Best Gaper qoute of the weekend?

Riding up in the Cat with my buddy, with Powder Mountain cat Skiing In Whistler. I managed to convince him to drop some coin knowing how shitty the conditions were on the mountain. His big concern was getting some very slow skiers in our group the would effect # of runs as well as the terrain the guides felt comfortable taking us to.
Guide- " so were are you folks from?"
Gaper- " L.A. We're season pass holders at Mammoth."
gaper Wife to guide " so how do they decide what people go in what cat group?"

My buddy gives me the I told you so stare. On the first run the gaper wife clad in black and white alligator print pants takes a solid 5 minutes to cover 500 feet. The Gaper husband completely skis past the Guide and all the way down to the cat without stopping. still with all this stuff going on it was my best day at W/B. Just real fucking cool cat-skiing for the first time.

I was skiing today with my daughter in my once-a-year ski day in the Midwest. All 260 vertical feet and 80 skiable acres. A guy on our lift asks if "this lift goes all the way to the top?". We rode it [I]all[I] the way up (then straighlined it down in about 15 seconds).

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Originally Posted by oftpiste

Heading into a nearly deserted liftline in Utah 2 days ago with the kids. Guy right in front of me suddenly turns his skis completely sideways blocking the entire line while he apparently waits for his tribe. Unable to stop as we were ready to load, I ski across his tails (I figured this was preferable to running onto him) and say, "please don't stop in the middle if the line" (anyone else haver a pet peeve with this shit?). Gaper quote? "Yeah? Well YOU need to look where you're going!"

Dumbass.

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happened to me at blackcomb a few weeks ago. some jackass pulled that move in the singles line. i narrowly missed barreling over him but still bumped him a little. his response had me cracking up all day. in a thick french accent: "hey! learn how to ski!"

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Originally Posted by KillingCokes

After this guy tells me to watch where I'm going, my response would have been.

GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY YOU FUCKING GAPER

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I said, "No, you're standing in the middle of the liftline" and he kept on about how I needed to look where I was going, but I was with my kids. They get embarrassed when I give people shit even thought they were rolling their eyes at him too.

After a recent event in a lodge where I really tore into someone who gave me some crap I decided I needed to practice my chill.

dude and his girlfriend from DC riding the lift with us today at Vail. They were trying to take a picture of themselves while on the lift and the guy says:

" I wish it wasn't cloudy and snowing"

Woman in lift line at snow ridge today...

She is looking at the chairs but not moving into position. She asks the lifty, "Is there a better chair coming?"

Saw some gaper 20 yr olds using airsoft guns in the liftline. Is the human gene pool really this shallow?

40ish guy: "I was sitting up at the lodge watching all the people go down that steep run (blue groomer) and man, were they screaming down the hill. I just can't believe how people scream down the hill that fast...[wait for it] ...so, are you a screamer too?"

I nearly pissed myself.

My gf's friend is in town with his crew. She was chatting with him on the phone. She calls to see how things are. He mentions that he hasn't been up the past few days. Confused, my gf asks why. His reply is: "People ski when it's actually snowing?"

Today, I was single on Whistler Peak Chair with 3 random women. Then I realize one of the women has been silent the whole time and is gripped in fear. Whenever our chair passes over a rock, she gets visibly more gripped. OK, she's afraid of heights---a bit out of place, but cool that she's pushing herself. Next, her friend sees my MadTrix Mojo skis and makes a BIG mistake by blurting out, "Look at the cobra on those skis" (it's more like a rattlesnake, but that doesn't matter). So the gripped woman looks at the snake graphic and becomes completely petrified to a new level. Her 2 friends have to talk her through the rest of the chair ride and she unloads without incident. It's all good, she never impeded or annoyed anyone---I just hope she never has to endure the Hellbent graphics.

More noteworthy to me is when non-gapers pull weird or gaperish moves. Like when a non-gaper-looking snowboarder pulled out his fingernail clippers on the gondola and went at it. Not so bad, but seems weird if this guy keeps clippers in his parka pocket every day on the hill, just in case he needs an immediate manicure...

Or when I recently paired up with a non-gaper-looking skier in line for a double T-Bar, mid-day, no powder, no rush. We're waiting in line and moving forward together as a pair for at least 30 seconds, then his non-gaper-looking skier buddy arrives solo directly behind us. Looks like my partner will be leaving me to join his buddy, no worries, I'll just go solo---snowboarders commonly go up solo anyway, because T-Bars are a bit awkward, so no one should complain if I end up without a partner, hogging a whole T-Bar to myself. But instead of my ex-partner moving back one spot to join his buddy, and instead of them asking me for my spot in line, his buddy unexpectedly shoves me to take my spot, but he fails to budge me because there are fences and no place for me to be pushed to---no worries, tolerating shoves is part of skiing, I am enjoying the scenery. As we all move forward, now there is enough space for them to push me out, and they try to shove me again and move up into my spot, but this time I intentionally resist their shoving to hold my place in line, and they fail again---doesn't bother me, it's a nice sunny day. So I'm enjoying the scenery with a smile, while these guys continue with their somewhat aggressive shoving, and they're still too passive to address me even once, and then I hear them begin to accept their failure and complain to each other about how "passive-aggressive" I am being. OK, now I am finally bothered---by their hypocrisy. So I stare them right in the eyes to see if they want to address me or try something less passive-agressive, but they chose to remain passive. Good call.

