Tammy Wynette cannot be reached for help-Divorce advice

Easier said than done though. A good friend just settled his divorce and he got stuck with 7.5y of spousal support. Originally the ex wife was asking for 10y of support and they settled on 7.5y. In Colorado, at least, support is just a formula based on incomes and duration of the marriage. Between them they pissed away >10k on lawyers for this divorce despite having virtually no assets. Sticking points were spousal support and parenting time for their 16yo daughter. A mediator would've cost them infinitely less and the outcome is almost guaranteed to have been the exact same (except, of course, that they'd each have had an extra ~5k in the bank).

So since she took our friends firm I asked another friend who works in the family division of the court for some names, I was giving the best name only. The attorney is just down the street and its $200 just to talk to her her an hour. Uggggh I dont charge enough at my job apparently.

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Originally Posted by skiballs

X2, don't get suckered into servitude, you can give your kids money without the middleman.

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This is where people are confused about child support, it's not for the kids it's for the custodial parent to maintain a household at a level that the kids are accustomed to and commensurate with the parents combined income.

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Originally Posted by Tuckerman

So since she took our friends firm I asked another friend who works in the family division of the court for some names, I was giving the best name only. The attorney is just down the street and its $200 just to talk to her her an hour. Uggggh I dont charge enough at my job apparently.

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That $200 or more if it takes a couple of hours for her to explain this stuff to you is money well spent. If you're a smart guy you can figure this out.

Most of the problems when it comes to divorce are caused by ego, there are no winners.

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Originally Posted by AaronWright

This is where people are confused about child support, it's not for the kids it's for the custodial parent to maintain a household at a level that the kids are accustomed to and commensurate with the parents combined income.

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I don't mean child support. More like cars and college.

I would also suggest getting the name for an accountant that the attorney you consult with uses for divorces. It will be helpful in determining you assets, real net worth and how the courts usually do things in your jurisdiction.

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Originally Posted by AaronWright

Was she a stay at home mom and housewife? Are you the sole earner?

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No she just has a hard time hold on to a job, she has a degree. For what ever reason she always has issues with other women in where ever she works and gets "let go". She is working as a temp now. I started working closer to my child's school so I can go to games, Dr app., practices, get her from school if shes sick etc.... So I feel like im the one that has "sacrificed" my career for my child. Don't get me wrong I loved being able to leave work to go skiing during training days and going to lax games in the afternoon. You really could not have paid me enough to miss that.

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Originally Posted by Tuckerman

So since she took our friends firm I asked another friend who works in the family division of the court for some names, I was giving the best name only. The attorney is just down the street and its $200 just to talk to her her an hour. Uggggh I dont charge enough at my job apparently.

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IME $200/hr is not a particularly high fee for a decent attorney in a good sized market. Show up with a thorough list of questions and take copious notes about her answers. It'll be money well spent if for no other reason than because it'll illuminate some issues for you and put you in a position to make more informed decisions about issues that could effect your future for quite a long time. It may also allow you to strengthen your position regarding hiring an independent mediator as opposed to fighting it out with individual attorneys.

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Originally Posted by AaronWright

I'm guessing she's having some mental health issues?

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That's a teenzy bit of a leap isn't it?

Especially since she's not the one asking for divorce law advice on a winter sports forum?

Tuckerman - pay up the $200 for the hour, more if needed. You really don't need advice from a a cheap lawyer. Or us dentists.

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Originally Posted by Tuckerman

No she just has a hard time hold on to a job, she has a degree. For what ever reason she always has issues with other women in where ever she works and gets "let go". She is working as a temp now. I started working closer to my child's school so I can go to games, Dr app., practices, get her from school if shes sick etc.... So I feel like im the one that has "sacrificed" my career for my child. Don't get me wrong I loved being able to leave work to go skiing during training days and going to lax games in the afternoon. You really could not have paid me enough to miss that.

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Are you equal earners? How old are you kids? 16 yo daughter right? If your wife is working and you're equal earners she shouldn't get alimony, she'll get support if she's the custodial parent. You can talk to her about this if she's willing. Being fair and reasonable goes a long ways, it sounds like we had similar situations.

vibes to all involved

this sounds like a shitty life event for everyone involved...hopefully it leads to greener pastures for all, though!

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Originally Posted by Tuckerman

For what ever reason she always has issues with other women in where ever she works and gets "let go".

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Hmmmm, so this is a pattern?

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Originally Posted by PNWbrit

That's a teenzy bit of a leap isn't it?

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I've seen this before, AW's guess isn't that big a leap IMO.

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Originally Posted by PNWbrit

pay up the $200 for the hour, more if needed. You really don't need advice from a a cheap lawyer. Or us dentists.

