Fatherhood anonymous; an open discussion on being a dad.

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Originally Posted by SchralphMacchio

I'm still bitter that Bachelor won't allow kids in backpacks in their XC area, even if just going through the Common Corridor out to the highway. I get the liability concern, especially with Oregon having blown up liability releases, but it's frustrating. I took my kid to Todd Lake on my back while we were camped in the RV lot a couple winters ago, mostly it was annoying to have to carry my skis both ways through the Common Corridor.

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I watched an amusing situation here at Whitefish where a snowboarder was arguing with a lifty about bringing his kid in a chest pack...

He was trying to argue that the rule said "no backpacks" and his pack was on the front so it was acceptable and the lifty was going with the "I'm still not going to let you ride"...which the supervisor/manager obviously agreed with when they arrived.

Personally...I would happily tote my kid around in various activities (once he gets head control), but skiing in-bounds while the resort is open on a weekend would terrify me. Too many drunks and jerries. I trust my own skiing, but I've also been taken out from behind by some idiot bombing the hill...

Good outdoor stuff guys!

Continuing with camping trips, I took 8 and 6 yo on a backpacking trip in the Sierra long weekend before school started. My first time trying backpacking with more than one kid. Camped at trailhead night before to help with elevation change, they love car camping. I knew trail was going to be steep(1000ft vert per mile), but expected the classic Sierra pack trail and missed the part about loose scramble and boulder hopping.

After brief warm up, things got steep and loose:
https://umtgriz.com/forum/2024/PXL_2..._162455212.jpg

I also missed the turn and we went higher on the scree slope than we needed
https://umtgriz.com/forum/2024/PXL_2..._162503827.jpg

Water refill and snacks at the top of water fall. Nice view of University peak, named after their moms school:
https://umtgriz.com/forum/2024/PXL_2..._170937766.jpg

Next part of trails was steep switchbacks along a ridge to a boulder field. Then a nice meadow to trail junction. Easier but still plenty steep up toward lake basin:
https://umtgriz.com/forum/2024/PXL_2..._193821699.jpg

About 1/3 mile from lake the 6 yo was ready to be done. Gave them both a pep talk and 8yo took off with summit fever. I ended up carrying the 6 yo backpack and that got her up the last hill.
https://umtgriz.com/forum/2024/PXL_2..._200757817.jpg

Stoke level high arriving at the lake, found a camp spot that we hoped would give a little wind shelter but still nice and flat with a cooking area. 8 yo is really into fishing, but is the only one in the family who hasn't landed a fish. So after setting up tent got her going at fishing. I hate fishing and have no idea what I'm doing, but thankfully she caught a few right away:
https://umtgriz.com/forum/2024/PXL_2..._224311729.jpg

They seem to eat adult portions on days like this, so I actually brought enough dinner for everyone this time:
https://umtgriz.com/forum/2024/PXL_2..._234237217.jpg

Two nights at same camp, so next day was spent at same lake. Lots of fishing and watching the Pica.
https://umtgriz.com/forum/2024/PXL_2..._000511333.jpg

Woke up in the middle of the night worried about getting the girls back to the truck. Lots of what if they get hurt and then hate backpacking type situations ran through my head...wife is going to kill me...etc...Was kicking myself for picking such a rough trail. I had talked up the Sierra sunrise, so thankfully got them out of bed early to have plenty of time for hike out.
https://umtgriz.com/forum/2024/PXL_2..._131656612.jpg

Packing up gear for 3 people takes awhile. Pack weighed in at over 50 lbs on way in, not bad considering. My high school graduation present (28 year old) og Dana Design ready to go:
https://umtgriz.com/forum/2024/PXL_2..._144000896.jpg

They did well on the boulders, "this is like rock climbing"
https://umtgriz.com/forum/2024/PXL_2..._154305033.jpg

Nice and slow down the scramble and we made it back to the trailhead without issue. They didn't seem all that fazed by the rustic trail, probably because they didn't know any better. I did a good job of pretending I wasn't nervous. But there was some discussion about an easier trail next time, ha.

damn - lowsparkco, that is one psyched kid!! hell yeah!

