake and into dream I fall.

Superfluous thoughts trail into the lee.

Chaos looms after each winds breath.

Dynamic flows tickle my feet.

The shadow I would throw is burned away by the sun in my sky.

Objective integration of mind, body and emotion, seemless fusion.

Jan. 27, 2002
Skied 10:30-2pm. 6 laps in Knuckles. Deep drifts and slabby fun.

Jan. 28, 2002
8 laps in Christmas and Knuckles.

Jan. 29, 2002
3 laps North face.

Jan. 30, 2002
Best day ever? Could be. Skied 10:30-4pm. 1 foot of fresh in the sun. Spectacular does not do any justice.

Words begin to lose their value. I’m at a loss to find a description or analogy.
Integration?

Jan. 31, 2002
Skied 10:30-2pm and 6pm-8pm. Good tracked powder all day long.

Health leads to prosperity.

Feb. 1, 2002
Every thought of being healthy leads to thoughts of prosperity. Every thought of prosperity leads to thoughts of being healthy.

Feb. 2, 2002
Skied 11:30-1pm. Lots of people.

Feb. 3, 2002
Existence is emotion and experience. Instead of listening to words spoken, I listen to emotions and feelings. People share everything to anyone who will listen
--without speaking.

Religions: structured misinterpretations.

Feb. 4, 2002
Skied 10:30-5pm. 18” of new snow. Good, long day.

Feb. 5, 2002
Skied 10:30-2pm. 4” fresh, opened the Knuckles.

Having pride in your religion, nation, race etc is what is driving people apart. Pride and bigotry catalyze hatred in society and society is going to fall because of it. When you stick a bunch of people together that all have some ancient mythology ingrained into their psyche there is going to be trouble. Find pride in yourself and have compassion for others. With your compassion you will instill pride of self in others.

Today while skiing, I forgot that I was skiing. I had planned out in my head where I was going to ski. I visualized which line I was going to take and how the turns would feel. I was so lost in the imagined line I didn’t realize that it was the actual line, in real life! It was if in was simply thinking of skiing perfect turns and landing clean airs and I was.

Where does the boundary between mind and body actually exist? Today, my body experienced what my mind wanted it to experience, not the other way around.

Feb. 6, 2002
Skied mountain, climbed Max’s to bench then skied out.

Are observable actions universal?
Through all levels of consciousness?

Feb. 7, 2002
Skied 11-3pm, good stashes all over.



Feb. 8, 2002
Skied up to Taylor Pass to do Pastoral but high winds pushed us back to do Sunburst. Excellent snow, night skiing.

Are sickness/ ills the product of societal ills? Personal environment? Could the mind manifest germs (microscopic) to rationalize mental illness? Mental illness could be chemical imbalance or the imbalance of the individual (memories of abuse etc) or the imbalance of morals within the collective conscious?

With the development of the microscope also came industry, civilization (modern?) overcrowding, general confusion. Before the discovery of germ theory, people believed that demons or evil spirits caused illness because they did something wrong. In effect, that is true within the system of thought the people were in. Imagine the way a disease would spread if you based your count on people affected (vs. cells divided).

Petri dish  orange mold  planet

The pattern that would emerge would be identical. Is our solar system just a single atom in the next explicate universe. (up) Oxygen (8e-) would work. (8planets).
Our minds create a disease because we area disease. Our mind creates a smaller life system within our life system.

-growth of each system spreads from central point.
-growth in each system depends on needs met for the individual.

As soon as we manage to get rid of all misery (which we create) or pain inflicting aspects of life we will no longer be ill because the germ causing agents will have been removed. We then, in effect, are removed from the chain (wheel) of life. Find love in yourself (father, son, holy spirit/ mind, body, soul) so you can find love in others. The others will find love in all (love thy neighbor) Once all feel love, all will see the light.

Kill the germs inside of yourself so you can kill the germs in others. The others will kill the germs in all so all will be “cleansed from the earth”. That, in effect, will cleanse the solar system of germs ad infinite. Every solar system would collapse into the infinite nothing, infinite nothings are the building blocks of the next system.

Cycles, cycles, cycles, cycles, cycles, cycles, cycles………………



Feb. 9, 2002
Skied 2 hours on busy Saturday.

Feb. 10, 2002
1 foot fresh snow. Awesome skiing.

The idea of god is this rare glimpse into the sheer power of the level ahead. It’s size, limitless, it’s knowledge, no bounds. The ideas of sexing the gods stems from the roles that the sex’s play in the respective society. What role does atomic energy play in the binding of the cycles? What would happen if people did find compassion and love for all? Through self guided religions or even objectively integrating self-understanding (yoga) into the daily psyche, heaven will be found.

People live their lives as if they are always saving up for tomorrow or someday. What day is it that people think they’ve finally made it and they can really start living? Why do they live for tomorrow when today is right here? When tomorrow eventually arrives it is now today. So if every tomorrow is every today… what are you waiting for? The concept of time and aging get in the way of life. At what age are children supposed to mature? When are they told to stop exploring, learning, laughing? Why are they told to stop? Whose trouble is it if people remain happy? Ignorance is bliss. Bliss, however, is much more enjoyable when you are aware of your more miserable options.

Everything is right now.

Feb. 11, 2002
8” fresh. Storm skiing at its best. DEEP drifts.

The best teachers teach subconsciously. They convey their message and might not even be aware of it. Since they tap into the psyche of the listener, they create excellent pupils. The desire to live, love and explore is not always alive and kicking. Sometimes it has to be jumpstarted into high gear. The best teachers find that desire and make it bloom.

Feb. 12, 2002
Another deep day turned sunny.

Feb. 13, 2002
Another foot of pow! Chair 1 and Tram with North Face action.
Limitless energy pulses through my veins! Don’t even question it, just enjoy every moment. I’m on an upward trend with no end in sight. Why even think of an end? Who needs to change anything? I’ve found the path.

Feb. 14, 2002
Tram opened at 11:30. Very wind affected snow. Lots of people for a Thursday.

The intention of the Bible is to teach us how to go to heaven not how heaven will go. The divorce between emotion and reason is at an end

Feb. 15, 2002
Skied more pow. Another foot.

Think of all of the parts and all the parts will become one.

Feb. 16, 2002
Climbed Pete’s, superb snow. Turned sunny.

Feb. 17, 2002
Skied the mountain.

Feb. 18, 2002
Skied the mountain, Max’s.

Feb. 19, 2002
Skied New Years.

Feb. 20, 2002
Found awesome filming location. We named it “Video Land”. Skied some sweet lines.

Feb. 21, 2002
Another bluebird day at Video Land. I jumped a 30’, 40’ and 50’ airs. Fun.

Feb. 22, 2002
Skied some more powder under dark skies.

--Time/ Thought manifestation
--Positive vs. Negative thought/ eventual repercussions.

We live in a subjective universe. We are restricted by subjective laws (physical, judiciary) and time. We measure time as the length of space our minds travel between arbitrary points A and B within our universe. When we create an idea in our mind it will, at some point in our time, be created in the physical or emotional sense. Depending on the amount of energy focused through our mind, the length of time for thought manifestation will vary. (see chart)

At death, we are released from our bondage in the physical universe and reunited with the objective singularity. (see 12/ 7/ 01) Dying is not the only path leading to enlightenment. Self-understanding and objective reasoning (yoga, science) are paths that lead to the light within our daily lives.

Any thought can manifest itself into a physical/ spiritual/ emotional event. The mind acts like a magnifying glass between pure energy and our perceived universe. (see 12/ 11/ 01).
We choose which frequencies our minds pick up out of the white noise. Tweaking the dials, so to speak, allows us to tune into more favorable outcomes to daily events.

Of course, different people have different definitions of favorable events. Something is favorable if it leads to perpetuation of happiness. Once again, the definition of happiness is also very subjective. I believe that the more energy that is consciously focused through our mind, the quicker those favorable events will be focused into our subjective existence. Likewise, unfavorable events can manifest themselves into the world just the same ( death, disease, accident, bad breath ). The more we practice at filtering the good from the bad, the better will be at doing it.

