Some difficulties with moving to Hawaii
I've been reading a lot lately. Digging past the tourist baloney on the internet, finding stuff written in pidgen. My real goal was learning about gathering, growing, fishing, and hunting on the islands because I have a dedication to natural and wild food that's even more important to me than surfing or golf. The islands are still abundant and there's even a lot of more recent invasives that I can take and benefit the more fragile evolved life there. I'm going to get me some wild pig. :D
So I'm going to be the latest invador. Trying to be an intelligent one that integrates myself seamlessly. Try to fit in. I have no goals of laying down more concrete or ripping off the island for my personal profit. Just want to live in peace and take what I need. And give more than I take.
The whole racism thing has got me down right now. Trying to figure out if it will really be a buzzkill. I guess not if I don't let it. Hate between people bothers me, whether it's directed towards me or not. And there seems to be a lot of general discontent there, amongst non haoles. Maybe a culture of discontent? Maybe I'm getting a skewed perspective, a lot of squeaky wheels. I dunno.
I grew up as a minority in south Texas. There were Mexican girls at school that were bullies and I admit that I brawled until I had a coach that I admired that shamed me to stop. I don't even know if that was about race or just about misbehaving. I also had a lot of Mexican friends and one boyfriend for a couple of years that was very raza. I enjoyed my friends a lot there and wonder if it could be the same in Hawaii. But maybe they'll just give me stink eye and ask me why I don't go home. How am I supposed to answer that? My true born home is in Germany, no freaking way I would leave the US. I love the US like any immigrant.
And I'm not gonna be hanging out at the Ritz-Carlton. I'll be exploring every nook and cranny, just like I do everywhere I go. I'm sure I'll get into the "wrong neighborhood" sooner rather than later. What's gonna happen when I bring my thrownet out to the beach? Am I gonna get a beat down?
I feel like I've come a long way in my life in learning how to live in the moment and find contentment and happiness without greed and ambition as motivators. I want to go to Hawaii because of that. For the "island lifestyle" that I experienced for one short week on Kauai. Was that just a facade? Is Kauai different from the other islands?
Another strange factor is that I have no superstition. I'm an atheist. I'm a humanist. I look to science for true understanding. Maybe all you guys take what I'm saying for granted, but it's a big contradiction to the Hawaiian culture. Of course I appreciate culture and how it enhances our lives, but I don't believe in letting it hold us back intellectually. I do appreciate the concept of ancestor worship and I can appreciate insight that is gained from stories and beliefs. But I don't believe. Period. I have to figure out how to show respect and still be true to who I am. Staying off sacred land, not fishing for rays or sharks, using the Hawaiian language, those things are easy at least after I learn them all, but I'm worried about subtleties.
I guess I feel a little overwhelmed right now. This is not going to be a stroll in the park. It's not Disneyland. I have set a lot of challenges before myself and I never guessed that the human factor would be the greatest one of all. C'est la vie.
Thanks for reading my ramblings here. As a chick, I need to talk. Helps me to think. And I'd be grateful for any comments or experiences or whatever you got to offer.
Aloha and Mahalo :)