Something I Needed, my run tonight
At first, I wasn't going to go. It was getting late, my mp3 player stopped working. I almost didn't go, but I realized I just needed to get out there.
I wanted to run to the Ridge again, but I didn't want to take the same route I'd taken earlier in the week. I grabbed my flashlight and stuffed it into my amphipod (belt with small bottles to carry water/energy gels) and set out.
My legs felt horrible. Literally, Horrible in the first 10 minutes. Like moving cement blocks. Like dragging along a kitty that doesn't want to see the vet. I almost turned back. This was the first of my times telling myself to never ever give up.
Thirty minutes later, I realize that I'm passing a point it took me a half hour to ride to last week. I'm moving faster on foot than I have on my bike. Its cooling off, the moon has eclipsed the horizon and the sun has turned everything a burnt orange. only 30 more minutes until I turn around. My goal loomed high above me on the horizon.
45 minutes into the run I've gone further than I've ever ridden. I no longer know what to expect. The sun is almost set an the moon is almost full smiling down on me. I am struggling, the switch backs are almost unbearable. Twice I rounded a turn and came face to face with a hill that demoralized me. Subconsciously Dropped me from a run to walk as my legs said "you've got to be kidding me"
But I'll never give up and my steps morph back into some semblance of a run... or whats left of it after running 45 minutes up a mountain.
The one hour mark approaches and the last 5 minutes have been shear determination. One of my goals has been met, although I am still short of the summit, its time to turn around because the sun is below the horizon.
Once of turned around, I forgot about my heart rate monitor, my watch. I forgot about myself and I just ran.
Its been a very very long time since I've done that.
Its the coming back down, in the dark, moon overheard, city lights looming below that I need to share.
Its the seclusion, high on a mountain where you can almost certain you are the only person in the mountain range.
Its the anonymity of knowing that people can be looking up, in wonder, as you run down your trail, your temple.
I wish that you could have stopped with me, to stare out over the city.
To feel our feet scampering blindly down a moonlit trail.
The trust in your legs to carry you safely home.
Coming down, I was revived.
I had left myself behind, some time ago.
I thought everything I was was wrong when things fell apart with Kim
Losing myself tonight, brought me one step closer to something I love very deeply.
Myself