Within each universe there are boundary conditions for physics and thought. Once you cross the condition boundaries of your universe through self-understanding and objective reasoning, you cease being the individual and become the whole. The pattern continues to the next level up and down. All information from all levels of implementation becomes available to the seeker.

When a thought is sent from our subjective universe into the pure energy state it manifests itself instantly. Whereas the manifestation might occur anywhere from instantly to a long, long time back in the subjective state. Depends on focus and duration of energy.

Feb. 25, 2002
Some good snow in the Knuckles.

A 3rd variable in the energy focused vs. time equation is likelihood. Subjective time increases inversely to likelihood (% chance) of event occurring

Feb. 26, 2002
Good storm skiing. 6 closed at 1:30.

Feb. 27, 2002
Bluebird morning. Skied Max’s 6 laps. Started snowing.

Gravity is a collection of consciousness. Physical mass accumulates within these eddies behind the curves of space/time. Did intensity of light or curiosity of movement attract observation of the celestial bodies? Or did the stars come together by their own conventions? Gravity is the spark of recognition shared between 2 particles then 4, then 8….

Light is created by that spark and our physical universe comes into view, What state of mind would one have to be in to observe the universe beyond? In the natural state, we observe a shaky foundation on which our spirit rests. Colliding cosmos and churning constellations ever present and willing to burn out—leaving us in the dark. The universe is a machine and we are simple wing nuts, rusted into place.

Observation through the eyes of the soul in conjunction with the eyes of reason are necessary if one wants to experience the unobservable.

Inexpressible. A faith beyond word is essential to finding God.

Feb. 28, 2002
1 foot of powder slapped on the hill. Set some land speed records!

It seems as if I can pick and choose which filters I use in different situations. Maybe I have always changed filters subconsciously but now became aware of it.



If I were to consciously eliminate as many filters as possible would practice make perfect? If all levels of filtering were removed, wouldn’t the truth of all things become apparent? It is hard to say whether the truth, which is normally reserved for the dead, could be witnessed during life. How would one go about finding this truth? How would you know you found it? I think your intellect is the last to be able to grasp the sheer power of the truth. Once your mind does lay some structure down, however, it can then apply logic and reason so words and sentences can formulate. Meanwhile, your intuition and faith are old friends of truth and are happy your mind is back in the game.




1)Typical socio-programmed mind filters out most of life and focuses on very limited aspects. Particularly, the physical and the monetary.
2)A little more open to other frequencies of life but still a little hesitant to let go of classical notions of physics, economics and society.
3)Very receptive and explorative. Realizes, on the conscious level, that there is more to life than what is deemed physical reality. Constant seeking, learning and understanding.
4)Only death? Conscious of infinite love and wisdom. Perhaps just a glimpse permitted during life. Perhaps our life, here in the present, is death by comparison to true life? Are these glimpses into the light simply my soul struggling to awaken from the burden of physical existence? I am comforted and amazed by the simplicity of it all. It is all within reach.

March 1, 2002
Night skiing. Dumping all night!

March 2, 2002
1 foot of fresh snow in am. Too bad it is Saturday.

March 3, 2002
I filmed Hans, Jared and Mike ski North Star Proper. My first helicopter ride.

March 4, 2002
Skied the Headwall for the first time while it was open to public.

March 5, 2002
Skied Headwall. 2 laps in sun.

Having a free will means having the freedom to choose your own destiny and manipulate situations for a positive outcome. The ironic part is that the act of recognizing your free will and its function is an exercise of that function. The whole free will debate comes back to what I have been saying all along concerning science and religion. Physicists are saying that by the act of observing you are creating outcomes based on what you expect to see. Likewise, in religion, they say that if you acknowledge God, he will create a happy existence for you. Having a free will combines the logic of science and the faith of religion.

March 6, 2002
We climbed up Virgin Creek and skied Big League. 3 hours to the top. Hard snow on the face.



March 6, 2002
We climbed up Virgin Creek and skied Big League. 3 hours to the top. Hard snow on the face.

March 7, 2002
Flew into Punch Bowl on a brilliant and sunny day. A bit of a wind skin made the snow iffy. We skinned over to Petersen Headwall and climbed “Shoulder of Death.” I dropped off of the lower 1/2 while beau and Abe skied lower 3/4. Steep. Skied out Petersen creek to car. Went night skiing.

March 8, 2002
Skied 2 hours in the Sun.

March 9, 2002
Skied 1 and 1/2 hour.

As it turns out, the path that leads toward your goal is the path of least resistance. If you pay attention, you will miss any deviating paths to lead you astray. Prayer has to be done by generic terms to reach a specific goal. Not by specific terms to reach a generic goal.

March 10, 2002
Skied 1 hour on Alyeska.

March 12, 2002
Skied a full day at Video Land.

Remembering energy. Now tangible.

March 13, 2002
A great day at Petersen Headwall

Natural pace, faith in my fate.

March 14, 2002
Skied South Face of Pastoral with Ryan.



I can remember as a kid growing up, being surrounded by endless love and affection. I knew no limits to the possible and flaunted my courage in the face of doubt. Children have no concept of other people’s feelings or emotions. I saw the world through the eyes of a ‘winner’! I absorbed all of my parent’s blessings and began to develop my personality and attitudes on life. I became the ‘winner’ I subconsciously knew I was. A change began to occur late in elementary and jr. high, however. Psychologists have shown how people are conditioned by society at different times in their life. At those times you are very susceptible to both negative and positive influences. TV and movies can affect you, but I think your peers have the most affect. I can remember feeling like I was in a constant state of fear or confusion because I could never understand why people insisted on being so mean to not only me but each other as well. I noticed it was never a personal meanness but more like being stuck in the struggling hierarchy of a pack of wolves. Everyone was always fighting to be alpha male while cutting each other down in the process. I always seemed aware of the system as a whole so I tried to resist the urge to find my ‘ranking ‘ in the class/ society. Inevitably I, like most people, was slowly integrated into the system that society had created. I eventually lost the ability to see the world as the magical place that it was. Some would say I grew up, I say I died. I lost my free will. I lost the ability to change the world as I see fit. Upon maturity, I became another pattern of dust in the ice that sheathed over the languid pool of life. The wash of the fresh current nothing more than a wishful myth that managed to become the foundations for a miserable society. I was frozen by the fears that had crystallized in my mind. Why have you forsaken me? I was no longer able to see things for what they were. I could no longer apart because I had become one. I had become what people had told me to become, another miserable person.

As a human being I lost myself in the masses. My individuality became the product of the fears and wishes of society, while I faded away.

Then a glimmer! In the blink of an eye, I can see everything. Everything is the I that faded away. I had it all backwards! Society did not create me, I created society and the ways it affected me. I saw through the games people play, I their reasons they played and I knew the person. I knew their outlook on life and why. I knew them because they were Me. We are all based on the identical hardware but programmed by different software. Once all of the software is removed, you have a person one in the same as yourself.

I became dislodged from the icepack and began my journey down a stream as the final particles melted apart and I became one with the stream. The stream flowed into the ocean and I became one with the ocean. I evaporated into the air and reconstructed as a snowflake. Admitting to being frozen is the is the first and last step in the cycle as a whole.

I found a pace the other day that showed the speed to go.
I found a path in the way that let my spirit grow.

March 15, 2002
Toured up Virgin Creek with Kelsey, Allison and Eric.

March 18, 2002
Built a small kicker in Turnagain.

March 19, 2002
Skied one hour on Alyeska. Getting warmer.

March 20, 2002
Built kicker on Tincan. Good filming.



March 22, 2002
Roots and fruits were abolished; the flower of the present rosily bloomed.
--- A. Huxley

March 23, 2002
Climbed Pastoral and circled around to Grand Daddy. 5 and 1/2 hours. Sunny and warm.

March 25, 2002
Powder day in Alyeska! It only took 7” to get things going. Great to be back on the hill.

March 26, 2002
Another 9” today. Great skiing.

The calm after the storm is where I want to be. Everything is so clean and fresh. Visibility is infinite now that the deluge has subsided. Left, right, above and below is crystal clear as far as the eye can see. My thoughts no longer construct themselves into words but as mere logical attachments clutching to the vaporous trail behind me.

