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I'm no spring chicken but I'm not exactly old yet but we have a number of people from the previous generation in our family hanging around still and these motherfuckers are getting old. Old. 88, 90, 93. All still dealing with their shit on their own but scaring us pretty routinely.
So I dunno, stories? Tips? Questions? Have at it.
Recently my father in law, a genius no doubt, one of our nation's unsung heroes from his career at the NSA, explained to me why he won't wear his hearing aids. I'd been bugging him about it because he's all there mentally but everybody treats him like he's an idiot because he can't hear them.
He said, "It's worth it all to not hear <wife's name>. If I started wearing them I'd have no excuse."
Rock on grandpa
There needs to be a strategy for staying active and involved at later ages. So many old fucks turn into hermits.
We try pretty hard to keep them involved in the family but I'm not sure that's common. Back in the day the old fucks were in the house along with the babies and everyone else, that was better for sure. For everyone.
edit: but yeah I agree with you. It's only going to be a bigger issue going forward, we should try to figure something out for sure. In Trump's America, I'm not optimistic anything can get done but at lest it can be thought about and planned for.
I got some grandparents in that camp. Grandma 1 is bed-ridden but wise as all hell. Nothing gets past her, but going downhill fast. Always graceful
Grandma 2 is out to lunch and doesn't know who I am, but could probably out run me. She'll likely outlive me. Gloriously unsophisticated.
Grandma 1 had a boyfriend who is 95. Rides a motorcycle, raises chickens and does wood work. Sends me a birthday card every year. Bastard is more capable than I'll ever be.
Slipped and fell on some moss and died last year. Definition of gentleman.
People are living longer than they ever have. Mom says when the time comes, she'll just wander off and never come back. Like an old cat
My mom has spent her life treating people who can't take care of themselves. She developed assisted living homes many moons ago and was an occupational therapist for MS patients for the decades. On top of this, her mother had Alzheimer's and her father had Parkinson's.
She has made it very clear she has no intention of living past 80 and will go on to the next life on her own terms. Hard to argue.
Leave the old folks alone if that's what they want. For many--not all--dying sooner at home beats living in a nursing home. If they have a medical condition that requires a lot of care, like major surgery, and they choose not to have the procedure, respect their wishes. As far as old people turning into hermits, it's not surprising given the disrespect and condescension regularly visited on them, in this forum among other places. Better to be alone than to be treated like a child. (I understand that the condescension and disrespect arises out of fear--fear the young feel when they realize they will be old one day.) I realize that many old people have dementia that makes them incapable of making valid decisions, wise or unwise, for themselves, but for the rest what might seem like an unwise decision to us might make perfect sense for them.
Aging gracefully is quite possibly the last thing one gets to do and not always possible.
Understanding and helping them with it is your chance to give back.
I am thankful my folks still have each other.
Pastpresentfuture
Agree completely, but easier said than done. My mother has been struggling with stage iv lung cancer that has spread pretty much all over her body including her organs and bones. Her clavicle and a vertibrae in her neck shattered last week when a nurse was moving her from a bed to a chair. She has been getting Keytruda infusions & radiation treatments for a few months, but the cancer growth continues unchecked. Docs recently recommended a couple of surgeries to slightly extend her life and make that time more comfortable. She informed me that she's done suffering and is ready to die. She doesn't want any of the surgeries. I wanted to talk her out of it, and tell her that if she gives up she's done but after watching her live (barely - I'm not sure what she's doing right now quite qualifies as living) thru this I have to respect her deciscion. Even if it's the hardest fucking thing I've ever done in my entire life. For a dude who has never cried much in his life, this shit sure has activated the water works.Quote:
Originally Posted by old goat
Dad had one big heart attack at 66 and never even made it to the hospital. Gone in the 7 minutes it took for the paramedics to arrive. Mom may live forever though like her mom did. That old gal made it to 103 and then died of a stroke in her sleep. Guess we'll see...
My father in law just turned 90. He has lots of interesting stories from growing up in the middle of the Battle of Britain.
Vibes. Went through that shit a few years ago w/mom myself. Hardest thing ever. Now dad--83--is in a nursing home full time; he basically had to start completely failing before we could force him in. Lots of old folk do not want to go quietly into that goodnight.Quote:
Originally Posted by jgb@etree
Mom hung on to complete the day of her 101st birthday. For years she had been fighting a bunch of slow growing tumors in her belly. Till the last few months she had retained her vast memory.
Dad, on the other hand, can't tell you what happened 10 minutes ago. Refuses to accept that we won't let him drive anymore. (The DMV Suspension/Revocation letter taking away his license, he says means they revoked the suspension...)
My weeks with him can be thoroughly disheartening, but I will not let him be alone when he is under my care.
They gave me many years of their lives. I can give them some of mine.
Parents are in their mid-80s, still doing well and enjoying life, but it's all 2000 miles away and does worry me.
My 87 year old, uber rich FIL is a total stud. Still fly's his own airplane all over the place.
