Open letter to Hollywood producers
First off let me thank you for providing what I'm about to ask you to stop providing, teenage T & A. It's been a long and beautiful trip. I can still remember seeing Phoebe Cates climb out of that pool in Fast Times and Ridgemont High like it was yesterday. Ah the sweet visage of a bikini clad, water soaked, body that only the gift of youth can provide. Soft yet firm, thin yet with just the proper touch of baby fat and not a stretch mark to be seen. You have been, analogous to a sommelier, able to capture the female form in the peak of ripeness. Like drinking a fine Boudreaux at the height of perfection, old enough that all the aesthetic beauty and structure is there yet none of the loss of vibrancy that comes with maturity.
The trip did not end there however many fine examples to numerous to mention were soon to follow. Some, wrong though they are, may accuse you of flooding the market with this lowest common denominator tripe. BOLLOCKS! You gave us what we wanted nay, needed and I say thank you fine sir ! This however is where we must part ways. Old age and marriage has caught up with us and as you know all to well even in the best of circumstances this is a tough road to hoe. The final straw came in the form of " Laguna Beach " Although I was mostly able to deny or repress what I knew to be the truth, that being the soul crushing nature of Teen T&A, this latest affront was impossible to ignore ! So you have decided that The O.C was not enough now you have to shatter my last defense, plausible deniability, by giving me a reality version of the very same show. UNCLE UNCLE UNLCE.
Look all I can hope for now is a monogamous or at the very least statutory rape charge free marriage. It's a modest goal and with allot of help and a little luck I just might make it. So please refrain from putting oiled up 17-year-old hard bodies in an extended hot tub scene. God love the doctors who are agreeing to 16 year old boob jobs but for fucks sake how am I supposed to watch Crossfire knowing what the options are.