A sentence… a phrase… what can I say? If the subject of contemplation eludes any attempt by logic to structuralize it, I to, am unable to add phonic meaning to the idea.

I remembered today.

Anything I have ever wanted, I have had
By every fear, I have been found.

Well then, I want everything but fear.


March 27, 2002
Alright skiing on Alyeska.

March 28, 2002
I ski-cut a pretty good size avalanche on the “1st Chapter” out in the Books. Not good skiing. Snow slid off of hockey rink ice with me at the top.

March 29, 2002
Skied Max’s 3 laps with Kelsey. Good pow.

March 30, 2002
Built kicker at Turnagain. Sunny and warm.

April 1, 2002
Skied “Shoulder of Death”. I led 3/4 way up until I had a bad feeling about things. It was interesting because we backed of this same run a couple of weeks ago and we were pretty stoked to get to the top. I bailed off the ridge and went down to film as Abe and Ryan continued. I was sitting there, kind of feeling silly about ‘chickening out’ while I ate a sandwich. All of the sudden I hear this ROAR and look up to see a dust cloud rolling off the top of the shoulder, obliterating my tracks in the process.

I sat there for a moment, stunned at the certainty of my friend’s apparent deaths as I could see a matching dust cloud rolling off the other side of the ridge into the next drainage. Whoa. Then I realized I could see both Abe and Ryan still on the ridge, as they were both frantically trying to put their gear on. They were each trying to rescue the other because they did not realize that neither had been taken because there was a roll in the ridge between them, obscuring sight. I was forced to yell that they were each alright because someone was on the wrong radio channel. (I don’t remember who) After a few moments of dread they figured the scene out and were stoked.

On the way up we were on a knife-edge ridge that was relatively safe because you are not on an actual slope that can slide. I bailed at the point where the ridge became less knife like and became more wall like. “I have become comfortably numb…” was what I was singing to myself. Ryan continued breaking trail and made it to the very top edge of the steep roll I did not like. Right there the whole thing fractured one and half foot thick as Ryan punched his hands through to the bed surface to arrest himself. Abe, on the other hand, was about 100 ft behind and he did not even see the slide coming until the last second when the slide literally parted at his feet, because he was still in the sharper ridge, and rocketed down both fall lines. If I had still been up on the ridge, one of us would have been caught somewhere in between these to ‘safe’ zones. I guess when you are on a run called ‘Shoulder of Death’, safe is relative.

April 2, 2002
Alyeska for 2 hours. Happy to be alive.

April 3, 2002
Skied 2 laps on Pastoral.

April 4, 2002
2 hours on Alyeska.

April 5, 2002
Did one run on Sunburst with Kelsey. She is a ripper. Alyeska in afternoon.

April 6, 2002
2 laps on Magnum. Sun forever.

April 7, 2002
4 laps in lower Video Land.

Contentment, with a vague memory of something better. Satisfaction follows the death of that memory. In that satisfaction, I see the world as the being in the confines of a sphere I did not know I was in. In the murky depths of this existence, I found ‘love’, ‘happiness’, ‘well being’. I felt pain and accepted it as truth to life. How should I know the difference? I had nothing to compare it to. I was stuck. Every now and then, a sliver of light would pierce the darkness, only to vanish and elude my recognition of the nature of the light. One day, in a state of abject misery, I tripped and fell. Upon looking for the source of my falling, I found myself at the legs of a ladder aimed skyward. With nothing better to do I climbed. I met many a distraction on my upward journey. Gravity, peers, jobs and flat tires all conspired to prevent my ascension of the ladder. I got scared, cried and tried to return to the familiar below. Eventually, I pushed on step by step, rung by rung. Now it was a challenge. I forced my arms and legs to carry me on. I noticed that the higher I got, the lighter things became. I became part of a new template. The original template of that forgotten memory. I saw my past life and the struggles I endured. Pointless exercises! Never again will I suffer. Why serve in the shadow of a pebble win I can triumph on a pinnacle of granite? I look back into the hazy distance below as I shed a tear and kick the ladder to the ground.

April 9-14, 2002
I competed in the 2002 World Freeskiing Championships in Valdez. It was super sweet. I placed 8th on the first run, 2nd on the second run and 7th on the third run ending up 6th overall. The actual competition is being based out of the Rendevous Heli operation.
It is 46 miles outside of Valdez. After the second day of competing, I needed a ride into town so I jumped in the car with Guerlain Chicherit and his dad.

We are in a big rental car that Guerlain seemed to be getting a kick out of driving really fast. I’m sitting in the back seat as He and his dad talk on and on in French. As we climbed up into Thompson Pass there is some ice on the road that Guerlain starts purposely fishtailing on as were doing like 60mph. I’m starting to get nervous as they laugh and keep talking in French. We made it through the pass and were beginning the descent down to Valdez, on the ocean. There is one looong switchback turn that had 3 well-marked frost heaves in the middle of the road. All the previous times I had driven the stretch of road the previous week, the driver would slow to 30mph to go over the heaves. Guerlain seriously turned to his dad and I and laughed will punching down the hill!

It was like one of those scenes out of an old cop TV show filmed in San Francisco.
We flew over 1…2… 3 Frost heaves! At the bottom of the hill he pulled over to piss on the side of the road. I hopped out and delicately tried to pee without the wind blowing it all over myself. Unfortunately, I forgot that I was still wearing a climbing harness as the piss reflected off the dangling piece of harness and showered my lower half in piss.

I did not notice until a few minutes later in the car, when I saw that my down coat was wet for some reason. As I am holding my arm up in disbelief of the scene, the dad turns around to say something and he is first confused as I tried to explain by pointing and nervously laughing. He turns to Guerlain and they point and laugh and start carrying on in French. We were at the hotel a couple minutes later where I thanked them for the ride and they drove off, quite amused.

The next day I was telling someone about the crazy drive (maybe not the pissing) and they mentioned that Guerlain is a professional European Rally Cross Race car driver in the summer months and his dad is the co-pilot/map reader guy.

The funniest part of all was on the last day of competition when Guerlain was late. He was in first place and was about to miss the heli ride to the venue. Then all the sudden he comes racing in the parking lot and jumps in the heli. Apparently he got pulled over doing 100mph in a 30 zone in Valdez! Serious speeding ticket… Either 3 days in jail or $5000 fine. Rumor has it that Guerlain actually had to start crying in order for the cop to let him go so he could go when the World Championships and collect the $5000 prize money so he could pay the fine. So he shows up, wins the comp and drives back to Valdez to pay up. That after noon they flew back to France. Crying or not, that is impressive.

After the comp was over some photo guy from Sports Illustrated invited me to go on a photo shoot in the heli. That was fun.

April 15, 2002
Skied up Virgin Creek drainage and came off the Monies. Good snow.

April 18, 2002
Skied the trees by Johnson, sticky.

April 20, 2002
35” of new snow on Alyeska. Fun.

April 21, 2002
2 hours on the mountain. Crowded.

April 22, 2002
Abe and I skied horrible snow on Tincan.

April 23, 2002
Employee ski day. Sunny and warm.

April 24, 2002
Abe, Ryan and I walked from Carrs Huffman to Girdwood along the highway. 30 miles in 9 hours. Ryan got stress fracture in his foot because we ran the last 6 miles.

April 27, 2002
Sunny day on Alyeska.

April 29, 2002
Every thought occurs instantly in space.

May 1, 2002
Every action sustains itself through all eternity. I am excited to be there; I am there; focusing my energy through any medium.

May 2, 2002
Rode the ferry from Whittier to Valdez. On the same route that we plan on kayaking on as we make our way back to Whittier. (130 miles)

May 3, 2002
Kayaked from Valdez to Sawmill Bay. Glassy water, sunny. Just getting into things. I have never sea kayaked before.

May 4, 2002
Sawmill Bay to Emerald bay. Scary! 20-30mph tailwind in 3-4 foot seas. We were cooking though! Nice camp spot.

