About to turn 50 and am too tired to continue

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Originally Posted by Trackhead

Big pharma and the “medical system” develops what patients want (generally speaking)… an easy pill to “fix” problems quick with minimal effort. Look no further than GLP-1 agonists for weight loss.

If “we” don’t have a pharmaceutical solution, a definitive diagnosis, or a quick definitive fix, we have failed our patients in their eyes.

That’s why SSRIs and pop up ketamine clinics exist. Because life is fucking hard.

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Bull -

The idea that 'patients' are driving the "medical system" is no-sale here, Th -

I avoid commenting to most of this junk, but not today -

the "medical system" is broken. and

it is Not broken because "patients" want to cure everything with a pill.
' patient care' is a process, it is not an appointment -

I am glad you are in-remission -

I appreciate the adventures you are showing your son.
Thank you.

tj

Sunshine right now seems to be lifting my mood. I didn’t come inside yesterday until it was dark dark out. I kept busy which also helped.

I am emotionally and kinda physically exhausted. Just woke up from 11.5 hours of sleep. Clearly needed.

Im reading all of your words. The outpouring of care is inspiring. I’m indebted to you all. You are helping me to help myself.

Trying to keep the momentum going….thank you

It’s sunny again and I have a day off. Taking my dogs out to play and get more vitamin D.

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Originally Posted by Buzzworthy

Sunshine right now seems to be lifting my mood. I didn’t come inside yesterday until it was dark dark out. I kept busy which also helped.

I am emotionally and kinda physically exhausted. Just woke up from 11.5 hours of sleep. Clearly needed.

Im reading all of your words. The outpouring of care is inspiring. I’m indebted to you all. You are helping me to help myself.

Trying to keep the momentum going….thank you

It’s sunny again and I have a day off. Taking my dogs out to play and get more vitamin D.

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Hell yeah. Sunshine and pups will definitely make any day better. Good reminder for my to drag my ass outside today as well.

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Originally Posted by Supermoon

Hell yeah. Sunshine and pups will definitely make any day better. Good reminder for my to drag my ass outside today as well.

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What Supermoon said. Keep trucking Buzz, one step, one day, one whatever at a time. You got this.

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Originally Posted by Buzzworthy

Sunshine right now seems to be lifting my mood. I didn’t come inside yesterday until it was dark dark out. I kept busy which also helped.

I am emotionally and kinda physically exhausted. Just woke up from 11.5 hours of sleep. Clearly needed.

Im reading all of your words. The outpouring of care is inspiring. I’m indebted to you all. You are helping me to help myself.

Trying to keep the momentum going….thank you

It’s sunny again and I have a day off. Taking my dogs out to play and get more vitamin D.

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Tomorrow's the equinox

If you can, try to witness both the birth and the death of the day

Looking forward to more daylight as we move to summer

Sent from my Pixel 8 Pro using Tapatalk

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Originally Posted by Buzzworthy

Sunshine right now seems to be lifting my mood. I didn’t come inside yesterday until it was dark dark out. I kept busy which also helped.

I am emotionally and kinda physically exhausted. Just woke up from 11.5 hours of sleep. Clearly needed.

Im reading all of your words. The outpouring of care is inspiring. I’m indebted to you all. You are helping me to help myself.

Trying to keep the momentum going….thank you

It’s sunny again and I have a day off. Taking my dogs out to play and get more vitamin D.

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Well you just made my day that much better reading this. Deep breaths brother, one step at a time.

Happy too to hear you got that sun and sleep.

Hell Yeah...speaking of breathing. You may want to put a study on the vagus nerve, box breathing, yogi breathing, diaphragmatic breathing (basically the same thing).

For some people (AKA me) learning the physical tells of stress and anxiety is really helpful and can help overt crisis. Its about tools and coping. More or less parts of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

Psychological problems are based, in part, on faulty or unhelpful ways of thinking.

Psychological problems are based, in part, on learned patterns of unhelpful behavior.

People suffering from psychological problems can learn better ways of coping with them, thereby relieving their symptoms and becoming more effective in their lives.

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Originally Posted by gaijin

ötzi-- pull it together, bro.

Imma call it... ötzi, take a lap

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You misunderstood my point, which is okay, it was a bad thread to make it in. I was replying to the post - the sentence- directly above my post, and it had nothing to do with Buzz.

I got your point otzi. I know there’s no getting through to a self identified anecdotal expert like Core Shot Bsc Esq

But Trackhead as a frontline health care worker should know better - that shit triggers me.

If people want to cunt up this thread with personal stories of how SSRIs didn’t work them or how bad big pharma is they should pause for a second and ask themselves “is this a helpful comment for this particular thread? What do I think I’m offering here?” and if they’re so inclined to go off then start another thread

There's a lot to be said for a change of scenery. I could use that myself.