406 - great TR and well done, that's some impressive hiking with kids

love thinking about everything we have to look forward to here

Sent from my Pixel 8 Pro using Tapatalk

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Originally Posted by tgapp

damn - lowsparkco, that is one psyched kid!! hell yeah!

406 - great TR and well done, that's some impressive hiking with kids

love thinking about everything we have to look forward to here

Sent from my Pixel 8 Pro using Tapatalk

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You can look forward to the generosity of the keep kids skiing thread. On that note, with no judgement on Ski Lyft’s approach, my kids are 10 and 8 and neither has been to a boot fitter yet. I don’t know if I am better charged w neglect or being reasonably cheap.

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Originally Posted by californiagrown

What sports have folks gotten their kids into at the age of 3? We did a 6-week soccer class recently, but want to do a different sport next. Id love to get him into a wrestling club, but the youngest i can find around me starts at 5yrs old. We are thinking gymnastics next, and then maybe basketball after that. Any other recommendations for 3yr olds? Skiing is out for now because it was OBSCENELY expensive, so we will just do that between ourselves and another family right down the street.

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We started our boys in Gymnastics around 2 and they're still loving it; they just turned 5 last week. Swim lessons here and there starting around 3.5. They're going to do a little Fall soccer thing starting next week and hopefully some nordic skiing this winter along with lots of alpine skiing with us. Skiing and biking a lot since 1.5

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Originally Posted by Doremite

You can look forward to the generosity of the keep kids skiing thread. On that note, with no judgement on Ski Lyft’s approach, my kids are 10 and 8 and neither has been to a boot fitter yet. I don’t know if I am better charged w neglect or being reasonably cheap.

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Heh. We did season leases for our kids until they were teenagers to save money. I'm sure their boots sucked and didn't fit right but they never complained and turned into fine skiers. Still, to each his own. SkyLyft is super psyched and his kid looks psyched so more power to 'em.

All you dads are crushing it! Love to see the photos. Both mine are off at college now boo hoo. We have decided to drown our sorrows in a two-week camping trip to the Sierra. [emoji13]

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Originally Posted by alpinevibes

We started our boys in Gymnastics around 2 and they're still loving it; they just turned 5 last week. Swim lessons here and there starting around 3.5. They're going to do a little Fall soccer thing starting next week and hopefully some nordic skiing this winter along with lots of alpine skiing with us. Skiing and biking a lot since 1.5

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Agree-

It was a mixed bag at best with team sports at a younger age - but swim lessons, gymnastics/parkour and skiing had better success.

Our 12 year old daughter tore her ACL last spring skiing and has been great about doing her PT. But this summer/beginning of school year, she’s been so bummed to miss out on a lot of team sports with her friends. She also missed out on hiking a 14er with her friend for the first time last month. She’ll get back to skiing in Feb but she’s nervous and says she only wants to do easy trails. Hopefully that will pass.

Great to see all the photos, thanks gang.

Tgapp, haven't logged in since yours came... Congrats!

Schralph - I showed up at Bachy XC with my chestpack and found out about their policy. Didn't have anything specific I wanted to do, just ski - so I buggered off down to Virginia Messiner. Did the rest of my skiing last year down there.

We'll be up in your neck of the woods this weekend, hanging at Hoodoo for the benefit concerts. If you'll be around holler.

A few more pics from the kids-in-backpacks crew. MiniMs Boissal and I have been on a tour de lakes all summer. This is her 2nd season in the backpack and definitely her last, she's 25 lbs and walking fine by now. She's still super patient about hanging out in the pack as long as we take hourly breaks to run around with the dog.