May 5, 2002
Emerald Bay  crossed over to Glacier Isle, hung left to the seaward side of the isle so we could check out the sea lion rookery. Once we passed the rookery, the seas fell flat and everything was muted to gray. A storm rumbling over Carpathian fuzzed the sun but kept things warm. Somewhat surreal.

May 6, 2002
Eagwek Lagoon. Nice little site surrounded by water. Very nice paddling today. More placid seas, oily, graphite, pleasant.

May 7, 2002
Esther Passage. Best campsite yet. Tail wind, incoming tide pushed us right into camp. Fire put out by incoming tide.

May 8, 2002
Harriman Lagoon cabin. Very nice finish to short day/ long crossing of Port Wells.

May 9, 2002
Paddled from Harriman cabin to decision point. Nice camping in rain.

May 10, 2002
Finished off in Whittier. Tired of paddling.

Thoughts emerge from the sea like kelp on a beach

The irregular pebbles make up the symmetrical beach.

Everything is pebbles and beaches.

May 11, 2002
Good day on Alyeska. Sunny, warm spring skiing.

May 12, 2002
Sunny. Great day in the sun on the mountain.

May 15, 2002
Hiked half of Rainbow peak with Kelsey, blustery.

May 16, 2002
Skied outside of Whittier. Hot, too hot!

May 18, 2002
Heaven and hell exist simultaneously. Refining your focus defines your fate.

May 21, 2002
Hiked Indianhead Mountain. Too hot again. Went and canoed Portage with Kelsey in evening. Nice black sand.

First they are mountains.
Then they are not mountains.
Then again, they are mountains.

May 22, 2002
Canoed California creek with Ryan. Some hard work as we got lost in the ‘Degoba’

May 24, 2002
Be careful not to grind the diamond to dust trying to capture the sparkle.

Through the clouds I saw the sun and on the water I saw the sun. In the complexity of the sunset I saw the truth, so simple!

May 25, 2002
Skied resort 11-2p. Floated Glacier Creek in afternoon. Terrifying good fun.

May 26, 2002
Skied on summer snow.

May 27, 2002
Skied 12-3pm. Canoed Glacier Creek from Compound Curl.

May 28, 2002
Biked from Anchorage to Girdwood. 4 hours in gnarly headwind.

June 1, 2002
Student: How do I know when I have become enlightened?
Teacher: You will know it when it happens, you will not know it if it does not happen.

A man treads water in the ocean but he does not know that he is in the ocean because he cannot see land nor does he know what land is. The only way to see land, just over the horizon, is to jump from the water and fly. Why should he waste his energy in learning to fly when he does not know there is land to be looking for?

June 9, 2002
Ryan and I did Falls Creek  South Suicide  Rainbow Peak  car in 6 hours.

More biking.

June 14, 2002
Kelsey and biked Johnson Trail. Sunny.

June 25, 2002
Abe, Ryan and I did the Genocide traverse. Excellent day in the wind/ sun/ clouds. 9 hrs.

July 7, 2002
Abe and I biked Resurrection Pass.

Forest Fair Weekend. Biking, Frisbee, riverboarding, rockclimbing, Good times. Finished ‘2 Cents an Acre”, my first full length ski movie.

July 14, 2002
Went to climb Bold Peak with Abe, Joni, Todd and Tim. Hot, sunny. We walked about 25 miles over 8 hours. Did not make summit.

Let the light focus its shadow through you.

The candle makes the eye flicker

Let my faith shine through in my religion

Life is pretty easy.

Aug. 9, 2002
It occurs to me, how small things get, when I see a grain of sand.

Sept 10, 2002
I dwell within the cause and effect of all events, as the cause and effect of all events dwell within me. It is the only proof I have of my existence.

I’ve awaken in a dream.

I have slept and awaken before, but this is different.

My boundaries have dissolved.

A clarity catches my eye—if I strain, it vanishes.

Loosening all constraints, object crystallize.

Between the form and structure of objects, I see ideas.

Based on those ideas reality is created—in the blink of an ‘I’.

Strips of light peel away- just for an instant. Just a glitch?

Nervous system outdated? More RAM…

Just kidding.

This mesh I have woven comforts, caress’, breathes with me.

Pick and choose, like peaches from a tree to feed everything.

Everything living with abundance. In spirals we dwell,

Spinning toward the infinite center with all caused and affected.

Sept 13, 2002
A lot of things have transpired over the last 2 months. Cliff jumping in 6mile, boogie boarding on the bore tide, hung out in Valdez in the rain. The most interesting development is the creation of a new aspect to the sport of mountain biking. We are calling it Big-Mountain Biking. The basic plan is we push our full-size, 50 lb downhill bikes up to the top of these mountains that we are surrounded by and ride down them. We have been climbing 5000ft mountains in about 5 hours and then being rewarded with a 2 hour ride! That is a huge ‘climb to ride ratio’ compared to that of a ski run where we may climb for 5 hours and ski down in 2 minutes. The tree line around here only goes to 2000ft at the most. The terrain above the trees is alpine-slopes, free of trees that beg to be carved. We are going to make a DH bike movie that shakes the doors off the status quo of the industry.

Sept 14, 2002
I leave nothing, and realize that it is mine to leave.

‘I’ is then realized as nothing as everything is then gained.

Sept. 21, 2002
In my life I step back and actively look for signs that guide me in the direction I choose to go. I shut up while appreciating and being thankful for the ability to choose.

End of October to October ski season for 2002-2003. Total of 106 days skiing.

Oct 1, 2002
Another year, another season. Not much to say. Things moving along as expected. Plan on skiing some powder.

Oct. 4, 2002
First day of season! I skied solo up Jewel and Summit Glaciers.

Oct 9, 2002
Windy day up towards Jewel. Take cover! Skied 2 laps on Summit.

Oct 11, 2002
I see it creeping in. I recognize it. Its smell, taste, sound it makes, its bite. At some point in February I will think back to right now; 2pm, Friday afternoon, chilly out. Dark skies and leaves on the ground. I will laugh when I finally realize that it finally did take over, it did arrive. Nothing really does compare to discovering that full-blown winter has arrived. At what point during the snowstorm do you put all of the pieces together and come to the conclusion that the waiting is over?

I will call that point the ‘snow point’. It is the exact time of the year when the seasons officially change. It is the only season change that can be given to an instant. It fits, though. Isn’t the life of a skier defined by those intangible instants everyday where you step back, realize and appreciate where you are? Look around! Since the ‘snow point’ my days become defined by those instants instead of the hour. I strive for them, looking wherever I can. If I have to, I can ski all day long just for one moment, one breakthrough where I see everything just the way it is. It is in that instant that I yearn to be.

The more I ski, the more I realize that I can extend myself into the timelessness of an instant for any given time. You know those days, the first few runs after a 30” dump on the local hill. Time stands still long enough for you to really feel those turns, appreciate the beauty of an arced ski. Nothing exists for you except the next turn. What happens when everything shuts down so completely that you actually cease skiing physically? A rare sensation backed by a process I can only pretend to understand. Maybe you have done this:

You are 3-4 laps into a ripping session at your local hill. You know every bump, turn, log or stash in the trees. “Feeling good—gonna make this one count, where should I go?
I think I will hit up Picnic, down the shoulder into LoLos, finally get that double I have been working on, duck that branch, through the lower cliffs, hit the groomer.
Hit the groomer… hit the groomer…

You realize that while you took the time to mentally make your way down the hill, your body decided to go along for the ride. When you merely thought about skiing the perfect line IN YOUR HEAD, you were actually skiing the perfect line AT THE SAME TIME!

That is a fairly eloquent description compared to the “Man--- that was fun” I managed to mutter to my buddies back on the chair. Whatever, a description is not necessary because I had the experience, which is indescribable in logical terms.

If you have been there, you know what I mean. A glimpse into the infinite. The other side of time. You are just skiing powder.

Oct. 14, 2002
Soldier shifting idly on their feet shake together when the general looks their way.

Object race to their position before perception looks their way.

Stones rising from the abyss; steps appear before me, showing the path.

