Way to go, man. That's a long time.Quote:
Originally Posted by Whiteroom_Guardian
Crazy how small of a world it is... I've been living in Princeton for the past 3 years.
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Way to go, man. That's a long time.Quote:
Originally Posted by Whiteroom_Guardian
Crazy how small of a world it is... I've been living in Princeton for the past 3 years.
Congrats WRG! I will be hitting the lucky 13 this November.
Best thread on TGR.
Congrats WRG and all of you celebrating another day, month, year of controlling your own destiny. I’m proud of each of you.
It's always a big deal. Not your drinking problem, but the fact that you're ready to step away from it. It's easy to say one day without a drink is no big deal, but that's just because if you get picked up Friday night you're not getting arraigned until Monday. Every day is a big deal, because it's something you couldn't do yesterday, or last week, or last month, eventually last year and half a lifetime ago.Quote:
Originally Posted by Todd Zander
Keep checking in, this thread needs to get bumped more often. I bet there's plenty of lurkers reading this that might not be ready yet, but maybe it gets them a step closer to where they need to be.
Heard a guy say “you can’t stay clean on yesterday’s shower”. Struck a cord with me. Stay vigilant…keep at it.
You can be a moderate drinker and still abuse alcohol. My experience has been to really stop and examine my relationship with booze if I crave alcohol, like it’s been a rough day, I need a drink. And, if I binge drink or have the urge to binge drink, I definitely take a step back. I’ve spent many months alcohol free and several years at different times in my life. At this point it’s easy for weeks and months to go by without alcohol. I’m not an alcoholic in the sense of being unable to control myself after a drink or two, but I also know that I’ve made a lot of mistakes drunk, hurt people, hurt myself, wasted opportunities, lived with unnecessary shame and guilt, so it’s a relationship I monitor very closely. There’s no right or wrong way, it’s just a matter of deciding if you’re living your best life or not. A month is a great goal and detoxifying for a month often lends people a lot of clarity. It can be hard to honestly assess the impact drinking has on your life, it’s easy to see why so many quit alcohol all together.
For me it was how many rules do I need to have about a topic that I ‘could control’? That’s the selfish side of me justifying bad behavior/genuine concern from family and loved ones who noticed patterns I was too dumb to fully grasp on my own.
Life is so much simpler without that compounding problem. Kicked the unstable hooker out of my cart and no longer deal with guilt and letting ppl down in that way. Need to eat a whale one bite at a time and I’m pleased with the progress made over soon to be 3 years without a drop.
Do it your way if you’re thinking about it at all. Bet you’ll not miss the complication and find freedom in a more satisfying outcome. Keep on keeping on and best of luck to those thinking about making a significant change. You don’t need to win the race at being the biggest drunk before you can have a satisfying outcome.
Well said, mooseknuckle. I dislike the idea of people having to hit rock bottom to make a positive change.
I like the way you speak of “complications.” I agree. Partying made my life a lot more complicated. I also don’t miss the chemical roller coaster of feeling high with tomorrow’s serotonin. You never know, you might need that serotonin tomorrow :)
Yep, it's just an overall sense of serenity and having an even keel. Drinking often lead to shame, or someone getting hurt, or me getting hurt etc.
It's just something I don't worry about or honestly really even think about much anymore. Most of the time I'm fully present and clear headed. This leads to great relationships, great career, and overall being happy with exactly who I am on any given day. I'm not searching for anything. I already have it. The present is a gift as they say.
Hey all! My buddy just graduated from a 1 year program and he was really stoked. His buds cooked him some food to celebrate. It’s not my personal journey though I was super stoked for him so I wanted to post it up.
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Rock on!!
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Noice. As WRG said, for me at least, being at peace and present is beyond huge. Never realized how cloudy chaotic and torqued up I was. Fkin mess. All quiet now. Calm peaceful waters around my little boat.
I can't do AA ... I don't want to have to explain more but I tried it and it's not for me.
I have always drank but now it's officially beyond my control.
Does anyone have a non-AA suggestion for help?
I don't even feel like I can talk to my current therapist, who is fucking amazing, but who is also my couples therapist, and I've been hiding it from my wife. So not happening.
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Kick the Drink...Easily! https://a.co/d/fFZtkdg
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I feel you! Did the same with my wife and therapist. Drinking went on for years, hard. Started drinking in the morning before work. Not sure how many day in a row I was hung over each morning, well into the hundreds of days. I was beyond fed up, ashamed, self loathed…I knew the morning drinking was a death spiral, no job, wife, son…for me a death sentence. One June evening I realized I had failed, that there was no way I was going to be able to stop my self. Basically confessed to my wife (of course she knew I had the issue) the disaster I was. Got into treatment for 90 days. Did the AA thing, felt weird and out of place. The meetings I attended seemed to be full of people desperately clinging to each other, like a said a strange vibe. However, just listening to the stories, the pain and suffering, was cathartic for me in that reinforced that I was definitely one of them disease wise.
Longer story than I intended. Point is hiding and play games is at the heart of this monumental struggle. If you are able to put the fear and ego away, I think you’ll find those you are hiding from will be there to help help you. May not go down calmly at first, but pease and calm will follow. I wish you pease, healing, and recovery!
