About to turn 50 and am too tired to continue

Hey Buzz,

I don't know you but I wish you the best. It's really commendable to admit that you are going through a tough time.

I lost a very good friend to suicide 7 years ago and I still miss him. I wish that he had reached out to his friends in the way you have in this thread. I had no idea things had gotten so dark for him and it if I had the chance there is so much I'd say to him about how much I valued him as a person and a friend. I wish he had stuck around.

Lots of people are talking about ketamine as therapy- that may well be a good route to explore, especially because it is becoming more readily available.

This may also be of interest-

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=asrnXJ-xCzs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p8oljqNp5P0

TLDW- people (particularly those with PTSD and/or suicidal thoughts) are finding significant help with Ibogaine and 5-MEO DMT therapy. There are treatment centers in Mexico where you can go for this treatment.

If you are seeking this kind of therapy it is important to know that 5-MEO DMT is the type of DMT that is being used for this treatment. It is allegedly very different than the more common NN-DMT.

I would imagine his wife, who is highly educated in psychology can probably better give him recommendations for pharmaceuticals than any of us hacks;)

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Originally Posted by Kevo

Hey Buzz,

I don't know you but I wish you the best. It's really commendable to admit that you are going through a tough time.

I lost a very good friend to suicide 7 years ago and I still miss him. I wish that he had reached out to his friends in the way you have in this thread. I had no idea things had gotten so dark for him and it if I had the chance there is so much I'd say to him about how much I valued him as a person and a friend. I wish he had stuck around.

Lots of people are talking about ketamine as therapy- that may well be a good route to explore, especially because it is becoming more readily available.

This may also be of interest-

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=asrnXJ-xCzs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p8oljqNp5P0

TLDW- people (particularly those with PTSD and/or suicidal thoughts) are finding significant help with Ibogaine and 5-MEO DMT therapy. There are treatment centers in Mexico where you can go for this treatment.

If you are seeking this kind of therapy it is important to know that 5-MEO DMT is the type of DMT that is being used for this treatment. It is allegedly very different than the more common NN-DMT.

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Taking off my doctor hat and putting on my human being hat: Psychedelics save lives. For obvious reasons I disavow personal experience, but if you can get the real thing in the company of a professional or supportive friends, it can be powerful, powerful medicine. If you've been talking to a professional, if you've been through all the SSRI's, if you've tried and failed CBT and TMS (most people I've talked to TMS effect didn't last long), AND you don't have a family history or personal hx of schizophrenia or similar, this is definitely worth a shot.

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Originally Posted by Buzzworthy

Here’s the thing that normal people do not seem to understand. When it goes that horribly dark, you don’t care about anything besides stopping the pain. It’s a laser focus. There is nothing else in your world besides escaping or ending that pain. It’s a horrible disease.

I’ve already tried to end it. I failed. That was a very difficult decision to make. But it’s now somehow just a little easier to make that decision again. Because now I’m also a failure that doesn’t want to stick around longer. It’s a horrible disease.

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coming in late to this but this says to me you did not fail, you want to live. people at the end wanting no way out wouldn'y fail and wouldn't reach out like you are doing.

keep reaching out here but reach out to someone in person or at least face to face online that you are close enough to physically you can meet them in person; that's you're way back imo. won't be easy and without bumps but take your time, find what will work for you with some help and you can be in a great spot in the future. it's very likely you had plenty of good days and years in your past, you just need to find a path to get to good things again in your future. may be different than you had expected at this time in your life but you can find a way, there are many good roads in life.

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Originally Posted by Trackhead

I would imagine his wife, who is highly educated in psychology can probably better give him recommendations for pharmaceuticals than any of us hacks;)

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Yes. And no.

Big pharma and the medical system just wants to write a scrip for lifetime payments. Then write another scrip for the side effects.

The idea of short term brain rewiring isn’t as profitable. But it does have some merit. Soldiers with ptsd have had anecdotal success.

I haven’t left my skull in decades. But it is life altering. Seeing and hearing the world breathe does connect you to primal life source.

Big pharma and the “medical system” develops what patients want (generally speaking)… an easy pill to “fix” problems quick with minimal effort. Look no further than GLP-1 agonists for weight loss.

If “we” don’t have a pharmaceutical solution, a definitive diagnosis, or a quick definitive fix, we have failed our patients in their eyes.

That’s why SSRIs and pop up ketamine clinics exist. Because life is fucking hard.

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Originally Posted by byates1

Buzz the ketamine thing sounds interesting. Also, fuck it. Go do the ayahuasca thing. And look into shrooms. Why not

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I been micro dosing pysilisybin so a 200 mg cap (available on-line) every other day for the last 3 months which does not get me high, I think we figured out I would have to take 5 to feel anything

I would say it helps with anxiety kinda takes the edge off, I seem to be drinking less & I havent touched any MJ since

In this discussion one thing hit me hard. The toughest thing is to actually admit to someone else that you're not ok. I've had plenty of demons and found myself with a shotgun in my mouth..that's hard to admit let alone type. Only thing that kept me going was my dog. Not my family, spouse, or anything else. Which is fucked up. I had friends end their lives and I always thought it was very selfish thing to do. Until those thoughts get in your head, and you understand what they went through. Mental health is a motherfucker.

Sent from my SM-S236DL using Tapatalk

You guys can shit on SSRIs if you want based off your anecdotal ideas - just be clear that is the shittiest form of evidence possible.

And spare me your binary “well are they perfect and always 100% side effect free?! Checkmate big pharma bro”

Yeah it would be great if those that need them also made lifestyle changes simultaneously- but that discounts the barriers inherent in the core symptoms of depression.