Oct 18, 2002
Skied 2 laps in Hatcher with Ryan, Todd and Beau.
Did some riverboarding in Glacier Creek during flood stage. Very dangerous.

Jumped some cliffs out at McHugh.

Oct 19, 2002
Summit of Marmot Peak with Ryan and Todd.




Oct. 29, 2002
While I sleep, I dream of the distances between stars. I see where the function of infinite is caused and effected by the function of biology. Functions of infinite are equal to functions of biology.








Fig 1







Oct 31, 2002

Conscious Collective Psychology
MAN = Perception  Subconscious

Atman  Brahman
MAN = Jesus  God Theology etc
Suffering  Buddha

MAN = Physics  Light Physics


Read the Bible and for any time the idea or name of Jesus comes up, replace it with the idea or meaning of conscious perception.

For every time the idea or meaning of God comes up, replace it with the idea or meaning of the Collective Subconscious. See the way the 2 ideas (Jesus God) relate to each other. You can’t get to God without Jesus, nor can you make use of the collective subconscious without being completely conscious. The physical description of that same relationship is seen in higher math as it searches for the complete description of light.

Psychology, Theology and Physics are systems of thought that are used by humans to describe their relationship with the universe. I believe the Bible can be taken for as an ‘instruction manual’ of sorts. A textbook that describes the actions an individual would take when confronted by various dualistic problems. Jesus plays the role of the ego as it faces the trials and tribulations presented by those in the realms of a more primitive consciousness.

Nov. 3, 2002
Things have gone from the infinitely simple to the infinitely complex by means of science. By unification, things will become infinitely simple again.






Nov. 4, 2002
I noticed I had Theology, Psychology, and Physics written down on Oct 31. I had been trying to visually arrange the 3 concepts on the page.







Fig 2

Today I thought of the triangle and started to put the THEO on top because it might be considered the link between psychology, the study of Man’s mind and physics, the root study of his surroundings. I turned and wrote Fig 2











Fig 3


I than noticed that I had miswrote and put the PSY on top . Then I realized that on top was correct in stating that Man’s perception is the product of his real world living and spiritual contemplation. I noticed a shape drawn on the previous page from Oct 29. I had been doodling and drew this sketch (fig 1). I saw the bleed through on the page and copied it over to the triangle and came up with Fig 3.

I will remember to think of the balanced triangle in daily life. Speaking about
(notice line across mouth) the relationship between man and his surroundings






What if our bodies grew into the proportions decided by our brains as it perceives and learns from it’s environment via the nervous system. The brain grows from a stem planted into the soil of the collective subconscious. Wisps of energy make infinite connections between stimuli and the light of perception. Matters of perception are divided into subconscious (Savings) and conscious (Checking). Checking is available for spending while Savings is the infinite supply to Checking. Must know password:

perception
















The strings tie at all together, they are at the end of the universe, the pure building blocks of the imagination.

Nov. 10, 2002
Skied icy run in Palmer Creek with Kelsey, Josh and Beau..

Nov 12, 2002
Biked on Bird Ridge. 2 and half hours up.

Nov 13, 2002
Jared and I skied Jewel. Good snow up high.

Nov 20, 2002
Skied Powder at Tincan. Big fat snowflakes.

Nov 21, 2002
2 laps on Tincan, snow was a bit consolidated.

Nov. 22, 2002
Tincan, 1 foot of snow. Started storming. Rain in Girdwood. Good for tomorrow.

Nov. 24, 2002
Skied pow at Tincan. Started to clear then snow moved in. Good snow.

Nov 25, 2002
Powder at Tincan. Clear day with Todd and Nels.

Nov 27, 2002
Cloudy day at Sunburst. 4” of fresh on refrozen crust.

Nov, 28, 2002
Ryan and I biked to Anchorage for Thanksgiving.

Dec. 1, 2002
Skied most of Pastoral in stormy conditions.

Dec. 11, 2002
Knee-deep fresh everywhere. Winter seems to finally be here. Skied Tincan 2 laps.
Too deep!

Dec. 12, 2002
Knee deep pow with Joe T and Abe at Sunburst.

An idea spreads through population at an exponential rate. Each person represents a ‘gravitational center’ These ‘centers’ are connected to every other center by ideas.

The thoughts in the mind of person A are concerning person B are the direct link between the two people. Each person’s thoughts of the other define the existence of the individual. The question is then posed; Unite individuals? Communications? How to create common goals of peace and happiness? What is that quote about spreading the message to all corners of the world?

Teach by example.

Dec. 13, 2002
Finished “The Dark Side”, a downhill bike and riverboard movie.

Dec. 14, 2002
Skied 2 laps on Sunburst. Best snow yet.

Dec. 15, 2002
Skied Bull’s Eye off Magnum. Great snow, clear and cold.

Dec. 16, 2002
Skied southside of Magnum then Bull’s Eye to the car. Premiered “2Cents An Acre” At the Sitzmark to a full house. (250) Good times.

Dec. 17, 2002
3 laps in thigh deep snow. Storm conditions.

Dec. 18, 2002
3 laps on Sunburts. Weird wind effected snow.

Later: Ryan, Tory and I climbed up and skied Max’s in moon light.

Dec. 19, 2002
South face of Magnum to Superbowl drainage to car. Good circuit.

Dec. 21, 2002
One lap on Sunburst solo in storming conditions. Literally making turns in chest deep snow! Could not see much.

Dec. 24, 2002
Ryan and I skied Johnson Eve. (Johnson Pass pullout on Christmas eve)

Dec. 25, 2002
Christmas day. Red sunrise this morning, beautiful. First day on Alyeska! Merry Christmas. Clear skies, lets go.

Dec. 26, 2002
Good day on the Tram. Chair 6 for tomorrow.

Dec. 27, 2002
Crowded day on the hill. Spooned some guy in knee deep hoar.

Dec. 28, 2002
Rallied pretty good today, crew is coming together.

I have become repetitive even to myself these days. It seems as if I’m overwhelmed by the vast descriptions of my environment offered to me by my senses. If I were to sit and write about every little instant or object of interest I would go mad. I reached a point today where it became astoundingly clear that that is the point I had been trying to describe to myself in this last year of writing. I could use logic and sentences to describe emotions and senses that I imagined. The point just beyond the reaches of my imagination became my obsession. I was driven to pick myself apart to see what I was made of. Why did I do some things and not others? Say this or that?

In this search outside my personal boundaries that defined my universe, I saw every facet of my emotional development and where I stood now. I found ideas everywhere begging to be questioned, tested. I wrote down everything that came to mind regardless if it sounded crazy or not. I woke up and found myself driving an 18-wheeler that was on fire and about to go off a cliff. Taking control and saying “stop!” was the best thing I ever did. I noticed after a while that I was not able to keep up with the observations so I let go. I decided that logic could not keep all the richness I found in my surrounding. My thoughts—superfluous dreams weaving in and out of the hours, days. I felt like today I stepped through the boundary of logic searching for the words to describe what I saw. The light. The colors. Silence. It was a combination that I saw and it became clear.







Contemplate on Love

A word spoken is sharper than a word only thought.

Only words of love should be spoken.

Dec. 29, 2002
6” fresh snow on the mountain. 10:30-1:30. Nearly killed myself in bad wreck. Kicked ski off in mid air as I was falling through the trees. I landed headfirst into the only patch of pow. Very close call with pungi stick.

Dec. 30, 2002
First day in Tram pocket. Epiphany, Euphoria. Hugh, Dave, Sean and I knee deep pow for 5-6 laps. “Moonlight Sonata.”

Dec. 31, 2002
Skied just to ski today. Cold, hard, lots of people.

Jan 1, 2003
Resolutions abound. Ski. Live. I’m not too worried about much these days. 1 hour in morning, 1 hour in evening.

Jan 2, 2003
Lots of people. Countdown continues to the end of the vacation of the masses.

Jan 3, 2003
People.

Jan 4, 2003
14” of fresh snow. Tons of people. Night ski 8-9:30.

Jan 5, 2003
Cold storm moved in. Maybe North face tomorrow… Easing into the meat of the season.