I didn’t want to do the AA thing because I didn’t believe in a higher power.
I didn’t want to admit that I couldn’t do it alone… that I didn’t have control.
It was embarrassing. I felt ashamed.
I found it much easier to begin my quitting process when I began asking my higher power for the strength to resist.
It’s easier now. I have longer bouts of sobriety than before.
But I still fail every once in a while. You all know when I’m failing. You can read it in my posts. And I thank you for reminding me that I’ve slipped. Those nights are a mere two drinks in, too. It’s wild how my personality changes.
Alcoholism (my other personality, my devilish side) has a cunning way of convincing me that I don’t have a problem. When his voice pops up, I try to ask my higher self for strength.
There’s a lot to be said about the power of humility. And there’s a reason they say admission is step one.
Sometimes, often, that higher power is my wife and I simply say— Hey, will you take a walk with me? She gets it. We walk. Then I take a shower. Make the water cold for the endorphins. Then force myself into bed.
I’ve tried it alone. And have proven that it’s impossible. Without believing in a higher power, I’m fucked.
God’s the only one getting me through this one.
I quit drinking by quitting drinking, it’s pretty simple. No meetings or books.
So, are you an alcoholic?
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I don’t like labels. Labels are confining. I just quit drinking is all. There are different paths to sobriety
Here we go again. Buttah, and I mean this in a good way, perhaps this isn't your thread? It isn't my thread. I read every new post in it. I want the best for everyone in it. Perhaps our commentary isn't helpful?
And different levels of sobriety? I guess I don't really know the boundary of what makes a person an alcoholic and who needs to go to meetings and feel like they failed when they had a drink. I am really sorry if I'm asking the wrong questions in the thread, hope I'm not triggering anyone or getting them off their optimal path.Quote:
Originally Posted by buttahflake
I just feel like every time I have a drink I am poisoning myself. Drinking poison. Here and there I do drink the poison, not a lot, not often, but I do it. And then I'm really relieved and proud of myself when some days/weeks/months go by and I didn't drink the poison.
What do you people think of that point of view?
ism. Alcoholism. It’s a disease. Not everyone has it. You can believe you have a problem with alcohol and not have the ism part of it.
Or- you can have the ism part of it and know you’re ill. Or- you can have the ism part of it and be convinced you’re not ill.
The ism part is an identifiable second personality. The monkey on your back. The voice in the back of your head.
One way to test yourself is three shots. First, measure your pulse. Then take three shots over a ten minute period. Then measure your pulse again after 20 or so minutes. Did your pulse go up?
If so— congratulations. Your body considers alcohol to be a fuel. You’re an ism.
I’m not a doctor. Just an ism. YMMV.
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There you go with the labels. Umm no, five years no relapse. The poison/gasoline analogy works for me.
Another sign of alcoholism is there are no hangovers, just withdrawals.
Hangovers are what you used to have. Now you wake up at 3am with your pulse racing, you can hear and feel your blood pressure, and your anxiety is through the roof. You have insomnia. If you’re lucky, you’ll sleep for twenty minutes before 6am when it’s time to wake up.
You’ll wake up. Take a shower. Feel fine, just tired. And go to work.
Hangovers no longer exist. Just alcohol withdrawal syndrome. AWS.
You’ll eat breakfast, then feel groggy. Around lunch time you’ll feel normal. Around your evening time, you’ll know it’s time for a drink. Just one or two before real calories. Then you’ll feel great. Normal.
Then your personality changes. The voice comes.
ism.
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Alcoholism isn’t a disease. It’s an effect and coping mechanism from a root cause. Doctors and therapists love to “solve” problems with easy to grasp terms and labels instead of digging to the actual cause that is making one’s mind reach for that coping mechanism. Shooting heroin was an addiction for me that covered deep feelings that I didn’t know how to deal with or understand. Sure I was addicted to heroin, but without heroin there was still the shit that I needed to figure out and get through so that I didn’t need a coping mechanism any more.
Hey all hang in there it’s so worth it I focus on the good things in my life since I’ve been sober I remember how bad it was when I drank and make the comparison to how good it is now It keeps me going It’s not all good now but it’s all way better Keep the fight
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Dharma recovery, check it out.Quote:
Originally Posted by Shorty_J
https://recoverydharma.org/
AA isn't for everyone. Wasn't for me... not in the least. I know my reasons, be curious to hear yours.Quote:
Originally Posted by Shorty_J
Feel free to reach out to me and we can chat. Can't promise that I can help, but willing to try.
I've been sober over 16 years now. It never gets easier.
^No idea if this is based in science or has any medical merit... but I was a super alcohol fueler back in my bad days. Not just the day to day, but I could compete athletically and hammer out ultra-endurance efforts on booze-fuel. A terrible super power - who needs a positive reward system for more alcohol consumption?Quote:
Originally Posted by gaijin
Legit. A sure sign of the endless nightmare of basically full time drinking, the permanent midnight.Quote:
Originally Posted by gaijin
Redacted as I can’t delete for some reason
Your wife knows. Unless you're living pretty separate lives at this point, don't kid yourself. Agreed, your couples therapist is not the one to bring this to, but if they're doing their job they will refer you to someone else. But you gotta take it to somebody, there's only so much accountability you can get out of a bunch of randos from the internet.Quote:
Originally Posted by Shorty_J
I'm not an AA subscriber either, but one of many things they got right is if you won't own up to it, you'll never get on top of it. I don't know your situation, but talking to your wife might be the admission you need to make a permanent change. Maybe it's a no go, maybe it's an opportunity.