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Originally Posted by Foggy_Goggles

My pea brain sees a lot of hope and positivity from the words you've types here Buzz. I'm convinced the world is a better place with you in it.

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Seconded. I always enjoy your content here Buzz!

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Originally Posted by tgapp

Buzz I also got skis you can have - dynastar mfree99s with pivot 14s, mounted for 312(?) bsl

For some reason I thought you were a knuckle dragger, not a skier

In any case let's make midweek basin happen

Sent from my Pixel 8 Pro using Tapatalk

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I’ve skied since I was 5. Always enjoyed it. Just never got good. On the snowboard was where I was good. And the only way I can keep up with any of you guys.

Thank you guys. I want to get out to ski again.slow skiing is still skiing.

Good on ya buddy, keep it up.

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Originally Posted by Buzzworthy

slow skiing is still skiing.

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along those lines, someone earlier mentioned xc skiing, and that can be a really good option that pushes totally different buttons. None of the thrill/wind in your (lack of ) hair/gravity fed pursuit, but great exercise, peaceful, closer to nature, and yet it still pushes the sliding on snow button that we all like so much. At least for me.

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Originally Posted by Buzzworthy

I’ve skied since I was 5. Always enjoyed it. Just never got good. On the snowboard was where I was good. And the only way I can keep up with any of you guys.

Thank you guys. I want to get out to ski again.slow skiing is still skiing.

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do you need a snowboard ?

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Originally Posted by ötzi

You misunderstood my point, which is okay, it was a bad thread to make it in. I was replying to the post - the sentence- directly above my post, and it had nothing to do with Buzz.

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Cheers. I thought it was out of place. Reading comprehension fail on my end, maybe part of pushing 50.

If you need a snowboard Buzz, I also have a Libtech skate banana with bindings that you can have. Don’t have boots your size though. Someone up thread offered to donate some sth2s to go with the salmon stances I have. Just send me a PM and let me know what you’d like to do.

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Originally Posted by Danno

along those lines, someone earlier mentioned xc skiing, and that can be a really good option that pushes totally different buttons. None of the thrill/wind in your (lack of ) hair/gravity fed pursuit, but great exercise, peaceful, closer to nature, and yet it still pushes the sliding on snow button that we all like so much. At least for me.

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We are trying to pull back from the brink and put a smile on his face, don't ask him to XC ski when he's feeling down, sheesh.

Thinking of you Buzz, and despite some really bad advice in this thread everyone clearly means well and cares and that's cool to see.

Lotsa good advice mixed in here too, but not applicable to everyone unfortunately.

He could cross country snowboard. Just watch out for skootch leg.

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Originally Posted by bennymac

Just don’t want your sense of “omg I am so fucked up!” to be a barrier to seeking out these treatments. Yes your brain is fucked up right now. There is often guilt and sometimes shame about that.

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On top of constantly feeling like I have been, the embarrassment and shame you carry to ask for help is also crippling. It’s like the perfect storm converging.

That’s why it’s also easier to post right now when most of you are asleep.

I also am aware of the importance to continue to check in here. While I want to escape what I call hole up, I’m doing my damndest to fight that behavior too.

I’ve got people here and other places that care about me. I just need the brain spiders to let me care about me too.

Right now I’m just going to continue with saying thank you.

( I'm) sorry, Buzz -
I had to look - back.

PM me an address and some-thing 315-ish will be on it's way this week

( looks like others have skis for you )


breath Deep(-ly )

find your way through ! !!!


ski! to Live. !


tj / skiJ

Hey buzz. Have you considered the benefits of fruitbooting?

Saucerboy slash gaper spirit animal could be the second cumming.

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Originally Posted by Foggy_Goggles

Just another loser from the internet rootin' for ya Buzz!

Lets remember that what works for one doesn't work for all. As such, advice is limiting. My pea brain sees a lot of hope and positivity from the words you've types here Buzz. I'm convinced the world is a better place with you in it.

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Originally Posted by The AD

Seconded. I always enjoy your content here Buzz!

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Thirded

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Originally Posted by schuss

Don't let the brain spiders push you into a permanent solution to any number of challenges that are temporary in nature. The abyss, the despair - I get it. Even my wife is only now, after 10 years, getting an inkling of the dark thoughts and cycles I have to wake up and live with every day. All the grey drains pulling the joy out of even the happiest moments.
I get tired of it too. I have my bad days/weeks/months, but you have to remember also that the joy you chase will never happen with this solution. At least for me, the depression and brain spiders have already taken enough and I'll be damned if they take the mortal spark.
You aren't a failure, that's just the spiders talking. As humans, we tend to overanalyze/memorialize failure and underexperience success/joy. Take the step back. You were one of millions of sperm that survived. One of millions that pushed forward and made a permanent home for yourself in the world. A successful dad from all the proud spray I see. That doesn't seem like much of a failure to me, especially when life is structured around failing forward. We all fail at lots of things every day, it's just some of us it's like a boat anchor.