Jan. 6, 2003
Ryan and I skied Johnson Eve. Bluebird, cold.

Jan 7, 2003
A slow start in the a.m. Ended up at Video Land. Bluebird above the cold fog.
Best snow imaginable.

Jan 8, 2003
Storm skiing on North face. Smooth, fast pow. Legs getting stronger.

Jan 9, 2003
Very fast skiing today. Abe coined “technical straightline”
Don’t ever bring skis across the fall line.

Jan 10, 2003
Skied pow under Ragdoll. Good light, good snow. Interesting clouds in a.m.

Jan 11, 2003
Skied one run on PMS.

Jan 12, 2003
Took Ryans snowmachine out for test ride. Flipped it, sank it, broke it. Fun though.

Jan 13, 2003
Night ski one hour.

Jan 14, 2003
John and I biked off the top of Sunnyside in Turnagain. Blistering speed on hardpack snowmachine trail.

Jan 15, 2003
One hour on resort.

Jan. 16, 2003

Awareness: being conscious of itself. (ego) development of ‘I’.
(addendum to 10/31/ 01)


A = B x C

1 man = conscious (ego) x collective
perception subconscious

2 man = Jesus (through me) x God


3 man = physics x light



1)Reference to death of conscious perception (ego) to reach into the perception of the collective subconscious. Removal of ego only after complete deconstruction and understanding of self. (self actualization) Man = collective subconscious
2)Reference to death of Jesus to save our sins; reach God etc. By saying death of Jesus, you are removing him from equation. Not removed until individual sees, accepts and is thankful etc. Man = God
3)Reference to death of physics in search for speed/ properties of light. Removal of physics only after complete understanding the math of light. Man = light


In each equation of A = B x C the removal of B only after complete understanding and acceptance of said doctrines. Each equation is then considered true to the respective demographic. The ontological implications from each system of thought is interchangeable with the other 2.

1 = 2 = 3 = MAN

Jan. 17, 2003
Good creamy snow in pouring rain.

Jan 18, 2003
15” fresh snow in bluebird. Too bad it is Saturday. Backcountry looking good.

Jan. 19, 2003
Rain again. 3 laps was enough.

Jan 20, 2003
John and I biked at Beluga, Rainbow and Bird.

Jan 21, 2003
John, Jared, Aaron and I skied Pastoral southside to car. Good circuit.
Biked Alyeska in pm. Fast from picnic.

Jan 22, 2003
Things became my perception. You can perceive perception by looking into the eyes.
Some people have the most astounding eyes.

Jan 23, 2003
Fast groomers.

Jan 24, 2003
More fast groomers.

Jan 25, 2003
Skied one lap on Alyeska then decided to go check out the pass by myself.
Ran into the guys from Turnagain Hard Core. (snowmachine movie makers)
I skied sick line for them on film. It was fun.

Jan 27, 2003
Skied Tincan Proper in whiteout storm.

Jan 28, 2003
Skied Alyeska on sweet powder. Biked in Rainbow in pm.

Jan 29, 2003
Excellent day. 3” of smooth, fast snow. Split lip on Eagle Rock.

Jan 30, 2003
Creamy delight! 3” smooth, smooth.

Jan 31, 2003
Some sun on smooth snow.

Feb 1, 2003
Lots of people, snow gone in 20 minutes.

Feb 2, 2003
Snowboarded with Tim. Very good day. Nice to be on the board.

Feb. 3, 2003
Killer day snowboarding. 1’ fresh snow. Good filming.

Feb 4, 2003
Storm day. 6 shut down at noon.

Feb 5, 2003
Skied to the powder hut. Deep snow up high. Break in weather.

Feb 6, 2003
40” of new snow on the mountain! Soccer in the pm.

Feb 7, 2003
Did one lap on Sunburst. Night snowboarding, spring conditions.

Feb 8, 2003
More snowboard in spring snow.

Feb 9, 2003
Snowboarded in Video land. Rotten snow down low, pow up high. Resort in pm.

Feb 10, 2003
Rode mountain in am, biked Bird Ridge in pm.

Feb 11, 2003
Resort in 5” of fresh. Biked Rainbow in pm.

Feb 12, 2003
Played first game of S-K-I. It is like HORSE in basketball. Whoever is leading that run chooses exactly where to go and the others have to follow exactly or they get a letter. Crazy.

Feb 13, 2003
Building jumps all over mountain.

Feb 14, 2003
Snowboarded in the sun. Hiked Chilkoot Ridge in sun.

Feb 15, 2003
Hiked Center Rideg on Alyeska 7 laps. Good steep skiing.

Feb 16, 2003
Skied PMS off of Magnum. Perfect snow.

Feb 17, 2003
Snowboarded Ragged Top. Dreamy snow in soft light.

Feb 18, 2003
Skied Video Land.

Feb 19, 2003
Skied Gilpatrick Peak out at Summit Pass. Looong south face then sweet snow down North face to the car.

Feb 20, 2003
Snowboarded on Alyeska on my new Atomic Don SR 170. I guess I’m a sponsored snowboarded now too. Sweet. Big board.

Feb 21, 2003
Skied Tincan Proper with Aaron on suncrusted snow. Later, during night skiing, I managed to get myself kicked off of Alyeska for 2 years for poaching out on North Side in the dark. Looks like the backcountry for me. 

Feb 23, 2003
Biked McHugh Creek trail with John.

Feb. 25, 2003
I snowboarded Cornbicuit in flat light and deep snow. Kind of scary.


Feb 26, 2003
Skied 2 laps on Sunburst. Kind of slabby. 1’ pow on hoarfrost on 4’ of sugar.

March 1, 2003
Jerry got into a huge slide out there in Hatcher Pass. Rode for 1200’ then off 50’ cliffs. Buried up to his neck. Broken scapula and ribs. Helicoptered to the hospital in Anchorage where he stayed overnight.

March 3, 2003
John and I biked Bird ridge. 50 deg, sunny, with fluffy, pastel colored clouds.

March 4, 2003
Skied Ragged Top. Hung out in the sun. hit a jump.

March 5, 2003
Skied all day at the “Playground”. 3 laps on steep, fun terrain.

March 6, 2003
Skied at ‘Heavens Gate” for first time. Good steep terrain under HUGE cornice. We were southeast of Pastoral summit ridge.

March 7, 2003
Ski like a magician. Don’t look but see the lines. Ski with vision in mind.

(picture)

March 10, 2003
Skied out to the base of “Playground” with Kelsey

March 11, 2003
Went up and over Sunnyside into Seattle creek.

March 12, 2003
Skied north face “Big Chief”. Joni started slide about 20 turns under the summit that ended up taking Aaron out who was 1000’ below, 1/2 way down the face stuck over 100 foot cliffs. She fell 2000’ and Aaron ended up going for 1000’. Joni broke her pinky. We still had to ski out 4 hrs to car. Aaron and Joni both lost a ski each, so Aaron had to bootpack so Joni could skin. Accident happened due to miscommunication. Lucky.

March 13, 2003
John and I biked “Mad dog Trail”. Unbelievable.

Haines, AK

March 16, 2003
2 shitty heli runs in Haines. Flat light, expensive.

March 17, 2003
Crossed over the border and skied a run in British Columbia.

March 18, 2003
Played on snowmachines all day on tow in kicker.

March 19, 2003
Hike up from 5mile Creek towards Swedish Meatballs. Checking things out.

March 20, 2003
Back up Swedish Meatballs. Slabby, flat light.

Back in G-Wood

March 22, 2003
John and I biked up Alyeska at 11pm. Fast and smooth.

March 23, 2003
Abe, Ryan and I skied in the Gnarlies. Deep pow.

Later: John, Tim and I biked from top of 6. Fast in surreal light.

March 24, 2003
Happy Birthday to me! 23 years old. John and I biked from top of the triangle on Indian house mountain.

March 25, 2003
Skied Sunburst with Kelsey. Sunny, warm, powder. Good combo.

March 26, 2003
Skied Videoland valley to Johnson Eve trees. Biked Bird Ridge in pm.

March 27, 2003
Biked up ‘Long Trail’ with Aaron, John. Fresh snow. Good access to high country.

