Fight night at The Royal

Hey guys,

Haven't posted here in a long time, but I figured this story from Saturday night was just too good, so I thought I'd share it. There may be some stuff in here that might offend some people, but it's just what I saw:

So Saturday night was our friend Aaron's bachelor party. The plan was to drink while watching strippers, then take a school bus to a bar in another city (I live in Regina, Sask and we were going to take the bus to Moose Jaw, about 50 minutes away from Regina) and party until the bar closes. The best man (Chris), rented out this Karate Club where we were going to watch the strippers. The building was in a terrible neighbourhood, which looked like a good start to the night. The strippers show up an hour late, at which time we realize that they are actually prostitutes, and are terrible strippers. The one girl had a big c-section scar, as well as a broken wrist complete with a purple cast. The other one had a scar on her stomach which we figured was probably a stab wound. Nobody wanted to touch these girls, and Aaron even said at one point to the stripper "I'm not going to touch you." We even bought the bride's dad a dance, and he turned around and ran away and hid. I won't go into too much more detail about them because you had to be there to see how gross they actually were.

So after the strippers left, about 30 of us got on the bus and headed out of town. We stopped at a very shady offsale, and I picked up a 6-pack of Olympia (cheapest beer in there at $12.50 for 6, night price). 2 guys got kicked out for drinking inside, and decided to run full speed into the big glass windows, and put a huge crack in one of them. Luckily the guys working there didn't see it. The bus ride was pretty hilarious, complete with people pissing out the window going 100 km/hr. There aren't really many good stories from in the bar, except that I've never picked up more girls in my life, but thats a different story all together.

So, it's 2:30, and the lights turn on, and all hell breaks loose. It was like a Western movie, the lights came on, and everybody starts throwing punches. There was a big brawl in the corner, and a bunch of guys we were with somehow got in the middle of it. One of our friend's (Chad), takes the 2nd worst sucker punch (the 1st is coming later) I've ever seen, and gets knocked out, and the guy (we'll call him green shirt) continues punching him while's he knocked out on his knees. Two other guys with us (Cory and another guy) grab green shirt and proceed to bootfuck him. Cory had his knee on the guy's neck and hammered him in the face 4 times before he felt bad and let up on the guy. Chris (the best man) is in the middle of the brawl and gets pushed, and all of a sudden gets hit in the face by Mike, his cousin. They said it was like a movie, and they both just stopped and looked at eachother, and Chris says "Mike, you hit me!" Finally, all of my friends were ushered out the back door. The funny thing is, me and my friend Jim had no idea what had happened (we were busy on the dance floor showing off our best drunken moves), and a bunch of other guys were outside eating hot dogs.

Now, enter Baldy and spikey hair (big, steroid fueled Moose Jaw pieces of shit). They attacked a guy on crutches outside the bar (this didn't involve us, I just thought it was funny, as long as you weren't the guy on crutches). Outside, my friend Stew pushes down green shirt, and Chris starts laughing at him. Green shirt thinks Chris pushed him down, so they fight. Not a great fight, but whatever. So we're all still milling around and this girl is just losing it, hitting everyone in sight with her purse, and even throwing out a few racial slurs to our friends. She hits Cory's friend so many times with her purse, that he winds up and punches her! Now she's screaming "he hit me, he hit me" and we're all like "no, no, she's lying" because we don't want to get killed. Chris is trying to calm her down, and then he grabs both her arms and plants a big kiss right on her lips. Lets just say she wasn't too happy.

Now, Baldy and spikey hair are pushing us, saying they'll fight all of us. We don't want really anything to do with these guys. All of a sudden, this guy comes out of nowhere, and gives Stew the worst sucker punch I've ever seen. This guy came straight from his hip with this punch, and knocked Stew flat on his back. My friend Jim looks down at Stew and asks him if he's alright, and this guy hammers Jim in the nose. Jim's nose starts leaking like crazy, and Jim starts yelling "who the fuck suckers punches a goalie!" (because Jim's our hockey team's goalie). Now, Stew is about my size (6'2, 200) and is the toughest out of my friends. I've never seen him get knocked down like that, but he got up, and proceeded to absolutely shit pump this guy. Stew was throwing (and connecting) with huge bombs, they even stumbled once and Stew rammed the guys head into a brick wall.

At this time, we are outnumbered probably 2 or 3 to 1, so Mike thinks its a good time to call the police so we make it out alive. When the police arrive, another guy (Paul) starts screaming "we've got crystal meth on our bus!" I don't know why he was doing this, but it was damn funny when we remembered him doing it the next morning. Then a guy started trying to punch us through the windows in the bus, so we grabbed him and gave him a few shots. We finally managed to leave, along with a police escort to make sure we made it out of town.

So that was my night. We were all having a good laugh at hockey last night, so I just thought I'd share it in case anyone else thought it was funny.