I hope you find the help you need, but know that I, at least, really do believe you can beat it.

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I love the analogy. My spiders talk to me in the second person. “You should, you can’t, you’re not worthy.” It has been a big part of my recovery to work on changing my internal dialogue to the first person. Own my thoughts and my action. Simple things like “you should floss” to “I will floss.”

We are taught and raised in second person and mostly it is benign, but it can also be abusive. The “you” statements from my alcoholic father and stepfather could be downright mean, manipulative, and demeaning.

One thing I learned in Al Anon, which is essentially group therapy, is to share from the first person as a part of taking personal inventory.

Often my best intentioned advice gets delivered in the second person. I am guilty of this even in this thread. That however can feel and be received, rightly so, as judgement.

I think there is a wealth of knowledge and experience in this thread. I appreciate what I have read. I appreciate Buzz for bravely starting and maintaining this thread.

Lastly, I learned of Al Anon by reading Warren Miller’s autobiography. He was an active member working on his childhood trauma caused by his parents.

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Originally Posted by Buzzworthy

On top of constantly feeling like I have been, the embarrassment and shame you carry to ask for help is also crippling. It’s like the perfect storm converging.

Right now I’m just going to continue with saying thank you.

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The shame is what holds us back. Try to understand that that is your hurdle.

That shame is also why people reach out... they are overcoming their own shame. They (we) know that reaching out, and putting ourselves out there is exposing weak points.

Again, the people that are trying to help you are kind of selfish in that they're also reaching out for help. They're admitting weakness, admitting shame, and offering their own stories to give you strength. They want you to call them. They want to feel validated. They want to be there because being there gives them purpose.

Shame is the most brutal part of this whole game.

Open the door, and call them.

That in and of itself is a step in the right direction. Why? Because you're going to be confronted with why you're ashamed.

(If you can't dial... just text us... we'll call.)

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Originally Posted by Foggy_Goggles

Hell Yeah...speaking of breathing. You may want to put a study on the vagus nerve, box breathing, yogi breathing, diaphragmatic breathing (basically the same thing).

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Do not under estimate the power of breath work. I could write a sweet 10 page blog on the complete turnaround in my health since doing so. I know my friends and doctors are sick of hearing me talk about it but they can’t ignore the amazing improvements. One effect has been processing and dealing with a lot of suppressed issues in a calm and rational manner.

For an easy and effective breathing exercise try 4/7/8. Inhale for 4, hold for 7, exhale for 8. Plenty of free apps for timing although it’s easy enough to count in your head. It does a lot to reduce anxiety. It’s one of several techniques I use and I try for between 1 and 2 hours a day of controlled breathing exercises. I do a half hour of 4/7/8 before I go to bed, usually while watching TV or reading. I’ve never slept better. Anytime my mind is racing, I can calm it down in just a few minutes.

^^^Thanks for that. Always a good reminder

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Originally Posted by Flounder

Do not under estimate the power of breath work. I could write a sweet 10 page blog on the complete turnaround in my health since doing so. I know my friends and doctors are sick of hearing me talk about it but they can’t ignore the amazing improvements. One effect has been processing and dealing with a lot of suppressed issues in a calm and rational manner.

For an easy and effective breathing exercise try 4/7/8. Inhale for 4, hold for 7, exhale for 8. Plenty of free apps for timing although it’s easy enough to count in your head. It does a lot to reduce anxiety. It’s one of several techniques I use and I try for between 1 and 2 hours a day of controlled breathing exercises. I do a half hour of 4/7/8 before I go to bed, usually while watching TV or reading. I’ve never slept better. Anytime my mind is racing, I can calm it down in just a few minutes.

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I end up gasping for air after a couple of breaths when I try that. Which does not at all calm me.

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Originally Posted by riser4

I end up gasping for air after a couple of breaths when I try that. Which does not at all calm me.

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I was the same less than 3 years ago. I started with some other exercises and built my way up. Just doing cyclic breathing will help, 5 second inhale, 5 second exhale, repeat. If you can’t do 5, do 4 or even 3. Also adding a 1 second pause after each exhale will start you down a path. The key is you consciously controlling how you’re breathing and not letting your stress levels dictate how you breathe. It’s the only automatic body function that we can control and the changes can be profound.