March 28, 2003
Skied Tincan solo. Good skiing all the way down.
In the afternoon John and I biked Long trail from higher up the ridge. Sunny and warm.

March 29, 2003
John and I climbed up Rainbow Peak to saddle before summit rock. We biked down west facing ‘Moose Meadows’. Got blocked out by some alders and had to traverse back out to high point from yesterday. Good ride.



March 31, 2003
In recent months fear has increasingly, it seems, been attempting to gain access in to my heart. My defiance of fear and all manners of its existence is complete.

Wisps linger, and then in a breath, they are gone.

What non-verbal communications exist below the radar of daily perception?

What efforts need to be made to improve my communication skills?

By what measure will my skills increase when surrounded by like-minded people?

How do I express my objectives without letting fear rise up in the heart of to whom I speak?

Pray for their own realization? I cannot push my ideas on anyone. They have to come to my conclusions on their own.

April 4, 2003
Aaron and I free-soloed Sunshine ridge. Scary in spots.

Have some compassion! I tell myself repeatedly. It is amazing the mental blocks I have discovered in myself recently. You cannot heal hate with hate. Any anger felt towards someone should trigger the domino question. Why does this make me mad, scared, sad.

Deconstruction everyday keeps boredom away.

I feel good. Looking to Haines, Valdez, Yakutat, commercial fishing, Hawaii/ Mexico, British Columbia. Good times.

Haines

April 8, 2003
Heli skied 3 laps from ’18 Mile’ out of Haines. Good skiing, slabby.

April 10, 2003
Heli snowboarded 3 laps at ‘ClassRoom’. I cut big slab out.

April 11, 2003
Heli snowboarded 2 laps on ‘Recess’. Awesome snow with some filming.

April 12, 2003
Heli ski 2 laps on ‘Deflowered’. Super deep powder. Did mellow side then burly, north side. Heli to top of ‘Hangover Helper’ then traversed over to top of ‘Mahogany Ridge’. Skied east face then skinned back to top (2000’) Finished with north face of ‘Mahogany’ to bottom (4000’) good day.

April 13, 2003
Snowmachine day up at Haines Pass. Good times had by all. Did some crevasse rescue work in the sun. Skied some powder in the afternoon. Snowmachines are fun.

April 14, 2003
Our last heli day here in Haines, AK. Epic turns. We did 5 runs with some steep stuff (55deg) and some with powder. Pretty good way to spend 100th day skiing.

April 17, 2003
Skied some powder up at summit pass. Scoped stuff for tomorrow.

April 18, 2003
Snowmachined up behind ‘Manitoba.’ Adrian got caught in Slide while hiking. Jared ski cut good slab right where Ryan and Abe had just bootpacked. Ryan had to walk all the way in with Big Daddies.

April 19, 2003
Tim and I biked Long Trail then went over and connected Mad Dog Trail from Rainbow Ridge. 5000’ of pushing.

April 20, 2003
John and I biked from Windy Corner towards the south ridge of South Suicide.

April 22, 2003
Snowmachined 2 laps to Berlin Wall in Thompson Pass.

April 23, 2003
Competed in Chugach Mountain Festival Pipeline Raid. Fun time. I beat Andrew Mclean in the top to bottom race and beacon search.

April 24, 2003
I competed in The Alaska State Freeride Championships. 2 laps on Odyssey. Icy one lap, corn the next. Cat ride in the heat.

April 25, 2003
Day 2 of competition. 2 laps on Berlin Wall. Good snow, I ended up in 2nd overall.

End of October to October ski season for 2002-2003. 107 days total.

April 28, 2003
Biked out at Gakona Anthills with John and Tim. I met them in Eagle River on my way home from Valdez. Gnarly, burly, steep. We left beaten. Next stop, SandPit Mountain. Good access for future.


April 29, 2003
John and I biked 1/2 Falls Creek then 1/2 Bird Ridge. Awesome conditions.

May 29- July 18, 2003
I was on a commercial fishing boat in Prince William Sound for 6 weeks. Started working on dissertation plan.














animals



animal  man…. Man is highest evolved. Different levels of expression of life and utilized energy. Inherent ability to promote happiness. Man remains within range of the animal kingdom until he evolves beyond physical needs and principals. Man has the ability to evolve beyond the reach of fear.

‘missing link’  decay of protons = pinpoint of neural-logic functions.

Logic has reached its boundaries in the empirical world of science.














Modes of expressing our perceived world


Seawater/ Balloon Theory for evolution of man.

Physics/ math Psychology Theology

Astronomy anthropology Buddhism
Chemistry sociology Christianity
Biology politics Hinduism
Geology Islam
Judaism
Astrology












1 E








1)BABY: intimately one with the ocean. Lacks motor skills for expression.
2)TODDLER: strong sense of ‘I’ developing. Due to faulty nurturing.
3)CHILD/ PRETEEN: developing fears, ‘I’ developed, length of anchor established.
4)TEEN/ ADULT: established fears, ‘I’, anchor.

Note: 1-4 spiritual development by age in general. Increase of age = increase of air in balloon. ( less H2O, less spiritually full).

A)Spiritually lost/ empty
B)Spiritually full/ religious zealot, strong sense of God/ Death.
C)Scientist, lack of spirituality, but surrounded by details of God.
D)Spiritually full, but still stuck on notion of being separate from God.
E)Enlightenment! No ‘I’, no time, no fear. No anchors attached.

I have been on this fishing boat for about 6 weeks now. Working. Working all day, every day. Really, I do have a lot of ‘time off’ but that consists of being on the boat, ready to work at a moments notice. I haven’t left my work environment. I noticed a change, though, sometime last week. I felt like the ‘work’ ceased to be ‘work’ per se. It becomes simply what I do. The outside work and all of its complexities melted away a few weeks back. Memories have become fuzzy. My only focus is work, but it is not that anymore. It has become my life but not in the sense of a workaholic. It is my universe and I simply exist. I remain carefree because I have no decisions to make. Eat, sleep. Read, fish. Not necessarily in that order. I have gotten over the long hours, the hard work and the getting yelled at. They are in context with my universe right now. Although there is an eternity in every moment, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, a fat paycheck.

With this paycheck I will spring myself, not only from the clutches of debtors, but into the world of being rich (relatively). It is not really about the money but more about the state of mind the money brings along with it. I am graduating from the $7-9,000 a year range to the $15-20,000 range. That is a good leap. I have bumped my energy up a notch as far as earning money goes. I will be given a paycheck just for existing. So I can deduce that once I return to the real world (if you can call it that) I should be able to maintain my new financial status just by being. I did it once, I will do it forever. New levels of creative energy flowing in my direction right now.

Economic Freedom

July 13, 2003
EUREKA! Here I have been waxing eloquently about the value of money etc. while I have been working my BALLS off for money?! Why don’t I practice what I preach? I realized, amidst the griping to myself that this is exactly what I envisioned for my summer. Be careful what you wish for, I might add. I’m going biking.

July 17, 2003
Personification of fear. Fall out of the moment. Misunderstood if not completely missed signs showing direct 1  1 link between god and man. Good/ Evil subjectified by man. Unconsciously desires. God is omnipresent/ all etc. Replies instantly. Objective. Nothing. Empty. Everything. You think it- it is yours.


July 18, 2003
I feel like I have figured out—started to figure out the rules to the games we play. Most just don’t realize they are playing. I barely realize. Conversations seem to be nothing more then people telling each other their description of life in one way or another. Any sentence is a description of some facet of human experience, existence, expectations. It is like we are all the same person deep down, and when we converse it is like a high school reunion or something. We are all the same generation, but WHOA! Look what life dealt me. The game is realizing that the dealer deals exactly what you would expect based on your conditioning, learning and belief structure. We are all the same person. We have all been spit through the system in different ways.

I am stepping into the great wide open in a couple of days. I have a lot of work to do. It is not work, though. I exist in the pleasures of my job.

