Joined a new gym (exclusive club I mean) last week...

Attempting to escape the rusted plates, squeaky pulleys and same 12 retired P.E. teachers (FAT) I've seen for the past 5-years, I joined a hoity-toity, pay-out-the-ass 'club' (Spectrum) last week.

I was 'introduced' to the club and its amenities by a 22 yr old persian goddess who could barely contain the 2 coconuts bolted to her torso. After approximately 8 seconds of her staring into my eyes and informing me that I was a perfect canidate for the 'club' I was ready to sign anywhere and any number of times she demanded. I threw down the AMEX and grabbed the pen with sweaty palms.

The following evening after work I struggled with the additional traffic required to get to the glamorized-gym (it's no longer within walking distance) and waited behind 8 cars to get into the parking lot as each 'member' circled around trying to find the closest available spot to the front entrance (we're not going to burn one additional calorie necessary damnit). Once in the club (through the door held by an armed security guard) I felt happy and at peace with all the additional options offered (spa, clothing store, BAR, DELI) on my way to the locker room.

Then I walk into the locker room. WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING IN HERE?! The place was riddled with melting seniors walking, sitting, gabbing and jacuzzing NAKED.

Surely they didn't all forget towels....right?.......never mind, no need to bring one, there's a fucking WALL of towels in the middle of the 4-acre locker room, with at least 2500 cleanly, stacked and perfectly folded towels. I don't believe I have some irrational fear of skin or the occasional accidental glimpse of male genitalia, but this is outrageous. Why can't we put on our boxers while lotioning the leg that's up on the bench? Or while performing basic grooming activities?...I mean there's nothing like getting a glimpse of some octogenarian tea-bagging a granite counter-top while shaving.

The 'no-contract' benefit to joining seems like the one that's going to serve me best. Thanks.

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Originally Posted by Barnballs

...I mean there's nothing like getting a glimpse of some octogenarian tea-bagging a granite counter-top while shaving.

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Every now and then I read something I wish I hadn't on this board, even in an otherwise non-disturbing post.
I'm going to go wash my memory out with Comet right now.

Having gone to World's for a number of years, I dunno if I could handle something like the Spectrum (you going to the one on Sepulveda?). I suppose it'd be like skiing only Aspen after growing up on Alta or JH.

If I ever go back to weights, I gonna do it right. So, it'll be a Gold's (RIP, Joe),or World's affiliate, or a local weight pen for me.

But, hey, enjoy the coconuts!

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Originally Posted by Barnballs

I mean there's nothing like getting a glimpse of some octogenarian tea-bagging a granite counter-top while shaving.

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2 drops.

I go to the student rec center currently, which is (fortunately) devoid of geriatric nudity. My old gym had this problem. It was enough to keep me out of the locker room entirely.

Yep, that seems to be the norm at these swanky clubs. The ones I've been to (all as a guest, of course) all have old guys sitting around naked in the locker room. In fact, I'm not sure they even workout. I think they go to the club, sit naked in the locker room for a couple hours, then get dressed and go home.

Average Joe's is definitely superior to Globo Gym.

[QUOTE=The AD]Yep, that seems to be the norm at these swanky clubs. The ones I've been to (all as a guest, of course) all have old guys sitting around naked in the locker room. In fact, I'm not sure they even workout. I think they go to the club, sit naked in the locker room for a couple hours, then get dressed and go home.QUOTE]


LOL

This board is always making me laugh.

No, I don't belong to a gym. Maybe it was just the way these old guys were rasied. When I was in Jr. High School, they didn't have money for swim suits. So all us young boys swam each week in the nude. It was OK until one day we are standing on the pool deck for roll call. A young girl from the office comes in to give the coach a letter. She sees 40 naked boys standing in front of her. She cried for 3 days from the shock. Those were different times.

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Originally Posted by GT40

She sees 40 naked boys standing in front of her. She cried for 3 days from the shock. Those were different times.

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Apparently you all failed to meet her expectations. ;)

Reminds me of a long forgotten memory......

I was in the very small locker room at my local Gold's Gym when a naked female patron decided she needed to stretch out her lower back right then and there. Now I know you guys are all going to just love this but I think the other ladies may side with me and agree this was just a little too much......

She gets down on the floor in the middle of the locker room, lays on her back then brings her legs over her head - remember, she's naked - she proceeds to hold this pose for sometime. Ppl have to walk around her just to enter the locker room - you cannot avoid seeing her unless you close your eyes or run screaming from the locker room. It was truly an amazing public display. You think she could have at least put on a pair of panties.

Re naked old men in locker rooms – I hear this complaint from men in my office all the time about the very exclusive, very expensive Washington Athletic Club. Seems to be all the rage for some and outrageous for others.

I just don't get it. As a euro I thought I was relatively liberal when it comes to nudity etc, but what are these guys thinking? At my gym theres this old guy who lays don on his towel in the locker room to do situps, naked. I bet none of these guys walk around naked like this in their own bathroom or in front of their wives.

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Originally Posted by KQ

Re naked old men in locker rooms – I hear this complaint from men in my office all the time about the very exclusive, very expensive Washington Athletic Club. Seems to be all the rage for some and outrageous for others.

