Damn it, now I need to read the whole thread all over again...and make my wife wonder why I'm crying laughing.
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Damn it, now I need to read the whole thread all over again...and make my wife wonder why I'm crying laughing.
I work in a rather large health system in administration, one year in. I'm pretty much the only male, working with mostly 50-70 year old crochety ladies. I see a director on a regular basis, and she's the highest female I run into. Share the bathroom with about 10 admin offices. Since I work 2300-0730, I can destroy the bathroom all I want, as long as I leave it clean in the morning. One highmark, everyone knows it "must" have been the male.
One morning, I was waiting to pass on report to my co-worker. I know she's regularly 15 minutes late, so I run up and grab breakfast. As I go in, the line cook is apologizing for being late, stating they are short staffed. Eggs look like someone ran out of time to cook them, but, fuck, I've never gotten sick on eggs. Load the plate up. On second inspection, the eggs are way too watery, but I'm all in and starving. Finish around 0640, around 0655, my stomach is going haywire. Run, RUN, to the bathroom, can barely put down the toilet liner before a Hawaiian volcano erupts all over the toilet. Oh, yeah: no fan. I finish, open the door, and there's the director. I say, good morning! She gives me a shitty look. I say, hey, you may want to find another bathroom. She says, nah, it's fine, I just need to wash my hands. Me, You REALLY may want to find another bathroom. She's halfway in the door when the smell of food poisoning turns her green. Storms out to find another place to wash her hands. What, I should have let her go in??
asserting dominance like you should, nice.
Use your Jedi mind tricks. This is not the bathroom you are lucking for.
Would you say odor or streaking/splattering shows boss status better?Quote:
Originally Posted by shroom
High mark it!Quote:
Originally Posted by Leavenworth Skier
Somebody at my work keeps spackling the underside of the toilet seat with shit nuggets. It's kind of amazing, honestly.Quote:
Originally Posted by riser3
if im being serious about it, nothing leaves an impact like an upper-decker
that screams promotion
I just looked that one up... that is so dominate it probably needs a safe word.Quote:
Originally Posted by shroom
Even better than a clean bowl upper decker is a dirty bowl upper decker. Disgusted party flushes the toilet to clear it and is treated to a brown deluge instead of a cleared bowl.
The office just got one of those Nespresso machines with the little pods in different colors and the blends all in Italian. I have no clue what's what.
Let me tell you, avoid the black pods. That shit resulted in a sudden onset of cramps and a very fast sprint to the bathroom. I'm still a little shaky.
Good work. 'Solid' work probably does not apply.
Just walked into the stench of super chunk bowl. Can't lay any blame tho, I work from home.
just walk into, and quickly out of; one of those.Quote:
Originally Posted by mcski
if I were a guy and something came out of me smelling like that; I wouldn't eat it anymore.
Pretty cool how the feces from the females of the species doesn't stink. ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by SkiCougar
I don't know what's wrong with me. I've always been a very regular guy but this is starting to worry me.
I've taken 3 conference calls from the can this week so far. I can't stop shitting.
After killing massive amounts of bourbon and most of the good bacteria in my GI tract three days ago it's been the worst case of the shits I've ever had. I'm not even renting food anymore, it's just quickly borrowing it for a half hour or so.
Please help. Any remedies would be appreciated.
On the positive side, my abs haven't looked this flat since high school and I'm pretty sure I lost 5 pounds by doing nothing. I have to belt up my slimmest of jeans now, but that's another thread.
this weekend at the hill, opening weekend, i hit the head to lose a little weight prior to skiing.
opened the stall door to find it completely decimated
someone's pre-season workouts had them in mid-season form on opening weekend...maybe your bourbon diet?
Normally I'm a huge proponent of the bourbon diet but I'm laying off for now. Who knows what actually caused this terrible fountain of sick but the last thing I remember was crapping like a normal man and drinking myself festive on the brown water.
It's like tequila with some people. Did it make you sick or was it the all you can eat seafood buffet at the Mexican joint with a C health dept rating? Probably the shellfish cooking under a heat lamp but that won't stop them from swearing off the Cuervo for a few weeks.
