I have to come forth and apologize for my behaviour this past weekend. Never before has the graciousness of maggot hosts been so trampled on.
I’m sorry for destroying your doorway, Roos. I still don’t know what caused me to so violently dismantle your well placed decorations. I can only blame the clouded vision that comes with a severe hangover.
Speaking of which, I apologize for the mess I left on the couch. I’m sure you’ve found it by now as an overturned pillow will only conceal vomit for so long.
I’m also sorry about the car. Who knew the bonnet would be so fragile? Well, I suppose you probably did as you looked on with horror at my attempted Dukes-of-Hazard slide. I hope my posterior imprint does not cause you too much grief back at the office and, in hindsight, I probably should not have attempted said slide with a studded belt. If it’s any consolation, the scratches I incurred are almost as bad as those that I delivered and I’m still picking glass and bits of gravel out of my hands and knees.
The cat too deserves an apology from me, but I don’t want to go into details on that one. I think you’ll agree that this is perhaps for the best. Veterinary psychology has progressed mightily this past decade and I’m sure they’ll be able to work wonders with your beloved pet.
I’m sorry, bad_roo, that I made you do a three-point u-turn on that busy London street – though I do get the sense that blocking a one way road and putting a halt to a double-decker city bus is not an unusual feat for you. You will be happy to know that I made it on the train with a full three minutes to spare (thus saving you from another night with me).
But most of all I have to apologize to Mrs. Roo. Though it is true that the bad one is a fine example of British beef, I assure you that I would never attempt to take him away from you and I honestly wish you both all the happiness in the world together. I certainly did not need to get my hands involved. Again, I will blame the drink for letting my baser instincts get the better of me.
Hope you can find it in your ample hearts to forgive. If not, feel free to make your way north to seek your revenge.
Sick and ashamed and happy (and sorry about that large Brad I left behind...),
d.
