Originally Posted by Plakespear
Who else there fucking can't stand mimes? Personally, I hate the motherfuckers. They're like clowns, only not funny or scary. I mean, what the fuck is the deal with them not talking? I bet it's because if these fruitcakes had anything to say, everyone would probably just tell them to shut the fuck up.
But seriously, don't they make you want to just walk up to them and kick them in the nuts? Just to see if they say "ouch" or something. Wouldn't that be great, if people just started kicking mimes in the balls? Than, if they started moaning in agony, you could get right in their face and scream "You're a fucking mime, for chrissakes! You're not supposed to say anything. Take your shots to the groin like a man, you fucking pussy, or else I'll give you something to cry about. I've got a monkey wrench in the trunk of my car that could probably do some serious damage to your internal organs. Now THAT'S something to cry about!"
And since most mimes tend to perform in public places, you would probably have a nice sized audience watching you humiliate the mime. And I have a feeling that the general public despises these poor excuses for clowns as much as me, I bet they would give you some money, or at least a round of applause.
And about that thing about public places, why do you only see mimes in street theater. Probably because nobody would pay money for a ticket to see these fuckers. When was the last time you ever heard of someone hiring a mime to play at their kid's birthday party. I mean, they don't even make fucking baloon animals or do magic tricks or some shit like that. Although if I ever have kids, I might hire a mime. Not for the mime to perform, but rather as an alternative to Pin The Tail On The Donkey. I'd blindfold the little brats, spin them around three times, and have them try to Kick The Mime In The Groin. How's that for a party game? Or, if I want to be multicultural and include some hispanic tradition, I'd hang the mime from a tree and have the kids hit it with sticks like a pinata. But than the kids would cry, because if one of them managed to hit the mime hard enough to crack open, seeing all the internal organs and blood spill out instead of mini Snickers bars and Jolly ranchers might cause some emotional distress, and enough of them probably take enough drugs. I mean between Ritalin, pot, and crystal meth, does an eight year old need to be on Prozac as well? I'll probably just hire some strippers to perform lesbian sex acts with each other instead, and give the birthday child a lap dance.
But enough about lesbian strippers. I know, you can't have enough lesbian strippers, but I'm talking about mimes here. And my point it this. We, as a society, must do three things. First of all, we must begin kicking mimes in the balls as I have advocated previously. Second, after making sure that the said mimes' ballsacks are swollen, we have to wave our money in front of them. While waving the money, you should say "Hey, you faggy wannabe clown. Guess what? See this money? This is money I'm not going to be spending on your stupid performance. I'm going to spend it on lesbian strippers! I suggest you learn how to fucking speak, because the only job you're qualified for is telemarketing for the National Association of Registered Pinwheel Collectors!" And finally, you must take the money that you waved in front of the mime and actually spend it on lesbian strippers, because you have to keep the economy growing.