[QUOTE=BmillsSkier;4867840]I don't know what's wrong with me. I've always been a very regular guy but this is starting to worry me.
I've taken 3 conference calls from the can this week so far. I can't stop shitting.
After killing massive amounts of bourbon and most of the good bacteria in my GI tract three days ago it's been the worst case of the shits I've ever had. I'm not even renting food anymore, it's just quickly borrowing it for a half hour or so.
Please help. Any remedies would be appreciated.
On the positive side, my abs haven't looked this flat since high school and I'm pretty sure I lost 5 pounds by doing nothing. I have to belt up my slimmest of jeans now, but that's another thread.[/QUO
I've had a Mexican taxi driver tell me to drink few spoon fulls of knox gelatin or jello dissolved in water to plug up the old Montezuma's revenge.
He didn't appreciate the brown puddles in the backseat of his taxi?Quote:
Originally Posted by fatnslow
PSA: Nashville hot chicken for lunch is a bold choice.
Lunch, eh?
How long did it last in the gut?
Most of my work bathroom demolitions seem to be from the night before, despite a good regular at home immediately after waking up.
I try to blame the coffee.. but its probably the booze / chinese food / coffee combo that does it.
Last week I was travelling around different sites in town. Demolished 3 bathrooms in 3 different buildings within a 6 hr work day.
Solid hour and a half.
Might be a new record.
May want to invest in some creme..Quote:
Originally Posted by BmillsSkier
God I hope you weren't pushing / "bearing down" for that long.
The 'roids from that kinda session could persist for years..
Srsly. Gotta watch ur bunghole man.
Damage down there isn't easily healed.
Don't fuck around.
We have access to 3 bathrooms... each one is like it's used by a bunch of monkeys with poor diets that must hover poop with an anus like a Texture sprayer...
Unfortunately in perhaps only this sense, I work from home... I currently cannot even walk past the bathroom without a sense of guilt for the chaos that I wrought there. It's been nearly an hour and the ghost of this dump still lingers...
x2Quote:
Originally Posted by mbillie1
Classic! I'm sitting on a dead ass fire in the middle of the Nevada desert and just read your post to my crew. Thanks for a much needed laugh. Please post a follow up to your original post. Your descriptions had everyone fucking rolling. Good work!Quote:
Originally Posted by eDub
So we moved to the Aspen are a few years ago, and there have been a number of times we have taken a walk through town in summer at dinner time. The first few times we did this I though it odd that often as we walked past the people eating at the outdoor open air seating they would often turn and look as we walked past. Not with a friendly welcoming smile, kind of a grimace... like WTF is that?
I pointed this out to my wife one day, and she said "oh yeah, I often crop dust them when we walk by"
I realized 2 things..... 1. They always thought it was me.
2. Never gonna leave this awesome woman.
Nothing here described comes close to the slayage the Yankees will inflict on the Red Sox this year.
The stench will be ubiquitous.
Ha ha chowds!!!!
Very Bold. Whenever I go to our Nashville office, it is strictly off limits if its a fly in the morning and leave evening trip. Otherwise, its game on with some foreign office slaying. I'm only there once a month so the ladies in our office can't really peg me as the destroyer of the can after some Hattie B'sQuote:
Originally Posted by BmillsSkier
That's beautiful.Quote:
Originally Posted by iceclimb
they turned the water off in my building mid shit today. I had no choice but to leave it there
After noticing this weeks work bathroom incident made it to the TGR week in review thread I believe I need to lend some clarity to my earlier post. The Nashville hot chicken stayed in my gut for all of 1.5 hours; that in itself is a new record as it's usually in and out in a fiery explosion. Dear Lord help me if I was on the pot for one and a half hours.
I guess what I'm saying is, thanks for your concern everyone. This place really is like a family
we know between the shits, the cavs and your computer that you need some support. we're here for ya, bud!
^ lmao damn
Ambien or acid is my guess
Either that or just a maggot on a business trip. Anyone want to claim that one? That’s next level, even for a Maggot.Quote:
Originally Posted by bodywhomper