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Originally Posted by Vitamin I

More noteworthy to me is when non-gapers pull weird or gaperish moves. Like when a non-gaper-looking snowboarder pulled out his fingernail clippers on the gondola and went at it. Not so bad, but seems weird if this guy keeps clippers in his parka pocket every day on the hill, just in case he needs an immediate manicure...

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What? This is "maximum efficiency", not "gaperish"

p.s. that story with the "cobra" was fucking hilarious

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Originally Posted by JohnF

She is looking at the chairs but not moving into position. She asks the lifty, "Is there a better chair coming?"

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This might be funny if my local area's 19 minute chair was fully padded...some are plastic, some are bare plywood, and the rare few are padded. On slower days (any day besides Saturday) we'll actually wait for padded chairs. :nonono2:

lastnight at work, this guy at my table asks "is snoop dogg really playing across the street tonight, or is that just bullshit"

i just glanced over toward the club, with 300 people in line, 8 cop cars and 2 huge tour busses outside. told him i had no idea snoop was in town.

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This might be funny if my local area's 19 minute chair was fully padded...some are plastic, some are bare plywood, and the rare few are padded. On slower days (any day besides Saturday) we'll actually wait for padded chairs.

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Sounds like the Powder Mountain chair at Lost Trail. That bad-boy is painful. forealz.. If Lost trail wasn't so awesome in it's local-ness, there would be soooo many gaper quotes from that place. But, LT is too rad.

Oakie Douche: Why don't they groom more of this area?
Me: Why do you want more groomers?
Oakie Douche: Well what kind of snow do YOU like to ski?
Me: Pow
Oakie Douche: Huh?
Me: Powder snow
Oakie Douche: Where is that at?
Me: (Blank stare as I turn my Ipod back on and say nothing)

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Originally Posted by bones get broke

Oakie Douche: Why don't they groom more of this area?
Me: Why do you want more groomers?
Oakie Douche: Well what kind of snow do YOU like to ski?
Me: Pow
Oakie Douche: Huh?
Me: Powder snow
Oakie Douche: Where is that at?
Me: (Blank stare as I turn my Ipod back on and say nothing)

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in the powder area. duh

overheared during a storm day with about five feet of new having fallen in the previous three days.

Snowboarder: "That jump was TIGHT! You know that powder jump."

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Originally Posted by green mtns rider

lastnight at work, this guy at my table asks "is snoop dogg really playing across the street tonight, or is that just bullshit"

i just glanced over toward the club, with 300 people in line, 8 cop cars and 2 huge tour busses outside. told him i had no idea snoop was in town.

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A sphincter say what?

Heard all of the following riding up the Outback chair at Keystone on Friday.

"I hate when I sink in the snow because there is too much of it"
"What do they do with the moguls in the summer?"
"What happens to the snow in the summer? Does it all melt away?"

Wife to husband on lift as they observe a telemarker: "wow. That looks hard how do they do that?" Husband: "they do it on cross country skis."

West Vail Red Route bus comes around and husband and wife ask the driver if the bus goes to the Cascade Resort....

Bus Driver: No you want to get on the West Vail Green
Husband/Wife: We have been waiting here for an hour and a half we haven't seen a single Green colored bus come around?!!!????!?!?!?

it Is a long story ...


" by What authority do You make that decision ? " ...


F. It : i'm goin' SKIing . yo , Out . tj :the_finge

In the Tram at Jay yesterday
as were going over the face, a steepish shot with some technical terrain to pick through, totally skiable
Gaper: Why do they even have the face open. Its not like you can ski it. All you can do is slide down it sideways. Its a total waste.
Me: Its not a waste if you know how to ski, and turn
Gaper: You mean to tell me you can ski that?
Me: Yeah, and I even turn a few times
Gaper: Ok, prove it, i wanna see your ass roll down it

I then proceed to show him exactly how skiable it is. And I didnt even ski it aggressively. Shut him right the fuck up

Me - wearing tights, running shoes and down jacket while plowing the VP parking lot: "Hey Adam, you know what I like best about driving the plow truck?"

Adam: "You can do it in your underwear?"

Told to me by a friend last week.

Scene: The Looney Bean (coffee shop) in Mammoth. Told to the barrista.

Gaper 1 : "Yeah. We're gonna go shred the Negatives."

Keep in mind that Gaper 1 and the rest of the crew were wearing their beacons and were beeping while IN the coffee shop. Also, the Negatives are sidecountry off JUNE MOUNTAIN, a solid 20 miles from the coffee shop.

