A little fun with Craigslist....
I hate to disappoint right off the bat, but no, this is not a story about hookers and blow I located on craigslist; but I still think this is pretty funny, if only cause a buddy of mine was dumb enough to post his 'roommate wanted' craigslist ad on Facebook while I'm working a double and bored as hell.
Here's his original ad:
http://denver.craigslist.org/roo/4030887541.html
Quote:
Hi there!
We are looking for a roommate in a three bedroom house in Lakewood CO for Nov 1. Its a nice place, with wood floors, a porch and a backyard. There are two adorable little cats here, and you would be sharing the house with a guy and a girl. We are pretty laid back, love outdoorsy things, cooking, and the occasional dinner party, BBQ, and just to have fun. This is not a crazy party house, but we enjoy ourselves! We are looking for someone responsible, and conscious of other people and their surroundings, someone who might even enjoy art and meditation, who is around our age maybe but that part is not too important (we are both 25). We would be splitting the rent 3 ways which is around 500 but there are also utilities and internet which we would also split. So it may vary a bit.
Just to get to know you a little bit better, please respond to this ad telling us anything about yourself and answer these 3 questions:
1. What are some of your favorite ways to have fun/relax?
2. If you could teach the world something, what would that be?
3. What are some of your favorite movies?
And here is my response to his (and his girlfriend's) ad:
Quote:
Hello there-
I am responding to your ad on craigslist as it sounds like I would be a great fit for your house! I'm am in my late 20s and work in the Denver area as a massage therapist and also a professional dog walker. I will answer your questions in the order they appear in the ad:
1. I like to have fun and relax by first taking a handful of vicodin, washed down with whiskey of course, and then right about the time my buzz really starts to kick I throw in a little Ketamine for good measure, just in case I'm having a hard time unwinding after a long day. Then I usually like to have a few of my regular partners over for a good ol fashioned circle jerk, or maybe even a game of biscuit. Obviously you guys would be welcome to join in the fun! In lieu of that, I generally like to go out to clubs and meet new partners for the type of encounter I describe above. I hope this doesn't freak you out as I always use protection, and always have my partners tested. I also occasionally like to go for hikes, and bike rides, but that's only when I'm out of Vicodin and Ketamine.
2. If I could teach the world anything, it would be to be more accepting of alternative viewpoints and lifestyles. I mean as a transgender person, I struggle against prejudice and the occasional odd stare nearly everyday. So what if my moose knuckle is visible when I'm dog walking? What? You've never seen a grown man's moose knuckle before? Sheesh....some people. I'd also like to teach the world the macarena. Its an under-appreciated dance who's popularity was too short lived in my humble opinion.
3. As for my favorite movies, I LOVE anything with Nicolas Cage in it. He is hands down my favorite actor. He is incredibly talented, and extremely versatile. His character portrayals differ so widely from film to film. I don't know how he does it. I also like to watch gay porn occaisionally, and of course who doesn't love the Home Alone series of movies. Number 3 was hands down my favorite!
Well, I look forward to meeting you two. You sound like great people who I would get along with well. I look forward to sharing my lifestyle with you in your home.
Take care,
Mike Ockitchovitz
ps. I have 3 large dogs, 2 of which are fully house-broken (neither has had an accident in weeks!!! The other I'm still training, but its ok, he'll surely stop humping strangers and marking his territory soon. I mean its been 3 years already.)
I strongly encourage any and all mags to flood his inbox with outlandish replies. He's got a good sense of humor, and I've got $10 that says it'll make his day at the office a helluva lot more entertaining. Post your bogus replies here for laughs all around. Maybe I'll toss in a half-off or full comp to Loveland for the upcoming season to the person who sends in the best response. You're welcome.