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And my favorite part of most of these hikes, the sleepy loaf:

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It's been incredibly fun getting out with her. I've never been a big fan of hiking, always preferred biking or climbing, but watching her discover the outdoors has been so rewarding that it's turned me into a fairly motivated hiker.

Which leads me to a question for those of you who've had a 2nd kid. I'm having serious anxiety about not being able to do the same stuff with #2. There just won't be time, and even if there was #1 will want to come along and it won't be as much one-on-one time with #2. No way I'll be able to spend 6 or so hours roaming around with another kid in tow who isn't in the pack and can't hike far (they'd be about 2.5 to 3 years apart). How do you deal with that? Just accept that the experience will be very different with #2 and they actually won't be missing out on anything, it's just something that I feel they will be missing out on? I have this irrational fear of not being able to do as well by #2 as I'm doing by #1, but it might just be a matter of recognizing that "doing well" includes both really long solo hikes and short romps with both of them. It's a hard one for me though, the time spent hiking with #1 has been some of the most rewarding I've ever experienced and I can't imagine an alternative that will be on par.

I read that three times and my mind is not comprehending that thought process. Nice pics though, and don't worry so much?

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Originally Posted by Boissal

A few more pics from the kids-in-backpacks crew. MiniMs Boissal and I have been on a tour de lakes all summer. This is her 2nd season in the backpack and definitely her last, she's 25 lbs and walking fine by now. She's still super patient about hanging out in the pack as long as we take hourly breaks to run around with the dog.

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And my favorite part of most of these hikes, the sleepy loaf:

Attachment 499260

It's been incredibly fun getting out with her. I've never been a big fan of hiking, always preferred biking or climbing, but watching her discover the outdoors has been so rewarding that it's turned me into a fairly motivated hiker.

Which leads me to a question for those of you who've had a 2nd kid. I'm having serious anxiety about not being able to do the same stuff with #2. There just won't be time, and even if there was #1 will want to come along and it won't be as much one-on-one time with #2. No way I'll be able to spend 6 or so hours roaming around with another kid in tow who isn't in the pack and can't hike far (they'd be about 2.5 to 3 years apart). How do you deal with that? Just accept that the experience will be very different with #2 and they actually won't be missing out on anything, it's just something that I feel they will be missing out on? I have this irrational fear of not being able to do as well by #2 as I'm doing by #1, but it might just be a matter of recognizing that "doing well" includes both really long solo hikes and short romps with both of them. It's a hard one for me though, the time spent hiking with #1 has been some of the most rewarding I've ever experienced and I can't imagine an alternative that will be on par.

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great pics and awesome to get a glimpse of what is in store for us. i struggle with the same anxiety, especially because if we have a second kid, we would want them to be relatively close (2-3 years) in age. I don't know if my mental health could take that big of a hit, and getting out with two of them would be tough.

Sent from my Pixel 8 Pro using Tapatalk

Awesome pics, dads!

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Originally Posted by Boissal

Which leads me to a question for those of you who've had a 2nd kid. I'm having serious anxiety about not being able to do the same stuff with #2. There just won't be time, and even if there was #1 will want to come along and it won't be as much one-on-one time with #2. No way I'll be able to spend 6 or so hours roaming around with another kid in tow who isn't in the pack and can't hike far (they'd be about 2.5 to 3 years apart). How do you deal with that? Just accept that the experience will be very different with #2 and they actually won't be missing out on anything, it's just something that I feel they will be missing out on? I have this irrational fear of not being able to do as well by #2 as I'm doing by #1, but it might just be a matter of recognizing that "doing well" includes both really long solo hikes and short romps with both of them. It's a hard one for me though, the time spent hiking with #1 has been some of the most rewarding I've ever experienced and I can't imagine an alternative that will be on par.

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So, take this with a grain of salt because I only have 1 and never wanted a 2nd, but of course things will be different with 2. The experience #2 has will not be the same as the experience #1 had in her first 3 years, and both of their experiences from that point forward will be different than either would have had as an only child. So of course they will be "missing out" on the experience #1 had, but that doesn't matter. Or stated another way, however you manage with #2, you could flip it around and say #1 missed out on the experience of having an older sibling around in her earliest years.