The MIL died in January and the parade of widows started the next day.
It's a crying shame we have to get old, to become the hot commodity.
Wow. So sorry to hear that, bro. My mom recently passed at 96 quite peacefully, thankfully. I would have had one hard time enduring her suffering if it was like that. All my sympathies cause that would have been my worst nightmare. I've told my daughter and everyone close that if it gets rough like that I'll be wanting acid, dmt and cw continuously until I go.Quote:
Originally Posted by jgb@etree
That's the definition of sad... ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by Shredhead
My father was in great physical shape up until 91, and FIL is now 92. Enjoy them while you can.
Sorry to hear JGB, that's very tough. My wife's mother died at 46 from lung cancer, so I know it's not pretty.
I got some old ones in my family and they are metal as fuck. Mom probably can't be killed. That side of family is pretty indestructible. Mom had advanced stage colon cancer and actually beat it. Dad dropped dead at my wedding rehearsal dinner. All his brothers either tipped over due to a bad ticker or have had a shit ton of surgeries. I wonder which side of the coin I'm going to get.
My grandmother called me a year or so ago in the middle of the night, which was really weird. She matter of factly told me that she was going to be dead by morning, that she wanted to say goodbye and that she was proud of me. I wasnt sure how to take it as she wasn't really sick leading up to that convo. Dead as a doornail by morning. I'm looking forward to when I completely don't give a shit about dying, but I'm not in any hurry.
Flossie is basically praying for the sweet embrace of death
I just went thru that last year with my mom passing at 90, my dad had passed 6 yrs earlier at 84
- YMMV but at some point they really do not make the best decisions in life, in spite of being a gourmet cook my mom had quit eating properly then she quit taking all her meds becuz of something she seen on TV and ended up in hospitol twice, the first time she made it back out but the second time she had done herself in cuz if you spend 3 weeks in bed at age 90 you aint going home and she was pretty much fubared
- so at some point old people should not be in charge of their money, we didn't worry about internet scammers cuz mom could barely work a phone and my sister the banker kept an eye on the money/had all the ducks in a row and really did a great job down there in Vangroovy but still my mom snuck some things thru
- getting them out of the house they lived in for 45 years with all the old junk into an apt with an elevator or at least no stairs and tidying up affairs will make your life easier at some point
- get the will in place and planning the $$$ shit sooner than later
we unplugged both of them (at different times of course) and I did the long marathon all nighters till they passed
Situations like this are why assisted suicide should be legal and easily available.Quote:
Originally Posted by jgb@etree
Jesus, even by local news standards that was painful to watch. Give the woman a bottle of whiskey with bow on it and leave her alone.Quote:
Originally Posted by commonlaw
Just had one set of parents communicate their wishes via this document. https://agingwithdignity.org/
Certainly will make it easier should something happen.
My grandpa Howard passed two years ago at 96. A three year cocktail of pneumonia, flus and dementia got him. He was in pretty decent mental shape until the dementia kickedin. Many conversations would lead to his WW2 war stories of being a Jeep mechanic in India and Burma, regardless of the subject at hand. He was in great shape and went hunting, gardened, wrenched on Jeeps right through his early 90s.
That was the only "long" death I was used to. His wife Millie died within 2 weeks of them finding cancer in her guts. My dad described the medical images of her chest as if a landmine went off inside her. He doesn't like to talk about it. The morning of her burial, my grandpa Al (mom's side) was getting ready for the service and fell over from a heart attack. He was dead before he hit the floor. One funeral right into another. My grandma Mag lasted 3 months after the lymphoma was found.
Health and wellbeing can change quickly at that age. Best to embrace every day you get to have them around.
with old people there is dementia and there is delirium and the symptoms are pretty much the same but just getting sick can cause an old person to instantly go into delirium and then as I seem to remember they wait to see if the patient come out of it when they get well
Last time my mother collapsed and went into hospitol she went delirious overnite and started asking my older sister if she had seen my long passed father who was apparently visiting her in hospitol and asking about the younger kids being myself & younger sister as if we were 10 yrs old again
I think she became less delerious as she got less sick but by that point here was just too many things wrong and dementia seemed to be setting in
I am headed up to BC tomorrow for my dad's memorial service. Talk about a guy that loved to be alive. He had a major heart attack in his late 40's that killed off 25%-30% of his heart. He recovered and still worked in his art framing shop for many years before he retired due to his 2nd heart attack that got him down to maybe 50% of his heart still working. Years later, guy had a 3rd heart attack and still survived it. :eek:
For his annual check ups his MD was always amazed he was still here. The last year had been really hard on him due to his congestive heart failure. He finally passed away having breakfast at home a month ago.
I was always just amazed by his will to live. He loved life, painting, reading and hanging out with family and friends. That is what he lived for.
RIP Dad. In a world of loud mouth assholes, your gentle voice and demeanor will be missed.
Hang in there brutha!Quote:
Originally Posted by jgb@etree
Vibes sent for mom and son.