Fatherhood anonymous; an open discussion on being a dad.

[californiagrown]

Yeah, get some fun cups and other stuff and bathtime is fun as it's "play with filling up stuff" while the water is running.

Angry Superintendent Quackers is the only bath toy that can snap him out of his terror. Smh.

[joeshek]

He's got plenty of bath toys. I bathtub bathe him every other day, on the off days he just gets a wipe down next to the tub which he doesnt mind. Even on the bath days i only really wash his balls and butt, and quick wipedown of the face. Bath time (in our household) is there to signify the starting of the bedtime routine: bath, books, bed is a 30 min process he asks for and follows to a T.

Don't know if I'm lucky or tempting fate, but PJs+brush teeth+book->bed is an efficient 10 min process.

[Dromond]

Hi Dads,

My little one is almost 21 months now, and is toddling all over the place as she really just learned to walk a month ago and is PUMPED about it. We have gotten out camping in various forms quite a bit. As a family and we've all slept in a tent or SUV fifteen times so far this year. We all pack into the back of an old Suburban and snuggle, which except for the odd midnight wakeup works really well. She loves to explore, and especially playing with water. If you have older kids - what were your favorite adventures when they were this age, especially if camping-adjacent? I'm always searching for ideas!

[SchralphMacchio]

joeshek - I hope you've been getting through each day okay, seeking help, and not rushing yourself to fix everything. I've been through enough of my own personal grief to know that it moves in phases, and also has a habit of sneaking up on you until you acknowledge that everything is not okay, and that's okay, and that it's okay to seek help. I'm confident your kid will be okay, but taking care of yourself is important to put you in a position to take care of your kid. Just sending my best wishes for you to get through all this.

I was a little hesitant to mention this earlier, as Hunter Biden has obviously been in the news a lot lately for not great reasons, and not everyone leans the same way politically, but I still find it inspiring to think about what Joe Biden went through, his boys were 2 and 3 when they lost mom and sister. Really close in age to my two kids. I'm grateful that my family is currently fully healthy, but my wife does work a lot of nights and weekends, and up until my younger kid (2 years old) started weekday care recently, I was at home full time for the last 4.5 years taking care of at least 1 kid and a pretty needy dog, but often both of my kids - and for an impatient guy like me it can be a grind with toddlers, especially following the pandemic years. When I'm about to lose my shit when everyone is being impatient and crazy, I just remind myself of what Joe Biden got through, how much harder he had it than I do, and I use him as a crutch to take a deep breath and try to reset myself and think calmly about what's the most important thing for my kid(s) right now and what are my options. But of course one can only survive with survival thinking for so long, it's important to make time to process the big picture as well. Anyways I don't know if this story is helpful or not, I'm just sharing it anyways for the broader sake of this thread. We're all dads trying the best we can.

[SchralphMacchio]

If you have older kids - what were your favorite adventures when they were this age, especially if camping-adjacent? I'm always searching for ideas!

Despite having a fancy Osprey pack to have carried my daughter so many places until she got too heavy for my poor old back, or all the other fancy outdoor toys (Mac Ride, ski trailer / bike trailer, FirstBike, FirstBike ski kit, SnoSnake 70cm strap on XC skis, inflatable kayak that fits my wife, kid, me, and dog on the front deck), my now 4.5 year old daughter really remembers and loves the simple stuff. Throwing rocks into creeks or lakes anywhere is still like top 5 activities for her, it doesn't matter if it's some piddly little no name thing or a pristine stretch of the Upper Middle Fork Willamette. She also loves reading all the same books we read at home while camping. Playing with headlamps and flashlights when it gets dark. Walking around the campsite with collapsible hiking poles like she's on some expedition. Digging up sand on a shoreline with a stick, the dog chuck it, or beach toys if I remember them. Just the simple stuff! That said, she's been jonesing to get on the Mac Ride lately, we just haven't made time to get on it this entire season, ugh. I think she wants to get back on the kayak too ... a lot of things get harder to accomodate once a younger sibling comes along ...

[bodywhomper]

joeshek, really sorry to hear your news. Condolences. I can’t imagine. I hope you have or are able to find a good support network.

Bathtub fun: if y’all are lucky, your kids will start the habit of pooping in the tub. That’s the best, especially when they’re bathing with somebody else. It can be tricky cuz they may associate bath=relaxation=pooping. You really don’t want to discourage anybody of those three things, just the combo of the three together. Fun times!!! For a short while, one kid also had a corollary: pooping in the river. Similar circumstance involving relaxing in water. It was shitty for a while, but they grew out of it.

[SchralphMacchio]

bodywhomp don't remind me ... hahaha. Thankfully baby brother was a LOT better about that than big sister!

[Touring_Sedan]

Hi Dads,

My little one is almost 21 months now, and is toddling all over the place as she really just learned to walk a month ago and is PUMPED about it. We have gotten out camping in various forms quite a bit. As a family and we've all slept in a tent or SUV fifteen times so far this year. We all pack into the back of an old Suburban and snuggle, which except for the odd midnight wakeup works really well. She loves to explore, and especially playing with water. If you have older kids - what were your favorite adventures when they were this age, especially if camping-adjacent? I'm always searching for ideas!

