Older parents-WWYD?

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Originally Posted by Cisco Kid

Making some decisions here too. What to do with things we have that are 4-5 generations old and the kids don't seem to want?

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I've been toying with the idea of starting a family FB page and scanning pics etc and putting it out there for family to see and claim. After that not sure there is much you can do except reach out to area historical societies that might be interested in things that are regionally/heritage connected.

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Originally Posted by californiagrown

…a garage full of mountaineering equipment from the 60s and 70s including a fuckton of maps, guides, and books from the 40s, 50's and 60's that i made sure to keep.

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That shit is good shit.

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Originally Posted by californiagrown

Moral of the story, is that if you have cool shit, and your family doesnt want it, find a youth group to pass it down to. Theyll be stoked.

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I’ve been doing stuff like that - scouts, ski teams, adaptive skiing, etc. And also some nearly free shit on TGR. :D

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Originally Posted by Bunion 2020

OK, we have tried to cover elderly parents, what about aging siblings?

My 73 year old special needs sister is doing pretty good. My middle sister just turned 71 and tends to repeat herself, a lot and is having a hard time accepting she is 71.
Last night she called me about some other bullshit and gradually I wormed it out of her that she (married 41 years to a good guy) has started an affair (maybe emotional maybe not) with a former high school friend.

WTF?????

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That is strange - maybe early onset alzheimers? My friend's husband started having an affair and she ended up divorcing him over it then it turned out he had early onset alzheimers.

Re: your sibling requiring care - same thing as caring for/dealing with parents. Someone's got to do it (or not). I have a friend who spent 3 years being the primary caregiver for a friend who had no one else.

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Originally Posted by skaredshtles

I'll take your skiing, climbing, and camping shit.

:fmicon:

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Over my dead bod…. Oh, yeah, right - okay. ;)

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Originally Posted by californiagrown

I had an old guy in his 80s down the street from me growing up, looked like Santa. One day he was walking by and saw 11 yr old me and my dad loading up the car for a camping trip and he asked if we could use any extra camping equipment. Turns out the guy was like an OG mountaineer in the Cascades and Sierra and had a garage full of mountaineering equipment from the 60s and 70s including a fuckton of maps, guides, and books from the 40s, 50's and 60's that i made sure to keep. Some of those maps have some pretty gnarly routes marked in on them. I still have some of the stuff he gave me like the camp pots/utensils, a tent, the shitter trowel and some paracord. I even had his big fluffy down bag (drycleaned) for many years but lost it during college.

Moral of the story, is that if you have cool shit, and your family doesnt want it, find a youth group to pass it down to. Theyll be stoked.

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Any old copies of Squallywood by chance?

Moved the MIL two years ago into a smaller place. Wife and her went through everything, and MIL usually started the convo with "I thought you'd want to keep that." Wife usually answered with, "I have no idea what that is (or why it was important).

It turns out that the old item (whatever it was) was important to mom because it was a dear relatives item, or family item. My wife either didn't know that or never knew the person.

Lesson learned was that if it is important to you, make sure the kids understand why. Everything else will be tossed.

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Originally Posted by KQ

That is strange - maybe early onset alzheimers? My friend's husband started having an affair and she ended up divorcing him over it then it turned out he had early onset alzheimers.

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That thought has occurred to me. My mothers sister had some cognitive issues long before she passed and as much as it pains me, my sister really reminds me of my Aunt at times.

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Re: your sibling requiring care - same thing as caring for/dealing with parents. Someone's got to do it (or not). I have a friend who spent 3 years being the primary caregiver for a friend who had no one else.

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THAT is a real friend.

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Originally Posted by KQ

That is strange - maybe early onset alzheimers? My friend's husband started having an affair and she ended up divorcing him over it then it turned out he had early onset alzheimers.

Re: your sibling requiring care - same thing as caring for/dealing with parents. Someone's got to do it (or not). I have a friend who spent 3 years being the primary caregiver for a friend who had no one else.

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I've heard dementia, in particular lew body, can initially increase the desire for sex, almost to an obsessive level. Might be a correlation there..

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Originally Posted by Bunion 2020

THAT is a real friend.

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No shit. She is a force of nature that one. Wish she lived closer to me, I could use her right now.