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QFT

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Originally Posted by iceman

For the love of God, man, don't sign anything that you're not 100% clear what it means. At the very least take the documents to another lawyer and have them sit down and explain what it says. It will only cost a few hundred dollars and it doesn't make you a bad guy. Good for you caring that she's okay but still do not fuck yourself to save a few hundred bucks or because you think it makes you seem mean. You need to think this through.

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This. Also, VIBES.

Many places have places, maybe at the courthouse, called something like a 'self-help law center.' Here, it is staffed at certain times by pro bono lawyers. They generally won't give you specific advice about your own situation, but can give you general advice about the process, etc. I would see if this exists and try and understand any established mediators/mediation practices in your area/court system. The fact that she is already lawyered up might make this hard, but you really need to be extremely careful right now. Read what iceman said every fucking day until its over.

VIBES.

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Originally Posted by PNWbrit

That's a teenzy bit of a leap isn't it?

Especially since she's not the one asking for divorce law advice on a winter sports forum?

Tuckerman - pay up the $200 for the hour, more if needed. You really don't need advice from a a cheap lawyer. Or us dentists.

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I don't think it's that much of a leap, he said he was worried about her well being and making sure she had adequate health coverage. Later he posts about her having trouble with coworkers and how she can't hold a job. sound about right. This isn't rocket surgery.

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Originally Posted by iceman

For the love of God, man, don't sign anything that you're not 100% clear what it means. At the very least take the documents to another lawyer and have them sit down and explain what it says. It will only cost a few hundred dollars and it doesn't make you a bad guy. Good for you caring that she's okay but still do not fuck yourself to save a few hundred bucks or because you think it makes you seem mean. You need to think this through.

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Originally Posted by RootSkier

This.

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I would agree, if you can't understand what's in the petition or decree then for sure don't sign anything and ask for mediation or hire an attorney.

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Originally Posted by AaronWright

he posts about her having trouble with coworkers and how she can't hold a job.

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That was after you'd made your diagnosis... and neither issue is a sure fire symptom anyway.

= Teensy Leap.

Certainly without knowing anything of her side. T'man can you get her to post?

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Originally Posted by PNWbrit

That was after you'd made your diagnosis... and neither issue is a sure fire symptom anyway.

= Teensy Leap.

Certainly without knowing anything of her side. T'man can you get her to post?

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I don't think it's even a teensy leap, so many people are dealing with narcissism, insecurity and depression these days. From talking with my lawyer, that's an issue in divorces almost without fail.

I'm sure both sides have their issues, they always do. No one is blameless in these situations.

Tuckerman, you're getting some good advice here. I'm going to reiterate some of it. FWIW, I am a lawyer (as are some of the other people giving you advice) but I am not a family lawyer and don't know the law in your state.

1. Do NOT let her be represented and you not. Either you both have your own lawyer or neither do (and maybe you use a mediator). Her lawyer is NOT your lawyer (if the lawyer is ethical, they will make that clear to you). Yes, the money sucks, but this shit is important. DON"T SIGN ANYTHING UNTIL YOU HAVE CONSULTED A LAWYER OF YOUR OWN.
2. On the subject of money, $200/hr seems very reasonable to me for a good experienced attorney. Yes, it also seems like a shitton, but they are not gouging you. Out of that $200 must come the salary of support personnel, rent, liability insurance (big!), etc. Pay it, you need that resource right now. And if it makes sense (ie a mediator won't work), hire them. You need representation.
3. Nobody here can tell you what the right outcome is, only you can know that. While ongoing support can suck, there are circumstances where that might be preferable to other outcomes. Also, trying to make things go smoothly (without getting completely taken) has some value. Only you can decide what works for you, AFTER YOU KNOW WHAT THE LAW SAYS (see #1).

Good luck, mang.

Would rather do a gofundme for TMan (not as though he needs it but lawyers aren't cheap) than someone who will not stop bitching and moaning about every fucking thing in their life and cunting up thread after thread.

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Originally Posted by Brock Landers

Would rather do a gofundme for TMan (not as though he needs it but lawyers aren't cheap) than someone who will not stop bitching and moaning about every fucking thing in their life and cunting up thread after thread.

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Set it up. I'll give tuckerman everything in my bank account. I wont need it anymore.

OMG
Does every thread here have to devolve into MtnGirl drivel????

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Originally Posted by mtngirl79

Set it up. I'll give tuckerman everything in my bank account. I wont need it anymore.

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I don't think any of us want his wife getting her hands on the gofundme money....

Can you wait until the divorce is over?

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Originally Posted by PNWbrit

I don't think any of us want his wife getting her hands on the gofundme money....

Can you wait until the divorce is over?

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no, I'm not going to make the world suffer my existence that much longer.

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Originally Posted by mtngirl79

no, I'm not going to make the world suffer my existence that much longer.

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Someone with her address should call local LE for a welfare check.

I wonder how many people have balked at a few hundred $s in lawyer fees and consequently fucked themselves out of tens of thousands in the end.