It doesn't matter, it's different but that doesn't matter. Be a good dad, show them the outdoors, do what you can, there is no manual. But you'll do great and they will be great. And it will be different. And that's how it is supposed to be.

Only having one myself, BUT.....

of course, as a second child I'm an expert. [emoji1]

My advice would be don't fixate on trying to duplicate #1's experience. Of course it was super special, and #2 will think their time with the two of you is super special. The fact that you're cogniscent of the dilemma is huge. Set a goal, every six month, every three months, maybe every month - you'll do something special with #2 by themself. The tribe grows! Congrats!

So I had a lot of these same irrational anxieties when it was time to start talking about the second one. Our plan was always two kids, mainly because we wanted them to have a sibling who would be there for them later in life. I / my brother / sister lost our mom to cancer when we were kids, and later on as a young adult I got hospitalized for a serious issue and my brother and sister were on the next flight up and stayed with me to help me recover. Those moments were always very core to my psyche in addition to just the experience of growing up with siblings. I also have always thought that there is value in growing up learning that resources and attention are shared with other people, and that your individual needs are important but they do not always get addressed first (or at all in some cases). And my wife has a single sibling as well so she wanted the same for our daughter.

When our daughter was a year old my wife and I had a serious talk about if we were going to stick to the plan. We talked about how happy we were, how easy it was getting with 2 adults and 1 kid and if we should reconsider. I worried a second kid wouldn’t get as much attention (my brother once told my sister that he often felt left out - as he wasn’t the oldest / star student / highest ranking male in traditional Asian familial structure, but he also wasn’t the helpless younger baby sis who needed help with everything). I worried the second kid wouldn’t have as many opportunities to experience things and also as much opportunity to go their own way being in the wake of an older sibling. I worried it would be stressful and I would retrograde into anger based parenting and argue over stupid stuff. Funny enough, I didn’t worry at all about how much more expensive It was gonna be having two kids in preschool and what that would mean on a monthly cash flow basis once the Federal student loan repayment pause was lifted - and also what that was going to mean if I didn’t go back to work, which I wasn’t yet sure I how I would approach that with a second young kid (I’m still the full time domestic parent with my kids 3 and 5, wife has a very good well paying but very emotionally and time demanding job). I probably should have paid more attention to the actual and probable money numbers while we were deliberating lol! More on that later.

Anyways we obviously decided to stick to the plan, and pretty much it was because of all the important reasons I first listed. It’s pretty morbid but understanding my own mortality and thinking about how the siblings would be more likely to be there for each other later in life than me or my wife was probably still the single biggest thing for me, just because of what I’ve gone through.

I have no regrets. When my kids hug each other and tell each other “I love you,” it makes me more proud than anything else they have learned, done, or overcome. I’m always working to build on that, through all the fighting and life transitions (this current preschool to kinder transition has been really hard for both of them). It might be premature, but so far I think I got what I wanted. I don’t even think about whether or not our little one is getting his opportunities or fair share of attention, it’s just happening organically. My wife and I are also figuring out when to do things all together and when to split up and give each kid focus time.

That isn’t to say it has been easy. Two toddlers is really hard, I don’t have the parenting skills, patience or grace to even wonder what it’s like for those who have four or more kids. Again with the morbidity, but I’ve looked up to widowers like Joe Biden, setting politics aside for a moment, what he went through with 2 and 3 year old boys not having their mom: when my wife has been working nights, weekends, out of town for whatever reason, and my toddlers have been screaming, crying, totally losing it, and I’m ready to literally pound my head into the wall in frustration, I just have breathed as slowly and calmly as I could and tell myself, “Joe did this, and he did it not for a weekend but for years, and with the loss of his partner and best friend, I can do this right now.”

