Whelk Sighting in Maryland
I'd like to report a whelk sighting in Columbia, Maryland. I can't be sure if said whelk was "The Angry Whelk", but they bore striking similarities. Yesterday, I noticed a girl with a tattoo on the back of her neck. Upon closer inspection, it appeared to be a six inch whelk that looked almost exactly like The Angry Whelk , minus the eyes. I couldn't see the bottom of the whelk, due to her shirt collar, so I could not confirm if he was spewing warm bukakke death from above all over her, but I suspected this was the case.
My analysis of the situation lead me two possible scenarios:
1.) It was indeed The Angry Whelk. I didn't see the eyes because he was sleeping. Spewing bukakke death from above all over the place must be tiring, so the Whelk has got to rest sometime. And what better place to rest, then on the back of a girl's neck? The Whelk could sneak up behind her, jump on there, and she would never know. (Assuming the Whelk could keep from shouting "Shinjuku Mother Fucker" when he mounted her.)
2.) It was a relative of The Angry Whelk. Maybe a cousin, uncle, brother, etc. The striking similarity between the bukakkee spewing Angry Whelk and this whelk were too great for this to be some kind of coincidence. Maybe this whelk was not exposed to as much toxic pollution, so it did not devolve into an angry, hate-filled mollusk. This whelk lives happily and peacefully on the back of this girl’s neck and may not even spew anything.
If anyone would like to help me sort this out, I'd appreciate it. If this was The Angry Whelk I saw, I'd like to contact him, to see if I can arrange some bukakke death from above at the inauguration.