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Shower talks- quite a bit of business gets done this way, I'm told.

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Originally Posted by Viva

I suppose it'd be like skiing only Aspen after growing up on Alta or JH.

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The skiing's quite similar. It's the town/before/apres ski environs that are drastically different.

There's lot of old nakedness at my club as well, but oh well - like someone said, "that's old school"

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old guy who lays don on his towel in the locker room to do situps, naked

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..oh my god.

Barnballs, if I were paying the exorbitant amount you must be (who drew your card this time :biggrin: ), I would do everything I could naked. I'd try to be more naked than anyone else, so that I felt like I was getting my moneys worth.

Naked in a jacuzzi? Pfffft. My parents used to belong to a nice gym when I was about eight or ten. I sat in the jacuzzi naked with my pops and a bunch of old men. I thought it was weird until I got used to it. Then, when I got older, I thought it was weird again.

Here's a suggestion: the next time you see some dude doing jumping jacks with his turkey neck flapping around, ask him if he's seen your watch. When he says no, show him your Rolex.

Last Sunday am, I walked into the locker room and almost tripped on some old granpa's drooping testes.

Nothing grosser then some naked old man sitting on the bench with his balls sitting on the floor

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Originally Posted by SponsoredByDuctTape

Here's a suggestion: the next time you see some dude doing jumping jacks with his turkey neck flapping around, ask him if he's seen your watch. When he says no, show him your Rolex.

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Werd. This type of behavior needs to be combatted by crazy ball tricks. In the shower, in the jacuzzi, in the steam room.

Speaking of strange old-men behavior, when the NYAC was all-male (admitted women in the mid-80's), swimming nude was all the rage.

I worked in a gym like this for about a year in high school. Not only did I work there but I was the guy who wiped down the machines, locker rooms and folded all those damn towels. I saw more than my fair share of old wrinkled balls at that job. Probably the worst job I ever had.

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Originally Posted by KQ

I was in the very small locker room at my local Gold's Gym when a naked female patron decided she needed to stretch out her lower back right then and there. Now I know you guys are all going to just love this but I think the other ladies may side with me and agree this was just a little too much......

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My wife was a member of Gold's for a while a few years ago. Her main reason for quitting? And remember, I'm only quoting her: "too many beavers" in the locker room.

She wasn't in sports in high school, but I asked her "what about P.E. in high school. Wasn't it the same there?" She told me she always skipped gym class so wouldn't know :)

There is such a thing as bad naked.

I've spent time at Esalen, a clothing-optional resort in Big Sur, I go there for yoga retreats. It's fine when you're all in the natural sulpher baths, but not fine when you're there at cleaning time. Employees of the place tend to go naked whenever possible - seeing them scrub those tubs isn't pleasant on the eyes.

I, like Dex, wish I hadn't read this thread. Worse - I made it to the end. I think I'll go use a cheese grater on the short term memory portion of my brain.

My locker room at the gym is jam-packed with old, saggy balls. And it, too, is like a board room for local retirees, rehashing their golf game or talking about their kids and grand kids with straight faces, eye to eye, junk to junk. I get in and out of there as fast as possible and wait to get home to shower. It's just creepy.

Knock on wood, if I make it to the ripe old age of 80, I feel I will have earned the right to let my balls hang out whenever I damn well please.

This seems to be a problem that is on the rise at my gym :cussing: . I suppose it is relatively expensive ($50/month), but it is mainly a gym, and not a "health club" (which are outrageously expensive around here). There is no pool, no basketball, raquetball courts, etc. However it seems that the old men are beginning to compete with each other who can do more things naked. They stroll / strut through the locker room, completely naked, leisurely walking to the urinal to take a piss, to the sink to wash their hands, do some shaving (mind you their is absolutely no way their balls don't sit directly on the countertop), and then they proceed into the sauna nude, and when they finish that, they might go sit their bare ass down on the bench in the locker room until they decide its time to get clothed and join the real world :mad:

Heh... I recently made the same kind of switch. Old, dingy gym for swanky new one with giant locker rooms. It doesn't matter how many open lockers there are now... I ALWAYS wind up next to the guy who loves to be naked. If there's 2 lockers in use in the entire room... it's mine and the naked guy next to me. I'm more than a little uncomfortable getting naked right next to another guy who's enjoying his nakedness, way too freely.
My daughter said it was the same kinda scene in the women's locker room. She even asked me why they just wander around naked. "Can't they just wrap towels around themselves." :)

Although I really wish I had never made it to the end of this thread, at least I now know that I'm not the only one that skips the whole locker room scene and showers at home.

Like bag, I go to the campus rec center and it's like 90/10 students/profs. But, almost all the nakedness in the locker room is due to those profs. Nothing worse than turning a corner and seeing one of your profs strolling out of the showers with nothing on. <shudder>

I haven't hit the gym much lately, but when I was in the Lou every lunch break was spent at the Gold's just down the street. Unfortunately the only people in downtown St. Lou are either stealing stereos or gay (not that there's anything wrong with it), but when some dude is watching you lift in a creepy manner and then you have to go share the same locker room... and most of the gay dudes are grab-assing naked...I didn't shower once at that gym. Neither did my co-worker buddies I went with.