1) study of… 1) brief history
2) description of process in laymens 2) key players
3) patterns/ fractals? 3) by what principals they interact
4) reduced to what? 4) humans do what to get where?
-quantum -death/ afterlife

(quarter trick = prayer)

Consciousness is the energy required to describe an object.
Gravity  strong  weak  nuclear force of energy
Simulation to emulation.

In my mind I simulate where I want to be in as much detail as possible. All actions from simulation to output fall into place as needed.

Bell Theorem
Anthropic Principal
Relativity
Uncertainty Principal
Infinite time/ eternity

I feel like I have made a break in the long standing wall I had built to guard my beliefs as far as finances go. I had been working fairly steadily for several years. I always seemed to be just getting by no matter how much I worked or how little I spent. I was comfortable but cutting close every now and then.

When I was fired back on Feb. 20, 2003, I decided I did not need to work to sustain my financial income. It was all in my head—as to how much money I had or what it was worth to me. Sure enough, I made it to the end of May without having to work. (I started with $800) The funny thing is, I had more money in my pocket while going on 2 heli ski trips to Haines, Cat skiing in Valdez and biking every day. I transferred my energy from working to make money to the money itself. I had been conditioned by whatever learning before my work career to believe that money had a value. This value, however, is only dependent arising from my expectations I had for it. If I expect money to come only if I work, so be it. But, by labeling money with a value, you are second handedly putting a value on work. This is where I take a step…

Aug 16, 2003
What chains remain to be broken? What can I not see? Love is all I desire. By my love for people I find their fears and they become mine. Conductor. Catalyst. By purging myself, I have opened space for others. I cannot say no. Center myself. Descriptions of fear. I can hear and see and feel the fear I can kill it.

I find myself in the position to help, to guide. By every word I will speak of love through myself for others. By example, by expectations. Inside my head I found everyone waiting. Everyone’s potential, collectively. Potential for sublime existence. Speak with love so it is heard and when it is heard, people will listen and apply. Application in the moment.

I see my breath.

Aug 18, 2003
With patience all is found. The difference between objective and subjective time decreases to the moment. Expansion of center.

Aug 19, 2003
I cannot be unhappy by realizing ‘underachieving goals’. If I say I want Top 10 I should be happy with Top 10 and not surprised if I don’t win. I didn’t expect to win, I expected Top 10.

I purge myself of the fear of success. I want to stand out as being the best. I will no longer settle for less. It has never been an issue as to whether it is possible or not, I just choose not to win for fear of standing out. Silly.

I had a fantastic conversation with Melanee this evening. She helped me realized that I don’t have to bump into myself on the way to the podium.














A man is the instantaneous, 1  1 give and take between his sensed perceptions and his universe. This 1  1 relationship is his relationship with God, while being known consciously or not.























Energy Field of Expectations


Energy Field of Expectations (FOE) = Perceived Emulation
FOE is both infinite being local and infinite being expansive.
Emulation remains infinite while perceived. Remains probability.
F( filtered perception) = expression of defense mechanism
Simulation = expression of Filtered Perception  FOE

Aug 20, 2003
A lot of energy flying around. Some positive, some negative. Learning tactful discussion. Thinking before speaking, I have tendency to blabber. I have solid vision of fall season. A lot of work, I am excited. I want only the best. It is easy to say, tomorrow is another day.

Aug. 21, 2003
Today we got a ride up Alyeska in a truck. It was sweet. All the ducks in a row, just biking. September will be busy. The best is what I am looking for.


Aug 25, 2003
‘2Cents an Acre’ is going to play at the ‘Peanut Farm’. Advertise on radio etc. Abe and I got to go live on the KWHL morning show and talk shit about our movie.

I was sitting here, eating cashews when I thought about the best before I wrote, I remembered that I was waiting for the wax to melt in a candle so I could drip it on the hibachi and stick the candle to it. Keeps candle in place.

Aug 28, 2003
Gonna ski Alyeska this fall. Stoked!

What is this drive I have? I feel unstoppable. Expand my territory. The best. I want to talk to people, see what they have to say.

Web project rolling.

In school, I have found expression for my energy. A lot of energy I have.


Aug 30, 2003
I like the way the music goes along with my thoughts. The nervous fluttering, bombastic interludes, interjections. I’m thinking; what next?

My thoughts, harmonious with their environment.

What was I thinking earlier today? What is my handwriting like? Hand writing like. Like my ideas, my personality.

Sept 9, 2003
To forgive and transform past memories into acts of divine intervention. Who could predict the delicately woven tapestry of life I would one day have pleasure to remember? By no means of myself. Myself indeed! As to the exact nature by which things manifest themselves I have not a clue. I understand the outline, perhaps the abstract, but trying to follow if not keep up with this orchestral thesis I’ve been tending to – leaves me breathless.

I delight in picking apart some of the finer nuances.

Who is to say that I do not live in Heaven? I am a believer.

Sept 10, 2003
It is very crisp outside. Clean and crisp. I see where jets have been doing loops. I was thinking about winter. Skiing. I have a lot of things to do. Whistler! Plan on winning. I am immensely entertained by these ideals. Satisfaction in striving for the best.

Educating myself. Information falls into the proper application. A simple structure of notes put together. Reduction to conscious options.

Sept 15, 2003
The truth?! Is that it? Truth. Speaking unconditionally from my heart. No barriers between myself and those around me. Shattering walls every day.

I like Beethoven more then Mozart.

With this truth, drama seems to follow. Drama as used without any negative connotations. Expand my territory type drama. Explosive, dynamic, captivating. I have seen the light and cannot turn away.

I relish my time spent in introspection.

I can see the truth manifest itself everywhere. It is the purest, most concentrated energy I have encountered. Moving mountains! I feel like I can literally move mountains. I want to empower everyone, I shall see that it happens.

I see stars mingling. Then dancing. Ying/ yang, this/ that, black/ white, he/ she…

I keep catching myself wanting to write down this music I hear, like it is unique and should be remembered. Then I realize that I am listening to a CD and that someone already wrote it down. Silly.

Sept 22, 2003
I lost something the other day when I saw it. It was gone and I was empty, deflated. Soon thereafter, perspective poured in and I felt full. Focused on the present again. I like to be humbled, straitened out. I sometimes lead myself astray. Bewitched, the ups and downs of life. I know someone and I cannot stop smiling. I think she is smiling too.

I have taken things as far as words allow. There is another level I can see and smell and enjoy. Only the flow of things will bring about desires. Words have become useless in problem solving. Parallel evolution. Evolution of myself into a state unexplained by logic. Evolution of significant relationship now swayed towards non-logic. I’m smiling again. I feel like I know what I am doing even though I have never done this before. Follow the pattern, go with the flow.

Sept 28, 2003
Only my attachment to the future hinders my realization of that future. Worry is negative, negative is bad. Where do I gain perspective in times of stress? Focusing on love as the only viable option eliminates negative outcome. I see other people in their lives and I wonder if they are happy where they are? How many people, behind the faces I see, are stoked to be alive? If not, why not? I am overwhelmed with joy in my existence! Can people see that? Do they care? Can they get outside of themselves and witness happiness? I can only teach by example. Words are communication tools of the masses. Words are misunderstood because the words can have subjective meaning to the listener. When words come close, they fall into dichotomy. My freedom developed out of my admitted lack of control. I now have this perceived freedom while realizing that ultimately, things are out of my hands. What is that? To whom have I submitted my will and how is it that my own well being seems to be of universal interest? In conducting myself in day to day situations, I feel compelled to see and feel options that are conducive to the well-being of others. Which came first? Which decision became the first domino in this freefall I find myself in? Terraced dynamic of gradual realization? Sometimes a jump, sometimes a slide.

I am here though, and do not want to be anywhere else.

Oct 1, 2003
The sky was green this morning. Peculiar indeed. Around 8:20 am, the sun was just beginning to poke from behind the mountains. Dark lines, like negative sunbeams, were slicing across green clouds in the western side of the sky. Seemed ominous. It is very warm outside.

How does the weather reflect emotion? There is some blue across the tops of the mountains.

I have taken to the habit of just talking while knowing the right thing will be said.

Let go, let god.

Started editing ‘Scratch the Surface’. Working with Thom and Ryan.