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Originally Posted by Yonder_River

I've heard dementia, in particular lew body, can initially increase the desire for sex, almost to an obsessive level. Might be a correlation there..

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At the risk of TMI. My sisters chief complaint was the lack of "action" for 5+ years. Way more than I needed to know.

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Originally Posted by muted reborn

huh. that happened to my Mom when selling her house (lost keys, forgotten conversations, etc.) and things then got really weird for a bit, where she thought the RE agent was trying to rip her off. We found out months later she had a mini-stroke which explained everything. Not to say that's the problem with you, but heads up...we thought it was moving stress too.

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Thanks for the heads up.

I’m her RE agent, so if things go sideways I’m in big trouble.

My wife works with stroke patients so it’s on our radar, but we’re all waiting for her to get settled and chill out a little before passing too much judgement.

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Originally Posted by muted reborn

huh. that happened to my Mom when selling her house (lost keys, forgotten conversations, etc.) and things then got really weird for a bit, where she thought the RE agent was trying to rip her off. We found out months later she had a mini-stroke which explained everything. Not to say that's the problem with you, but heads up...we thought it was moving stress too.

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This is exactly how it started with my mom. When she moved here she was convinced that her sister had stolen a silver pitcher from her when her sister was helping her pack. At a loss I called my aunt and asked her if she remembered packing the pitcher. She described the box, that it was wrapped in a towel, and I found it exactly as she described it. And mini strokes were definitely the cause.. "Vascular Dementia" was the diagnosis.

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Originally Posted by californiagrown

I had an old guy in his 80s down the street from me growing up, looked like Santa. One day he was walking by and saw 11 yr old me and my dad loading up the car for a camping trip and he asked if we could use any extra camping equipment. Turns out the guy was like an OG mountaineer in the Cascades and Sierra and had a garage full of mountaineering equipment from the 60s and 70s including a fuckton of maps, guides, and books from the 40s, 50's and 60's that i made sure to keep. Some of those maps have some pretty gnarly routes marked in on them. I still have some of the stuff he gave me like the camp pots/utensils, a tent, the shitter trowel and some paracord. I even had his big fluffy down bag (drycleaned) for many years but lost it during college.

Moral of the story, is that if you have cool shit, and your family doesnt want it, find a youth group to pass it down to. Theyll be stoked.

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+1. 100%

I would give a lot to have been allowed the equipment my father and I used over the years...


( skiJ )

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Originally Posted by Iowagriz

Lesson learned was that if it is important to you, make sure the kids understand why. Everything else will be tossed.

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Yeah, but I'm still not keeping the multi year collection of National Geographic magazines from the 1980's.

Oh Dog. BTDT.

Alzheimer's -

a quick Search took me to John's Hopkins Medicine website that states 'early-onset' Alzheimer's is that diagnosed before sixty-five (65) years of age...


Please remember there are multiple forms of dementia ( like the lewy body dementia noted up-thread ) -

what I will be looking for is/are changes in cognitive behavior / activity.

my father, a neurology residency trained physician said he recognized dementia in himself at seventy-four ;
it was not until five years later that he was classified as an Alzheimer's patient...


it doesn't have to be Alzheimer's to be dementia, and I think it is reasonable to ask oneself about anyone over sixty (60) or fifty (50),
' Would they have behaved - or thought - this way two years ago. ? ?? '

it feels more prevalent to me - maybe those of us with some risk factors for dementia are living longer...


I appreciate this thread. Thank you. skiJ

I’m so sorry to read all these stories. Vibes to everyone helping guide their parents through these journeys.

I’m a mess right now and know no one can diagnose over the internets but want to see if anyone had experienced something similar in their elderly parent.

My MIL is now early 70s. She is (was) an absolute firecracker. Quick, sharp, active. Survived communist Poland. Husband, the sole breadwinner, left her out of nowhere with two teen girls while she had stage 4 cancer. She beat that shit. She raises her girls working multiple jobs. I’ve known her for nearly two decades and love the hell out of her.

In a matter of a week, she has become dizzy to the point of not being able to walk well. She’s slow and confused cognitively. She’s quickly becoming incontinent. She sleeps most of the day. Just absolutely out of nowhere.

