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ATTENTION BIO-SMEAR:
We know who you are, we know where you live, and we know what kind of pants you have.
Familiarize yourself with this:
http://tetongravity.com/forums/showthread.php?t=20100
Don't forget to post naked pics of your sister/ girlfriend/ wife. Only if they're good though.
And WTF is a Bio-smear? One of these?
http://familydoctor.org/Images/138_f1.gif
(It's a slow day at work, I'm not motivated, and I need some fresh snow now.)
That woman only has one leg!Quote:
Originally Posted by El Chupacabra
I bet her name is Eileen.
Dude, I tried tonight, seriously. I thought with the new skis would she would let her guard down, but I got defeated bad.Quote:
Originally Posted by El Chupacabra
This is me, and I'm not tuning my heelstix.Quote:
And WTF is a Bio-smear?
http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/images/300/smear_test.jpg
It's like a smear, only bionic, which means it's more powerful.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bio-smear
You look more shinier in your avatar.
Gyno sucks. You really shoulda been a dentist.
that's where all the money is.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bio-smear
Naked pics of your patients will work.
I'm not really a doctor, but I play one with my girlfriend. Damn, I'm not black either. I don't even look like that dude from the Thunderbirds, but I am kinda bald. This thread should now include some more one-legged chick jokes.
see my signature.Quote:
Originally Posted by bio-smear
A man was driving down a country road one day at 45 miles per hour when suddenly he noticed a 3-legged chicken running at the same speed beside his truck.
Though he thought this odd, the man decided to speed up so he wouldn't cause an accident with the chicken.
The man sped up to 55 miles per hour, but low and behold, so did the 3-legged chicken.
The man then sped up to 65 miles per hour only to again be equaled in speed by the 3-legged chicken.
As the man watched in amazement, the chicken suddenly made a sharp left turn and took off down a side road toward a small farm.
The man quickly also made the left turn and followed the chicken to the small farm, parking out front.
Looking around the man found the farmer around back in the midst of many 3-legged chickens.
After greeting the farmer, the man asked him why he was raising 3-legged chickens.
"Well we figure," said the farmer, "that with an average family of 3 people, only 2 can have a chicken leg with an average chicken. But with a three legged chicken, each member of the family can enjoy a chicken leg of their own."
"That's pretty wise," said the man, who then asked "Well how do your 3-legged chickens taste?"
"I don't know," said the farmer. "We've never been able to catch one."
Drumsticks delite!
25 MARCH 1999. Harvard Medical School researchers have finally taken sides in the struggle between lovers of chicken wings and drumsticks. In the process, they have opened a new career for birds that don't fly very well. Are you ready for the chicken as track star? http://whyfiles.org/shorties/images2/chicken.gifThat the discoveries now running through the field of limb development could also have practical significance is almost lost in the effort to imagine chickens with three legs and one lonely wing.
This off-balance creature was designed and manufactured in the laboratory of Harvard geneticist Clifford Tabin. The research, published in the recent issue of Science, follows up on recent identifications at several labs of three genes that code for the differences between vertebrate forelimbs and hindlimbs.
Two of these genes -- Pitx1 and Tbx4 -- were uniquely expressed, or operative, in legs.
But which comes first, the chicken or the leg? More exactly, is Pitx1 or Tbx4 the driving force in leg development? Which gene starts the process by which a limb bud becomes a leg rather than a wing?
To address this question, Tabin stuck Pitx1 into a virus, then squirted the virus into the region of a chick embryo where a wing would normally develop. The virus then inserted the gene into the embryonic cells.
Doing the legwork
And no, we are not making this up. The chickens developed with three legs and one wing. No, the third leg was not a perfect drumstick, probably because wing genes continued operating. Still, the "wrist" joint, which normally bends down on a chicken wing, was straight, as in a chicken leg. The feathers normally seen on a wing were absent, and the limb had rudimentary claws -- a sure sign of "legness."
In a result sure to egg-cite the broiler industry, the musculature was characteristic of a leg rather than a wing. (A bird with quad drumsticks would carry significantly more meat than the traditional two-and-two layout.)
Tabin couldn't take the time to talk with us, but we suspect the research did have purpose slightly more lofty than creating terrestrial chickens -- helping unravel the genetic sequence of limb development. The research showed that Pitx1 directed Tbx4, another "drumstick" gene, to operate. Where Pitx1 was absent, Tbx4 sat idle.
Curiosity-lovers will be glad to learn that the story continues. A group of Japanese researchers is expected to publish shortly an even more effective transformation. They transported the control genes with electrical stimulation rather than a virus. The genes became active sooner, and the result apparently was chickens with wings at the bottom, and the legs up front.
The Why Files is having a hard time envisioning that one. Would these birds fly upside down and run backwards? If so, they sound suspiciously like the military's long-sought all-terrain chicken. (If they can only add stealth capability, we might really have something...)
On a slightly more serious note, researchers note that a rare human genetic condition, Holt-Oram syndrome, is associated with defects in the Tbx5 gene, which governs the shaping of fore-limbs -- what we call arms. Eventually, this highly impractical transformation could have a practical benefit.