I have an aqaintence who told me she is a breath coach, does seminars in person she said it sold out and I think she might do them on-line I had no idea it was a thing

same person turned me onto the microdosing

edit: she always did seem kind of high strung so now that calming thing makes sense

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Originally Posted by Flounder

Do not under estimate the power of breath work. I could write a sweet 10 page blog on the complete turnaround in my health since doing so. I know my friends and doctors are sick of hearing me talk about it but they can’t ignore the amazing improvements. One effect has been processing and dealing with a lot of suppressed issues in a calm and rational manner.

For an easy and effective breathing exercise try 4/7/8. Inhale for 4, hold for 7, exhale for 8. Plenty of free apps for timing although it’s easy enough to count in your head. It does a lot to reduce anxiety. It’s one of several techniques I use and I try for between 1 and 2 hours a day of controlled breathing exercises. I do a half hour of 4/7/8 before I go to bed, usually while watching TV or reading. I’ve never slept better. Anytime my mind is racing, I can calm it down in just a few minutes.

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That’s trippy.
Just tried a few. And it feels good.
The hold is the part I hadn’t seen before. But it feels nice. Makes the exhale better.

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Originally Posted by Flounder

I was the same less than 3 years ago. I started with some other exercises and built my way up. Just doing cyclic breathing will help, 5 second inhale, 5 second exhale, repeat. If you can’t do 5, do 4 or even 3. Also adding a 1 second pause after each exhale will start you down a path. The key is you consciously controlling how you’re breathing and not letting your stress levels dictate how you breathe. It’s the only automatic body function that we can control and the changes can be profound.

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Ya, I'm fine with 5 on the cyclic breathing. I sometimes use that on my way to sleep just because I find it enjoyable to do at that time. And I've tried circular breathing. I like both but I forget about them. Also, the box breathing I was introduced to was 4-4-4-4. THAT makes me almost pass out.

Well I bought a midweek Basin pass tonight.
I’m sure the fun and exercise is not going to be a bad thing.

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Originally Posted by bennymac

Sucks that the doctor you saw was useless. That has to be beyond frustrating when you take the right steps and have the courage to pour out what’s going on and then not get the help you were looking for.

Gonna bring up Ketamine again. I mean through a clinic - not off the street.

Like anything it’s not a guaranteed solution in everyone. But for those it works for it does wonders - and is long lasting. It can literally be life saving and life changing.

https://healthcare.utah.edu/hmhi/tre...amine-infusion

https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/202...fc6b700481.jpg

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Calling them tomorrow. Discussed this with my wife and she agrees that I should explore this further.

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Originally Posted by Buzzworthy

Well I bought a midweek Basin pass tonight.
I’m sure the fun and exercise is not going to be a bad thing.

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Fuck yeah. Good move.


Sent from my island using TGR Forums

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Originally Posted by Buzzworthy

Calling them tomorrow. Discussed this with my wife and she agrees that I should explore this further.

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Buzzworthy - something to keep in mind - when you try something (ketamine, skiing, breathing exercises etc) - if it doesn't improve how you are feeling that is not your failure - that is a "failure of the treatment"

For people in your situation it may feel like, when you’re trying to get better, you are swimming up a fast moving river that is trying to drag you down and drown you. And the catch-22 of depression/anhedonia is that they rob a person of all their motivation and their energy - just to stay afloat takes great effort.

So for someone in that situation to make a positive attempt at getting better - that is a success in and of itself - even if the treatment doesn’t help the attempt should be viewed as a success.

Now that's easy for me to say and potentially harder to accept for that person struggling in the river.

Just try to remember that if a treatment is ineffective that is a treatment failure - not a Buzzworthy failure. Quite the opposite in fact.

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Originally Posted by Buzzworthy

Well I bought a midweek Basin pass tonight.
I’m sure the fun and exercise is not going to be a bad thing.

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Originally Posted by Harry

Fuck yeah. Good move.


Sent from my island using TGR Forums

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Fuck yeah. Good move x2

This one's for my homeys here who have struggled or are currently struggling...

Attachment 491195

Sometimes our brains can be some lying pricks. Haha. Always remember: You are worthy. You are loved. And we think you rock. :yourock:

Canadian, and stuff, so not sure if they send it across borders:

https://microdosify.com/microdosing-101/?v=3e8d115eb4b3

I’ve been seriously considering this, but it would give the lady I’m married to another reason to get rid of me.

But hey if she does really kick me out, I may try microdosing.

yeah i been using https://www.getmagicmushrooms.co/ you seriously DO NOT get high, my every weekend sledding/ mushroom eating/ get high buddy did some quick math & figures i would need to eat 5 of the 200mg to get high but i only do 1 every other day

if anything I'm drinking less and haven't touched any MJ in since november

I have no significant other in my life which is probably why there has been a mtn bike sitting in my dining room all winter

time to take it out