Anyways Boissal, worrying shows you care. That’s great. My advice is to then think about what you can actually do about those worries, and learn to accept and live with what you can’t or won’t do about them. I hope this is all helpful!

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Originally Posted by muted reborn

I read that three times and my mind is not comprehending that thought process. Nice pics though, and don't worry so much?

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I admit it was a bit cryptic and I'm not doing a great job explaining it. It's not particularly well fleshed out in my mind, weird background anxiety. The changes were so huge with kiddo #1 that I'm anticipating #2 to wreck my inner world again and while I know it will be great the fear of change is there...

Danno, lowsparkco, thank you. You're right, it will be different and there's no reason to try and assign value on the same scale. Bet it will a different type of hard, and a different type of awesome.

Tgapp, we'll be fine. Another kick to the dick to bounce back from is all

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Originally Posted by Boissal

Which leads me to a question for those of you who've had a 2nd kid. I'm having serious anxiety about not being able to do the same stuff with #2. There just won't be time, and even if there was #1 will want to come along and it won't be as much one-on-one time with #2. No way I'll be able to spend 6 or so hours roaming around with another kid in tow who isn't in the pack and can't hike far (they'd be about 2.5 to 3 years apart). How do you deal with that? Just accept that the experience will be very different with #2 and they actually won't be missing out on anything, it's just something that I feel they will be missing out on? I have this irrational fear of not being able to do as well by #2 as I'm doing by #1, but it might just be a matter of recognizing that "doing well" includes both really long solo hikes and short romps with both of them. It's a hard one for me though, the time spent hiking with #1 has been some of the most rewarding I've ever experienced and I can't imagine an alternative that will be on par.

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Ours are about 2.5 to 3 years apart. I guess I never considered that I'd be spending less time with either kid, it just figures itself out. First, you're in that crazy period with a new baby, then you're in the crazy period with a new toddler, then you're in the crazy period with..... You just figure it out. It's another paradigm shift.

The bigger they get, the shorter the hikes get.. then they get long again. You figure out your way.

I hiked Zion with one on the front and one on the back.

https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/202...c9e854e07e.jpg

Just don't make it a death march. We knew when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em.

https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/202...43080eca5a.jpg

When we knew a hike wasn't going to be their thing, we switched gears.

https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/202...fbc8aa7f93.jpg

Our kids still like hiking.


https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/202...f0d8ca20dd.jpg

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Originally Posted by Touring_Sedan

Our kids still like hiking.

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I guess it's what really matters in the end.
I think the issue is that I tend to make this about my experience instead of theirs. Gotta reframe my thinking on that front and I'm sure the issue will go away.

One on the back one on the front would certainly reduce the hiking range. That's a lot of weight!

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Originally Posted by SchralphMacchio

So I had a lot of these same irrational anxieties when it was time to start talking about the second one. Our plan was always two kids, mainly because we wanted them to have a sibling who would be there for them later in life. I / my brother / sister lost our mom to cancer when we were kids, and later on as a young adult I got hospitalized for a serious issue and my brother and sister were on the next flight up and stayed with me to help me recover. Those moments were always very core to my psyche in addition to just the experience of growing up with siblings. I also have always thought that there is value in growing up learning that resources and attention are shared with other people, and that your individual needs are important but they do not always get addressed first (or at all in some cases). And my wife has a single sibling as well so she wanted the same for our daughter.

When our daughter was a year old my wife and I had a serious talk about if we were going to stick to the plan. We talked about how happy we were, how easy it was getting with 2 adults and 1 kid and if we should reconsider. I worried a second kid wouldn’t get as much attention (my brother once told my sister that he often felt left out - as he wasn’t the oldest / star student / highest ranking male in traditional Asian familial structure, but he also wasn’t the helpless younger baby sis who needed help with everything). I worried the second kid wouldn’t have as many opportunities to experience things and also as much opportunity to go their own way being in the wake of an older sibling. I worried it would be stressful and I would retrograde into anger based parenting and argue over stupid stuff. Funny enough, I didn’t worry at all about how much more expensive It was gonna be having two kids in preschool and what that would mean on a monthly cash flow basis once the Federal student loan repayment pause was lifted - and also what that was going to mean if I didn’t go back to work, which I wasn’t yet sure I how I would approach that with a second young kid (I’m still the full time domestic parent with my kids 3 and 5, wife has a very good well paying but very emotionally and time demanding job). I probably should have paid more attention to the actual and probable money numbers while we were deliberating lol! More on that later.