-- David Tenenbaum
THE CHICK WHO CAN'T STAND UPBy Linda GreesonThe development of a condition called spraddle -leg in one or more of a clutch of otherwise thriving and healthy nestlings is an experience that most bird breeders undergo sooner or later. Until the babies reach the weight bearing stage all seems to be going well. They are being well fed and growing at an amazing rate of speed. The breeder then observes that one or more of the babies is not standing up to beg for food, but remaining at the bottom of the nest box with one leg stretched out to its right, and the other stretched out to its left. This deviation from the normal at the hip joint is the condition we call spraddle legs.
The sad part of this discovery is that the effected chick is otherwise fat and healthy. The parent birds reach down through the bobbing heads of its clutchmates to fill its open mouth. In the wild, where rescue by a concerned breeder does not happen, the spraddle legged bird would not survive the fledgling stage. Unable to roost on a perch, the first flight would probably end in disaster. The bird's dilemma would be comparable to an airplane landing without its landing gear in place. It is fortunate that in the breeding situation most of the causes for this condition can be eliminated and frequently home treatment is effective.
The most common cause is a slippery surface on the floor of the nest box or brooder, providing insufficient traction for the small feet. Regardless of what nesting material is provided, some hens vigorously clear out their nest boxes, insisting on setting on the bare floor. When we discovered nest boxes lined with Formica we were delighted with the ease of cleaning but soon learned that even with an adequate supply of shavings the slippery surface of the Formica did not supply sufficient traction. The problem was solved by adding false wooden bottoms to the boxes, at least for the birds who did not promptly gnaw them to bits.
Sometimes, even with an ideal nest box situation, the over zealous hen sits too tightly, causing too much pressure on the delicate nestlings' legs. This most commonly occurs in the cold weather. When an unusual cold snap occurs, the experienced breeder knows that nestling's legs need to be checked carefully.
The condition can also develop early in the hand feeding stage. At a local bird shop the proprietor devised an attractive display of groups of chicks being hand fed, for observation by her customers. The babies were housed in small glass aquariums and lined up before a large glass window. They attracted a great deal of attention. Unfortunately she selected a light sprinkling of ground corn cobs for lining the bottom of her glass containers. A large number of her previously active chicks rapidly developed spraddle legs. She changed her procedure to covering the bottom with folded paper towels covered with a larger amount of corn cobs and eliminated her problem. We routinely line the plastic boxes which we use for the babies being hand fed with paper towels and a generous supply of shavings.
In chicks hatched in an incubator, maintaining too high a temperature has been offered as a cause for this condition. I had one experience that bore out this theory. Some years ago I incubated fifty Button Quail eggs successfully, only to discover that most of the chicks were badly spraddle legged. Since these little birds spend most of their life on the ground, the effected ones had to be destroyed. I tried again, taking care to keep the temperature in the incubator lower. I was rewarded by a flock of little Quail well able to run about on the floor of the aviary, a valuable little clean up crew.
Dietary factors can also contribute to this condition. Sufficient calcium in a well balanced diet is needed for the feeding parents to produce strong bones in their offspring. If the condition is noted early enough, preferably in the first three weeks of life, it usually can be corrected.
I have had excellent results by simply placing an identification band on each leg, rather than on one leg as is usual. I tie a small length of string through each band, drawing the legs into the normal parallel position, leaving a small space between the legs. On the very young birds, when the legs are too small to retain the bands, I tie the legs together with a narrow strip of gauze bandage in much the same manner.
In the small birds, many bones are only a little thicker than an egg shell. The leg bones do have internal reinforcing struts, but still require gentle and careful handling to prevent further damage. Some Veterinarians, in addition to positioning the legs, prescribe injectable Vitamin E and Selenium.
I leave the bird's legs tied together for about two weeks, making sure that the brooder is lined with at least two inches of shavings to provide comfortable rest for my "hobbled" chick. I then cut the tie and observe the chick's behavior for a few hours. If weight bearing seems normal, as is usually the case, I clip off the extra band, taking care to correctly register the band numbers in my breeding records.If the chick is still unable to stand normally, often another week of this treatment will suffice. It is well to keep in mind, however, that in unusual cases the same spraddle leg position is assumed when more serious deformities exist. Congenital hip deformities in which the ball and socket joint is underdeveloped or sometimes dislocated do occur. These conditions are out of the range of home treatment and require the attention of a skilled Avian Veterinarian.Rickets, a far more serious condition, usually discovered at the weight bearing stage, is not to be confused with simple spraddle legs. When Rickets is present the chick cannot stand on its feet to beg for food, but the legs give the appearance of folding up underneath its body rather than stretching out on each side. Again, the services of a skilled Avian Veterinarian are needed.
The rewards for the effort involved are great. When you see your formerly crippled bird standing tall on strong legs you can not but help feeling a great sense of accomplishment. You have saved a little bird from certain doom by your own skills.
Truth is bored. Go 'Skins!