I'll echo what's already been said, the simple stuff is key. We still hike a bunch with our kids, but at that age I was having them help me identify bugs, flowers, fauna, etc. There's soooo many good books out there. We took some arts and crafts shit out into the woods on camping trips.... rock painting, etc. Most of the time we were just letting them be kids.

[Woodsy]

I'll echo what's already been said, the simple stuff is key. We still hike a bunch with our kids, but at that age I was having them help me identify bugs, flowers, fauna, etc. There's soooo many good books out there. We took some arts and crafts shit out into the woods on camping trips.... rock painting, etc. Most of the time we were just letting them be kids.

This again, just exploring wherever you are and what's different from home.

[californiagrown]

exploring wherever you are and what's different from home.

I always do the first part, the second part is a new tip for me. Thanks.

[SchralphMacchio]

CG, I have a suspicion that the bath terror isn’t bath terror, but associating filling it as the first step in bedtime, and the little tyke probably doesn’t want to end the day / be by themselves? Are they teething at all?

My daughter was a master delayer. Any new teeth would inevitably lead to all kinds of routine setbacks, with each of the final set of teeth being worse and worse. Even after all her teeth were in, my daughter would stretch things out pretty badly from like age 2.5 to 4. We resorted to using melatonin and that helped a little bit, but often she would delay things so that we missed the tiredness wave and would be reading books, filling water bottles, bedtime snacks, brushing teeth again, etc until like 1030 pm sometimes. And it never seemed to matter what time we started the routine, her actual bedtime was pretty much a function of her determination more than anything. I’m pretty sure you can see eyebrow hair embedded in the (figurative) dents in my sheetrock from my forehead from these nights. Just walking a tightrope because any hard holding of rules would be a 45 minute cry fest with a kid who could now open the parent lock on all the baby gates and was strong enough to open the freezer drawer of the fridge. And then … after she turned four, she just started randomly saying, “mom, I wanna brush teeth and just go to bed.” 930 became 845. Some nights she’d ask to go to bed at 730 and be passed out by 815. It’s been … peaceful … with her anyways. Little brother was jumping on mom from 830 to 1030 last night …

[californiagrown]

CG, I have a suspicion that the bath terror isn’t bath terror, but associating filling it as the first step in bedtime, and the little tyke probably doesn’t want to end the day / be by themselves? Are they teething at all?

My daughter was a master delayer. Any new teeth would inevitably lead to all kinds of routine setbacks, with each of the final set of teeth being worse and worse. Even after all her teeth were in, my daughter would stretch things out pretty badly from like age 2.5 to 4. We resorted to using melatonin and that helped a little bit, but often she would delay things so that we missed the tiredness wave and would be reading books, filling water bottles, bedtime snacks, brushing teeth again, etc until like 1030 pm sometimes. And it never seemed to matter what time we started the routine, her actual bedtime was pretty much a function of her determination more than anything. I’m pretty sure you can see eyebrow hair embedded in the (figurative) dents in my sheetrock from my forehead from these nights. Just walking a tightrope because any hard holding of rules would be a 45 minute cry fest with a kid who could now open the parent lock on all the baby gates and was strong enough to open the freezer drawer of the fridge. And then … after she turned four, she just started randomly saying, “mom, I wanna brush teeth and just go to bed.” 930 became 845. Some nights she’d ask to go to bed at 730 and be passed out by 815. It’s been … peaceful … with her anyways. Little brother was jumping on mom from 830 to 1030 last night …

Could be, but im doubtful. We have kept a pretty tight schedule since he was first sleep trained at 4months and the little guy thrives on it. He asks for bath, or nap every day within 5minutes of when it was supposed to happen anyways. He helps setup the bath etc, and often times will close a book midstory to walk over to his crib to ask "go to sleep?". Falls asleep quickly and sleeps through the night, etc. Combo of us being lucky that he is such a good sleeper, and also that we keep him on that schedule so his awake and sleep windows stay consistent and predictable (good sleep hygiene).

Took him to the lake yesterday after work to throw rocks in the water (one of his favorite past times). He decided to sit down in the water along the shore and then subsequently got knocked over by a boat wake- full submersion. He was pissed for about 5 seconds, and then sat back down in the water to ploop and plop rocks. So its not a fear of water.

[SchralphMacchio]

Shoot, well then I guess it’s time to keep up “The Wonders of Title 24” by Arthur Quackenfeld?!?!?

[oldnew_guy]

Random thoughts:

-Try bath at a different time and unconnected from bedtime with some sort of big reward after. Then work back into bedtime routine if it resolves.
- Does the tub have anti-slip mat in it?
- Skip the hairwash.
- Kids go through phases, sometimes things are a big deal for a few weeks/months then just randomly go away.

You are probably on the right track with the re-direction.

[Danno]

- Kids go through phases, sometimes things are a big deal for a few weeks/months then just randomly go away.

This. My daughter went through a few months of a bizarre fear of bunnies. Simple cute stuffies scared the crap out of her. No idea why. But she grew out of it.