This all started happening about a week after a very bad “cold” where she lost her voice and hacked non stop.

Of course we took her to the ER and her vitals were good but she has always had high BP. They honestly didn’t seem to be super concerned which confused the fuck out of me. She had an MRI earlier this week and so far nothing significant has popped up.

My wife is simply staying with her and I am single-dadding it until ??? as we do more tests but I can’t bear to see her this way.

Any armchair caretakers have any clue? Sounds like a stroke to me but wtf do I know.

I watched my father drop dead in front of me and had to work on him for an hour, and then I had to do the same for my mother’s second husband, both events causing some trauma, but honestly watching someone so vibrant waste away is starting to feel worse.

I’m just grasping at straws but curious if anyone has any ideas so I can at least be mad at something specific. I need to put my energy into something more than waiting.


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This stuff is starting to creep into my life lately. My Dad is now 80 and he's generally healthy, but has been dealing with worsening myasthenia gravis and is currently in the hospital getting plasmapheresis treatment since it was getting to the point where he was having difficulty speaking and eating. Seems like he's been a bit up and down during his hospital stay, but hopefully this treatment will get it under control, at least for a while. My Mom is now dealing with the realization that she's likely to outlive my Dad. Luckily my sister and her husband live near my folks and they are able to help. I feel bad about being a thousand miles away even though logically I know there's no real reason I should be there right now.

I assume covid test was negative.
Bacterial sepsis is one possibility. In older people (although usually that means 80's+) the usual signs of infection can be absent--chest xray may not show pneumonia, no fever, white cell count normal or low, no white cells in the urine. Delerium or dementia may be the only sign. Sometimes the only way to tell is with cultures--blood, urine, sputum. Especially blood cultures. Viral infections like influenza and RSV are usually more symptom-specific
I would hope that she was seen by an internist in the ER, not just the ER doc. If not, she should be. This is not something that she should be at home with hoping to get better. Go kick some doctor butt.

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Originally Posted by old goat

I assume covid test was negative.
Bacterial sepsis is one possibility. In older people (although usually that means 80's+) the usual signs of infection can be absent--chest xray may not show pneumonia, no fever, white cell count normal or low, no white cells in the urine. Delerium or dementia may be the only sign. Sometimes the only way to tell is with cultures--blood, urine, sputum. Especially blood cultures. Viral infections like influenza and RSV are usually more symptom-specific
I would hope that she was seen by an internist in the ER, not just the ER doc. If not, she should be. This is not something that she should be at home with hoping to get better. Go kick some doctor butt.

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Thanks sir. Yeah I am not sitting back here - plan on being very vocal. Blood looked good too. No chest x ray yet though.


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Originally Posted by old goat

I assume covid test was negative.
Bacterial sepsis is one possibility. In older people (although usually that means 80's+) the usual signs of infection can be absent--chest xray may not show pneumonia, no fever, white cell count normal or low, no white cells in the urine. Delerium or dementia may be the only sign. Sometimes the only way to tell is with cultures--blood, urine, sputum. Especially blood cultures. Viral infections like influenza and RSV are usually more symptom-specific
I would hope that she was seen by an internist in the ER, not just the ER doc. If not, she should be. This is not something that she should be at home with hoping to get better. Go kick some doctor butt.

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+1 in response to ArtShirk -

my other thought having seen older women for thirty years, was,

' does she have a UTI (?) '

which could lead to sepsis...

- agree with the comment about being persistent until you have a diagnosis And a treatment plan / course of action.

( an MRI might rule-out a stroke and Not necessarily )

Good luck... !

skiJ

I’ll add in urinary tract infection. Somethjng that would seem like such a non event had huge impacts on my elderly dad: confusion, balance, energy, etc. The first time a doctor suggested that as a cause, I lol’d it seemed so absurd given the serious problems he was having but subsequent rodeos confirmed it as very common haymaker for the olds.

I agree w kicking doctor butt on this one. I always liked to find out what year resident I was dealing with and who the attending was as well

I called my doc buddy and he said the same thing about UTI. I was floored that he thought that was the most likely suspect here as you would never expect as a non doctor. Once I heard that, we took her back in to urgent care and immediately had them do a piss test (and I was pissed that her earlier visits didn’t yield this sort of test as my buddy said it should have been an immediate thing they look for).