Anyways we obviously decided to stick to the plan, and pretty much it was because of all the important reasons I first listed. It’s pretty morbid but understanding my own mortality and thinking about how the siblings would be more likely to be there for each other later in life than me or my wife was probably still the single biggest thing for me, just because of what I’ve gone through.

I have no regrets. When my kids hug each other and tell each other “I love you,” it makes me more proud than anything else they have learned, done, or overcome. I’m always working to build on that, through all the fighting and life transitions (this current preschool to kinder transition has been really hard for both of them). It might be premature, but so far I think I got what I wanted. I don’t even think about whether or not our little one is getting his opportunities or fair share of attention, it’s just happening organically. My wife and I are also figuring out when to do things all together and when to split up and give each kid focus time.

That isn’t to say it has been easy. Two toddlers is really hard, I don’t have the parenting skills, patience or grace to even wonder what it’s like for those who have four or more kids. Again with the morbidity, but I’ve looked up to widowers like Joe Biden, setting politics aside for a moment, what he went through with 2 and 3 year old boys not having their mom: when my wife has been working nights, weekends, out of town for whatever reason, and my toddlers have been screaming, crying, totally losing it, and I’m ready to literally pound my head into the wall in frustration, I just have breathed as slowly and calmly as I could and tell myself, “Joe did this, and he did it not for a weekend but for years, and with the loss of his partner and best friend, I can do this right now.”

Anyways Boissal, worrying shows you care. That’s great. My advice is to then think about what you can actually do about those worries, and learn to accept and live with what you can’t or won’t do about them. I hope this is all helpful!

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Boissal I know your question was more logistical.
I guess the point of my Wall of Text is: focus on the why (why 2 kids, why hiking, why skiing) and you’ll then figure out the how. If not, it can lead to resentment.

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Originally Posted by Boissal

A few more pics from the kids-in-backpacks crew. MiniMs Boissal and I have been on a tour de lakes all summer. This is her 2nd season in the backpack and definitely her last, she's 25 lbs and walking fine by now. She's still super patient about hanging out in the pack as long as we take hourly breaks to run around with the dog.


Which leads me to a question for those of you who've had a 2nd kid. I'm having serious anxiety about not being able to do the same stuff with #2. There just won't be time, and even if there was #1 will want to come along and it won't be as much one-on-one time with #2. No way I'll be able to spend 6 or so hours roaming around with another kid in tow who isn't in the pack and can't hike far (they'd be about 2.5 to 3 years apart). How do you deal with that? Just accept that the experience will be very different with #2 and they actually won't be missing out on anything, it's just something that I feel they will be missing out on? I have this irrational fear of not being able to do as well by #2 as I'm doing by #1, but it might just be a matter of recognizing that "doing well" includes both really long solo hikes and short romps with both of them. It's a hard one for me though, the time spent hiking with #1 has been some of the most rewarding I've ever experienced and I can't imagine an alternative that will be on par.

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I think you may need to investigate the CTFD parenting method... :D

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Originally Posted by Boissal

That's a lot of weight!

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It was brutal.

As far as the paradigm shift, I wouldn't change it. It totally shifted my perspective. I wasn't focused on the vert or the destination. I enjoyed the journey.