Thanks for the support.
I intend to take responsibility, and i think this is where it starts, but I'm not ready to do that with the wife right now. She knows some but not all.
I have looked into recovery dharma as more than one of you have suggested and I will make time for it next week.
Tomorrow I'm taking my son skiing... just me and the boy... focusing on the excitement of that for now... that's my main priority right now. We finally have snow here so I hope he does ok as a 5 year old beginner in what might be mild powder snow.
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Take joy in just hanging out with him, and being his dad. It’s hard to lose sight of the fact that those moments are precious (regardless of how it goes, lol). Alcohol dulls the clarity of what those moments mean. Have fun!
I'll shoot you a pm on Monday for a reminder. Have fun with the kiddo today.Quote:
Originally Posted by Shorty_J
I did it without AA.Quote:
Originally Posted by Shorty_J
Totally recovered now.
Unfortunately you need Facebook to access the recovery groups.
Thats the platform that carries most of the information.
Annie Grace " This naked mind" has a great platform with like minded people finding recovery together.
Here is a link to a free 5 day program.
https://start.controlalcohollive.com...xS_ukBQacXL5Yu
She also has a free 30 day program.
William Porter had a " Alcohol Explained " group that is also following a science based recovery.
I see things differently than AA.
Thats ok 👌
We all travel the path of sobriety and recovery differently.
My road has come to a end.
I'm now cutting a skintrack for others to follow.
I followed a program based on a book called some sat in darkness It is Bible based but has a lot of good practicals for staying soberQuote:
Originally Posted by Shorty_J
There is alanon and other types of recovery groups like celebrate recovery
Relating to other’s situations is important
Not judging but relating especially as you get sober and your life gets better don’t look down on others
Remembering I am not alone in the fight
It is a battle and it’s ok to struggle as long as I don’t use
The struggle is real and I have to admit that
Be grateful for every day and be present
Get a sponsor and work together to stay sober
Remember everyone already knows your not hiding anything and talk through your struggles
If you have one foot in yesterday and one in tomorrow your dumping on today It’s ok to learn from the past don’t dwell on it The future is what you make of it today
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Try talking with your General Practitioner, get one if you don’t. Be open to Rx. Suggestions.Quote:
Originally Posted by Shorty_J
Sounds good. I'm curious what you see differently than aa? I feel like it all comes down to honesty within yourself. Thx.Quote:
Originally Posted by TWINS
I agree, honesty in all aspects of your life is critical, ime. There is also a thing called Radical Self Actualization that I went through not long ago, before I even knew it was a thing. For me, I experienced a true coming to terms with who I am, who I was, and realistic assent of who I am, and likely can be at this age going forward. It gave me immense depths of gratitude, and has made it possible to endure some of the stuff I have been going through.
I not a drinker, so I hope you guys don’t mind me posting.
I’ve spent the last 9 months helping a young mother who is killing herself with alcohol and pills. We dated briefly 2 yrs ago, but I knew something was up, and stayed friends even though she trashed me pretty good. A yr later she lost everything she hadn’t already thrown away. I picked her up at the hospital, the police station, even the curb one night after searching for her on her parents behalf. I Put her in recovery in December, You guys the story, I won’t bore you. But I’ve decided to move on with my life, move west, and I fear the worst, but there nothing more I can do, and my business has been at a stand still for 9 months.
Absolutely gut wrenching, and telling her my plans, I feel like shit, but as you all already know, you can’t do it for them
I just wanted to say, how this has changed my life, (and I’ve seen some shit at 52). No one asks for a this gene, no one asks for depression, no one asks to be homeless. Keep battling, never give up, and know there are people always rooting for you.
I have been a steady drinker since High School. Crashed a car once when I was 21 and almost killed my self and two others. Done a ton of other shit. My main squeeze (now wife of 14 years, 2 daughters 9 and 11) has stood by my side until this week. I have been trying to stay sober, goes well for a few months then I slowly get back into it, it goes well for 6 months then quickly goes down hill into a state of drinking at least 6 days a week and doing/saying stupid shit to my wife. Never any cheating or physical violence, just being a mean jack ass. This last go around I only drank beer and seemed ok but last week just spun out of control until the last day when I was almost black out mowing the lawn at 1pm!
She is done, says she still loves me but has given enough chances the past two years. I love her and my kids and our life together and when sober am the best Dad and husband they can ask for. I just want her to believe in me, I can't imagine not being here for my girls.
I am ready to fully commit but its fucking scary, I liked how I felt when sober but it always pulled me back. I have been reading this thread all day and tons of good support and help. Any tips are welcome. I have some good friends here who have recently made the switch to not drinking so that helps. I just don't want my marriage to end.