She actually had a very mild UTI so she is on antibiotics for that, and should have mentioned that. She is on her 4th day with no change in symptoms but maybe that’s not long enough or maybe it wasn’t severe enough to be the cause. But I am grasping at hope that maybe that is playing into this.

Hey guys - thanks for the feedback. Means a lot that people jump in to help and fire around ideas. This is the good TRG


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Wife's dad is in the hospital for a UTI right now. He's getting better and more lucid, but it was touch and go there for awhile.

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Originally Posted by Art Shirk

Thanks sir. Yeah I am not sitting back here - plan on being very vocal. Blood looked good too. No chest x ray yet though.


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Really?

Really. To date, this thing hasn’t been taken too seriously. Have another appointment later today and that’s on the agenda.


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Originally Posted by yeahman

Wife's dad is in the hospital for a UTI right now. He's getting better and more lucid, but it was touch and go there for awhile.

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Good to hear he’s on the mend. Crazy that it can affect old folks so much.


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Originally Posted by Art Shirk

I’m so sorry to read all these stories. Vibes to everyone helping guide their parents through these journeys.

I’m a mess right now and know no one can diagnose over the internets but want to see if anyone had experienced something similar in their elderly parent.

My MIL is now early 70s. She is (was) an absolute firecracker. Quick, sharp, active. Survived communist Poland. Husband, the sole breadwinner, left her out of nowhere with two teen girls while she had stage 4 cancer. She beat that shit. She raises her girls working multiple jobs. I’ve known her for nearly two decades and love the hell out of her.

In a matter of a week, she has become dizzy to the point of not being able to walk well. She’s slow and confused cognitively. She’s quickly becoming incontinent. She sleeps most of the day. Just absolutely out of nowhere.

This all started happening about a week after a very bad “cold” where she lost her voice and hacked non stop.

Of course we took her to the ER and her vitals were good but she has always had high BP. They honestly didn’t seem to be super concerned which confused the fuck out of me. She had an MRI earlier this week and so far nothing significant has popped up.

My wife is simply staying with her and I am single-dadding it until ??? as we do more tests but I can’t bear to see her this way.

Any armchair caretakers have any clue? Sounds like a stroke to me but wtf do I know.

I watched my father drop dead in front of me and had to work on him for an hour, and then I had to do the same for my mother’s second husband, both events causing some trauma, but honestly watching someone so vibrant waste away is starting to feel worse.

I’m just grasping at straws but curious if anyone has any ideas so I can at least be mad at something specific. I need to put my energy into something more than waiting.


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My mom was having similar issues earlier this year. In her case she had low sodium levels.

Has anyone here purchased a hospital bed?

I'm trying to get Medicare to cover a hosptial bed for short term use but have started to think maybe my mom needs one all the time. Mom had one once before for a couple of months after blowing out her Achilles so I'm hopeful with a doctor's order I can get it again for when she moves from rehab into assisted since she's not fully recovered and still has issues with transfering into and out of bed (bed rails have helped with this).

The plan was to switch her to a regular twin bed which I would have to purchase after she is healed but looking at the prices of hospital beds it's not really that much more and they offer benefits like getting really low to the ground and of course being able to raise the head and feet. Plus I may just be ready to use it after this is all said and done - I think I've aged 20yrs in the last month but hey, on a good note I've not cried for the last 2 days so things must be getting better (dang it! just saying that has turned on the water works! Oy vey!)

Anyhoo... looking for advice from anyone who has made a hospital bed purchase.

I got one from Medicare for my dad. When he had OT/pt after his last rehab, his OT ordered. Medicare ins rents it but they eventually give it to the user. We sold his when he died for 100 bucks. Check Craigslist but look into getting a home PT/OT Rx from her doc. If you get one from Medicare it will prob stay with you

Most of the mattresses are air filled now to prevent bedsores but they take some adjustment to get used to sleeping on.

There are also rails you can attach to a regular bed to help w getting up. An OT should be helping her in rehab w transfer skills as well. Also, low is a lot harder to get up from. Keep things on the high side

Wtf Art.
I have no medical advice.
Just shocked that both your father and step father dropped and you had to try to resuscitate.
Fuck.
That’s heavy.
Peace. And love. And hugs.