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Originally Posted by Laxsnowskisquatch

Pointing at my Dad's new Vokl Mantras "Man those things must be 20 years old I havent seen ski like that in a while".

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Someplace recently in Summit Co. don't really remember when or where, two different people on the same day looked at my bro's and said "man those look pretty old." I just don't get it...

Best line I've ever heard (last years though, so it doesn't REALLY count)

While riding up blue sky basin at Vail a guy had fallen bellow the lift and was taking a while getting his skis back on. His friends response...
"What's the matter, you got snow in your vagina up there?"

"does this trail take you to the bottom, or do I have to hike back to get on a different one?"

I told him to just keep pointing it downhill. not witty enough in time

Teenage girl at half-way station with safety-bar down and a 30 minute wait, everybody was yelling at her to put the safety bar up and scoot over so a person could get on so she says," What? I am not getting off here (mid-way station with an uphill incline as the ramp) and then she just persues riding the lift by herself

PM SPAM...:nonono2:

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Originally Posted by Tom from Austria

jepilot,
there is an opportunity to ride the trees on Rax skis next week in NH:
Wednesday March 5 to Friday at Cannon,
Saturday March 8 and Sunday at Schneider Cup at Cranmore, North Conway Monday March 10 in Vermont.

My (Austrian) mobile nr is *43 650 5252550 (*43 for Austria).

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Guy with thick Southern accent talking about the halfpipe:
“Them their skiers are going crazy up there in that U shaped stunt ditch”

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Originally Posted by unofficialandes

Guy with thick Southern accent talking about the halfpipe:
“Them their skiers and going crazy up there in that U shaped stunt ditch”

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Now any halfpipe will be forever be the "stunt ditch".

not so much a gaper moment, as I'm pretty sure this kid was a decent skier but I was still cracking up -

get to the midway unloading station while he is talking about how wide his skis are/how many pairs he has/ how he got 3 pairs for $300 at his shop (fun to get these guys going). so the kid forgets to pull one of his poles up, too deep in brag mode, and the thing drags on the carpet, gets sucked under the chair, makes a sound that was similar to a beluga whale during mating season, and snaps.

"Ahh fuck, those are my new poles (but I got them for free). Am I that stupud?"

Yes. Yes, you are.

"Dude, I don't think they let you ride with a broken pole like that, you could impale a baby."

Skyline Express Lift, Blue Sky Basin, Vail, couple weeks ago.

Random Guy, tricked out in Lange race boots, Kjus jacket, Mantras: Is the snow good somewhere today?

Me: Excuse me?

RG: Is the snow good somewhere? I mean, hardly anything is skiable today.

(Yes, there was some consolidated crud, but also some good snow, and it was snowing pretty good.)

Me: Well. . . (pointing) snow's pretty good over there on Iron Mask and Lover's Leap. A bit chalky, but pretty soft, and it's accumulating.

RG stares at me, wide-eyed, for a moment.

RG: Oh, so you're, like. . . extreme!


Hardly.

in all honesty, whats the difference between a "halfpipe" and a "ditch?" Do all other countries call it a "halfpipe?"

this isnt from real recent, but a couple years ago I heard this at Snow Summit down in Socal, where they pretty much make all their snow...

"That was nice! They left the snow machines on for longer while i was skiing down and got some powder skiing!" wow

riding up Sugarloaf a couple weeks ago with an Aussie couple (the accent is very important to the hilariousness imo). They ask me where I'm going to ski that run, I tell them I'm going to wait for Devils Castle to open (I had just spoke with a patroller who said they were heading up for the last pass through)...

Aussie Gaper: "You've got all this mountain 'ere and you're gonna WAIT to ski on the part o'er there? Looks the same to me"

Me: silence

Woman walks up to gondola lifty and says, "did you see a woman and a man with black ski jackets come here a little while ago? I am looking for them."

seriously...it was awesome

Riding chair 2 at Loveland yesterday, and it stops. Again. I hear an instructor below telling clients in pink jackets and fanny packs, "Now this is rated green on the trail map, but it would normally be a blue!"

Awesome. Way to hold back the ability level, buddy! Real strong work. Intimidation is definitely the best tactic for inspiring confidence.

Maybe not a total gaper quote per se, but it still irked me some.

Last Tuesday, I had some token "wow, they're so wide!" comment about my Lotuses, to which I replied "Obviously, you're not a golfer." That made me chuckle.

theres nothing i enjoy more than leading gapers into saying ridiculous shit. whenever a snowlerblader rides the lift with me its an awesome time. praxis are a curse in that you always get the fat ski comment, but that comment always starts a conversation that can be directed toward ridiculous things.

I was riding Casper today. Tourist looks up at Casper Bowl and says..."I heard that the bomb that bowl. Do they ever groom it?"

I explain a little bit, that there is no lift access, you have to hike, it's really, really steep,etc.

He says "Why on earth would a ski area have a place with no lift access? That's just dumb. "

I laughed, but seeing that the plan is for East Ridge chair to be moved to the headwall, in reality he nailed Jerry Blann's feelings on the subject at hand.