OCD Pin-head questing for Holy Softshell jacket

Must have:
adjustable cuffs
at least one inside pocket
hand pockets and chest pockets
ski pass pocket on left forearm (NOT on shoulder)
no hood
Closest I've found is an older version of Obermeyer's Foraker shell jacket Removable hood), but hoping for something less bougie.
Any suggestions?

Grab a sewing machine because you are probably going to have to build that jacket from scratch

Can't get less bougie than Kirkland.