PS. These slow deaths are the worst. My pop died in his sleep. My FIL dropped dead in the market reaching for a bag of frozen shrimp.
Take me quick. Please.

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PS. These slow deaths are the worst. My pop died in his sleep. My FIL dropped dead in the market reaching for a bag of frozen shrimp.
Take me quick. Please.

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Word. I am not scared of dyin I would just rather not be there when it happens.

^^ I think of that sometimes too. Yup make it quick...

My dad has been getting UTIs for years, they've never been able to clear it up for more than a few weeks and at this point, he's so antibiotic-resistant that they've told him there's nothing they can do for him anymore short of keeping him on an IV drip pretty much all the time and changing the med as his body stops reacting to it. That would mean living in a hospital and he's not willing to do that so he's given up and chosen hospice, all he gets now is insulin and painkillers. He has now developed a new UTI and he's starting to get spacey again, this happens every time and usually gets pretty bad before they get it under control but this time there won't be any control so it's just a matter of time before I lose what's left of my dad and get to watch his body finish wasting away while he gets dosed on painkillers. Fukn guy is only 80 and he's been fighting a variety of shit for 38 years and he's tired, tired of being sick, tired of fighting and tired of being terminally laid-up to the point now where he can't walk to the bathroom without taking a break along the way.

I'm going to go do that last long talk with him this week while he's still there before the infection turns his brain to mush. This sux.

^^^ Sorry to hear it. Make the most of those final conversations, I am still puzzled by my mothers final advice to me to "be careful".

That’s rough, gravity. 38 yrs of dealing with health issues—I think everyone can respect and understand that he’s tired of it. My dad was hospitalized this year with a mysterious infection that behaved like a UTI but was never actually identified using even the most expensive DNA analyses.

re - hospital beds.
my father was in residential care ( called "memory care", it was not ) -
he would get up in the night to go to the bathroom, and could not successfully get back in bed ;
in the morning the would find him on the floor.
bed alarms were unpredictable --

I asked, and was told bed rails were against State rules /
never considered pursuing a doctor's Order as by that point his medical care was being overseen by someone associated with the business.

so.
a doctor's Order would be Good, But also talk with the Administrator / Manager at Rehab. to be sure their regulatory rules allow it.

KQ and others. +++vibes+++
the Time I spent with my parents in the last year of their lives is one of the Gifts ( 'blessings' ) of my life !
Many cannot - and it wasn't easy. but for me it was a great Gift !
( ... Thank you, Dad. )


peace. With love tj

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Originally Posted by Bunion 2020

^^^ Sorry to hear it. Make the most of those final conversations, I am still puzzled by my mothers final advice to me to "be careful".

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dude - parents are always parents... and

You are always her (boy) !

I wish my mother had been careful at the end of her life... !

' be careful' is Always a Mom's hope for her son(s)
( think back to the two times you were injured or got 'in-trouble' as a boy or adolescent...

I can hear it > 'next time, be (more) careful !! '

Indiana (?) Almost certainly ! )

I laughed. Thanks. skiJ

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Originally Posted by Bunion 2020

^^^ Sorry to hear it. Make the most of those final conversations, I am still puzzled by my mothers final advice to me to "be careful".

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Margin Call. Did she hand you a flash drive?

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Originally Posted by half-fast

My mom was having similar issues earlier this year. In her case she had low sodium levels.

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Checked sodium levels- all good there but thank you for the idea.

We spent 8 hours in HarborView the other day and did everything under the sun - ekg, chest x ray, had MRI, blood, piss, on and on. Every single test said she is healthy as a horse.

Yet out of nowhere, the lady can barely walk, is confused and can’t string a full sentence together. One foot is bowing in now and she has a droopy eye. Sleeps all the time. Isn’t making food for herself (2 weeks ago she would have made a 6 course Polish meals for 15 people no problem).

We are watching her just wither and we are left with “go see an optometrist” which is 5 weeks out. At a total loss.

If this was a House episode, I would start looking for environmental factors or things she has changed/ingested at home.


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Neurologist? Garden variety dementia shouldn't be this fast. If the docs don't know her they might discount your assertion that this came on suddenly.