Hydrow - Fake paddle/oak sports

Hey Mags,
It was only a matter of time we had a thread to dishonor the fake water act of Hydrow. As the official Peloton of the seas, Hydrow gets to have it's own thread but any other home rower can be dissed in this thread.

Feel free to list your platform and username, announce your displeasure for any particular hardware or software, or random rants about rowing or paddling indoors.

Your sorry, I'm welcome.

Edit: Yep, my spell check changed oar to oak and I didn't notice. MFer

Wife bought a Hydrow and her work pays for the subscription. My dog hates running and I cannot get a mile pace over 9:30min/mi when with her. Instead, I started using this blasted contraption. I think I have used it 7:1 compared to my wife BUT it really has helped in prepping for the ski season. Day one, zero thigh fatigue.

Hydrow: alfajores