Never thought I'd take up paddleboarding, but the kids love it.

https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/202...db9dbd1ac2.jpg

https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/202...524db9e15b.jpg

https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/202...0f3bd5a4dc.jpg

And now I literally drop to smell the roses and the catmint when I hike. Not to mention the conversations we have when neither of us has a fucking screen in our face. Winning.

https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/202...48c0e13da5.jpg

https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/202...03026dfbc7.jpg

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Originally Posted by Boissal

I admit it was a bit cryptic and I'm not doing a great job explaining it. It's not particularly well fleshed out in my mind, weird background anxiety. The changes were so huge with kiddo #1 that I'm anticipating #2 to wreck my inner world again and while I know it will be great the fear of change is there...

Danno, lowsparkco, thank you. You're right, it will be different and there's no reason to try and assign value on the same scale. Bet it will a different type of hard, and a different type of awesome.

Tgapp, we'll be fine. Another kick to the dick to bounce back from is all

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Try having 3. Get back to me in your spare time. I still wouldn't have stopped at 2 for all the money in the world. However, I did run out and get a vasectomy after thing#3. And yes, we planned on 3. We definitely were not going for more than that.

When it comes to two, at least what's worked for us:
1. Find things everyone can do, even if not everyone loves it (for us this is hiking/walks)
2. Find things each kid loves and one parent or the other will be more into than the other (for us, my wife is the craft queen and I'm the biking/skiing/running/videogame/model building guy)
3. Build habits/comfort in your kids to let you know if they aren't getting the time they want/need. My kids are comfortable telling me "I want to do things with you" or "I haven't gotten enough time with you lately" if I've been too zeroed in on work or other things. Ideal is coming to them to do things, but it's also been great for them if they come to us as it gives them some agency and confidence. Note that this obviously once they're school-age.

In terms of time with each, we've found that they have different needs and rhythms where they'll want you a lot sometimes but not at all others. I think it all balances out if you're making them a priority. Or I'm screwing up my kids. One of the two.

I'm the coach of my son's 3rd-5th grade soccer team, we had our first game this week. I blew it due to questionable managerial decisions. Now, this isn't supposed to be a "competitive" league per se (we play everyone equal time and rotate positions), but the kids obviously know and care. The other team had an extremely good player and our goal kicks were not great, so we immediately went down a lot. I thought it was five goals, my wife told me it was actually seven to one. Not the best defensive performance.

But the second half we start to play better and come back. We get a lucky one. Our best players get their turn up front and we chip away. My son scores three straight goals. I'm pleased, we're playing well, but the game is near the end and we're still down a few from the disastrous beginning. I can live with that for a first game. One little girl -probably the weakest player on the team - had been hobbling around all game theatrically after a bump, but kept saying she was good to go back in. She asked if she could play goalie, and it seemed like a good time to let her play a bit and get her feet wet in a low stakes moment. Simultaneously, I let our other sub go in for my son, who I don't mind pulling as he's my kid and he had a good little run. The other team kicks the ball down toward our goal. It just sits maybe 3 feet in front of our goalie who just stands frozen. A player from the other team runs up and taps it in. Oh well. They'd rifled a shot that happened to bounce off our goalie earlier, so I hoped that she'd feel decent overall about her turn in goal.

The game ends. It turns out that the score had been 5-5 when I'd made the last subs. My wife had been wrong about the score in the first half. Now, it's not supposed to be a competitive league, so I guess I was setting a good example, but I felt bad as the part of our team who is a bit more serious about soccer had busted their asses to get back into the game against a good (and somewhat cocky) opponent and I kind of screwed that up.

Oh well. The league is about learning and life lessons, but I felt like I kind of undermined the hard work of some of the kids who had responded really well to basically getting their butts kicked in the first part of the first half and so felt a little bad.

I guarantee a few of your dads were bitching about that all the way home. Probably the same ones that go MIA when you ask for some help at practice. [emoji23]

3rd - 5th is a tough spot to coach. Pretty big gap in age. Most of your 3rd graders are probably still playing swarm ball while your better fifth graders are definitely figuring things out.