Can we not turn this into a carbon copy of the vax thread where the basic facts have to be restated every 2 pages to the same people - who a week later come back having had none of it enter their long term memory?

As to that, I don't know why some people keep thinking they'll get through to some other people this time. You won't. And isn't doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result a sign of something?

Yo buzz. I was offline this weekend and didn't see the last couple pages until now.

I got absolutely no useful advice to add, just wanted to let you know that another random dipshit behind an internet pseudonym is stoked that you're still with us. Please keep it that way.

I have a pair of 190 or 183 Salomon stance 102s, with a previous mount for Salomon sth2 that I believe will accommodate a 315 bsl, not positive if the 183s will work at that bsl. Anyone have a sth2 they can donate to buzz? I’ll donate the skis and gift him a day or 2 of skiing. I’ll give any of you luddites a pair of sth14s to get him some sth2s. If we can’t get buzz a pair of skis (that aren’t his JJs) how the fuck are we pretending to be a community.


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Buzz I also got skis you can have - dynastar mfree99s with pivot 14s, mounted for 312(?) bsl

For some reason I thought you were a knuckle dragger, not a skier

In any case let's make midweek basin happen

Sent from my Pixel 8 Pro using Tapatalk

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Originally Posted by tgapp

Buzz I also got skis you can have - dynastar mfree99s with pivot 14s, mounted for 312(?) bsl

For some reason I thought you were a knuckle dragger, not a skier

In any case let's make midweek basin happen

Sent from my Pixel 8 Pro using Tapatalk

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But what about the fartbag.
All this talk of ayahusca and psilocybin and ketamine has me wondering if there isn’t a simpler answer.

Hufffing farts.

Good morning Buzz!
[emoji1308]

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Originally Posted by ötzi

As to that, I don't know why some people keep thinking they'll get through to some other people this time. You won't. And isn't doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result a sign of something?

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Many of us have felt alone. Maybe we just needed that final push to "get through" as you stated.
That's why we're here. We're not expecting anything to be indicative of any other result.

ötzi-- pull it together, bro.

Imma call it... ötzi, take a lap

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Originally Posted by Buzzworthy

Here’s the thing that normal people do not seem to understand. When it goes that horribly dark, you don’t care about anything besides stopping the pain. It’s a laser focus. There is nothing else in your world besides escaping or ending that pain. It’s a horrible disease.

I’ve already tried to end it. I failed. That was a very difficult decision to make. But it’s now somehow just a little easier to make that decision again. Because now I’m also a failure that doesn’t want to stick around longer. It’s a horrible disease.

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Don't let the brain spiders push you into a permanent solution to any number of challenges that are temporary in nature. The abyss, the despair - I get it. Even my wife is only now, after 10 years, getting an inkling of the dark thoughts and cycles I have to wake up and live with every day. All the grey drains pulling the joy out of even the happiest moments.
I get tired of it too. I have my bad days/weeks/months, but you have to remember also that the joy you chase will never happen with this solution. At least for me, the depression and brain spiders have already taken enough and I'll be damned if they take the mortal spark.
You aren't a failure, that's just the spiders talking. As humans, we tend to overanalyze/memorialize failure and underexperience success/joy. Take the step back. You were one of millions of sperm that survived. One of millions that pushed forward and made a permanent home for yourself in the world. A successful dad from all the proud spray I see. That doesn't seem like much of a failure to me, especially when life is structured around failing forward. We all fail at lots of things every day, it's just some of us it's like a boat anchor.

I hope you find the help you need, but know that I, at least, really do believe you can beat it.

Fucking brain spiders.

I'm not going to say one way is better than the other, but for me, my outlook on life got remarkedly better with less drug use.

Ultimately I think you need change. Whether that is where you work, or what you do at work, where you live, or who you associate with, or what you do in your free time, you should look at doing things you've never done before to get results you've never seen before.

Whatever you choose, I hope it is for the best.

When a friend of mine reached this level of desperation a few years ago, he checked himself into an emergency mental health clinic for three days. Not really sure exactly what happened there but it ended up being the start of a remarkable turnaround for him. Wishing you the best Buzzworthy.

Hey Buzz,

Just checking in to say thanks for checking in. Lots of people here that want to see you stick around. Thanks for helping us all out with that.

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Originally Posted by yeahman

When a friend of mine reached this level of desperation a few years ago, he checked himself into an emergency mental health clinic for three days. Not really sure exactly what happened there but it ended up being the start of a remarkable turnaround for him. Wishing you the best Buzzworthy.

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I think that would be a great thing to do.

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Originally Posted by altacoup

I have a pair of 190 or 183 Salomon stance 102s, with a previous mount for Salomon sth2 that I believe will accommodate a 315 bsl, not positive if the 183s will work at that bsl. Anyone have a sth2 they can donate to buzz? I’ll donate the skis and gift him a day or 2 of skiing. I’ll give any of you luddites a pair of sth14s to get him some sth2s. If we can’t get buzz a pair of skis (that aren’t his JJs) how the fuck are we pretending to be a community.


Sent from my iPad using TGR Forums

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I can donate a pair of STH2 13s for this. Let me know.

I think AR is onto something. Change. Gotta change the routine. Change the workspace. Change the schedule, change. I think it's gonna be another nice out today Buzz. Change it up man.

Just another loser from the internet rootin' for ya Buzz!

Lets remember that what works for one doesn't work for all. As such, advice is limiting. My pea brain sees a lot of hope and positivity from the words you've types here Buzz. I'm convinced the world is a better place with you in it.